elo feed - LessWrong 2.0 Reader elo’s posts and comments on the Effective Altruism Forum en-us Comment by Elo on Boring Advice Repository https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/HEn2qiMxk5BggN83J/boring-advice-repository#zNfbFSSrGsqpL7Ski <p>Also note. Consider donating eggs or sperm.</p> elo zNfbFSSrGsqpL7Ski 2019-04-25T03:17:13.399Z Comment by Elo on Many maps, Lightly held https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/uvkvccpaaLd4sKJLq/many-maps-lightly-held#tnJTBXLdZatymL2KG <p>Feels like this fits on the computational level, but also how we implement thinking about many maps is on the lower levels too.</p> <p>Reality is kind of all 3 of marr's level at the same instant. (computational) How do we do it all at once? (algorithm) We strategically think about the right questions to ask and (implementation) do/say what feels best in the moment.</p> elo tnJTBXLdZatymL2KG 2019-04-24T04:51:59.768Z Comment by Elo on Many maps, Lightly held https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/uvkvccpaaLd4sKJLq/many-maps-lightly-held#euiQqXvqxcRBXrdLv <blockquote> <p>relationships between maps as neglected</p> </blockquote> <p>is this a comment on:</p> <ol> <li>the concept of <em>many maps lightly held</em>,</li> <li>my ability to communicate it, or</li> <li>my chosen examples?</li> </ol> <blockquote> <p>Indeterminacy of translation.</p> </blockquote> <p>Can you expand a bit?</p> elo euiQqXvqxcRBXrdLv 2019-04-24T04:17:03.212Z Many maps, Lightly held https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/uvkvccpaaLd4sKJLq/many-maps-lightly-held <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/many-maps-lightly-held/">http://bearlamp.com.au/many-maps-lightly-held/</a></p><span><em>Many maps, lightly held. </em></span><p>As described in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hedgehog_and_the_Fox">The fox and the hedgehog</a>, among other places (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Poor-Charlies-Almanack-Charles-Expanded/dp/1578645018">munger</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systems_theory">systems thinking</a>).  This post holds the theory statement above quite “<strong>strong</strong>”, to try to clarify the need for it.  It does not apply in some places. For example gravity.  It would be difficult to hold gravity lightly although it’s a neat thought experiment to wonder how brains and thinking might develop differently in a place that didn’t have (almost perfectly) uniform gravity.<br/></p><p>I wish I could say the concept of many maps, lightly held was mentioned in <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/46qnWRSR7L2eyNbMA/the-lens-that-sees-its-flaws">Lens that sees it’s flaws</a>– but it was not.  I believe many maps would fit that post if it were around at the time.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>1.</p><p><em>A group of blind men heard that a strange animal, called an elephant, had been brought to the town, but none of them were aware of its shape and form. Out of curiosity, they said: “We must inspect and know it by touch, of which we are capable”. So, they sought it out, and when they found it they groped about it. In the case of the first person, whose hand landed on the trunk, said “This being is like a thick snake”. For another one whose hand reached its ear, it seemed like a kind of fan. As for another person, whose hand was upon its leg, said, the elephant is a pillar like a tree-trunk. The blind man who placed his hand upon its side said the elephant, “is a wall”. Another who felt its tail, described it as a rope. The last felt its tusk, stating the elephant is that which is hard, smooth and like a spear.</em><br/></p><p>If I was <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant">a blind man feeling at an elephant</a>, I’d need the principle of many maps to make sense of the world and the information it presented.  How can the elephant be both a rope and a spear and a wall? <em>Many maps. Lightly held.</em><br/></p><p>2.</p><p><em>When the</em> <em><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus">platypus</a></em> <em>was first encountered by Europeans in 1798, a pelt and sketch were sent back to Great Britain by Captain John Hunter, the second Governor of New South Wales.  British scientists’ initial hunch was that the attributes were a hoax. George Shaw, who produced the first description of the animal in the Naturalist’s Miscellany in 1799, stated it was impossible not to entertain doubts as to its genuine nature, and Robert Knox believed it might have been produced by some Asian taxidermist. It was thought that somebody had sewn a duck’s beak onto the body of a beaver-like animal. Shaw even took a pair of scissors to the dried skin to check for stitches.</em>– Wikipedia page for platypus.<br/></p><p>3.</p><p>Identity, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archetype">Archetypes</a>, Roles (mother, teacher, boss).  A person can hold many masks in the categories of identities, archetypes or roles.  This is an important and valuable feature: to be able to subscribe to a category. The phrase, “<em>I am a rationalist”</em>, offers a lot of information.  <a href="http://paulgraham.com/identity.html">Paul graham</a>suggests, “people can never have a fruitful argument about something that’s part of their identity. By definition they’re partisan”.<br/></p><p>4.</p><p>In <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophical_realism">philosophical realism</a>, there is a problem between the split of the information that can be found inside the brain and the information outside the brain.  If we rely only on information outside the brain, then we are proposing that the information inside the brain is entirely useless. We should collect external information and ignore internal information.  This feels like a dangerous trap, there are far too many depressed people to follow external-only reasoning. If we imagine we live in a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room">chinese room</a>, we can’t possibly know if reality is true – through our camera eyeballs and other sensory devices, for all we know we could be living in a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulation_hypothesis">simulation</a>.  But this doesn’t feel like a complete picture either.<br/></p><p>5.</p><p>A short experiment in mysticism.  Hold your breath. For as long as you can.  While you do that, watch your perception of the world.  Watch as it gets heavier, denser, feel the redness in the face, feel the tension of the pressure on the chest.  Feel the sense of reality closing in. And whichever other perceptions you noticed by testing out this <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_(Ken_Wilber)#States">state of experience</a>.  Science would happily talk about the (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_(Ken_Wilber)#Quadrants">upper right quadrant</a>) phenomena of the body.  The carbon dioxide build up, the oxygen depletion, the heart rate change, the body temperature change.  Oh science! Beautiful science! I love science. Science is hiding something interesting here behind known maps.  Yes, I know the objective maps of what happens when I hold my breath. But do I know the subjective map? What happens to my interior subjective experience when I hold my breath, when I meditate, when I am under stress, when I have an unhealthy diet?  How do I know and deal with the subjective without knowing the subjective in great detail? (and I don’t get the knowledge of the subjective from only trying out holding my breath, although it is a neat experiment).<br/></p><p>6.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Each of these problems NEEDS many maps.  To escape the trap of the flawed lens, I need to be resting in a world of many possible lenses.  I need to be willing to hypothesise and entertain that I am a vampire, explaining away my symptoms as if they were allergies and preferences, As well as the concept of being allergic to garlic.  The territory only has one explanation but there are many possible maps. <br/></p><p>I need to be willing to consider that I am a brain in a box somewhere – and all the signals of the real world are irrelevant.  And! Still eat healthy because in the case that I do live in the realism world, I need to be prepared for that too. <br/></p><p>I need to be willing to pet the elephant ear, and the elephant trunk and believe it’s one animal if the evidence says so.  <br/></p><p>I need to live in the world where I am skeptical of the existence of platypuses and willing to check for stitches but also live in a world where it’s possible to believe in their existence <strong>at the same time.</strong> <br/></p><p>If I want to exist above identities, I need to be willing to be not just my identity, but every other identity too.  I need to be able to <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/purposeful-spaces-not-safe-spaces/">safely</a> go to the places of uncomfortable identities and wonder why people occupy them.  I need to know that I can never take off some of these masks but at least I can know that I am wearing them.<br/></p><p>How <em>many maps, lightly held</em>, do I use every day…</p> elo uvkvccpaaLd4sKJLq 2019-04-24T02:25:12.621Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#YR37yozFBwTQEaqv8 <p>For my own benefit I stumbled back here to add, "what do I mean by translation?".</p> <p>Some comments seem to be confused by this not being a language-language translation in the conventional sense. It's worth pointing out that the word translation is being used to translate across cultural contexts or across jargon barriers and not language barriers. In this sense - still a translation but not an ancient text translation as a cultural bridge.</p> elo YR37yozFBwTQEaqv8 2019-04-23T21:01:23.743Z Comment by Elo on Experimental Open Thread April 2019: Socratic method https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/M8P4sT6uKAc5ijMaz/experimental-open-thread-april-2019-socratic-method#FB2uGCzbTZvnhrR5x <p>Sq is a tool. In that sense it can be used badly like a knife or in useful ways (like a knife).</p> <p>What would make sq genuinely more useful again?</p> elo FB2uGCzbTZvnhrR5x 2019-04-18T22:19:41.956Z Comment by Elo on Experimental Open Thread April 2019: Socratic method https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/M8P4sT6uKAc5ijMaz/experimental-open-thread-april-2019-socratic-method#iKaRMKGmLoRqB7n96 <p>Was that the whole point of Socratic questions? Would he have invented a shitty thing like that? Would it have survived time if it was just an elaborate trap technique? (seems strange to me if that were the case)</p> elo iKaRMKGmLoRqB7n96 2019-04-18T22:18:08.453Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#cjeDd77nPh3WoxoYn <p>[meditation technical stuff]</p> <p>The breath isn't a solid sensation, it's made up of many smaller sensations. Some instructions suggest investigating the "start", "middle" or "end" of the breath. Try to find the very specific part of that and generally the instructions suggest that you won't find it because there is no such thing. Owing in the direction of impermanence.</p> <p>There is a possible meditation method that makes/assumes "permanent" the breath and then practices concentration on the breath as an assumed permanent object. This is important because with increased concentration skill we can then investigate (investigate = insight practice, not concentration practice) and discover the breath is not quite "real" in the permanent bounded conceptual entity that we want it to be when we study it.</p> <p>There is a possible method of studying the thought stream and the way it changes when the breath changes. This can be seen in simple ways by holding the breath, breathing very quickly, but also noticing the way the breath changes when talking about significant or important matters. Or the way the breath takes shape when angry or anxious. Or excited. There is an interesting breath movement that <em>I see</em> (personal experience here) in theraputic contexts that looks something like a big sigh out. It seems to be that when people are working with an issue and are ready to let go of the issue they breathe out. (in my personal experience) there's something weird and interesting in the way that the breath ends a thought stream like that.</p> <p>From a Pranayama book (translated as "breath of life") was a suggestion that the thought stream is like a bird tethered to a post via a string. The mind can float around but is always pulled back to where the breath is.</p> <p>Studying the breath happens either at the nose/mouth or at the chest region of the body, this happens to also be the physical location where a large number of emotional reactions are experienced through bodily sensations (book: "the body keeps score" is excellent). With intimate knowledge of the breath comes intimate knowledge of the subtle emotions floating around. That includes many of the tiny reactions that (personal experience) I might feel when I react to some experience in the world. If I want to better shape my experience, interfacing with my own body-based emotional reactions is pretty handy.</p> <p>There are holotropic breathwork experiences, there are Wim Hoff breathing methods. There are a lot of breath based meditation concepts to explore.</p> <p>Dan Brown in "pointing out the great way" adds to follow the in breath, and the out breath and in between shift the attention to the body sensations, so that there are no distractions to carry the mind away (as informed by a branch of Tibetan tradition)</p> <p>(personal stuff:)</p> <p>When I watch my breath, I notice when my posture is out, when there's even so much as a sheet of extra weight on my chest. When I'm leaning to the side.</p> <p>I notice when I run, I can breath clearer.</p> <p>I can notice when I'm getting distracted from the task at hand.</p> <p>I notice when I'm overwhelmed with juggling too many things because of the way that adrenaline-feel in my body changes my breathing pattern.</p> <p>I notice when I'm playing favourites (read: have a crush) with someone because my breathing does (something or other that I don't have pinned to specifics).</p> <p>I (recently) notice other people's breath, and if I'm in contact with their body can read their emotions very accurately. I'd claim to be able to tell when someone is lying, but that's not quite it. I would claim to be able to read someone's mind but it's more like, "I can tell when someone changes their mind" based on the way their breathing changes, I can't read actual content (however for example: if we are in the same place and there's a sudden loud noise I can tell somewhat what their internal reactions are based on their breathing change)</p> <hr> <blockquote> <p>Now what?</p> </blockquote> <p>There's a lot of options of interesting things of value from studying the breath. Good books are "The Mind Illuminated" or "The Attention Revolution".</p> <p>I would suggest you are not done. You sure did finish discovering a boring corner of meditation, don't stay there. There's plenty of valuable things to learn about the inside of the mind.</p> <p>I would suggest that LW'ers are pretty good and can hurry up with the instructions. Definitely read a book about it because the ability to pick up a map, and follow it - will come easy to LW'ers.</p> elo cjeDd77nPh3WoxoYn 2019-04-16T07:04:32.012Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#qYdbKMB3cgEtJvLdT <p>what was your thought stream doing while noticing your breath? The point is not entirely to get good at breathing, but to notice everything else as well.</p> elo qYdbKMB3cgEtJvLdT 2019-04-15T23:30:11.231Z Comment by Elo on Highlights from "Integral Spirituality" https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7HY8HaRdFFnpeT9gx/highlights-from-integral-spirituality#bGswFCrrZwtwER2Fd <p>Integral spirituality is an earlier Ken Wilbur work, I've just started "religion of tomorrow" and it might be what you are looking for. I am only a few pages in right now so no guarantees.</p> elo bGswFCrrZwtwER2Fd 2019-04-15T23:29:06.666Z Comment by Elo on Highlights from "Integral Spirituality" https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7HY8HaRdFFnpeT9gx/highlights-from-integral-spirituality#ArXwDeMD3ftgfmvtR <p>colours are meant for efficiency of communication. (Knowing the colour coding) I can describe bringing red values into a blue system, or wanting to bring in healthy orange to a crushing blue bureaucracy (Spiral dynamics colours). Assuming other people also know the system, conversation can go on without me having to explain a whole load of conceptual framework.</p> elo ArXwDeMD3ftgfmvtR 2019-04-15T23:26:21.960Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#vkznPemmgSDmFRxDv <p>I feel like this needs it's own post and discussion. There's definitely a difference of opinion here worth clarifying.</p> elo vkznPemmgSDmFRxDv 2019-04-15T23:21:31.067Z Comment by Elo on Highlights from "Integral Spirituality" https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7HY8HaRdFFnpeT9gx/highlights-from-integral-spirituality#4W5gBnbndMQN5NkTn <p>Post-rational is a place of development, and it was named by various parties outside of lw terminology.</p> <p>Integral becomes an organising principle for other concepts to rest in.</p> elo 4W5gBnbndMQN5NkTn 2019-04-15T17:26:47.726Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#tcCBGFjen29aFvTG9 <p>I agree and I want to add that there is a shift away from learning from. The source of an original book, and instead learning from what other people have learnt. And the way they learnt, not just the (very old) original work.</p> <p>Buddhist information is usually participatory. "go and see for yourself" and "don't take my word for it".</p> elo tcCBGFjen29aFvTG9 2019-04-14T23:38:40.103Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#5yEA4RZxziFsazTj3 <p>My strategy is to try to create small exercises that people can try. Experiments or experiences that can show something.</p> <p>I used to do this for rationality techniques too.</p> <p>That's the best way I know how.</p> elo 5yEA4RZxziFsazTj3 2019-04-13T07:24:09.922Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#6khrcpkXpZm7kqn5a <p>There are a few of us that have "crossed over" as you call it.</p> <p>From my journey it seems to be a developmentally relevant stage.</p> elo 6khrcpkXpZm7kqn5a 2019-04-12T08:51:33.725Z Comment by Elo on The Hard Work of Translation (Buddhism) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZawRiFR8ytvpqfBPX/the-hard-work-of-translation-buddhism#tiWXqT7ibcDLqbjWD <p>Read Reggie ray "touching enlightenment with the body"</p> elo tiWXqT7ibcDLqbjWD 2019-04-10T10:51:04.666Z Comment by Elo on Kenshō https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/tMhEv28KJYWsu6Wdo/kensh#znegFaFAkW45mZPic <p>Best mapped in the very dense book, "pointing out the great way".</p> <p>One path to enlightenment is to provide a moment of pure clear seeing (a state of mind) and align the rest of the mind with the path back there. Then let the result play out.</p> elo znegFaFAkW45mZPic 2019-04-05T03:55:33.764Z Comment by Elo on Open Thread March 2019 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/vGKnemaWJjWJbAKww/open-thread-march-2019#cqmAC9nofdWxrh8aW <p>Try not to cling to the past. Instead appreciate what was, and find what is new.</p> elo cqmAC9nofdWxrh8aW 2019-03-17T04:40:50.364Z Comment by Elo on The application of the secretary problem to real life dating https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Pk5Nyd5ByXwHWXX5r/the-application-of-the-secretary-problem-to-real-life-dating#D7gRBBpcA985sF5SZ <ol> <li>It would depend how far away the candidates are from each other. 5% apart, 10% apart or 1% apart.</li> <li>Yes, the original problem assumes that you know nothing. If I were adapting for knowledge, I would be doing something very different and I can't think of what on short notice because that knowledge could be very variable</li> </ol> elo D7gRBBpcA985sF5SZ 2019-03-16T21:43:07.201Z Comment by Elo on The tech left behind https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/8p9fdZqZxYotmjMy4/the-tech-left-behind#9dc93ZqrTBnXS526i <p>Bone conduction headphones but they are still alive and coming back into production. (and I would recommend them)</p> <p>E cigarettes nearly died because the person who first patented them could not monetise them (I believe), then the patent ran out and people started manufacturing them.</p> <p>There are lots of devices on advertising TV like the slap-chop and the steam mops that seem novel and useful but don't seem to be mainstream.</p> elo 9dc93ZqrTBnXS526i 2019-03-16T04:26:55.730Z Comment by Elo on The application of the secretary problem to real life dating https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Pk5Nyd5ByXwHWXX5r/the-application-of-the-secretary-problem-to-real-life-dating#ips38QoNPP6AzzF9Z <p>Not that I know of. It would be possible to add in a factor. I imagine that you've just increased the "size of the pool". And can proceed accordingly.</p> <p>What is the nature of the prior knowledge? I suppose predictions are possible.</p> <p>I know people who read 100 resumes and interview the ones they think would be fit for the role. Anywhere from 0-15 candidates. It depends on how specific the role is and how urgent the job is.</p> elo ips38QoNPP6AzzF9Z 2019-03-15T20:03:13.077Z Comment by Elo on What Vibing Feels Like https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/jXHwYYnqynhB3TAsc/what-vibing-feels-like#fyK7TYcuGisrgmsqN <p>It's worth considering the description of "acting via system 1". As similar and relevant to vibing as described.</p> <p>Healthy rationality long term needs to integrate both s1 and s2. Not just get the s2 right. Also the more s2 functions that can be entrusted to s1 effectively, the more s2 is free to leap forward into smarter ways of doing things.</p> elo fyK7TYcuGisrgmsqN 2019-03-12T04:30:26.919Z Comment by Elo on What Vibing Feels Like https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/jXHwYYnqynhB3TAsc/what-vibing-feels-like#CN6XescwJ2cmikTXs <p>It's tricky, that's for sure.</p> <p>It's less that thoughts alone are poison and more that, spending attention on thoughts is poison to the process of observing being (because it's distracting from the pure observing being-ness of being).</p> <p>Enjoying the music is different from saying "I enjoy the music". In that difference is the difference between the thought and the doing part of enjoying the music.</p> elo CN6XescwJ2cmikTXs 2019-03-12T02:01:18.231Z Comment by Elo on In My Culture https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4EGYhyyJXSnE7xJ9H/in-my-culture#28EqZ5igQjsfR8FAF <p>I would propose that the other warning was an entirely different case, and something that I stopped doing. If you want to call them the same, that&#x27;s up to you.</p><p>Comparing comments:</p><blockquote> (you) “This post seems dangerous to me, and I felt a strong sense of being manipulated while reading it. I don’t think this post accomplishes it’s stated goals. The ‘my culture’ frame doesn’t stop the statement from being pushy and coercive about your norms, I think it’s even worse because it gives the appearance of trying to not be pushy but actually just being subtle about it.”<br/> </blockquote><blockquote> (me) For me I try not to endorse or propagate frameworks that are designed to subtly oppress other people.<br/> That includes calling out bad behaviour when I see it. I strongly disagree with this post. It’s not demonstrating healthy agency, it’s not delineating from unhealthy agency, it’s not couched in sensitivity and it’s not going to make the world a better place. And it doesn’t belong in rationalist cannon.<br/> </blockquote><hr class="dividerBlock"/><blockquote> (you)“This post seems dangerous to me, and I felt a strong sense of being manipulated while reading it.<br/> (me) For me I try not to endorse or propagate frameworks that are designed to subtly oppress other people.<br/> </blockquote><p>You changed the frame of reference between internal (for me) and external (this post seem... -to me). Which means you broadened a subjective statement. I also didn&#x27;t include an &quot;I felt&quot; or I would have probably included an &quot;I feel&quot; present tense statement if I were to include any.</p><blockquote> (you) I don’t think this post accomplishes it’s stated goals.<br/> (me) I strongly disagree with this post.<br/> </blockquote><p>I didn&#x27;t hedge with &quot;don&#x27;t think&quot;. I just stated my position, raw, &quot;strongly disagree&quot;. I&#x27;d find mine better, but also add the comment that I didn&#x27;t &quot;think&quot; about it, I &quot;felt&quot; strong disagreement. You shifted from &quot;feeling&quot; to &quot;thinking&quot;. While I didn&#x27;t state, &quot;I feel strong disagreement&quot; this is an entirely different frame of reference to &quot;I think strong disagreement&quot;.</p><blockquote> The ‘my culture’ frame doesn’t stop the statement from being pushy and coercive about your norms, I think it’s even worse because it gives the appearance of trying to not be pushy but actually just being subtle about it.”<br/> It’s not demonstrating healthy agency, it’s not delineating from unhealthy agency, it’s not couched in sensitivity and it’s not going to make the world a better place.<br/> </blockquote><p>I see that I used, &quot;It&#x27;s&quot; and that was unclear. I was referring to the whole post. That&#x27;s fine. I made a list of factors here. That might not have been clear:</p><ul><li>not demonstrating healthy agency</li><li>not delineating healthy from unhealthy agency</li><li>not couched in sensitivity</li></ul><p>. <em>And because of this list</em> <strong>(emotive argument follows without explanation)</strong> is not going to make the world a better place.</p><p>Your list:</p><ul><li>pushy and coercive</li><li>worse because it gives the appearance of trying to not be pushy but actually just being subtle about it</li></ul><p>Your list covers half of my list.</p><p>There&#x27;s also the poetic intention of using a culture setting paradigm to describe how I would set a culture differently <em>that seems to not transmit through text</em> (for me... calling out bad behaviour... I strongly disagree...). If I were to rewrite:</p><blockquote> The way I see this framework being used in the post, it feels like it&#x27;s being used to subtly oppress people. I strongly disagree with this post. Here&#x27;s what I would like to see in a better version of the post:<br/> </blockquote><ul><li>Demonstrating healthy agency</li><li>Delineating from unhealthy agency</li><li>Language use that is couched in sensitivity</li><li>Clear explanation of how this makes the world a better place</li><li>examples of where this can go wrong, and what not to do</li></ul><p> </p><blockquote> Subtle pushiness is worse than overt pushiness because if someone does not want to overtly &quot;follow me and do as I say&quot; they have a chance to say so when I&#x27;m obvious about the instruction. There&#x27;s less of a chance to avoid coercion when the instruction is, &quot;haha, that&#x27;s not how we do things where I&#x27;m from&quot; (yes this is a strawman version but there&#x27;s no guidance in the top post for navigating between the healthy and the unhealthy types of the framework).<br/> </blockquote><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>I&#x27;m happy to discuss what makes a good comment and what makes a bad comment. Or my comment. Or my take on the two versions.</p><p>note. I seem to be <strong>paying attention to</strong>, <strong>gathering</strong> and <strong>including more detail</strong> than you are. I suspect this is causing more of a mess than I want. It also means that I am catching details of communication that are not always noticed by other people.</p><p>For example:</p><ul><li>poetic writing</li><li>frames of reference</li><li>hedges</li><li>I think/I feel</li><li>list included in a paragraph</li><li>tenses</li><li>scope of statement</li></ul> elo 28EqZ5igQjsfR8FAF 2019-03-09T20:35:42.983Z Comment by Elo on Incorrect hypotheses point to correct observations https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/MPj7t2w3nk4s9EYYh/incorrect-hypotheses-point-to-correct-observations#JvpqSnCoQiHwcthCw <p>Of note, I did stop commenting in this way and shifted to different types of communication.</p> elo JvpqSnCoQiHwcthCw 2019-03-09T20:07:57.371Z Comment by Elo on In My Culture https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4EGYhyyJXSnE7xJ9H/in-my-culture#T6gbTALYuemc4CCJT <p>You'd have to be an evil nincompoop to <em>design and then publish</em>, instructions for subtle manipulation on purpose. So no, I can't give you the credit of being that evil to purposely do that.</p> <p>I wonder what culture it takes to make you as you are. In the way that you don't see what I see.</p> <p>I will compile a list.</p> elo T6gbTALYuemc4CCJT 2019-03-09T04:31:36.494Z Comment by Elo on In My Culture https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4EGYhyyJXSnE7xJ9H/in-my-culture#5YuJTAw6cMoAJddD7 <p>If I think of a tool like "genetic selection". We can have a conversation about how genetic selection is a neat tool that allowed us to select wheat and build the modern bread industry. However if I start talking about genetic selection in terms of the reduction of inferior people and extermination of cultures that don't fit my vision of <em>the right thing</em>, we are suddenly not talking about the use of a tool. We are instead talking about the use of manipulation to get what I want.</p> <p>The "in my culture..." linguistic strategy tool is just a tool.</p> <p>In how it's being talked about, in how it's being presented and in the examples, it's being used in ways that manipulate, reject, oppress, suppress, override, and imply "rightness" over other people who might be unsuspecting to the method. I object to the propagation of the strategy without emphasis on the care, consent, acceptance, kindness aspects of interpersonal culture.</p> <p>It feels like poison is seeping through every other sentence of the main document. Part of me is terrified to even touch this unholy mess for fear of accidentally picking up on the subtle manipulation techniques that are so deeply ingrained that they are such a blind spot for the author that he can't even notice the way it comes out in all his language.</p> <p>I expect this is going to hit a sore spot. That's the nature of how people will often respond to manipulation. And the knee jerk reaction to people being challenged with such claims.</p> <p>I want to note that my comment was the soft version of my brain repeating, "kill it with fire" as I read the document.</p> elo 5YuJTAw6cMoAJddD7 2019-03-09T04:15:23.686Z Comment by Elo on In My Culture https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4EGYhyyJXSnE7xJ9H/in-my-culture#AmcdwPHSxZSB7C492 <p>For me I try not to endorse or propagate frameworks that are designed to subtly oppress other people.</p> <p>That includes calling out bad behaviour when I see it. I strongly disagree with this post. It's not demonstrating healthy agency, it's not delineating from unhealthy agency, it's not couched in sensitivity and it's not going to make the world a better place. And it doesn't belong in rationalist cannon.</p> elo AmcdwPHSxZSB7C492 2019-03-07T10:00:57.508Z Comment by Elo on Leaky Concepts https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/iSSXfBnCmjqWEb7Pm/leaky-concepts#2QoN5uxAtMYoN7LCh <p>I should have linked that! Thank you</p> elo 2QoN5uxAtMYoN7LCh 2019-03-06T20:27:01.745Z Leaky Concepts https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/iSSXfBnCmjqWEb7Pm/leaky-concepts <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/leaky-concepts/">http://bearlamp.com.au/leaky-concepts/</a></p><p><em>When is a door not a door? When it’s Ajar</em>.</p><p>See also: <u><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motte-and-bailey_fallacy">motte and bailey fallacy</a></u> by <u><a href="https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/11/03/all-in-all-another-brick-in-the-motte/">Scott Alexander</a></u>, <em><u><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/JcpzFpPBSmzuksmWM/the-5-second-level">The 5-second </a><a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/JcpzFpPBSmzuksmWM/the-5-second-level">level</a></u>, <u><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4FcxgdvdQP45D6Skg/disguised-queries">Disguised theories</a></u>, <u><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/s/SGB7Y5WERh4skwtnb/p/yFDKvfN6D87Tf5J9f">Neural Categories</a></u> By Eliezer Yudkowsky.</em> <u><a href="http://taisa.si/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Ken-Wilber-No-Boundary.pdf">No Boundary</a></u> By Ken Wilber.</p><p>Every concept when challenged with reality is a leaky concept (even this one). The idea of a circle seems pretty great until I try to draw one in chalk on pavement. If you want to go mad, commit to drawing two lines the same length and don’t stop until you are dead from trying to line up atoms to be in the right places. There are quicker ways to go insane.</p><p>The <u><a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/The_map_is_not_the_territory">map-territory</a></u> distinction makes it difficult to pin down a <u><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/boundaries/">mapped concept in the territory</a></u>. The strange thing about reality is that despite there being a <u><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">gap between minds</a></u>, we generally have managed to communicate, to get things done, and to build a world. This world. The world in which we live in. Bricks and mortar, bits and atoms alike. We did it. We got to here, even though every concept leaks to all buggery.</p><p>Take “science man” in the prehistoric times of the savannah.</p><p><em>Cave man: “run it’s a lion”</em></p><p><em>Science man: “actually that’s a leopard, judging by its spots, I’d say it’s running at 40mph and will get here- augh!”</em></p><p><em>*science man gets eaten by leopard*</em></p><p>This silly example hopefully drives home the point of “how much does that leak matter?”. For most of history, for most conversations the difference between lion and leopard did not matter. Being right about which it was, had no effect on the basis of the following actions.</p><p>We don’t live in that world so much. We live in the world of <u><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Climate_Orbiter">The Mars Climate Orbiter</a></u>, which is now the reason that all space calculations are done in metric. </p><p>“<em>The discrepancy between calculated and measured position… had been noticed earlier by at least two navigators, whose concerns were dismissed because they &quot;did not follow the rules about filling out [the] form to document their concerns&quot;”</em></p><p>“Oh that silly space agency, I’d never make such a mistake...”</p><p>“No one in my life has ever tried to say my name and accidentally used my sibling’s name and my dogs name before finally using my name…”</p><p>The way we measure or define a concept, and rely on a shared meaning of a concept is not going to be slightly wrong enough to cause serious errors that go unnoticed right up until something terrible happens. Except for that one time, and that other time...</p><p>“Trajectories and locations are measured in local units” - Just a simple belief.</p><p>“Human children are named in a relational cluster to myself, my map refers to any name in the cluster of ‘child’ or ‘<u><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Erd%C5%91s#Personality">epsilon</a></u>’ which is suitable to communicate to this one”</p><p>“The difference between lions and leopards are significant in this moment”</p><p><em><u><a href="http://unsongbook.com/interlude-%D7%95-theres-a-hole-in-my-bucket/">There is crack in everything</a></u></em></p><p>Everything is leaky! How did we do it? How did we create a world where we can communicate even though everything leaks?</p><p>Most of the time leaking doesn’t matter. Except when it does. When I need to be able to <u><a href="http://yudkowsky.net/rational/virtues/">notice</a></u> that the concept I was trying to communicate, has more holes than it has substance. Subjective holes in places that make it a flawed concept.</p><p>To a zookeeper, the difference between a lion pen and a leopard pen is a lot more important than to caveman running for his life (probably). The significance of a leaky concept is subjectively relevant to the person applying it and the effect that the leak will have on their life (their <u><a href="https://integrallife.com/four-quadrants/">Upper left quadrant</a></u>, subjective reality).</p><p>What do I do with leaky concepts now? Add it to the toolkit of vigilance of the ways that <u><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/FaJaCgqBKphrDzDSj/37-ways-that-words-can-be-wrong">words can be used</a></u> and carry on. Maybe it comes in handy some time.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Bonus content: the way buddhism talks about “the self” as a leaky concept being a foundation for 1/3rd of all the teachings. There is no fixed self, the edges of the skin are one boundary that can be drawn but the stuff inside that boundary is always changing anyway, and the stuff outside is constantly interacting with it enough to make that boundary arbitrary.</p><p></p> elo iSSXfBnCmjqWEb7Pm 2019-03-05T22:01:37.595Z Comment by Elo on Disclosing the unsaid https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/5TNQHmjvaDih5PMZX/disclosing-the-unsaid#9NFfyWkmyBF6cdAJ5 <p>You may like the keywords "warm data" on the topic of data that includes people.</p> elo 9NFfyWkmyBF6cdAJ5 2019-02-26T06:23:47.604Z Comment by Elo on Starting Meditation https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/eZezBzp7JnevBNAkj/starting-meditation#pKEHQfeh3ybGM84FD <p>That's another type of meditation. Throw in some "notice how this goes" and "monkey mind meditation" and you're still meditating</p> elo pKEHQfeh3ybGM84FD 2019-02-26T01:25:42.583Z Comment by Elo on Building up to an Internal Family Systems model https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/5gfqG3Xcopscta3st/building-up-to-an-internal-family-systems-model#XFaD7sc4Wrsb82jKT <p>One of the skills here is an open minded flow of discussion between parts.</p> <p>To get to an open minded discussion, the agents who are shutting down discussions need to form an agreement to discuss. That means no distraction, no sleepiness, no anxiety around the conversation.</p> <p>This open discussion can be done for one part at a time or for the global, "discussions are safe" paradigm.</p> <p>If "discussions are safe", then it's possible to ask the question, "what can't we talk about?" and find content/parts there. (there's still things I don't need to talk about very much, but I have no problem with them and talking about them. For example I prefer to look in an optimistic direction and point my mind there but I have no problem digging up all the fears, doubts and discomforts if that's needed)</p> elo XFaD7sc4Wrsb82jKT 2019-02-17T19:00:30.155Z Comment by Elo on Pedagogy as Struggle https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/2HFDRtwMBB6gu8GG9/pedagogy-as-struggle#ngeY92Kj6dRJpPctD <p>Optimising for student learning and growth requires participation from the student themselves who knows what they need. Some amount of structure and letting them figure it out for themselves</p> elo ngeY92Kj6dRJpPctD 2019-02-16T04:23:04.088Z Comment by Elo on Are there documentaries on rationality? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/a7K8D4J6PCqKhZNba/are-there-documentaries-on-rationality#CMv7zGsi4LhHL8ADW <p>It's a relatively new area but I'd be keen for them to exist in the future!</p> elo CMv7zGsi4LhHL8ADW 2019-02-16T01:04:25.737Z Comment by Elo on Three Kinds of Research Documents: Clarification, Explanatory, Academic https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/b8kRgm5gihovFKnRr/three-kinds-of-research-documents-clarification-explanatory#7jyhDXo28XqPJ5QZp <p>I would challenge this post that a good document should do all three. Preferably at the same time (although not always possible or easy).</p> elo 7jyhDXo28XqPJ5QZp 2019-02-16T00:57:11.913Z Comment by Elo on Emotional Climate Change - an inconvenient idea https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RyKKQwdutQDtrpJt7/emotional-climate-change-an-inconvenient-idea#fJNgEsSwQy2iuDF3d <p>It's not our job to imagine the best out of your idea. That's your job. Even the best ideas can fail if they don't have the transmission right.</p> <p>I wonder if you can change your communication methods to make the concept more appealing?</p> elo fJNgEsSwQy2iuDF3d 2019-02-14T23:21:08.532Z Comment by Elo on Emotional Climate Change - an inconvenient idea https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RyKKQwdutQDtrpJt7/emotional-climate-change-an-inconvenient-idea#YEEDtfwov4NfssHwJ <p>Not thought out enough. Pessimistic and alarmist, incomplete. No solutions proposed.</p> <p>These are your opinions on the climate. Other people believe other things.</p> <p>Where did it come from to perceive all negative? And how would you feel if that were the case?</p> <p>Good question though. Why do you think it got -12?</p> elo YEEDtfwov4NfssHwJ 2019-02-14T16:16:28.146Z Comment by Elo on The RAIN Framework for Informational Effectiveness https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/s4TrCbCXvvWfkT2o6/the-rain-framework-for-informational-effectiveness#AttnHnjvtFHo6WrP8 <p>I don't care about the name but please order the headings to match whichever name you choose.</p> elo AttnHnjvtFHo6WrP8 2019-02-14T00:55:20.788Z Comment by Elo on Functional silence: communication that minimizes change of receiver's beliefs https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/g4M3oGGTE8JS6RmTE/functional-silence-communication-that-minimizes-change-of#KuMYd8NMuhHXGCFiB <p>reminds me of ideological turing tests.</p> <p>Also of being a ghost.</p> elo KuMYd8NMuhHXGCFiB 2019-02-14T00:54:24.214Z Comment by Elo on Functional silence: communication that minimizes change of receiver's beliefs https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/g4M3oGGTE8JS6RmTE/functional-silence-communication-that-minimizes-change-of#P3jj7jHGGa2oKMjZ8 <p>See the search term "holding space" for something remarkably similar but not identical. This may be the term you are looking for.</p> elo P3jj7jHGGa2oKMjZ8 2019-02-14T00:48:48.706Z Comment by Elo on The RAIN Framework for Informational Effectiveness https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/s4TrCbCXvvWfkT2o6/the-rain-framework-for-informational-effectiveness#naekjBdHgEDBXgc24 <p>What's the difference between RAIN, RINA, ARIN, NIRA, Iran...</p> <p>I quite like ARIN.</p> <p>Could you standardise the order of the headings to match the acronym?</p> elo naekjBdHgEDBXgc24 2019-02-13T19:43:25.129Z Comment by Elo on The Hamming Question https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/P5k3PGzebd5yYrYqd/the-hamming-question#avxiT3Ytk2aNo3KfA <p>[for clarity, we were both quoting other sources]</p> <p>My opinion is that from trying the exercises several times over the course of the last few years, it's a valuable tool to help me see what I'm ignoring or what I need to deal with.</p> elo avxiT3Ytk2aNo3KfA 2019-02-11T18:10:38.633Z Comment by Elo on The Case for a Bigger Audience https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/2E3fpnikKu6237AF6/the-case-for-a-bigger-audience#kcAP6iYnTfrdmrwor <p>I was coining more terms and bringing them to lesswrong. I still do that but me doing that depends on my available time to write. Which is variable.</p> elo kcAP6iYnTfrdmrwor 2019-02-09T23:18:31.386Z Dojo on stress https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/mxv78X93gRses85Za/dojo-on-stress <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-on-stress/">http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-on-stress/</a></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>This (thinking) <a href="http://rationalitydojo.com.au/">dojo</a> came about because someone described their biggest problem as stress, relating to recent job-change events.  I ran this dojo in Melbourne and Sydney to an audience of ~10 people each time. <em>(45mins-1hr long)</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>As the facilitator:</strong></p><ol><li>Say yes.  Accept what people bring.  There’s no wrong answer. Each person is bringing the most valuable thing for themselves to the discussion.  </li><li>There is a need to balance the group time and let everyone talk if they want to, but generally people are aware of that.  If needed, thank someone and bring their awareness to the fact that this is a group event and everyone needs to participate to grow.  The exercise is not about being right but about sharing and discussing stress.</li><li>Make empty space, (time when nothing is said) both for people to think, and for less talkative people to step up and share. Speak slowly, there is no rush.</li><li>There is no need to force participation, feel free to mention that anyone can pass at any time.  It might be healthy to model “pass” behaviour at the start by getting everyone to say out loud “pass”.  “What do you say if you don’t want to contribute and you want to pass?” (“PASS” duh)</li></ol><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>1. Share a stressful experience.</strong></h2><p>Each person should share a personal or significant experience of stress that they have encountered in their life.  It doesn’t have to still be “alive”, but it has to be personally relevant to them being engaged in the discussion and get an internal sense of what “stress” is and the sorts of things we are talking about.  (if doing this on your own, write down your experience, spend a few minutes waiting with the memories to get a sense of how it felt to be in the body during that experience, feel free to write more than one down)<br/></p><p><em>(1-2mins per person)</em><br/></p><p>Briefly check for a common theme.  I.e. stress caused by interpersonal relationships or work.  Be mindful of that when continuing the exercise.</p><h2><strong>2. Causes of stress</strong></h2><p>Stress usually has a cause in life.  Each person is different, each person will know their own common causes of stress.  Make a list of personal and common causes of stress.<br/></p><p><em>(2 mins alone making a list, 5-10 mins to discuss the general possible causes of stress and build a group list)  </em>(if alone, you can google it, but with emphasis that this exercise is not about <strong>getting the right answer</strong>, but more about being aware of the parts of the stress problem and playing around with them in mind in one session.)</p><h2><strong>2. What are the signs of stress.</strong></h2><p>How would you know someone else was stressed?  How would you know you were stressed? Make a list as a group discussion. There’s a short list at the bottom <strong>AFTER</strong> you have made your own list of the relevant signs.<br/></p><p><em>(2 mins by timer by ourselves then 10mins for group discussion)  (if alone, spend more time making the list)</em><br/></p><p>Get specific to name a few instances if it helps people participate.  “This one time I was stressed about X and I kept having nightmares”. etc.</p><h2><strong>3. what do you do about stress?  How do you relieve that stress?</strong></h2><p>get specific about how to wind down, how to rest, how to relax, feel safe, distract, and more. (list at the bottom <strong>AFTER</strong> the exercise to compare notes)<br/></p><p><em>(2 mins by timer by ourselves then 10mins for group discussion)  (if alone, spend more time making the list)</em></p><h2><strong>Being Strategic</strong></h2><p>Once we know what causes stress, what stress looks like, and what to do about stress when it comes up, the last thing left to do is to be mindful.  Notice the causes, notice the signs that come up and act appropriately. As long as I am aware of my body, my behaviour and my actions, I can effectively manage my own stress and the stress of the people around me.</p><h2><strong>4. Anything else we want to share about stress?</strong></h2><p>How to tell someone else they are stressed without the words coming across like a slap in the face:</p><ul><li>“I feel like you are stressed”</li><li>“I noticed you keep pacing, are you stressed?”  </li><li>(instead of, “you are stressed, stop that”)</li></ul><p>Share any other personal stress stories or thoughts that come up from the exercise.  If we are done, go to the conclusion. <em>(10 mins)</em></p><h2><strong>Conclusion</strong></h2><p>Reflect on if this is helpful personally.  How can I tie this into my life. How can I notice the stress?  How can I grow to use this information. Consider reminding myself in a month to check if I still do this.  Consider how I can plan a “stress check” into my weekly routine. Consider how I can make use of this information.  <em>(3-5mins on our own doing what is needed to carry this out) (share any particularly good ones 5 mins)</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>The following lists are incomplete, they are here for clues, feel free to make your own or ignore these.</p><h1><strong>Causes of stress</strong></h1><ul><li>Relationships</li><li>Work</li><li>Emotions</li><li>Food/diet</li><li>Exercise</li><li>Sleep</li><li>Mistakes, accidents</li><li>Emergencies</li><li>Surprises</li><li>Major events or life milestones</li><li>Big projects</li><li>Moving house/city</li><li>Family changes</li></ul><h1><strong>Stress signs</strong></h1><ul><li>Body based sensations (tightness, sweat, feeling heavy, doom, heart rate)</li><li>behaviour changes (posture changes, pacing, staying out late, sleep changes)</li><li>Expressions (face stuff, behaviour, I know I am confused from the confusion expression)</li><li>Emotions (aaaaah!, Sad, scared, flustered, etc)</li><li>Energy (lethargy, overactive)</li><li>Actions (eating more, injury)</li><li>dreams…  </li></ul><h1><strong>What do you do about stress?</strong></h1><ul><li>Take a bath</li><li>Distract myself</li><li>Leave the room</li><li>Meditate</li><li>Play video games</li><li>Sleep</li><li>Talk to someone about it</li><li>Pamper myself</li><li>Let go of trying to control everything and make sure it goes well</li><li>Stop doing the thing (sometimes an option)</li><li>Eat something</li><li>Concrete checks (have I eaten, drank, slept, got sunlight, spoken to friends) (you feel like shit guide)</li></ul><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Thanks for participating, feel free to get in touch with feedback. (google doc for comments: <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tme_NC3tusCXhwvEz_CaATx9nVp0IN4i-Pf4m0DVA2I/edit#">https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tme_NC3tusCXhwvEz_CaATx9nVp0IN4i-Pf4m0DVA2I/edit#</a></p> elo mxv78X93gRses85Za 2019-02-09T22:49:59.890Z Comment by Elo on The Hamming Question https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/P5k3PGzebd5yYrYqd/the-hamming-question#svytHqhnkWMc2LbfQ <p>We encourage participants to occasionally ask “the Hamming question.”</p> <p>Checking in on the match between your beliefs and your actions is a rea- sonable thing to do a few times a year. It can lead to increased motivation, positive shifts to better strategies, and a clearer sense of where your deepest priorities lie.</p> elo svytHqhnkWMc2LbfQ 2019-02-09T03:48:19.414Z Comment by Elo on The Hamming Question https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/P5k3PGzebd5yYrYqd/the-hamming-question#yaymmKu3JJmnFWT2w <p>Quoted from the 2016 cfar handbook:</p> <p>Richard Hamming was a mathematician at Bell Labs from the 1940’s through the 1970’s who liked to sit down with strangers in the company cafeteria and ask them about their fields of expertise. At first, he would ask mainly about their day-to-day work, but eventually, he would turn the conversation toward the big, open questions—what were the most important unsolved problems in their profession? Why did those problems matter?</p> <p>What kinds of things would change when someone in the field finally broke through? What new potential would that unlock? After he’d gotten them excited and talking passionately, he would ask one final question: “So, why aren’t you working on that?”</p> <p>Hamming didn’t make very many friends with this strategy, but he did inspire some of his colleagues to make major shifts in focus, rededicating their careers to the problems they felt actually mattered.</p> elo yaymmKu3JJmnFWT2w 2019-02-09T03:46:00.803Z Comment by Elo on The Hamming Question https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/P5k3PGzebd5yYrYqd/the-hamming-question#rYNEZtqapCoY7quFj <p>The way I understand it, Hamming was a real guy doing real annoying questions in Bell labs.</p> elo rYNEZtqapCoY7quFj 2019-02-09T00:36:15.772Z Comment by Elo on The Hamming Question https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/P5k3PGzebd5yYrYqd/the-hamming-question#sfAR5KN76bkETnJPF <p>Or, "it's too hard". Or, "I don't think I am good enough". Or plenty of other excuses that are not necessarily a good reason for not doing the thing.</p> <p>The point is not to have an answer, but to ask the question and to check.</p> <p>You are not smarter for having the answer, you are smarter for asking the question.</p> elo sfAR5KN76bkETnJPF 2019-02-08T23:07:49.205Z Comment by Elo on Is this how I choose to show up? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/cr9S7AJiryazXpikF/is-this-how-i-choose-to-show-up#uL3mscfJrF92xwfWu <p>Sure thing. I will work on it.</p> elo uL3mscfJrF92xwfWu 2019-02-08T02:23:13.866Z Is this how I choose to show up? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/cr9S7AJiryazXpikF/is-this-how-i-choose-to-show-up <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/is-this-how-i-choose-to-show-up/">http://bearlamp.com.au/is-this-how-i-choose-to-show-up/</a></p><p></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’m exhausted.  I’m just trying to survive here and today I did that.  Not every today. But I did this today. Yes.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’m doing better than surviving but am I a good person?  Did I do the right thing? Will I be going to heaven or hell for this.  Is this how I choose to show up? Yes. I did the right thing. If I survive or not, I know I did the right thing.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’ve aligned myself to the right people.  If I follow them, then I know I’m a good person.  They can help me survive. But are they the right people?  How would I know? Yes. This is right. The gods are with us.  And even if they aren’t, they can’t hate me for being on the side of the right people.  The gods might smite us for being wrong. The gods might be on our side. I might survive being on this side, I might not.  Yes. This is right.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’m working in a team.  We are building something for all of us.  We are ordered and structured, that’s part of why the world is safe, because of our order.  I don’t know if it’s the right people but at least we are working together. And hey – it’s a job, it’s worth it to do good work.  It’s pay. It’s enough to survive. But is it enough for me? Am I getting what I want? Maybe if I knew better. The science, the tests to run I could get this team working better.  How do I do that? Yes. It’s okay, I’ve got this how I am. I might not survive but at least I’m part of this big idea, and through this big idea I survive. It’s not that the gods might smite us, we are the gods now.  We make the ideas. We live or die by the ideas we make and if they survive the long haul. It’s us against the gods of time. And of course the other people’s big ideas. Maybe our idea beats their idea by sheer will of structure, and I have all the right people with me, and even if I didn’t, that’s okay too I guess.  Maybe we aren’t right, and I’m okay with that too, as long as we try. In the true arena of ideas, the best ideas win. Yes.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’m running the tests.  I’m getting that recognition for being right in the ways I’m right.  In all the ways I know, I know that I’m doing well. All that unknown, it’s not safe, but I’m coming to conquer it.  I have my team, but I don’t need them, they follow me because I’m right. I’m aligned with the right person, because the right person is me, and with god as my witness I will make it.  But am I doing enough for everyone else too? Yes. I am doing my best. <br/></p><p>I’m here to survive.  Capitalism is key. It’s a system and I’m making my system to win.  The gods of old are no match for the gods of the seed of pure corporate power.  My corporate gods battling out in the free market against the other corporate gods for our survival.  It’s me against nature, but it’s not just mother nature any more, the forest lands are long gone. She was soft, but human nature.  That’s the battle. It needs shaping, it needs guiding, it needs advertising and convincing. That’s how we get them. One group at a time.  May the best human win. As long as they have those close to them. That’s the seat of my power. The people around me. And the people around them.  And the people who are here to build something, build something that matters to us. And make ourselves rich in the process. Yes. This is how I show up.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>I’m consulting, I’m connected, I’m empathic and understanding.  I’m listening like never before. I refuse to fall for the mistakes of the past.  It’s not just about knowing the truth, it’s about sharing the truth. When we share our truth, our ideas, our science, The things we build together.  That’s how we grow together. Ever upwards. As a community we can reach the top. The place of legends. We can get ourselves back there, to the place of legends.  We too can be in tune with our nature and find new wholeness of being. <br/></p><p>We have to defend our truth against those who are greedy.  The world was not meant to be taken from the many by the few.  We need to purge the poison from our midst. We do that together.  Big structure is our enemy. We need the right amount of anarchy to fix this.  It takes a bit of terror to break a broken system. Working together as small collective, we can rise up against the gods of oppression, Moloch and the tragedy of the commons.  Together we make the world a better place. For not just me and you, but everyone who ever is or was oppressed. We can make the world they died for. Yes. This is how I choose to show up.<br/></p><p><strong>Is this how I choose to show up?  No.</strong><br/></p><p>It’s not enough.  I look at myself and everywhere I’ve passed through and it’s not enough.  I can’t just survive, I need more than that to make purpose. I can’t just worship a benevolent god.  If the gods are benevolent they are irrelevant, and in that irrelevance, they made their own noose. The gods have to be here with me or they don’t deserve to be here.  I can’t just follow the people who I think are right. I’ve followed enough wrong people to know. People aren’t just right on their own, people are right by having the right ideas.  And the right ideas only come from collaboration. From working together. But that’s not enough either. Working together breeds corruption, broken systems. I have to worship science, rationalism, the free market.  Doing my own experiments. Leading my own path. But that’s not enough. The free market sold out the environment. My science deluded me, replication crisis and terrible statistics. What if I delude everyone? I can run more tests but no matter how many tests I run, I can never eliminate the human factor.  The human factor seems to be the cause and solution to all our problems. If only there were a way to fully embody all that it is to be the human factor and know what it is to be human and still grow. No. It’s hideous. The nature of humans is all this. At all levels. And so I ask myself, today. Is this how I choose to show up?  Yes.<br/></p><p>I survive.  Not by worshipping the gods, but by becoming them.  I lead the people. Not on my own, but with my ideas, by fully embodying my ideas, I become my ideas, my gods.  By collaborating with my collective. And it’s not just my ideas, it’s the scientific and rational truth. We stand on the shoulders of giants to look forward.  And it’s not just the truth, it’s the truth for everyone. And by living and breathing the truth for everyone, comfortable, uncomfortable truth. <br/></p><p>I can step out of my human nature and see, for the first time, clearly, where I came from.  And where I am going. I can see how all the parts of me, engage with all the parts of you, and we, and us.  <br/></p><p>I live and embody the question, “is this how I choose to show up?”.  This is how I choose to show up. In the question, the paragraph, in the page, in the wonder, in the being ever forward facing.  Yes. THIS IS where I am. Yes THIS IS where I came from. And yes. I’m not done. Yes. This is how I choose to show up.<br/></p><p>Is this how I choose to show up?  Yes. No. Not in the answer, but in the question, <strong>“is this how I choose to show up?”</strong></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><span><figure><img src="https://i1.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Spiral-dynamics-in-action.jpg.jpeg?w=640" class="draft-image " style="width:589%" /></figure></span><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><em>Picture from the new <a href="https://booko.info/9781119387183/Spiral-Dynamics-in-Action-Practical-Application-of-Spiral-Dynamics-in-the-Real-World">Spiral Dynamics In action</a> book.</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Thanks for reading. If this post is cryptic, its because I&#x27;ve picked up the developmental psychology model of spiral dynamics and it&#x27;s still growing on me.</p><p>“is this how I choose to show up?” falls into the category of something of a mantra. Also the phrase falls into the category of strange esoteric knowledge that came to me while meditating.</p><p>For those interested in chakras, the phrase has an alignment to the chakra system that just so happens to be beautiful. It also has an alignment to [Past|Present|Future], so it becomes a particularly orienting phrase. (“is this” – past, “How I choose” – present, “To show up?” – future)</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><em>I’m asking myself this question, and when I find the answer, I ask myself again.</em></p> elo cr9S7AJiryazXpikF 2019-02-08T00:30:27.798Z Comment by Elo on Does the EA community do "basic science" grants? How do I get one? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7XtmBcHMWknKEj4JY/does-the-ea-community-do-basic-science-grants-how-do-i-get#4F6J7RwT8moK2zopP <p>Are you familiar with the ea hotel?</p> <p>Maybe post on the ea forums?</p> elo 4F6J7RwT8moK2zopP 2019-02-06T18:23:50.728Z Comment by Elo on How to stay concentrated for a long period of time? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/hyeDFbg8ahYAu4ZJu/how-to-stay-concentrated-for-a-long-period-of-time#W4bWjBRjckyqqzLQf <p>I assume this was a shift in formatting from "comment" to "answer".</p> elo W4bWjBRjckyqqzLQf 2019-02-05T01:04:18.691Z Boundaries - A map and territory experiment. [post-rationality] https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/5wJyxFNPwovFKM7C2/boundaries-a-map-and-territory-experiment-post-rationality <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/boundaries/">http://bearlamp.com.au/boundaries/</a></p><p>This is an experimental investigation of map and territory.</p><p><a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/The_map_is_not_the_territory">Map and territory</a> is a relationship where the map represents the territory.. The map is <em>not</em> the territory, that we know.</p><blockquote><em>Scribbling on the map does not change the territory</em></blockquote><hr class="dividerBlock"/><span><figure><img src="https://i0.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/earth.jpeg?w=640" class="draft-image " style="width:300%" /></figure></span><p>I am in my house, sitting at a table with a picture of planet earth. There’s a relationship between the picture and myself because technically I am in that picture map. But also I am looking at that picture and I recognise it as a map of the territory that I live in. There’s a boundary between me and the map.</p><span><figure><img src="https://i0.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/map-img-australia.png?w=640" class="draft-image " style="width:365%" /></figure></span><p>Now I have a map of the land mass of Australia. I am both in a territory represented by the map, and this map describes me (weakly).</p><span><figure><img src="https://i2.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/sydney.jpeg" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Now I have a map of my city. There’s again the same relationship. Two ways. I am in my city, but also my city map is separate from me because it sits on my table in front of me.</p><p>now I have a map (floorplan) of my house.</p><p>I am looking at a piece of paper, the map is external to the territory of me walking around my house.</p><span><figure><img src="https://i2.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/sims.jpg?fit=640%2C360" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Now I have a 3d model of my house. It includes the table I’m standing in front of, and a mini version of all my maps on the table, and a 3d house model.</p><p>there’s a boundary where I am looking at the map and not in the map.</p><p>but I’ve also got a little figurine of myself in my 3d model. My figurine appears to be looking at the mini 3d model of the house that’s resting on his table. There’s a boundary here. A relationship between me and the model.</p><p>where I am looking at an external model of myself looking at an external model of myself.</p><p>But now I am here. In my head. With an internal map of myself, standing here, looking at myself in the wholeness of my being, and I ask,</p><blockquote><em><strong>“where is the boundary between myself and the map?”</strong></em></blockquote><hr class="dividerBlock"/><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><em>Now might be a good time to pause or reflect on the exercise before reading on.  Obviously I can’t make you do that but I considered ending the whole article here for that effect.</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2>Some Discussion</h2><p><strong>Friend</strong>: would it be that you is what remains when you turn away from the map. If it’s in your mind, then you remain when you stop thinking of the map?</p><p><strong>Me</strong>: “what is the “you” that remains when “you” stop thinking of the map?</p><p><strong>Friend</strong>: If we define identity the way I think you’re pointing at, then the you constantly changes. So, sure, that “you” is no longer there when you turn away from the map.</p><p><strong>Me</strong>: Yes. From that place, repeating the exercise, the new map now includes that information “<em>the ‘you’ always changes</em>“. And I can ask the same question. “<em>what is the you that remains separate from the map</em>?”</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Existing map-less is very hard. The human brain really likes to put maps around things. I will be thinking, “I am map-less” and then realise that “thinking, ‘I am map-less&#x27;” is a map too. There is a realisation that there is only one real territory (that we live in), and it’s very hard to exist in the territory and not the map. And a further realisation that, for everyone else who exists in their maps and not “in the territory” they are also just genuinely existing in the territory too because maps are in the territory too.</p><p>From that place can come an acceptance of anyone and anything as they are. Being as their being is, bringing what they bring. Because that’s (from my perspective, from the outside that person) the territory.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>I feel like this exercise has the opportunity to generate weird feelings. Sometimes confusion, sometimes fear or dizzy or any number of other experiences. That’s the point. The purpose is to then enable the experimenter to explore the feelings that have come up. What does that mean for the nature of reality that I live in. What’s the dizzy trying to help explain to me? <strong>I wonder what is going on.</strong></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><em>Special mention of the book <a href="https://booko.info/9781570627439/No-Boundary">No Boundary</a> by Ken Wilbur of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_(Ken_Wilber)">Integral Theory</a></em></p> elo 5wJyxFNPwovFKM7C2 2019-02-01T02:08:35.372Z In what way has the generation after us "gone too far"? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/abwNueNaCXG4aB7eF/in-what-way-has-the-generation-after-us-gone-too-far <p>It&#x27;s a pattern to watch an older generation consider a younger generation as, &quot;having gone too far&quot;. From the inside it feels to me like I&#x27;m right and they are too conservative, but on the other side of the fence, believing for myself that the younger generation have gone too far? What do I find?<br/><br/>Please state the current age @ 2019 of the centre of gravity or range of ages of the generation you are commenting on.</p> elo abwNueNaCXG4aB7eF 2019-01-24T10:22:34.063Z The Tether Theory and the Concrete, Subtle and Causal tiers https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/yBhNgJwc7p5Bks3QR/the-tether-theory-and-the-concrete-subtle-and-causal-tiers <p><em>Epistemic status: &nbsp;A bunch of meditation and meditation theory. &nbsp;A previously undocumented theory of this corner of consciousness.</em></p> <p>Original post on my blog <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-tether-theory-and-the-concrete-subtle-and-causal-tiers/">bearlamp</a></p> <p>The book <a href="http://www.dlshq.org/download/pranayama.htm#_VPID_52"><em>The Science of Pranayama</em></a> offers that the thought stream is tethered to the breath via the prana, “Just as the bird that is tied to a post by a string”. &nbsp;Meditation theory often uses animal analogies like the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Bulls">Ox Herder</a> pictures. &nbsp;<a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=rFvbxdspTHoC&amp;pg=PA206&amp;lpg=PA206&amp;dq=the+mind+is+like+a+wild+camel+meditation&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=P3FC4MhwO3&amp;sig=idMTOyFjuP1tYe4_EQgacjrga1k&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjAgbr8uKzfAhVFKo8KHQXfAKIQ6AEwCHoECAQQAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=the%20mind%20is%20like%20a%20wild%20camel%20meditation&amp;f=false"><em>Pointing out the great way</em></a> describes, “It requires some effort to tie up a wild camel, and it takes some skill to untie the camel and have it stay”. &nbsp;Other wild animals are also common to describe the untamed mind.</p> <p>I put a lot of thought into this concept and applying it further than it was originally suggested. &nbsp;I meditated while trying to observe for myself what was going on and why. There's something subtle about the way a deep breath out will interact with the thought stream. &nbsp;Feels like a sigh of letting go. I watch “emotional content” conversations and when I feel the need to take a deep breath, I notice when I don't and when I should.</p> <hr> <h2><strong>The Tiers of subjective experience</strong></h2> <p><em>(Side note: Concrete is sometimes called “gross” and causal is sometimes called “</em><a href="http://www.scdharma.org/teachings/gross-mind-subtle-mind-and-very-subtle-mind"><em>very subtle</em></a><em>” in</em> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Bodies_Doctrine_(Vedanta)"><em>different</em></a><a href="https://www.stagesinternational.com/terri-ofallon-the-development-of-collective-consciousness-subtle-causal-levels/"><em>maps</em></a><em>)</em></p> <p><strong>Concrete</strong>: This is the physical, physiological. &nbsp;The beating heart, the breath.</p> <p><strong>A concrete tier injury</strong> looks like a broken leg. &nbsp;Or a scratch wound. It takes time to heal. &nbsp;Feeling hungry is not on the concrete level, we don’t die from feeling hungry (we die from starvation). &nbsp;Feeling cold usually starts on the subtle level but there is a life threatening feeling of cold.</p> <p><em>There is a bridge between Concrete and subtle tiers through experiences like “goosebumps” where they register as a physical state and as a subtle feeling, or some mix of the two.</em></p> <p><strong>Subtle</strong>: This is an aptly named tier because - <em>it’s subtle</em>. &nbsp;An experience of the emotional subjective happens here. &nbsp;I feel happy, I feel guilty. A few "weird" feelings and hunches like “gut instinct” that seem <em>guiding</em> but without being as easy to describe as the concrete tier.</p> <p><strong>A subtle injury</strong> is a panic attack or being distraught. &nbsp;It is possible to be in an extended state of injury to this level but it's not possible to “break a happy” or break a miserable in a way that it becomes permanently injured and requires time to heal like a broken bone or a scratch. &nbsp;It is possible to set up a happy so that it leads straight to fear, i.e. “I’m not allowed to be happy because that’s when bad things happen”. In this sense, “Happy” and “Fear” are not broken themselves but they are routed through each other.</p> <p><strong>Causal</strong>: On this level are impersonal ideological drives. &nbsp;This level is where meaning and purpose registers. When someone feels like “making a difference in the world” or “being part of something greater”, these register on the causal level, not quite a feeling but sometimes a drive. &nbsp;The causal level is occasionally described as a void or various spirit-y phenomena.</p> <p><strong>A Causal injury</strong> might take days, months to become clear, it might take days, months or years to heal. &nbsp;An example here is tricky to pinpoint but a loss of purpose or a disconnection from meaning might land here. &nbsp;As a teenager, going through a break up hits the causal tier particularly strongly. As an adult (a divorce or) a break up does the same. &nbsp;Relationships often register on the meaning level (for the kegan stage 3 particularly). Where it doesn’t just feel bad, it feels “dooming”.</p> <p>About break ups - the interesting thing to note is that I could “break up” every day. It would be emotionally hard, but it would not cause death to me, there’s no “physical injury” to a “break up” despite it probably <em>feeling</em> worse than a broken bone. &nbsp;For something with “break” in the name, something physical did not break. &nbsp;With the open question of, “what took injury in a break up?” (some clues: expectations, intentions, plans, hope). &nbsp;Note: a break up every day would probably start feeling like a heart attack, or conversely - complete numbness.</p> <p>Not wanting to downplay the significance of the causal tier with a soft example like a break up, there are more ideological concepts than break ups on causal tier. &nbsp;Imagine being subscribed to communism and the realisation that a lifetime of effort in that movement was ineffective towards it’s goals. Not a physical injury, likely some aspect of “feels bad” but there’s also a “aaaah noooo” experience that goes with this shift of understanding.</p> <h5>Where does mental illness fit?</h5> <p>The whole model relies on a re-conceptualisation of mental health as being a different kind of information.</p> <p>My brief answer is, "Not as it seems". Most mental health problems are not states of constant emotional pain, i.e. depression is not an equivalent "constantly broken" experience like a bone or scratch. It's a mostly calm mind with small nudges towards less than amazing decisions for a very long time. (I can't say too much in this spot around that - other than, "huh that's weird, watch this space"). &nbsp;Psychosis and mania seems like extended subtle tier experiences and I’m still trying to understand that.</p> <hr> <h2><strong>Tether</strong></h2> <p>The levels are connected with a <em>tether</em> (metaphorically a string that tugs on them to line up). &nbsp;In various circumstances or people, the tether changes length or has freedom depending on all kinds of factors. &nbsp;For example in summer I have more energy. I can take on more social adventures and play around more without feeling bad. &nbsp;(Linking concept <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder">SAD</a>)</p> <p>When I visit a foreign culture, my tether for “getting offended” (Feeling offended) is longer because on a causal level I recognise there is going to be parts of this culture where I don’t understand how it works.</p> <p>It may help to think of boats floating on a river, tied to each other. &nbsp;Wherever any boat floats, the other boats will begin to follow. The river is the subjective experience of the external world, like summer, living in a warzone, being stressed at work, getting lots of sleep, etc. &nbsp;There are plenty of examples of different river events that can direct the boats to travel around.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Concrete to Subtle Tether</strong></h2> <p>I exercise. &nbsp;and I exercise routinely for a month. &nbsp;At some point along the way, my depression lifts and my quality of life increases. &nbsp;Further exercise will help to maintain my quality of life but it's not a guarantee.</p> <p>I stop exercising. &nbsp;I spend a lot of time on the couch and TV-watching. &nbsp;I do this for a few weeks and my desire to go out and do interesting activities diminishes. &nbsp;I feel lethargic. I lose motivation and I wonder why. I feel like, “I should really exercise” but I don’t necessarily act.</p> <p>In summer, my physical body is warmer. &nbsp;I don't feel hungry as often, and I stay awake longer without feeling tired. &nbsp;I can exercise so hard that I injure myself and it can take days of pretending I am okay in order to seek help. &nbsp;My subtle is strongly anchored in the present state of the concrete tier (I still move around fine despite injury) and my subtle takes time to catch up to the reality of physical injury. &nbsp;Eventually I wake up with difficulty moving and my subtle tier catches up to feeling bad about this.</p> <p>These tiers are tethered.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Subtle to causal tier</strong></h2> <p>I'm happy, curious and excited. &nbsp;It doesn't matter what I put my time towards, I enjoy the activity that I am doing. &nbsp;Wherever I choose to engage my energy, feels like the thing that I most enjoy. I start new projects with this energy. &nbsp;Explore fun ideas, and seem to have enough spare time to do anything I like.</p> <p>I meet someone who is kind and generous. &nbsp;They are involved in a church group. I feel good around them because I recognise them as being a great person despite having different beliefs about which groups to be invested in. &nbsp;Eventually I follow them to church because it seems to have been good for them.</p> <p>These tiers are tethered.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Causal to subtle tier</strong></h2> <p>I am working on my favourite hobby. &nbsp;Someone whose opinion I care about makes a sly comment to invalidate my interest. &nbsp;I laugh a little. Days later I am frustrated and annoyed at reality. With good meditation practices I could trace the problem back to the comment. &nbsp;Without it I would just feel uncomfortable and confused as to why. I spend several days wondering why everything is shit. Sitting on the couch maybe, trying desperately to distract myself. &nbsp;With more ADHD I forget and am doing 101 other projects. With less ADHD I have listless misery.</p> <p>Without meditation - eventually I take a shower and have shower-thoughts time to make a little progress on the problem. &nbsp;It either stays forever, or goes away by me working it out. Or I quit the project.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Subtle to concrete tier.</strong></h2> <p>I'm miserable. &nbsp;I just went through a break up. &nbsp;I don't want to move my body. I want to stay in bed. &nbsp;I haven't showered in a few days. I'm eating ice-cream and chocolate but it's really not helping. &nbsp;Somehow this feels like I am honouring my emotional pain, in another way it feels pointless, but everything feels pointless right now.</p> <p>When I get stressed at work, I eat more. &nbsp;I get home after work and I am starving. I eat chocolate and snacks and I can’t seem to diet. &nbsp;My friends encourage me to switch to fruit and I do that, I eat the fruit as well. Life is just too hard right now.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Subtle to other tiers</strong></h2> <p>I experienced the death of my grandfather. &nbsp;I have an image in my mind of the temporary nature of life. &nbsp;It's left me a little shaken for days. I look at all the things he cared about and how some of them never got completed. &nbsp;I wonder about what I'm working towards. I don't rush to work today. I'm delicate to myself for a week or two and I find myself gradually floating back to where I was in life.</p> <h2><strong>Example: Concrete to causal</strong></h2> <p>I make friends with a dodgy crowd. &nbsp;They drink heavily and they eat unhealthy foods. &nbsp;This is great because drinking heavily helps me avoid the problems caused by heavy drinking. &nbsp;I make this my lifestyle and I regularly drink to avoid connecting with my problems around avoiding purpose in life. &nbsp;Social life is fun and I always laugh with my mates. Maybe that’s all there is to life?</p> <h2><strong>Example: Causal to concrete</strong></h2> <p>I believe in being part of something greater. &nbsp;I give coins to homeless people and I always smile at strangers. &nbsp;I want to make the world a better place and in these small ways I am connecting with a higher purpose. &nbsp;I know it’s important because I regularly get comments about it and encouragement. I start to see people copying me and I watch a smile spread through a crowd as I pass. &nbsp;I post happy things on social media and I watch as I brighten up people’s days. I live in a world which I choose to see as happy.</p> <hr> <h2><strong>Working with the tiers</strong></h2> <p>The, <a href="http://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play"><em>So you feel like shit</em></a>guide starts with the concrete tier. &nbsp;Have I had a glass of water today? Have I eaten recently? &nbsp;Taken medication? Have I exercised today?</p> <p>This is an excellent strategy. &nbsp;The benefit of starting with the ground is that it’s easy to fix being uncomfortable and needing a toilet. &nbsp;Many practices describe themselves as “grounding”. For me, I can check in with my body with a handful of probing questions that I make up myself.</p> <ul> <li>Am I breathing? (duh!) &nbsp;Take a deep breath.</li> <li>Am I injured?</li> <li>Am I sore? &nbsp;Where?</li> <li>How is my posture?</li> <li>Am I sweating or thirsty?</li> <li>Am I hungry? &nbsp;Do I need food?</li> <li>Have I exercised? &nbsp;Can I go for a walk?</li> <li>Am I currently in physical danger?</li> </ul> <p>There is a benefit to grounding checks for taking the mind out of past/present rumination and into the present moment, as well as the opportunity to solve these problems if relevant.</p> <p>Following concrete checks, move on to subtle checks.</p> <ul> <li>Am I currently distraught?</li> <li>Is there something that happened that keeps making me feel bad?</li> <li>Do I need to complete the thoughts about that?</li> <li>What’s the overall feeling quality of the whole saga?</li> <li>Is there some trigger that keeps dragging me back to emotional pain?</li> <li>Can I bring myself to a calm/neutral space emotionally?</li> </ul> <p>Once I’m in a calm place on my concrete and my subtle, I can watch to see what’s happening. &nbsp;This will usually mean physically being still (sitting), emptying out the current thought stream, and watching what happens next. &nbsp;The next place my attention goes towards is likely to be a causal event.</p> <p>For example: &nbsp;If I am looking at some birds while I wait (a stimuli). &nbsp;My mind sees one bird go to bite another bird. I kinda smile and think about how they remind me of little kids bickering. &nbsp;Suddenly I recall a fight I had with a childhood friend and how upset I was. And how people seem to misunderstand me. And PAUSE. &nbsp;Wow. That’s what’s bothering me on the causal level. The other day I tried to help someone and they got offended. For all my efforts to help and all my intentions, I am mad at myself for failing.</p> <p>“Mad at myself for failing”. &nbsp;Clarity around what I’m upset about can allow me to be compassionate to the part of myself that wants to do better. &nbsp;I’m only mad because I want the world to be a better place, and yeah, I see that. Realising my drive on a causal level to make the world a better place helps me see how that tether is linked to my subtle emotions and how that’s linked to my procrastination on the physical level.</p> <p>I think of my “realising” in the paragraph above as a movement on the causal level to loosen the tether between my other causal drive and my subtle emotional states.</p> <p>No post of mine is ever complete without at least one picture, so here it is. &nbsp;An idea (causal level entity) that can change the nature of tethers between the concrete (social situation) and the subtle (emotion - excitement/anxious) tiers.</p> <p>&lt;figure class="wp-block-image"&gt;<img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ICK1kv7luriI-XhanN1nFT5Nt6BZ_QGJpSgiSPFUlSq5E9CAmGT4AAZgYb_naMeS9bdFMEdkzQXiP9plSSveAsA_SfWi2EkdhlPSe4kFaDvIobbFcdeoCx0hV6XksduWn7BCyqYu" alt="">&lt;/figure&gt;</p> <hr> <p>Tiers are from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_(Ken_Wilber)">integral theory</a>, <a href="https://www.stagesinternational.com/">StAGES model</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subtle_body">Buddhism</a> several other theories that try to amalgamate the different subjective experiences of consciousness. &nbsp;Mine are not full definitions of the tiers, especially causal (or "very subtle") tier, which I find hard to describe. &nbsp;For the purpose of further discussion it may be helpful to treat this as a rough map to someone else's concept.</p> <p>Thanks to my draft readers.</p> <p>Meta: I’ve been sitting on this post for a few months. Not sure how long it took to write.</p> <p>word count: 2488</p> <p>cross posted to <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/yBhNgJwc7p5Bks3QR/">lesswrong</a>: <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/yBhNgJwc7p5Bks3QR/the-tether-theory-and-the-concrete-subtle-and-causal-tiers">https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/yBhNgJwc7p5Bks3QR/the-tether-theory-and-the-concrete-subtle-and-causal-tiers</a></p> elo yBhNgJwc7p5Bks3QR 2019-01-14T00:07:50.829Z Lesswrong Sydney - Dinner - Scott Aaronson comes to town! https://www.lesswrong.com/events/j5wNN664wBEz7CjGX/lesswrong-sydney-dinner-scott-aaronson-comes-to-town <p>(Meet us on lvl 2 in the fishbowl) Dinner is in our usual location, at 6pm.<br/></p><p><a href="https://www.scottaaronson.com/blog/?p=4043">https://www.scottaaronson.com/blog/?p=4043</a><br/>Scott Aaronson of mathy brainpower is dropping by Australia. Let&#x27;s celebrate!<br/></p><p>&quot;Most of my research deals with two questions: first, what are the ultimate limits on what can feasibly be computed in the physical world? Second, how can studying those limits shed light on basic issues in physics and cosmology? The first question involves bringing physics into computational complexity theory; the second, bringing computational complexity theory into physics.&quot;<br/></p><p>0438481143 if you need me.</p><p><a href="https://www.meetup.com/rationalists_of_sydney/events/vvmbwpyzcbwb/">https://www.meetup.com/rationalists_of_sydney/events/vvmbwpyzcbwb/</a></p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/275932916454026/">https://www.facebook.com/events/275932916454026/</a></p><p></p> elo j5wNN664wBEz7CjGX 2018-12-28T18:33:53.592Z Feedback from emotions https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/fMAQKCPuZA9rZPAW4/feedback-from-emotions <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/feedback-from-emotions/">Bearlamp</a>: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/emotional-training-model/">Previous</a>, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">First</a><br/><a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/fMAQKCPuZA9rZPAW4/">Greaterwrong</a>: <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model">Previous</a>, <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a><br/><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/fMAQKCPuZA9rZPAW4/">Lesswrong</a>: <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model">Previous</a>, <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a></p><span><figure><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/skinner.jpg" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Mental health can often feel like the inability to get clarity around if it’s, “just me” or if it’s “the world” that’s crazy.  There’s an open question in any interpersonal problem “is it me or is it them”. Basic game theory might have you look at the general strategies and take a precommitment, like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma">Tit for tat, with forgiveness</a>.  Something like, “It’s always me” or “it’s always them” - as the opinion that is formed in response to the stimuli being presented.  These strategies tend to look like mental health problems when applied far too liberally. Some examples of these are in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_maladaptive_schemas">List of Maladaptive Schemas</a>.</p><p>If you play fixed mindset belief games, you will be bested by people who can see your fixed mindset and predict it.  And beat it.</p><span><figure><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/simpson2.jpeg" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Unfortunately for <em>basic</em> game theory, <em>advanced</em> game theory comes along and sees all the other people playing with <em>Tit-for-tat, with forgiveness</em> strategies and generates a one-up strategy whereby advanced game theoretic players can beat basic game theoretic players, Just by playing one move ahead of the basic players.</p><span><figure><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/princess-bride.jpg" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>(movie: The Princess Bride)</p><p>Unfortunately for advanced game theory, there exists expert game theory players who have seen that strategy and devised advanced strategies for solving the “how do I beat basic, and advanced game players”.</p><p>And unfortunately for expert game theory players there exists the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halting_problem">halting problem</a>.  Where there will always be another level of play strategy.  And there will always be another strategy taking into account all previous strategies.  And this is an infinite loop.</p><p>how do I get feedback on an infinitely recursive system with the halting problem?</p><p>This question strikes at the core of the interface between self and the external world.  We are each a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room">chinese room brain</a>.  This is <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">the problem of other minds</a>.  When we design <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/experimental-apparatus/">an experimental apparatus</a> and attempt to glean <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-feedback-problem/">feedback information</a> from reality as if we are not in it, we don’t really answer the question here.</p><p>I only have one answer.  And it’s an unfortunately frustrating one.  I hint at the answer in the <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/emotional-training-model/">emotional training model</a> but that’s not ultimately obvious enough.</p><p><strong>Feedback has to come from within.  </strong></p><p>How do I know what to do?  How do I gauge what is right and wrong where all I have to go on is the intention to gage right and wrong, and a collection of informational experiences that form my sensate reality including knowledge I have gathered by reading books, talking to people and experiencing life myself?</p><p>There is no “truth grain” external to the self; where, having found the truth grain, there is no need to be wrong ever again.  There is no fundamental reason why we can believe and trust external information more than internal information. (external information is only internally represented after all - with an assumption that we can comparably across brains; form equivalent internal representations of external information.)</p><p><strong>I am ae enclosed brain.</strong>  Feedback has to come from within the system.  When I look in a mirror, I see a reflection of myself, but the reflection registers in the system.  The results of the reflection “wow I like the way I look” is a judgement call that happens from within the system.  When I ask my friend how I look and I receive the information that “I look as ugly as a bat out of hell”, that information registers inside the system.  Inside the brain. External validation is an illusion.</p><p>In that sense, if I didn’t already, now would be a good time to start liking myself.</p><p>Because…</p><span><figure><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/joker-locked-in.gif" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Next: The third system</p> elo fMAQKCPuZA9rZPAW4 2018-10-02T03:53:09.614Z Code Switch https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Xcr8fj5TCERt93rEY/code-switch <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlam<strong>p.com.au/code-</strong>switching/ ‎">http://bearlamp.com.au/code-switching/</a></p><p>Related to: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/hedging/">Hedging</a></p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code-switching">Code switching</a> is this useful linguistics concept that is not overtly known enough.</p><p>The type that I care about is a cross between &quot;<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code-switching#Reasons">group identity&quot; and &quot;lexical need</a>&quot;: </p><blockquote><strong>Group identity:</strong> People may alter their language to express group identification. This can happen, for example, when introducing members of a particular group to others.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code-switching#cite_note-33">[33]</a></blockquote><blockquote><strong>Lexical need:</strong> People often use some technical terms or words written in another language. In that case, if people try to translate those words, that might distort the exact meaning and value of the word or term. In this case, code switching occurs to maintain the exact meaning of the word.</blockquote><p>I care about cultural code switching.  But also a very particular problem where words in one &quot;code&quot; start to not be capable of describing the nature of the informational transfer.  Where words start to break down.</p><blockquote>&quot;have you tried turning up the volume on your attention?&quot;</blockquote><p>My recent investigations have shifted from the scientific structural rational playing field to the spiritual mystical enlightenment playing field.  If I had lexical problems before, they hit an all new level where each person&#x27;s <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/FaJaCgqBKphrDzDSj/37-ways-that-words-can-be-wrong">lexical map</a> is just comfortable being independent to each other <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RcZCwxFiZzE6X7nsv/what-do-we-mean-by-rationality">person&#x27;s map</a>.  </p><p>How do I describe a wordless experience?  How do I transmit, record, encode or remind myself - what is the difference between &quot;attention&quot;, &quot;awareness&quot; and &quot;focus&quot;?</p><p>Awareness is broad and soft.  Attention is sharp, focus is the pointy part of attention.  If I think of focus as a lens pointing light to a single dot, that&#x27;s focus.  Awareness is a broad focus, but objects are not blurry per se, just taken to be as a holon, not as an individual.</p><p>And on it goes, with energy, awareness, emotions, colours, spirits, powers, understanding, confusion and so many many more codes.</p><p>The benefit of code switching, over say - rejecting someone for using certain words, is that it&#x27;s way more inclusive.  If I <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-model-of-arguments/">reflect internally</a> that maybe I have misunderstood their code, then ask for clarification - I&#x27;m much more likely to treat them as a <a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Steel_man">steelman</a> than a strawman.  Take <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity">charitably</a> what is said and from there...  grow.</p> elo Xcr8fj5TCERt93rEY 2018-09-29T00:32:18.302Z Attacking enlightenment https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4ciy6PCDWfGCxqHez/attacking-enlightenment <p>I’m Calling it. An astounding number of community members are currently chasing enlightenment. That is, we are reading books, compiling information and meditating to pull apart the inner landscape of our own minds. The Buddhist, Taoist, Zen, spiritual, mystical, flow state, thing that is in the cluster that forms the enlightenment space. (What? Weird? I know. Why? Read on)</p><p>I did what I always do. I chart out alone, read a different book. <u><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_(Ken_Wilber)">Integral theory</a></u>, Sam Harris, Chade Meng Taing, zen in the art of Archery, The Gateless Gate, PNSE - Geoffrey Martin… And then I realised I was not alone. So was S0phia*, Aella, Sarah, Val, Aaron, Nish, Atharva, Colton, and the list goes on.</p><p>This is a list of resources I find relevant right now. With more to come:</p><ul><li>Mastering the Core teachings of the Buddha 2 - Daniel Ingram</li><li>The Mind Illuminated</li><li>Pointing out the great way</li><li>The Attention Revolution</li><li><u><a href="https://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf">https://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf</a></u> </li><li><u><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/4q6v34/welcome_to_rstreamentry_new_users_please_read/">https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/4q6v34/welcome_to_rstreamentry_new_users_please_read/</a></u> </li><li>The Tibetan book of the living and dying</li><li>Right concentration</li><li>A path with heart (half done)</li><li>Ken Wilbur books</li><ul><li>No boundary</li><li>Sex, ecology, spirituality</li><li>Integral life practice</li><li>The marriage of sense and soul</li><li>A brief history of everything</li></ul><li>The gateless gate</li><li>The art of learning</li><li>Circling handbook</li><li>Flow</li><li>Holocracy</li><li>Reinventing organisations</li><li>Impro</li><li>The inner game of tennis</li><li>The happiness trap</li><li>Transform your self</li></ul><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>I suggest start here (<u><a href="https://integrallife.com/four-quadrants/">https://integrallife.com/four-quadrants/</a></u>) (with the 4 quadrant concept) and be sufficiently confused to keep researching.</p><span><figure><img src="https://integrallife.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Quadrants3.gif" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p>Rationality is very good at staying on the right hand side of the diagram. The classic straw Vulcan is a champion of the right. The “emotional” humans are on the left (specifically upper left). Except that the entirely rational community has mental health problems 3 times higher than the rest of the population. How is is that we can be objective and optimised and directed towards winning and entirely hiding the mental health problems we have?</p><p>Well that’s simple. Rational thought streams are on the right of the diagram, and emotional experiences are on the left. True mastery of the nature of reality requires walking the line between the two. Not just living in one and not the other. </p><p>Why am I talking about mental health in a post about enlightenment? Enlightenment seems to be this annoyingly balanced thing between other concepts. It’s one that’s particularly hard to point at. It causes works like the smug <em>The tao is silent</em>, and every smiling giggly buddhist to barely be able to contain their laughter when trying to explain why everything is the same but different.</p><blockquote><em>“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” - Zen koan</em></blockquote><p>What does that mean you cryptic bastards! If enlightenment is so great then give me some step by step directions to it!</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Three caveats:</p><ol><li>Every path to enlightenment is slightly different. So even with great instructions, they are bound to be at least a little bit off.</li><li>Interior spaces (the left of the diagram) are not easily able to be transmitted. One person’s empirical procedure explains what they did but does not give explicit directions to others. Only the vague map of how they got there. (kind of like chakras and how they can’t be found surgically - duh, thousands of years ago when they were first described, they knew they would not be found surgically but millions of people claim to be able to experience them)</li><li>I am rather embarrassed to say that I always classified Buddhism as a religion. After all it has that spiritual, “be nice to others” thing to it. What I didn’t realise was that it’s more like (slightly gibberish) <strong>empirical instructions to follow, after which you should find your way up the mountain to enlightenment</strong>. </li></ol><p>So uhh.. The instructions are something like, meditate while paying attention to a number of key factors (impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, no-self). I’d posit the instructions myself but I don’t actually know that I can do that very well compared to the resources above and every other resource out there.</p><p>What I can say is this: <strong>Be a rationalist and go do some research and run your own experiments. </strong></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Top recommendation is <em>Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha 2</em>. </p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>A caveat for the whole enlightenment, spirituality “woo” space. The space is particularly bad at words and defining their terms. I’d say that “<u><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/FaJaCgqBKphrDzDSj/37-ways-that-words-can-be-wrong">they are using words wrong</a></u>” but actually it’s more like, because describing interior space experiences are a subjective and personal process, each person’s description of interior spaces is going to be self contained and self perpetuating. <u><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code-switching">Code switching</a></u> is worse than ever. The only way to navigate the alternative spaces is to get really used to building <u><a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/The_map_is_not_the_territory">maps</a></u> to other people’s maps of their territories. I&#x27;m doing it and I am finding sense in the gibberish that is weird ass spiritual experiences that other&#x27;s are having. And it&#x27;s not scary, bad, dumb or terrible like I thought. I was wrong.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>If you want to explore, good luck. Send me a message if you want to connect and talk in private. (see also my recent post <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model#eWF39EfwzERciaYQ6">https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model#eWF39EfwzERciaYQ6</a>) </p> elo 4ciy6PCDWfGCxqHez 2018-09-28T01:18:38.233Z What is your relationship with your self? https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/SLpz3tc6ufuGjZwZ4/what-is-your-relationship-with-your-self <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/what-is-your-relationship-with-your-self/">Bearlamp</a> | <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/SLpz3tc6ufuGjZwZ4/what-is-your-relationship-with-your-self">Lesswrong</a> | <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/SLpz3tc6ufuGjZwZ4/what-is-your-relationship-with-your-self">Greaterwrong</a></p><p>I had a very deep and intense conversation with a friend.  We talked about “that feeling of being alone” and that relationships will come and go and really, “I am all that I can guarantee that I have” at the end of the day. My conversation partner asked me, “How do I be a friend to myself?”</p><p>And I clicked into a realisation.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><em>Tighten your seat-belt and settle down for an epic dojo exercises that you weren’t expecting</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>Non-duality. Differentiation and integration.</strong></h2><p>One concept that meditation books (like: <a href="https://www.wisdompubs.org/book/pointing-out-great-way">Pointing Out The Great Way</a>, <a href="https://www.wisdompubs.org/book/attention-revolution">The Attention Revolution</a>, <a href="https://www.thepath.com/book/">The Mind Illuminated</a>, <a href="http://integrateddaniel.info/book/">Mastering The Core Teachings of the Buddha (FREE)</a> ) talk about is the concept of non-duality (between many things, but this time specifically) between the observer of the thoughts and the one having thoughts. There’s a meditation path where the instructions are to point attention on attention itself. When I try to watch myself putting attention on somewhere else I can, but I lose a bit of attention when I “watch” myself. So I can watch myself having a thought, and feel the confusing feeling where I try to find who is having the thought, especially if I am busy watching then *oh wait now I’m watching not thought-ing*. The instructions are to repeat until [spoiler alert] you burn a hole through the idea of duality and you conclude on a sensation level of realisation there is a non-duality of self here.</p><p><em>(Strange and weird so far, that’s fine)</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>Story Time</strong></h2><p><strong>I am my own guide.</strong><br/>(this story is hard to transmit and I’m scared to share it here so I’m leaving it out but it’s significant and one day I might write it up)</p><p><strong>I have always had my own back.</strong></p><p>I participated in a <a href="http://www.holotropic.com/holotropic-breathwork/about-holotropic-breathwork/">holotropic breathwork</a> workshop. In short, the instructions are to breathe fast, deep and without breaks until you start seeing things. Then breathe into the experience. Without getting technical, there’s something about oxygenation, lack of carbon dioxide, heart rate, and lower brain access that causes interesting experiences, something about oxygenation that feels healing and something about extended duration and the right thematic music to give exciting realisations.</p><p>I followed the instructions and I found myself a little too good at breathing. I breathed so fast that I missed it. Then I worked out what had happened and decided to slow down, breathe lightly and see if I could find the right balance of where experiences happened. As I floated down from “too far” searching for my own trippy visualisation “spirit journey”. My awareness was on what was happening, the floating down experience.  Suddenly I got an image of myself, not lying on a bed, but on a leaf. Floating down in gentle wind, but also a viscerally strong sensation, feeling that I am holding myself. I am protecting myself, “I have always had my own back”.</p><p>This casually profound feeling is not one that transmits via words. It’s a powerful and wonderful experience to have and any doubt of myself was washed away by the feeling that I now can return back to any time to the feeling that I protect myself.  I have my own back.</p><p>There are a few classic precepts that might ring true and common:</p><ul><li>I am my own hero</li><li>I put pressure on myself</li><li>I crack the whip</li><li>I take care of myself.</li><li>I am my own god. I am one with the universe. I worship myself. I am in connection to god (people sometimes say these)</li><li>younger levels: I like myself, I am confident.</li><li>Very young: I want ice-cream for myself.</li><li>(monkey in a cage) (rat on a wheel)</li></ul><p>Each of these has a non-duality of self in it:</p><ol><li>I am the self that does the liking; and</li><li>I am the self that is being liked.</li></ol><p>But when I say that I like myself I usually imagine I am the one doing the liking, not the one being liked. To think I am the other one, and to occupy that experience for a moment is a little jarring, a little dissociating and a little uncomfortable.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>Exercise – Dojo.</strong></h2><p>Our dojos are run as a group with ~10 people in the room, once a month.</p><ol><li>blank paper, pen.</li><li>Set a 4 minute timer.</li><li>Generate a list of answers to the question “What is my relationship to myself?” Look into various facets of my life, what is the relationship I have to myself?</li></ol><p>For example: I am the one who earns the pay-cheque for myself.</p><p>Have a brief discussion of what we found.  This is an opportunity to learn from one another and steal each other’s ideas for ourselves if they are relevant.  People don’t have to share, people don’t have to participate.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Now take those statements and for each of them divide them into the two sides. (2mins)</p><p>Ex: I am the one earning the paycheque. I am the one being earnt for.</p><p>As you do that, ask yourself which one you are, mark them off.</p><p>Have a brief discussion about what we found, was anyone surprised?</p><p>Note: some statements break into more than two.  Example:</p><ol><li>I am the one pushing myself to go to work, to earn the paycheque</li><li>I am the one being pushed to go to work, to earn the paycheque</li><li>I am the one doing the earning</li><li>I am the one being earnt for.</li></ol><p>Discussion:  Anyone having trouble dividing the statements?  How does it feel to you?  If you don’t divide, that’s fine too.  And a learning point.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>How does it feel to be the other one?</strong></p><p>4 mins.  For each of the relationships, imagine you are the other half of the duality. How does it feel to be the other half?</p><p>What are the rights of the other half? What were the rights of the first half? Are you treating yourself fairly? Can you strike a new bargain?</p><p>Is this a balanced relationship? Do you want to change the relationship to be more balanced?</p><p>WaitButWhy described his relationship with his <a href="https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html">procrastinator monkey</a>.  A friend of mine once drew up a contract between the parts. The rights and responsibilities of the two (or more) <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_Family_Systems_Model">Internal Family</a> actors in their internal world.</p><p>Discussion here about what we found.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>How does it feel to be the other one?</strong></p><p>Imagine there are two of you walking down a path. An older you and a younger you. Which one do you associate with?</p><p>What is each one doing?</p><p>(most people pick one over the other)</p><p>Now imagine there is a third one of you so that you are the middle one.</p><p>Now take away the first of the pair that you started with that you weren’t. (for instance if you were the older one, you are now the younger of the two on the path)</p><p>How does it feel to be the other one?</p><p>What are the two doing now?</p><p>Discussion.  How did it feel, what did we find?</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>2 mins – try to be kind to the other you. Or try to be harsher. What do you want?</p><p>This applies to the relationship to exterior world too. Are you the one putting the pressure on or the one being pressured? Are you the one giving or the one receiving?</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Stand one foot on the other foot.</p><p>How does it feel to be the foot being stood on?<br/>How does it feel to be the foot doing the standing on?<br/>How do you feel about your ability to balance while standing on yourself in this position.</p><p>Vary the pressure between how much you are leaning on yourself, ask the above questions again.</p><p>This is an exploration of your interactions with the rest of the world.</p><p>Feel around for the happy medium where both feet are happy with this relationship.  How does this describe your desire to support others and be supported by others.</p><p>(This exercise has an <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScb0-0fpEPmX-Wi4j1qoz_h7U_kg--JLZXjVl67wTwoHgYWqQ/viewform">anonymous feedback form</a> where you can see other people describe their experiences)</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Balance on one foot.  Kick the other food wildly to throw yourself off balance.</p><p>How does it feel to balance while being attached to something chaotic?</p><p>How does it feel to be a chaotic force attached to something stable and balanced?</p><p>How does this relate to the way you interact with chaotic forces in the rest of your life?  How does this relate to the way that you carry out the unknown or chaotic in your own actions?</p><p>Does this suggest that you might want more chaos in your life, or less chaos.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Note: These exercises can seems hard and might not work for everyone.  As a general prerequisite, if you intend to find something here, you will need 3 elements:</p><ol><li>Willingness to try</li><li>The feeling of being in your body and connection to the body, breath or other strong awareness of present momentary experience.</li><li>some sort of instruction which give you the method to follow.  (kindly written down above)</li></ol><p>Once you find something, it’s going to be up to you to work out what to do next, and decide how/if you let it shape your world and the way that you work.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Meta: I expect this exercise to receive 45% &quot;Yeah duh, also this is amazing&quot; and 45% &quot;I&#x27;ve never seen anything so dumb&quot; in feedback, and 10% &quot;I don&#x27;t get it&quot;. If you want to talk about why, I&#x27;m happy to try to engage with these 3 or other opinions at length.</p><p>In my experience I have seen people get huge things from this exercise and seen people actively angry about how stupid it is.</p> elo SLpz3tc6ufuGjZwZ4 2018-09-04T01:32:19.287Z Open Thread September 2018 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/fteSdEFCv4r43rhj7/open-thread-september-2018 <p>If it’s worth saying, but not worth its own post, then it goes here.</p> <p>Notes for future OT posters:</p> <ol start="2"> <li>What accomplishments are you celebrating from the last month?</li> <li>What are you reading?</li> <li>What reflections do you have for yourself or others from the last month?</li> <li>What have you tried out this month?</li> <li>(Teaser for my next post) What is your relationship with yourself?</li> </ol> elo fteSdEFCv4r43rhj7 2018-08-31T21:38:19.118Z Emotional Training Model https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/emotional-training-model/">Bearlamp</a>: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-feedback-problem/">Previous</a>, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">First</a></p><p><a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model">Greaterwrong</a>: <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem">Previous</a>, <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a></p><p><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u/emotional-training-model">Lesswrong</a>: <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem">Previous</a>, <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a></p><p>Life is propagated by two main clusters of emotions. (*Yes I know it&#x27;s more like a spectrum but this is the poor simplification I am using for now)</p><p>The &quot;good&quot; feelings that we move towards, and the &quot;bad&quot; feelings that we move away from. (then there&#x27;s the neutral ones we hang around in sometimes but that&#x27;s for another time).</p><p>If you spend your life always running from the bad ones and always running towards the good ones, <strong>you may have a good life</strong>. You may have a life that just gets lucky and has more good than bad. Alternatively <strong>you may have hard things to do that involve feeling uncomfortable</strong> for short or long periods of time. If you are forever running away from the bad emotions, and forever addicted to running towards the good emotions, you are severely limited in your agency compared to if you have even a little bit of freedom to do something like, &quot;avoid short term rewards&quot;, or &quot;put up with scary moments&quot; on the way to other experiences. (see also <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trauma_model_of_mental_disorders">The Trauma model of mental health</a>)</p><p></p><h1><strong>The carnival ride example</strong></h1><p>Charlie the five year old goes on a carnival ride. Charlie the five year old throws up. Charlie the five year old learns that carnival rides make you feel terrible.</p><p></p><p>In (one of many) healthy worlds: When charlie turns ten, his friends ask him to go to the carnival again. Charlie realises that the carnival ride might be different now, he fuels himself with a bit of peer pressure and he runs a new experiment, pushing back on the terrible feeling that he would usually avoid and rewrites his inclination to avoid terrible things. Consequently charlie relearns that a carnival ride is only sometimes terrible and with the support of friends it can be good.</p><p>In (one of many) unhealthy worlds: When charlie turns ten, his friends ask him to go to the carnival again. Charlie remembers that the carnival rides feel terrible and decides not to go to the carnival. This reinforces the terrible feeling. Charlie feels entirely justified in avoiding a terrible thing, his friends don&#x27;t really care either way and life goes on. Charlie keeping a tiny reinforced experience that he should avoid terrible things.</p><p>Objectively speaking, a carnival ride is not terrible or good. Subjectively, the feelings we attach to such experiences are what guides us in future experiences. Rightly or wrongly, all possible futures for charlie are going to be guided by the possibility that those emotions will come up.</p><p>In an ideal world, our emotions, our <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow#Two_systems">s1</a> will be trained accurately from our surroundings.</p><p>In prehistoric times, we avoid the crocodile lake because we feel scared of the danger there. The humans who didn&#x27;t feel scared of the danger, didn&#x27;t avoid the lake, didn&#x27;t live, and didn&#x27;t pass on their genes.</p><p>Unfortunately we don&#x27;t live in an ideal world for emotional training, and despite the best of intentions we can still wind up with emotional maps that don&#x27;t help us to win at life.</p><p>The good news is that we can re-train our early emotional models of the world. The bad news is that it&#x27;s probably the hardest thing I&#x27;ve ever done, and people spend years meditating on mountain tops for equanimity towards all experiences.</p><p>With that in mind - let&#x27;s begin.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p></p><h2>Practice</h2><p>The destination is the ability to feel uncomfortable feelings. The result is to get to the other side. Unfortunately like all cryptic journeys, you can&#x27;t be too focused on the result or you will miss the whole &quot;value in the journey&quot; thing that all those wise people talk about. You can think of this practice as a meditation on feelings</p><p></p><p>(This looks similar to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy">ACT</a>, that’s because it is.)</p><p>To start - ask yourself, &quot;How am I feeling?&quot;. That will give you an entry point. <em>There’s always an entry point. Even if it’s <strong>confused</strong>, or <strong>I feel like not doing this exercise right now</strong>, or <strong>I feel like being distracted by that other tab</strong>.</em></p><p>Then ask, “What is it like being me right now feeling X?”. This question develops a relationship to the thoughtstream.</p><p>For our 3 examples above:</p><p></p><ol><li><strong>Confused </strong>feels like <strong>Silly</strong></li><li><strong>Not doing the exercise</strong> feels <strong>rebellious</strong></li><li><strong>Distraction</strong> Feels <strong>exciting </strong>or <strong>Guitly</strong></li></ol><p>Repeat the question with the new find, “What does it feel like being me right now feeling X?”. Building the ongoing relationship with the thoughtstream.</p><p></p><p></p><ol><li><strong>Silly </strong>feels like <strong>A clown that people would poke fun at</strong> <em>(this is an example of a metaphorical pointer to a feeling)</em></li><li><strong>Rebellious </strong>feels <strong>empowering </strong>but then also <strong>scary</strong></li><li><strong>Exciting</strong> Feels like <strong>missing out</strong> or <strong>Like being stuck in the classroom during lunch time when everyone else is outside playing</strong> (<em>This is another example of the metaphor)</em></li><li><strong>Guilty </strong>feels like <strong>a heavy weight in my chest </strong><em>(this is an example of a physical manifestation of a feeling)</em></li></ol><p>These paths further each might open up into other feeling paths.</p><p></p><p></p><ul><li></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li><strong>A clown that people would poke fun at</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like to be the clown anyway?</li><li>What does it feel like to be the person laughing at the clown here?</li><li>What does it feel like to be poked fun at?</li><li><strong>Empowering</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like being me right now, feeling empowered?</li><li>What if I did the opposite? How would that feel?</li><li><strong>Scary</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like being scared like this right now?</li><li><strong>Missing out</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like to miss out right now?</li><li><strong>Like being stuck in the classroom during lunch time when everyone else is outside playing</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like to be stuck in the classroom?</li><li><strong>a heavy weight in my chest</strong></li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li>What does it feel like to be heavy in the chest right now?</li></ul><p></p><p></p><ul><li></li></ul><p>For the purpose of example, I’ve generated multiple paths. In practice I’d be looking to go down one path at a time. That might look like this:</p><p></p><p></p><ol><li>How am I feeling right now?</li><li>I feel confused about the exercise</li><li>What is it like being me right now feeling confused?</li><li>Silly</li><li>What is it like being me right now feeling silly?</li><li>Like a clown being poked fun at</li><li>What does it feel like to be the clown?</li><li>Embarrasing …</li></ol><p>And onward through several feelings. At some point, it becomes useful to not run from a feeling to the next feeling, and instead sit on it for a moment. That might be after 10, 20 or 30+ different stops along the journey.</p><p></p><p>(in the interest of being brief I’m going to stop at 8 instead of 30) At 8, that means feeling embarrassed, but instead of asking myself for the answer of what it feels like to feel embarrassed - I stop and try to feel what it feels like to feel embarrassed.</p><p>Instead of looking for a word underneath embarrassed, I feel the feeling of embarrassed. And wait. And it’s uncomfortable, but to get distracted by the uncomfortable feeling would be to leave embarrassed. So I go back to embarrassed. And it gets heavy. And to get distracted onto heavy would be to not be embarrassed any more. And it feels like something is crushing my chest, and it’s getting tighter. And it might crush me, and I might not breathe. And I wait.</p><p>And then it stops crushing. And it softens, and it eases, and it levels out to a different feeling. And I take a deep breath. And I feel calm. A very deep sense of calm. I feel like I’d be okay being embarrassed. As long as I remember that there’s a sense of calm underneath.</p><p>And I feel calm. And I feel relieved, and complete.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>And that’s what it feels like to feel an uncomfortable feeling and get to the other side. That’s what it feels like to untrain the carnival ride effect.</p><p>Next post: <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/fMAQKCPuZA9rZPAW4/feedback-from-emotions">Feedback from emotions</a></p> elo dSokCMn63Wu48WX5u 2018-08-01T06:41:09.832Z Open Thread August 2018 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/8xc43uA5nyxkAudiR/open-thread-august-2018 <p>If it’s worth saying, but not worth its own post, then it goes here.</p><p>Notes for future OT posters:</p><ol><li>Check if there is an active Open Thread before posting a new one (use search for Open Thread ).</li><li>What accomplishments are you celebrating from the last month?</li><li>What are you reading?</li><li>What reflections do you have for yourself or others from the last month?</li></ol> elo 8xc43uA5nyxkAudiR 2018-08-01T01:49:18.598Z The Feedback Problem https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem <p>My Blog <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-feedback-problem/">Bearlamp</a>: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">First</a>, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/experimental-apparatus/">Previous</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem">Lesswrong</a>: <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a>, <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs/the-experimental-aparatus">Previous</a> -- <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem">Greaterwrong</a>: <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">First</a>, <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs/the-experimental-aparatus">Previous</a></p> <p>“Let me practice my free throw from different distances so that I can throw well wherever I am in the game”. <a href="https://peakthebook.com/index.html">Anders Ericsson</a> (10,000 hours guy) in <i>Peak,</i> talks about deliberate practice. He also talks about the difficulty in getting feedback.</p> <p>Feedback is the hardest part of learning anything. Good feedback and you can go from chopsticks to beethoven in simple steps. Technically speaking, the “hard part” of the skill is not the part which requires you to physically press the buttons on a piano. Or the part that requires you to work out how to move the piece in tetris to where you want it to go. The part of the chess game that is moving the piece to the next location on the board. The part of poker that is reading the cards and knowing which ones you have.</p> <p>Most games have a basic level of skill that isn’t that hard. Anyone can <a href="http://theinnergame.com/">play tennis</a> provided they can hold a racket and swing.. Okay maybe you need eyeballs and the ability to move around a court too but the barrier isn’t much higher than that. Some skills require more, unicycle actually takes balance, that might take longer to learn, and some games are complicated like this too.</p> <p>Bad feedback is also useful. From the books, <a href="https://www.howtomeasureanything.com/">How to Measure Anything</a>, <a href="https://goodjudgment.com/superforecasting/">Superforecasters</a>, and everyone in the quantified self movement… Even a shitty piece of feedback has a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Value_of_information">Value of Information</a> that can be valuable. One of my favourite poor pieces of feedback is when I added to my <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/quantified-self-tracking-with-a-form/">Self Form</a>, “did I stick to my diet today? yes/no/maybe”. Like magic for a month I stuck to my diet and I lost 2kg. One good clean feedback measure and I made leaps. (Sure enough, eventually other problems got in my way, but it was a good start.)</p> <p>The feedback problem asks, “How would I know if I am improving?”. For a musician, that might be to recording yourself playing then listen back to what you sound like. For a farmer, that might be to weigh or count the crop and compare that to last year. For a scientist that might be repeated tests for reliability, and for someone with an emotionally trauma history that might look like “I don’t feel terrible”.</p> <p>Next: Emotional training model</p> elo PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S 2018-07-29T23:54:13.059Z The Experimental Apparatus https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs/the-experimental-apparatus <p>Previous: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">The problem of other minds</a> (<a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">Greaterwrong</a>)</p> <p><a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs/the-experimental-aparatus">Greaterwrong</a> // <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/experimental-apparatus/">bearlamp (my blog)</a></p> <p>Science really likes to isolate variables. From first grade, dropping a ball to measure gravity experiment. We talk about the wind resistance on the ball, and how it might affect a measurement. So we <b>repeat </b>the experiment for <b>reliability</b>. Assuming if we have slightly different wind, and we average out the noise we can probably work out the answer on average by getting repeatability.</p> <p>The “astute” of us will think about who drops the ball, how the ball drops and how we can drop the ball in an impartial way so as to not affect the experiment ourselves when we run it. </p> <p>This process presumes there is some kind of setup that can isolate us from the equation when we drop the ball. And we can probably drop the ball in such a way that it isn’t too important for the results of the experiment. </p> <p>The “way too astute for their own good” will start to think about local density effects of having humans around and moving and how humans will still influence the experiment with our teeny gravitational pulls even if it’s irrelevant for the most part.</p> <p>It’s easier for inert experiments to isolate a variable - It’s just a ball and just gravity. We take this principle from the ball and gravity and we apply it to Psychology. If we can just stand back and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawthorne_effect">watch people</a>. We can do psychology research without disturbing them. </p> <p>Well actually we know that we have trouble with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replication_crisis">repeatability of experiments</a>. It’s remarkably hard to do an experiment the same every time. And we struggle with it and we wrestle with it. And we isolate enough variables that eventually we believe we can predict “how often people cheat given <a href="http://danariely.com/tag/cheating/">certain conditions</a>” (Dan Ariely studies human biases and how certain conditions influence people to cheat, he’s great fun to read but that’s not so important right now).</p> <p>Somehow there’s this trouble with isolating variables. All of science struggles with it. All of model making struggles with it. Einstein struggled with it. Any time we try to learn we struggle with it. We wonder - Was that the gravity on the ball that I’m trying to isolate and measure, or was that just the wind on the ball...</p> <p>Next: <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/PdMAZzKyb2oC8739S/the-feedback-problem">The Feedback Problem</a></p> elo twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs 2018-07-26T22:16:35.782Z The problem of other minds https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds <p>Originally posted at Bearlamp.com.au: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/">http://bearlamp.com.au/the-problem-of-other-minds/</a> (also <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq/the-problem-of-other-minds">Greaterwrong</a>)</p> <p>I'm trapped in here and you are trapped in there.</p> <p>It's an odd problem. How do we communicate when we are each locked in our own <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room">Chinese room</a>.</p> <p>In computing terms - a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshaking">handshake</a> allows for an affirmation of knowledge to be returned. Unfortunately a completed handshake does not confirm shared knowledge. RandomAgent can sometimes confirm a handshake with YesAgent by getting randomly the right 1’s and 0’s to fulfil YesAgent’s criteria for confirmation.</p> <p>The problem of other minds is that we can't necessarily trust both agents to be using the same communication method. We could have a bit-flip, we could have a different code. We can't assume the method of communication is sound.</p> <p>This is seen in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Generals%27_Problem">Two Generals’ Problem</a>. Where each general cannot trust the other general’s communication.</p> <p>So what can we do? One solution is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-pass_protocol">three pass encryption protocol</a>. With this system, each agent self-verifies the message.</p> <p>But for all that I do, No matter how hard I try to pass the message, I will never know if the same subjective qualia of the colour blue is being seen by you.</p> <p>Next: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/experimental-apparatus/">The experimental apparatus</a> (<a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/twssHPn2v2gA2ieTs/the-experimental-aparatus">greaterwrong</a>)</p> elo RowwSbcT6E3ahpXiq 2018-07-24T01:04:06.396Z The lesswrong slack - an introduction to our regulars https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Z8KfEjs8WSAjgJPtd/the-lesswrong-slack-an-introduction-to-our-regulars <h1><strong>About us</strong></h1><p>The lesswrong slack has been active for 2-3 years now. It’s a garden in as much as I try to keep it peaceful.</p><p>A new member joined the slack recently. He asked: What are the moderation rules here?</p><p>I wrote the brief rules, but then I also was feeling particularly chatty so I also introduced several of our regular characters. Below is a log of that conversation.</p><blockquote><em>There are few rules. I am in charge. Only ever banned three guys. This is a private community. It&#x27;s rare that we have any problems. And if we do we talk about it.</em></blockquote><p></p><p>We know each other quite well. These are all my friends, also practically my family. I can introduce the regulars.</p><p>We have about 40 active users from the pool of 577 or so that have signed up to try out if we suit.</p><p>We are generally quiet ~3000 messages a week, Spread over several channels. A feature of being quiet is that we all tend to read all the messages, no matter what channel they appear in. That keeps us close together and good friends!</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2>Common channels are:</h2><ul><li>AI - Artificial intelligence</li><li>Art_and_media - sharing pictures, books, videos, music</li><li>Business_and_startups - talking about business ideas</li><li>Campfire - talking about our past and personal stories</li><li>Cognitive_enhancement - talking about drugs and other relevant enhancers</li><li>Dailychallenge - occasional critical life questions to everyone</li><li>Dieting_and_food - diet, health, cooking hedons</li><li>Enlightenment - talking about enlightenment states and related ideas</li><li>Fit - do you even lift? We do. We all do.</li><li>Goals_of_lesswrong - about lesswrong</li><li>Human_relationships - humans are hard.</li><li>Mental_health - day to day mental health check ins and following each other’s journeys</li><li>Open - anything</li><li>Parenting - yep.</li><li>Personal_finance - approaching financial independence and how to think about things</li><li>Philosophy - yep.</li><li>Political_talk - about politics, not about agendas.</li><li>Programming - prog.</li><li>Projects - people report and share what they are working on</li><li>Rational_hell - where all the good rats go to be silly</li><li>Rationalfic - fiction</li><li>Rationality - craft shaping methods and strategies or questions</li><li>Real_life_advice - ask the brains trust</li><li>Rss_lesswrong - rss feed</li><li>Rss_lesswrong_comments - rss feed</li><li>Rss_general - rss feed of our friends</li><li>Science_and_technology - yep.</li><li>Sexual_preferences - yep. Although we do a lot of talking about talking about sex.</li><li>Today_I_did_this - report mini victories</li><li>Vulnerability - talking about our present vulnerabilities. A place to report experience without asking for help about our problems.</li><li>Welcome - everyone’s introductions!</li><li>World_domination - scheming and evil plans. Muhuahahaha!</li></ul><h2><strong>The regulars</strong></h2><p><strong>@jollybard</strong> is a musician turned mathematician, now studying. He is brilliant at anything he puts his mind to but terrible at anything he doesn&#x27;t. Currently balancing his own badbrains (bipolar) with his SO’s. He is often in <strong>#math</strong> and <strong>#art_and_media</strong>.</p><p><strong>@gonight</strong>. Queen of <strong>#rational_hell</strong> for writing with the greatest possible meme density.</p><p><strong>@adamzerner</strong> works more hours in a day than anyone. He has a very strict schedule and is a programmer. His hobby is poker and has been building a software in <strong>#business_and_startups</strong>. He has non-standard relationships and often talks about the strange things that people normally do that don&#x27;t make sense to him. I met him and he&#x27;s a very kind soul. I believe he grew up without being surrounded by very smart people. He was worried he&#x27;d never find them, destined for a lonely life. But he eventually found us and other smart people and he&#x27;s happy that he made it.</p><p><strong>@mll</strong> is a brilliant researcher into chemistry and biology and neurology. He can usually say what any chemical can do. He hates being wrong and is obsessed with being correct (as a weakness and a strength) you can find him in <strong>#cognitive_enhancement</strong> <strong>#mental_health</strong> and <strong>#science_n_technology</strong> among other places. If you have a hypothesis about some chemical causing some symptom he can usually suggest whether it&#x27;s likely or not. Also he&#x27;s in <strong>#fit</strong></p><p><strong>@ray</strong> is our resident hedonist. He pursues food and sex so well he makes us proud to live auspiciously through his eyes. He is also studying business, exercising when not doing the rest and is famous for bi-hacking himself and _shower beers_. He also coined the term &quot;wild rats&quot; for rationalists that don&#x27;t know they are part of us yet. Always in <strong>#fit</strong> and <strong>#dieting_and_food</strong></p><p>If you head to <strong>#sexual_preferences</strong> we talk about all manner of possibilities.</p><p>You might meet <strong>@cpopell</strong>, professional dancer, lover, hacker of okc accounts. Weight lifter for 20 years...</p><p><strong>@rebecca</strong> is usually in <strong>#sexual_preferences</strong> but only when her many poly relationships give her time to chat to us. She kind of coordinated a community in Seattle. However she is occasionally alone, sometimes leading to weird feelings. We love her despite her not having much time to visit. She also hangs out in <strong>#human_relationships</strong>, <strong>#personal_finance</strong>, <strong>#mental_health</strong> and <strong>#real_life_advice</strong>.</p><p><strong>@wubbles</strong> is a mathematician and programmer. He&#x27;s very tall and once met <strong>@helldalgo</strong>. He is cool and busy working as a grad student in math at the moment, leading to much stress.</p><p><strong>@helldalgo</strong> is everyone&#x27;s mother. She is also in some kind of tech business and manages accounts.</p><p><strong>@faun</strong> is an eudaimonia optimizer living in new Zealand. They have a great acumen for concepts and projections because they are so isolated from the real world (I joke). Also a <strong>#programming</strong> person. Has a creative eye for the problems of the world. Faun is also a writer of things story-like. And makes computer games that make you think hard about reality.</p><p><strong>@s0ph1a</strong> lived in a barn in Belgium on top of a chocolate factory. She moved to the UK and lived in a Kernel (a rat sharehouse). Old school lesswrong, dates back to olden days, visits via IRC. We often ping her up when we’re looking for an old ratsphere article. Spent so long on pot that she had no motivation. She taught herself programming and is changing her life direction now and doing amazingly well.</p><p><strong>@jaydee</strong> is in Melbourne and joined us shortly after ending a relationship. He is in the process of managing his mental health and enjoying getting his life together while holding down a job.</p><p><strong>@bluehawk</strong> is also in Melbourne and and works in a production company making educational videos for high school in Australia. He is having a lot of fun but has a bigger passion in making and directing film than management. He is making a lot of money and finds his work very rewarding.</p><p><strong>@deku-shrub</strong> is the pirate of London! <a href="http://pirate.london/">http://pirate.london</a> . He is a cyber crime researcher who defeats the paid killer scams on the dark Web. He also has a robot girlfriend saga which you can ask him about.</p><p><strong>@gjm</strong> is a long time lesswronger. He&#x27;s a mathematician, in industry in Cambridge. Generally smart guy. Knows his stuff. Likes <strong>#math</strong> and <strong>#business_and_startups</strong></p><p><strong>@nish81</strong> is also in London and makes money by playing online casino games. Recently decided to quit that and retire. Is now looking at other opportunities, mainly in the stock trading scene.</p><p><strong>@regex</strong> has been busy recently but is studying while trying to solve a concentration problem in their headspace for about six months now. They have tried many many things. Recent progress: grape juice. (follow up: turns out it was depression and medication helps)</p><p><strong>@erratio</strong> is in Sydney with me and <strong>@tim</strong>. <strong>@erratio</strong> started <strong>#vulnerability</strong> and <strong>#enlightenment</strong> with me to explore those topics. Vulnerability came about when I had an entire working model of the world that didn&#x27;t account for that branch of complexity. I was confused and we started a channel to talk about it. She’s very knowledgeable about psychology and therapy stuff.</p><p><strong>@tim</strong> is a weight lifter at age 60 and studying physics and reading finance papers. He has difficulty knowing whether to trust people so he had to teach himself how to work that out on his own. He is also brilliant but humble as all hell. Reads a lot of papers. Currently likes figuring out how bad the replication crisis is. He&#x27;s working on 3rd year physics on his own and studying mining engineering.</p><p><strong>@freyley</strong> is in business and enjoys talking start-ups and business. He&#x27;s also a #parenting regular and he&#x27;s awesome at it.</p><p><strong>@mindspillage</strong> is a lawyer and is super cool. She works in tech and IP law, or patent law or space law or both. Or environmental law, but for the light side of the Force (free software, free culture, free speech). Or all of the above. She also has amazing hair. Oh, and she has a music degree and plays the bassoon. </p><p><strong>@ruthan</strong> is our resident <em>bad at communicating that she has the hots for everyone in her life\</em> and spins off hilarious stories all the time. When not busy having a crush on every human, she writes code and sings a lot. She has like 3 choirs she sings with. She hangs out in <strong>#campfire</strong>, <strong>#vulnerability</strong> and <strong>#human_relationships</strong></p><p><strong>@yaacov</strong> is studying CS, and will soon be working at a big evil company that you probably hate. He runs a Jewish student housing coop in his free time.</p><p><em>and we all drive around in a van and solve mysteries</em>. But actually we all hang out and solve each other&#x27;s problems. </p><p><em>Did I mention I have a crush on all my friends?</em> Cause I do.</p><p><strong>Erratio</strong>: more like a minibus. with that many of us _:stuck_out_tongue:_</p><p><strong>@namespace</strong> is highly competent and wrote the last two less wrong surveys. Namespace has strong opinions on how the world is broken by bad systems. He is currently working on making the world a better place by his own darn hard work.</p><p><strong>@aaron</strong> doesn&#x27;t know who he is yet but is meditating on it and will get back to you.</p><p><strong>@fasteir</strong> is a bit newer.</p><p><strong>#today_i_did_this</strong> is our celebration channel</p><p><strong>Ruthan</strong>: <strong>@elo</strong>, since I see he did not bio himself, he is a relentlessly kind and full of interesting metrics (like his friends ranking.) I don’t remember what he does day-to-day but I would not be surprised to learn it involved some random agrarian endeavor like ostrich farming.</p><p><strong>Jollybard</strong>: <strong>@elo</strong> likes to manage communities, like the sydney rationality dojo</p><p><strong>@Azatris</strong> is great! He&#x27;s a programmer who up traded countries for more money. He is being paid a great sum to do what he was doing a few months back. Last I heard he was trying out relationships and looking for a squad to go squadgoals on</p><p><strong>@unconbentional</strong> is a wedding photographer by trade. And he has the best and cutest of cheeks.</p><p><strong>@gyrodot</strong> did his AI PhD while with us. He had a lot of stress in his life at the time between his ex and his 4 year old (and growing) kid. He is supported by his wonderful parents, his amazing friends and he is growing the french rationality community almost single handedly. Because you can’t hold a good man back from his goals.</p><p><strong>@tomaff</strong> is a free thinking programmer type who has been getting into acting classes in his spare time. He’s having a lot of fun discovering how to be social.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>If you are curious what it’s like, feel free to join us. <a href="https://www.lesswrong.com/users/elo">PM me your email address</a> for an invite as per <a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Less_Wrong_Slack">Less Wrong Slack - Lesswrongwiki</a>.</p> elo Z8KfEjs8WSAjgJPtd 2018-06-04T06:29:18.247Z Open Thread June 2018 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/8QkANbCTDtx9munLd/open-thread-june-2018 <p>If it’s worth saying, but not worth its own post, then it goes here.</p> <p>Notes for future OT posters:</p> <ol> <li><p>Check if there is an active Open Thread before posting a new one (use search for Open Thread ).</p> </li> <li><p>Monthly open threads seem to get lost and maybe we should switch to fortnightly.</p> </li> <li><p>What accomplishments are you celebrating from the last month?</p> </li> <li><p>What are you reading? </p> </li> </ol> elo 8QkANbCTDtx9munLd 2018-05-31T22:34:56.656Z Open Thread May 2018 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/3YJiWFDMkpYBLRFqv/open-thread-may-2018 <p>If it’s worth saying, but not worth its own post, then it goes here.</p> <p>Notes for future OT posters:</p> <ol> <li><p>Check if there is an active Open Thread before posting a new one (use search for Open Thread ).</p> </li> <li><p>Monthly open threads seem to get lost and maybe we should switch to fortnightly.</p> </li> <li><p>what accomplishments are you celebrating from the last month?</p> </li> </ol> elo 3YJiWFDMkpYBLRFqv 2018-05-01T06:23:37.468Z Remembering the passing of Kathy Forth. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/s93F5JmhCxKDxWukD/remembering-the-passing-of-kathy-forth <p>It is with sadness and regret of the loss of life that I inform you that Kathy Forth has passed away. </p><p>She will be remembered at the solstices and forever in our hearts as someone trying to make the world a better place in the ways they believe are most important.</p><p>This post is to serve as a eulogy. I know she didn&#x27;t always agree and she didn&#x27;t always make friends. Despite that she was a part of this community. I would appreciate anyone interested in saying kind words to do so below. Anyone unwilling to say kindness can keep it to themselves.</p><p><a href="http://effective-altruism.com/ea/1n7/remembering_the_passing_of_kathy_forth/">http://effective-altruism.com/ea/1n7/remembering_the_passing_of_kathy_forth/</a></p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/forthk/posts/2077196849230469">https://www.facebook.com/forthk/posts/2077196849230469</a></p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Kathleen-Rebecca-Forth-Memorial-Page-184870828823873/?modal=admin_todo_tour">https://www.facebook.com/Kathleen-Rebecca-Forth-Memorial-Page-184870828823873/?modal=admin_todo_tour</a></p><p>Requiem Mass service to be held on Saturday April 21, 2018 at 10:00 am CST at the following location:</p><p>The Church Of St. Francis<br/>Liberal Catholic Church<br/>12 School St.<br/>Villa Park, Il. 60181<br/>(630) 592-8482</p> elo s93F5JmhCxKDxWukD 2018-04-16T01:53:56.536Z I'm going to help you quit Facebook with some science https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4zGm988kn6zjFtikq/i-m-going-to-help-you-quit-facebook-with-some-science <p>Cross posted from <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/im-going-to-help-you-quit-facebook-with-some-science/">http://bearlamp.com.au/im-going-to-help-you-quit-facebook-with-some-science/</a></p> <hr /> <p>I was a serial Facebook addict. I used to spend 2+ hours a day on Facebook, most days. Until I worked out how to change my mind.</p> <p>Let's talk about the news feed. We all have this feeling that the news feed is drivel. Even curated, mine was still full of crud. Even super curated it was dull at best. Eventually I realised, something had to give.</p> <p>As with many conflicts, indecision feels uncomfortable. Personally, I was super uncomfortable sitting in the cognitive dissonance of two conflicting beliefs:</p> <blockquote><b>Belief 1</b>: Facebook is drivel and I want to spend less time on Facebook.</blockquote> <blockquote><b>Belief 2</b>: Facebook has good content from my friends that I want to keep up with.</blockquote> <p>There are three possible ways this can go. Either Facebook is in fact drivel and I will be happy to avoid it at any cost. Or Facebook has good in it and I'm staying around for the good stuff because I know it's worth it. Or Facebook is sometimes bad and sometimes good in some other complicated fashion, and I should check Facebook in some complicated intermittent fashion because of that...</p> <p>This is how I worked out which belief was right.</p> <hr /> <p>You will need:</p> <p><ul> <li>your news feed</li> <li>pen and paper</li> <li>5-10 minutes</li> </ul> <strong>Basic premise</strong>: Facebook has some good content and some bad content. But how much of each is ideal, acceptable or tolerable?</p> <p><ul> <li>If there were 10 good posts for every 3 bad posts, I might be willing to accept that. Maybe I can take some rubbish with the good! I should visit more often. 10:3</li> <li>If there was 1 good post to every bad post, I could still accept that. 1:1</li> <li>If there was 1 good post for every 5 bad posts, maybe I could suffer that. After all, not everything is perfect. 1:5</li> <li>But what if there was only 1 good post for every 10, 20, 30 bad posts? I don't think I'd be okay with that. 1:10</li> <li>And if it was worse - 1 good for every 50 bad - that would be enough to leave the platform. There's no point digging for diamonds in a dung heap. I'd rather just read a book. 1:50</li> </ul> Think about the possible ratios and write down your pre-commitment. What ratios do you consider ideal, acceptable, and unacceptable? Don't worry about getting it perfect; you're an adult who can change their mind at any time. The purpose of writing down a ratio is to establish a baseline expectation before testing. I'm not coming to sneak up behind you and see your piece of paper and judge you if you change your mind. It’s fun to try set a belief and then test it. This is doing science.</p> <p>Once you've decided your ideal, acceptable and unacceptable ratios, write down another number. What do you think the actual ratio is? Try to be honest. No one is looking.</p> <p>Next, draw this table on your page:</p> <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fbtest-chartbig.png"><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fbtest-chartbig-963x1024.png" /></a></p> <p>Now comes the part that takes the time. I want you to go down your news feed and I want you to count if you think posts are good or bad. There's also the &quot;maybe&quot; list for if you can't decide. Be honest with yourself. Try not to count posts a particular way. Try not to push the result somewhere. As a scientist, be curious about what it's going to be. No need to bias the results. It won't work as an exercise if you lie to yourself. It's also unnecessary to lie.</p> <p>What's good and what's bad? I don't know. It’s subjective anyway. I can't tell you how to do that. You might want to think about:</p> <p><ul> <li>Do you want to hear this?</li> <li>Do you like the person it came from, is that enough to make the post good?</li> <li>Is it user generated content or is it shared content from elsewhere?</li> <li>is it &quot;funny&quot;?</li> <li>is it &quot;news&quot;?</li> <li>is it &quot;happy&quot;?</li> <li>is it &quot;political&quot;?</li> <li>Think of your own version of what factors might matter.</li> <li>Is this an ad?</li> </ul> <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fbtest-chartbig2.png"><img src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fbtest-chartbig2-282x300.png" /></a></p> <p>And keep going. You can go to 100 posts, you can go for 5 minutes, go till you get bored. Up to you how you decide when to stop. With a warning: If you don't pre-determine the stopping rule you can bias the numbers a little. What if post 101 is a good one, you might stop at 101 not 100. That means you swayed everything a little more good on the ratios than you would otherwise have measured.</p> <p>Then what? Count the columns. Then? Do nothing. It's just a ratio. We measured, but we don't have to do anything different.</p> <hr /> <p></p><h2><strong>How does this work? What happened? What did you do to me?</strong></h2> I say do nothing. But I am confident that you are going to allocate less time to Facebook than previously. Just naturally end up on there less often.<p></p> <p>The trouble with feelings is that they are based in<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow#Two_systems"> System 1</a>. I have a hunch that Facebook is boring. But I don't always naturally know what to do with that hunch. The task above takes the feeling and brings that into System 2. We can count and measure the exact quantity of the feeling. Then maybe we can be better informed to act. And act you can.</p> <p>Depending on what you uncover, you can choose what to do next. You now know exactly how good or bad your news feed was today. Take this information and choose to look at Facebook less, or choose to look at Facebook more. Maybe it's where you find all the good ideas! And any time you like - retest. See how your intuition for the site, mismatches or matches to reality.</p> <hr /> <p>Another interesting thing I noticed on Facebook:</p> <p>If I hit the &quot;like&quot; button, Facebook tries it's valiant and hardest to show me more of that same thing. That means if it's pictures, Facebook will deliver slightly more pictures. If it's from a group, posts from that group. If it's from a friend, I'd be hearing more from that friend over the next week. I kind of stopped hitting the like buttons. Facebook doesn't need to know my likes. I also hate like notifications so much that I got a browser add-on that hides them from view and notification.</p> <p>Now I wasn't hitting the like button so much. But I would still comment occasionally. I would watch flame wars as they happened. And I started getting interested in<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-model-of-arguments/"> arguments</a>. I tried to work out where they started. It seemed that they always started earlier than I expected. Well before a flame war, people are getting aggravated. But while that was interesting to learn, I wasn't commenting - I didn't want to interrupt the arguments that I was seeing, I was trying to be an objective observer. When I would make the occasional comment, same as likes, Facebook would deliver content that was similar to my future browsing.</p> <p>if you are curious how the news feed will change, you can follow me in stopping likes and commenting. Try it. Also try other experiments. Science is fun!</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: I did this 6+ months ago and the results stuck. I spend a lot less time on Facebook than I used to. But the amazing thing is that the effect was almost overnight. It was obvious. My ratio was worse than 1:20. That was unacceptable to me.</p> <p>When you try this, make sure you put down some predictions. Part of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_method#Elements_of_the_scientific_method">scientific method</a> is to make predictions and then test those predictions. In the process of modelling the world, predicting the future and generally being awesome, it’s okay to be wrong, it’s okay to be right - that’s why we test. It’s not okay to fake the results and lie to yourself. Wouldn’t it be something if you were surprised. Or confused. Or you changed your mind in response to the evidence you found.</p> <p>Facebook and social media are becoming an entrenched part of our lives. Hopefully you ask the question about who's in control. Facebook is <a href="https://thezvi.wordpress.com/2017/09/23/out-to-get-you/">out to get you</a> after all.</p> elo 4zGm988kn6zjFtikq 2018-04-12T03:09:30.324Z Basic model of Sending a Message (Communication 101) https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZDfty97BM7PZAAuZ5/basic-model-of-sending-a-message-communication-101 <p>My hope in writing this out is that you go &quot;well duh! Of course&quot; and then pretend like you knew this all already. Whether or not you did is up to you.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>With communication there is going to be a <strong>Sender</strong> and a <strong>Receiver</strong>. These can and will regularly swap around in a healthy relationship. There will also be a <strong>Message</strong>. The message goes from the sender to the receiver. Often <strong>the sender</strong> feels most heard when we get confirmation or affirmation that the message was received and it was the same message that we sent. This can happen by repetition (See also <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshaking">Handshaking (computer science)</a>).</p><span><figure><img src="https://i2.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/message-sending.png" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p><em>It&#x27;s not all that complicated.</em></p><span><figure><img src="https://i1.wp.com/bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/message-sending-later.png" class="draft-image " style="" /></figure></span><p><em> A short time later.  A confirmation of the first message or a new message being sent.</em></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>There are many ways that a message can go wrong.</p><p>Here is a few of them:</p><ul><li>Over emphasis - you get the message across but it’s super harsh. &quot;Don&#x27;t walk on my left side&quot; is heard as &quot;never ever do that ever again&quot;</li><li>Under emphasis - you get the message across but it’s a mild form and not taken seriously. &quot;can you make sure you message me when you are running late&quot; becomes &quot;if you remember to text me, that would be great&quot;</li><li>Opposite message - you successfully send the opposite message. &quot;I appreciate your attention&quot; becomes &quot;leave me alone&quot;</li><li>Wrong message - you successfully sent a different message. &quot;I want you to tell me that you like what I am wearing&quot; becomes &quot;I want you to lie to me to make me feel better&quot;</li><li>Under specific - you sent a message but it’s not clear what the specific problem is. Or why you are sending this message. &quot;you need to be a cleaner person&quot; when you wanted to say, &quot;clean your bathroom because there is mould on the walls and it&#x27;s making you sick&quot;</li><li>Over specific - you get the message across but it seems like it only applies to the past and not other similar situations. See also rules-lawyering your relationships - “you said you didn’t want me to go to dinner, you didn’t say anything about lunch”. “you said you didn’t like me holding hands, you didn’t say anything about walking arm in arm... why are you so upset! Come back and talk to me!”</li><li>garbled - it’s clear you are sending a message but it’s not clear what. &quot;Hey when you do that thing I wish you would do something different instead&quot;. &quot;lets meet up some time to talk&quot;.</li><li>Incomplete message - &quot;hey can you just...&quot;</li><li>Rambling long - <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooperative_principle">Grice&#x27;s Maxim of quantity</a> (Make your contribution as informative as is required. Do not make your contribution more informative than is required.) - &quot;I was just talking to sally and she said that I should tell you what I was telling her so I decided I would tell you and then I caught the bus here and then I was hungry so I went to get a sandwich and then I decided I would come talk to you...&quot;</li><li>Sending a message by accident - you seem to be giving off a message. See “resting bitch face”. &quot;when you cross your arms I think you are angry&quot; &quot;but I was just cold&quot;. Also it’s counterpart-</li><ul><li>Seeing a message that isn’t there - “you didn’t reply to my text for seventeen minutes so you must hate me and want to break up”. You said &quot;goodbye and not sweet dreams so something must be wrong&quot;.</li></ul></ul><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Problems with messages can be to do with one of these errors, or to do with a failure to successfully send and receive a message. For example an interruption while sending can cause a message to be incomplete. If the receiver is not paying attention this can get in the way of a message being sent.</p><p>It can also be helpful to be clear what you want someone to do with the message.</p><p>Some ideas:</p><ul><li>I want you to repeat the message back to me.</li><li>I want you to confirm if you agree or disagree.</li><li>I want you to do the action I told you to do.</li><li>I want you to offer something as an exchange.</li><li>I want to know how this message makes you feel.</li><li>I want you to have heard the message and not responded.</li><li>I want validation from you.</li><li>I want support from you.</li><li>I want your ideas around solving this problem</li></ul><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>See also <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/relationships-emotional-bids-and-attachment-styles/">emotional bids</a>, validation/affirmation from NVC (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">video</a>), Circling. 4 types of conversation from number 2 - <em>difficult conversations</em> in my <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">list of models of relationships</a>, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/filter-on-the-way-in-filter-on-the-way-out/">Filter on the way in, Filter on the way out,</a> <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-model-of-arguments/">A model of arguments</a>. <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/what-is-a-problem/">What is a problem?</a></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Meta: I&#x27;ve never seen it written out. My hope is that this simple model can help you think about communication and message sending. It&#x27;s very simple and doesn&#x27;t cover barriers to sending a message and many other things but it&#x27;s a start.</p> elo ZDfty97BM7PZAAuZ5 2018-03-25T23:55:52.888Z Rationality Sydney pub meetups and Lesswrong Dojos https://www.lesswrong.com/g/PCCSqcT3YGDk6LjJr/p/dqhwDZmyyprAMtKbu/ <p><em>(The following are our suggestions for what kind of information is best to include in the welcome post of your group, feel free to replace them with whatever you think is best)</em></p><p><em>What kind of events does your group usually run? What does it usually do?</em></p><p><em>How frequently does your group organize events or meet?</em></p><p><em>Who would be a good fit for you group?</em></p><p><em>Should they have any particular skills or have done some specific background reading?</em></p><p></p><p><em>See Details here: <</em>a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/<em>Physic</em>al_Meetup_in_Sydney]"> https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/PhysicalMeetup in_Sydney </a></p> elo dqhwDZmyyprAMtKbu 2018-03-12T00:09:47.215Z Two kinds of Agency https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7W7nfdRWWerffLgLg/two-kinds-of-agency <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/two-kinds-of-agency/">http://bearlamp.com.au/two-kinds-of-agency/</a> </p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Let&#x27;s talk about <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agency_(philosophy)">agency</a>.  This week I read <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/163279.Transform_Your_Self">Transform Your Self</a>, as reviewed by Kaj Sotala in <a href="http://kajsotala.fi/2017/07/how-i-found-fixed-the-root-problem-behind-my-depression-and-anxiety-after-20-years/">How I found and fixed the root problems behind my depression and anxiety after 20 years</a>.</p><p><em>Transform your self</em> explains that we each carry identities, self beliefs in a kind of database.  A self identity is a completion to the phrase, &quot;I am-&quot;.  Separate from things that you do, &quot;I drive a bus&quot;, or very broad strokes, &quot;I am a human&quot;.  Rather things that you can answer, for example, &quot;I am kind&quot;.</p><p><a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html">Paul Graham</a> talks about keeping your identity small.  As he said, &quot;The more labels you have for yourself, the dumber they make you.&quot;, Identity is baggage that can burden us.  But Nate Soares says, <a href="http://mindingourway.com/caring-about-some/">caring about something</a> is <a href="http://mindingourway.com/youre-allowed-to-fight-for-something/">Something To Fight For</a>.  So which is it?  It&#x27;s both.</p><p>We both need less of the bad types of identity and more of the good types of identity.  This is a class of problem of <a href="http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/09/17/joint-over-and-underdiagnosis/">Joint over and under-diagnosis</a> by Scott Alexander.  Which is also that we can&#x27;t <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/adding-and-removing-complexity-from-models/">simplify this model</a> to &quot;identity is good&quot; or &quot;identity is bad&quot;.  If we do, we can no longer explain what is going on.  We&#x27;ve lost information.</p><p>Jointly we need less, &quot;I feel bad because I didn&#x27;t get the assignment in on time&quot; and more, &quot;I feel good because I did the tasks that I care about&quot;.  As per usual, Advice should come on a <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/ideas-on-a-spectrum/">spectrum</a>.  And sometimes you have to hear the opposite advice for it to be <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/addendum-to-applicable-advice/">applicable</a> to your situation.</p><p>I&#x27;ve been working on the self concept of &quot;agency&quot;.  Building a personal database of examples of me exercising my agency.  I seem to come up with two types of agency:</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>Agency Over Your Own Brain</strong></h2><p>This is the agency where:</p><ul><li>In your head you can be anxious about making a phone call but &quot;do it anyway&quot;.</li><li>You can feel grumpy but not dump that onto other people.</li><li>You can feel angry but not punch someone in the face.</li><li>You know you don&#x27;t like taking tablets.  So you bargain with yourself and decide you are allowed chocolate with the tablets and only if you take the tablets.  Not at other times.</li><li>You don&#x27;t like exercise so you throw away your bus pass so that you have to walk to work.</li><li>You know you will usually chicken out of social obligations, so you create a sunk cost by paying for a night course for 10 weeks up front.  Then you will feel bad if you don&#x27;t attend.</li><li>You know you hate wastage and love cooking.  So you make plans to cook for other people so that you don&#x27;t have to eat the foods and ruin your diet.</li></ul><p>For some, having agency will mean that they are able to manipulate their squishy brain.  There&#x27;s a debate that could be opened here.  Are &quot;you&quot; the Squishy one?  Or are &quot;you&quot; the one convincing the squishy one to do things.  Are you the one who wants to play video games all night?  The <a href="http://mindingourway.com/failing-with-abandon/">one failing with abandon</a>.  Or are you the one who wants to get a good night&#x27;s rest?  The agent who knows <em>you don&#x27;t have to fail with abandon</em>.</p><p>Agency is the ability to <em>pull levers and push buttons</em> so that your body does the diet thing even when you are hungry.  So that you get to the distant goals even when you didn&#x27;t find them initially salient.</p><h2><strong>Agency over your surroundings</strong></h2><p>Also known as a <a href="http://www.worldofmunchkin.com/game/">Munchkin</a>.  If someone were to offer me a cheat code, but over the real world - I&#x27;d take it in a heart beat.  There is no such thing as cheat codes for life.  If there were, life would be a bit more like <a href="http://www.unsongbook.com/">Unsong</a> (Where the right syllables cause kabbalistic super powers).  Life would be a bit less bound by physics and a lot more bound by whatever made the rules and the cheat codes for those rules.</p><p>Surrounding agency is to realise, sitting in the meeting, hot and sweaty - <em>you can stand up and turn on the fan</em> (and other people might thank you for it).  Agency is deciding to ask, &quot;Am I in the right cue&quot; before waiting to get to the front of the line to find out if that is the case.</p><p>Agency is asking for a discount when one might not be publicised.  Agency is calling up a store to ask if they have a product before you get there to find out they are sold out.</p><p>Agency is asking someone what they want as a gift before you buy it (debatable and complicated).  Agency is taking the <a href="http://lesswrong.com/lw/gx5/boring_advice_repository/">boring advice</a>.  Agency is setting up birthday messages on automated timers a year in advance and reaping the benefits in the future.  Agency is finding very social friends and tagging along to their social life.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>If you want to become more of an agent.  build a database of examples in your head or written down:</p><ul><li>Times when you acted with agency</li><li>Times when you saw people acting with agency that you liked</li><li>Times when people (or you yourself) acted without agency that you didn&#x27;t like</li><li>Times where you might want to act with agency in the future</li></ul><p>Try to get 3-4 or more of each.  The pository examples are more important than the negatory. Think about being connected to these memories as a part of your identity.  Bring more agency to your life.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Meta: Short post.  about an hour or two to write.</p> elo 7W7nfdRWWerffLgLg 2018-02-08T06:28:18.505Z Complainy and Explainy voice https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/WC88SJk3SxhMMpnEW/complainy-and-explainy-voice <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/complainy-and-explainy-voice/">http://bearlamp.com.au/complainy-and-explainy-voice/</a></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>To my dear friend,</p><p>I value you more than you know.  I want to share this because it’s so very important to me that you grow.  I want you to become a better person.  I don’t see the bad.  I see the infinite awesome future.  What you become.  I’m not good at communicating.  I can only hope that you hear this as a kindness and not just a criticism.  Not an attack but an opportunity to grow.  I can only hope that your <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/filter-on-the-way-in-filter-on-the-way-out/">filter</a> receives this kindly.</p><p>There really isn’t much more I can say.  I honestly wish you would take this as well as I intend it.  Not as an insult.  Saying this at all, especially before we established <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">safety of conversation (1 in the link)</a> is something very <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">vulnerable (16 in the link)</a>.  It’s really scary to look at someone I consider a potential new friend then Dare Greatly.  At the risk of failing to communicate in a way that might push you away…  I was inspired by <a href="http://aboutmako.makopool.com/">Mako</a> when they said:</p><blockquote><em>I realised if I ever wanted the world around me to be halfway acceptable to me, I would have to learn to change people.</em><br/><em>People say “you can’t change people”, but they’re just telling themselves that to absolve themselves of this very heavy responsibility</em> <em><strong>we all have to take an active role in each others’ growth.</strong></em></blockquote><p>I would regret not trying to take this vulnerable leap.  To give myself an active role in your growth, and the growth of all the people around me.</p><p>I want what I have said so far to not come across as “about me”. I want this to be about you and how I want to help you.</p><p>You have two particular voices.  The Explainy Voice and the Complainy voice.  They present at the same time or in rapid succession.  I am not sure that you have noticed that there are two, because they can be used so close together and interchangeably.</p><h2><strong>Explainy Voice</strong></h2><p>Internally your behaviour would feel like, “<em>I just found something you don’t know.  Let me teach you all about it”.</em>  The trailing verbiage will be some kind of educational material that you <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/meaning-wars/">deemed valuable</a> and relevant for sharing.  I love this.  It’s an honest gift of knowledge.  It’s a chance to learn directly from yourself who feels like they are a master.  Training and guiding in “the way of things”.</p><p>Often your Explainy voice comes from a miscommunication, a lack of understanding or clarity, or a need for learning.  The sentiment behind Explainy voice can be understood as prefacing every sentence in the Explainy voice with the words, “<em>This is really interesting, let me help you understand this thing that I know really well</em>“.  And that’s a really valuable sentiment.  It’s how we learn as humans and it’s how we grow.</p><p>From the outside, Explainy voice sounds passionate, enchanted, optimistic, animated, inspiring, supportive (<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory">and more</a>).  From the inside it’s like putting on a cape.  Being a superhero of truth, knowledge and all things sacred and honest in this world.</p><p>Some people call this voice “Mansplaining”.  I don’t see a problem with explaining passionately.  Especially if you can share new words, concepts or phrases that describe the topic in a cleaner and simpler way.</p><h2><strong>Complainy Voice</strong></h2><p>Dark cousin of your Explainy voice.  It’s the friend who only has critical things to say.  “<strong>did you like the movie?</strong>“, “<em>that movie last week that was better</em>“.  The Complainy voice is frustrated at the world.  <em>That movie last week was in fact better</em> and therefore deserves a mention.  That’s what it feels like from the inside.  From the inside of Complainy voice it feels completely justified to be raising the complaint.</p><p><strong>The world is broken in many ways. </strong> Complaining about the ways in which the worlds is broken is going to sheds light on them.  Shedding light is going to bring about change.  And change is going to make the world a better place.  Or at least that’s what it feels like from the inside.</p><p>From the outside view (people looking at you), when you use Complainy voice it makes you look bitter.  At first passionate.  Then invested.  Only people who care enough will bother to complain.  Cultivating an understanding of the nature of the problem is a major milestone on the road to solving a problem.  <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/qualia-of-the-problem/">Einstein said</a>;</p><blockquote><em>If I had an hour to solve a problem, I would spend 55 minutes figuring out what the problem is and 5 minutes solving it.</em></blockquote><p>Experiencing the thoughts that the world is broken.  Noticing exactly <strong>how</strong>, What’s gone wrong.  Then moving toward a solution, is an incredibly rewarding process.  Without being able to complain (by thinking, describing and identifying the problem), the solving could not happen.  Complainy voice is important for this reason.</p><p>When it’s only used on it’s own.  This is what I dislike about complainy voice.  It sounds angry, bitter, frightened, mistrustful, irritated, aggrivated, outraged, resentful, contemptful, upset, desparing, (<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory">and more</a>).  It sounds ugly.  It sounds like the feelings that I don’t want to go anywhere near out of fear of being sucked in.  I want to emphasis that complaining as part of a bigger picture is crucial.  Complaining alone is dangerous and antisocial.  It’s not enjoyable to hear.</p><p>If as Jordan Peterson suggests – <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/meaning-wars/">meaning</a> comes from story, and your story is all complaining.  Your world is all about complaining.  That’s what will fill your identity.  That’s where your sentiment about the world will derive from.  Is the world “mostly good” or “mostly bad”?  Is the answer different coming from a complainy place to if it comes from an explainy place?</p><h2><strong>Gottman Contempt</strong></h2><p>In the <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Gottman</a> <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/books-i-read-2017-part-1-relationships-learning/">book</a>, one of the four horsemen of divorce (or relationship ending), is contempt.</p><blockquote><em>This is about an internal state as much as an external state.  Contempt is about the story we tell ourselves about the other person (see NVC) and is a state of negative intent.  I hold you contemptuously.  For example, “a good person would not run late”, “if you were smarter you would just…”, “I work so hard on this relationship and you just…”, Some examples of displays of contempt include when a person uses sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humour [see – emotional intelligence about physiological events].  This overlaps with Inherent criticism and makes more sense with [NVC].</em><br/><em>Contempt has two antidotes, Teacher mindset and curiosity.  Teacher mindset can change an attitude of, “He should know what he did wrong” to, “I need to explain to him how to do it right, otherwise he won’t know”.  Curiosity [See NVC] can take you to a place of trying to understand what is going on and take you away from the place of the stories we tell ourselves.</em></blockquote><p>I have absolutely butchered the theory by squeezing it into a quick summary, but importantly I want to bring up the antidotes.  Similar to contempt, the antidote to Complainy voice is to use the Explainy voice or to be curious about why things are so Complainy-worthy.  When complaining, no amount of understanding can satiate the complaint.  When explaining, you impart the intention to be understood.</p><p>This might be a personal preference.  I might be mad.  I listen to complainy voice and I disconnect.  I hear stories and I don’t feel like I am being shared with.  I feel like I am being shared at.  Like a voice recorder.  This is distinctly different to the feeling of receiving explainy voice.  I love to receive explanations, I love to learn from anyone who has a passion for knowledge.  I could listen to someone teaching me things all day.  But complaining, I can listen longer than most… and far shorter than I can for explanations.</p><p>To my friend.  I don’t know if I successfully scared you away.  I don’t know if you appreciate the difficulty. It’s hard to choose to tell you words which might hurt you.  Even if they make you grow afterwards.  I would rather live in sin, than never have taken the chance.</p><p>The funny thing about writing for a friend is that in some ways that friend is me.  It’s me of a few years ago.  In my phase of angry-at-the-world teenager.  Or angry-at-the-system adult.  Or angry-at-the-universe in my yesterday.  Today I look at that version of me, with compassion for who I was.  Working with the information at hand.  And hope for a better me tomorrow. To look back at who I am today.  With compassion.</p><p>Meta: this took 4+ hours and some real life inspiration to write.  I need to get it into better words.  I only wish I knew how</p> elo WC88SJk3SxhMMpnEW 2018-01-18T01:47:09.374Z How I accidentally discovered the pill to enlightenment but I wouldn’t recommend it. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/7e4fPmR7KZph6viAi/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but <p>Main post:&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/">http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/</a></p> <hr /> <h1 style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;"><strong>Brief teaser:</strong></h1> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">Eastern enlightenment is not what you think.&nbsp; I mean, maybe it is.&nbsp; But it&rsquo;s probably not.&nbsp; There&rsquo;s a reason it&rsquo;s so elusive, and there&rsquo;s a reason that it hasn&rsquo;t joined western science and the western world the way that curiosity and discovery have as a driving force.</p> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">This is the story of my mistake accidentally discovering enlightenment.</p> <hr style="background-color: #e7e7e7; border: 0px; clear: both; height: 1px; margin-bottom: 24px; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;" /> <h2 style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; clear: both; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif;"><strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">February 2017</em></strong></h2> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">I was noticing some weird symptoms.&nbsp; I felt cold.&nbsp; Which was strange because I have never been cold.&nbsp; Nicknames include &ldquo;fire&rdquo; and &ldquo;hot hands&rdquo;, my history includes a lot of bad jokes about how I am definitely on fire.&nbsp; I am known for visiting the snow in shorts and a t-shirt.&nbsp; I hit 70kg,&nbsp; The least fat I have ever had in my life.&nbsp; And that was the only explanation I had.&nbsp; I asked a doctor about it, I did some reading &ndash; circulation problems.&nbsp; I don&rsquo;t have circulation problems at the age of 25.&nbsp; I am more fit than I have ever been in my life.&nbsp; I look into&nbsp;<a style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #743399;" href="https://examine.com/supplements/hesperidin/">hesperidin</a>&nbsp;(orange peel) and eat myself a few whole oranges including peel.&nbsp; No change.&nbsp; I look into other blood pressure supplements, other capillary modifying supplements&hellip;&nbsp; Other ideas to investigate.&nbsp; I decided I couldn&rsquo;t be missing something because there was nothing to be missing.&nbsp; I would have read it somewhere already.&nbsp; So I settled for the obvious answer.&nbsp; Being skinnier was making me colder.</p> <h2 style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; clear: both; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif;"><strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Flashback to February 2016</em></strong></h2> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">This is where it all begins.&nbsp; I move out of my parents house into an apartment with a girl I have been seeing for under 6 months.&nbsp; I weigh around 80kg (that&rsquo;s 12.5 stones or 176 pounds or 2822 ounces for our imperial friends).&nbsp; Life happens and by March I am on my own.&nbsp; I decide to start running.&nbsp; Make myself a more desirable human.</p> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">I taught myself a lot about routines and habits and actually getting myself to run.&nbsp;Running is hard.&nbsp; Actually, running is easy.&nbsp; Leaving the house is hard.&nbsp; But I work that out too.</p> <hr /> <p style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, &quot;Bitstream Charter&quot;, serif; font-size: 16px;">For the rest of the post please visit:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/">http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/</a></p> elo 7e4fPmR7KZph6viAi 2018-01-03T00:37:53.005Z How I accidentally discovered the pill to enlightenment but I wouldn’t recommend it. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/qDEoiBC2HNPgWenRc/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but <p>Main post: http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/</p><h1><strong>Brief teaser...</strong></h1><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Eastern enlightenment is not what you think.  I mean, maybe it is.  But it’s probably not.  There’s a reason it’s so elusive, and there’s a reason that it hasn’t joined western science and the western world the way that curiosity and discovery have as a driving force.</p><p>This is the story of my mistake accidentally discovering enlightenment.</p><h2><strong><em>February 2017</em></strong></h2><p>I was noticing some weird symptoms.  I felt cold.  Which was strange because I have never been cold.  Nicknames include “fire” and “hot hands”, my history includes a lot of bad jokes about how I am definitely on fire.  I am known for visiting the snow in shorts and a t-shirt.  I hit 70kg,  The least fat I have ever had in my life.  And that was the only explanation I had.  I asked a doctor about it, I did some reading – circulation problems.  I don’t have circulation problems at the age of 25.  I am more fit than I have ever been in my life.  I look into <a href="https://examine.com/supplements/hesperidin/">hesperidin</a> (orange peel) and eat myself a few whole oranges including peel.  No change.  I look into other blood pressure supplements, other capillary modifying supplements…  Other ideas to investigate.  I decided I couldn’t be missing something because there was nothing to be missing.  I would have read it somewhere already.  So I settled for the obvious answer.  Being skinnier was making me colder.</p><h2><strong><em>Flashback to February 2016</em></strong></h2><p>This is where it all begins.  I move out of my parents house into an apartment with a girl I have been seeing for under 6 months.  I weigh around 80kg (that’s 12.5 stones or 176 pounds or 2822 ounces for our imperial friends).  Life happens and by March I am on my own.  I decide to start running.  Make myself a more desirable human.</p><p>I taught myself a lot about routines and habits and actually getting myself to run. Running is hard.  Actually, running is easy.  Leaving the house is hard.  But I work that out too.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>For the rest of the post please visit <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/">http://bearlamp.com.au/how-i-accidentally-discovered-the-pill-to-enlightenment-but-i-wouldnt-recommend-it/</a></p> elo qDEoiBC2HNPgWenRc 2018-01-03T00:37:18.450Z Object level weight loss tips https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Kv3MwsimmsQdiqpSR/object-level-weight-loss-tips <p><strong>Original post: </strong><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/object-level-weight-loss-tips/">bearlamp.com.au/object-level-weight-loss-tips/</a></p><p>.bearlamp.com.au/object-level-weight-loss-tips/</p><p>Finding specific instructions on weight loss is difficult.  They are all buried in the internet.  Covered in clickbait and a waste of time to find.  And plenty of them don&#x27;t work.  So here&#x27;s my list.  As object level as I can.</p><p>Weight loss is hard. Life is busy. But it&#x27;s do-able</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>1. Make a list of healthy foods that you eat.  </strong></p><p>To me this looks like this:</p><ul><li>lettuce</li><li>mushrooms</li><li>cottage cheese</li><li>white raddish</li><li>vegetables</li><li>leeks</li><li>pickles</li><li>onions</li><li>peas</li><li>carrots</li><li>...</li></ul><p>This list specifically excludes asparagus and a few other green vegetables that I don&#x27;t really eat despite them being supposedly good for me.</p><p>Now when you go shopping, only buy things on that list.  Use an app to keep track of the list.</p><p><strong>2. fix the &quot;ooh it&#x27;s cheap, it&#x27;s on special I should buy it&quot; habit.  </strong></p><p>I care more about health than I do about cheap products.  Yet somehow I can still get tricked by a half price chocolate, or various other foods discounted.  Fix the part of your brain that makes this mistake.  Accept the better argument.  Optimise for health over expense.</p><p><strong>3. Remove unhealthy things from your house</strong></p><p>If you eat it and it&#x27;s unhealthy and as of this instant you don&#x27;t want to - it&#x27;s okay to throw it away.  It&#x27;s also okay to give it away.  But ideally throwing it away is better.</p><p><strong>4. Eat healthy as a baseline.  </strong></p><p>If you are at home, just eating the normal meals, they need to be the right things.  If they are not right then you are probably on a general weight gain trajectory.  Fix the basics first.  If necessary learn to cook some healthy meals.  You probably already know enough about what to cook.</p><p><strong>5. Stop wasting food.</strong></p><p>You know what would be a waste.  It would be a waste to throw out that food because it&#x27;s food.  But you know what else would be a waste.  It would be a waste to eat it when you don&#x27;t need to.  It would be wasteful to your waistline.  When it&#x27;s bad for you and going to make you more unhealthy.  That would be a waste too.   And that&#x27;s the more embarrassing waste.</p><p><strong>6. When you go out to food with friends. </strong></p><p>Don&#x27;t buy the &quot;cheapest thing on the menu&quot;.  Don&#x27;t buy the &quot;most delicious thing on the menu&quot;.  Buy the &quot;healthiest thing on the menu&quot;.  If that&#x27;s not healthy enough, don&#x27;t buy anything.  Or maybe you value maximum delicious over health.  Or maximum money savings.  That&#x27;s fine.  Don&#x27;t try to lose weight if you want to maximally save money.</p><p><strong>7. Track metrics</strong></p><p>Any metrics are poor.  But you can still weigh yourself daily.  You can still measure your waist once a week, and you can still keep a food diary (not talking about full all out calorie tracking, just simply each morning writing down the things you ate the day before.  Keep track of it in an app.</p><p><strong>8. Exercise</strong></p><p>Not a magic bullet but the thing I want to say about exercise is that the best exercise to do is the exercise that you enjoy.  If that&#x27;s rock climbing and it&#x27;s not soccer.  Don&#x27;t play soccer.  If it&#x27;s soccer and not rock climbing - don&#x27;t go rock climbing!</p><p>Also - make it easier to exercise, prepare your exercise stuff so that you can go exercise easily.</p><p><strong>9. Immunity to change</strong></p><p>In the immunity to change process, you look at the competing commitments you have, for example: eating my grandmother&#x27;s cooking and losing weight.  It&#x27;s okay to have commitments to other things, but at the end of the day - one of the commitments will win.  It&#x27;s important to look at the commitments and what&#x27;s behind them, and work with them to try to design a good strategy.  The process has more details but look up <a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">Right Weight, Right Mind</a> if you are interested.</p><p><strong>10. Eat less carbs, and more protein, oil and low calorie vegetables (Essentially keto - reduce fruit, cheese, sugars)</strong></p><p>It&#x27;s not rocket science.  A steak doesn&#x27;t add to your waistline like soft drink potentially does.  If you eat more protein, say - double your protein and eat less carbs, you will have an easier time losing weight.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>There are more because there are always more.  But that&#x27;s enough for now. The best ones for you might not be in this list. Feel free to add yours below.</p><p></p> elo Kv3MwsimmsQdiqpSR 2018-01-01T22:15:01.427Z The answer sheet https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/BzhewKpooSPA3mx9W/the-answer-sheet <p>Original post with better formatting on links: <strong><a href="http://bearlam%3Cstrong%3Ep.com.au/?p=1074%3C/strong%3E&preview=true">http://bearlamp.com.au/the-answer-sheet/</a></strong></p><p><strong><a href="http://www.bearlamp.com.au">http://bearlamp.com.au/the-answer-sheet/</a></strong></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>I always wished I had an answer sheet.  A cheat sheet to a lot of my problems.  Well now I do.  But it&#x27;s all in my head.  I solved a lot of my problems by reading books and building models to understand how things work.  This is a cheat sheet.</p><h2><strong>Interpersonal</strong></h2><p>If you have problems letting yourself connect with other people, making sense of why you do that, and moving past that is probably connected to <a href="https://brenebrown.com/books-audio/">vulnerability - daring greatly</a> by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o">Brene Brown (video)</a>.  If you want more - Read <a href="http://amandapalmer.net/theartofasking/">The Art Of Asking by Amanda Palmer</a>.</p><p>If you have problems communicating what you want and need from people.  OR if you have problems with people demanding things from you - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">NVC (video)</a> by <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Living-Nonviolent-Communication-Communicate-Skillfully/dp/1604077875">Marshall rosenberg</a> is what you need.</p><p>If you can&#x27;t seem to say things without them getting personal - look at <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/concrete-instructions/">Concrete instructions</a>.  (It&#x27;s from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">NVC (video)</a>)</p><p>If you need to apologise to someone, read <a href="https://booko.info/works/1425023">On Apology</a> by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf41NN8Tz1k">Aaron Lazare (video)</a>. (If you don&#x27;t think you need to apologise then this isn&#x27;t the right resource)</p><p>If you need help understanding how to manage emotions, read <a href="http://www.danielgoleman.info/purchase/">Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman</a> (plus <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">NVC (video)</a>, <a href="http://mindingourway.com/guilt">guilt series</a>).</p><p>If you want to closely connect with people in the present moment, read the <a href="http://circlingguide.com/">Circling handbook</a> by Marc Benetau, also probably information about <a href="https://thehappinesstrap.com/">mindfulness</a>, and the book <a href="http://foxcabane.com/book/">The Charisma Myth</a>.</p><p>If you want people to feel important when around you (or you want to be a politician), read <a href="http://foxcabane.com/book/">The Charisma Myth</a> and <a href="http://www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book">Rethinking Narcissism</a>.</p><p>If you want to get better at sex (any gender), read <a href="http://www.thedirtynormal.com/books/">Come As You Are</a>.  Also if you are anxious about if a thing is normal (P.S. it probably is, if it doesn&#x27;t hurt, if you like it - enjoy it.  If you don&#x27;t avoid it)</p><h2><strong>Psychology</strong></h2><p>If you are finding yourself thinking that people have fixed traits like, &quot;Bob is smart&quot;, and &quot;I am not good at maths&quot; read <a href="https://mindsetonline.com/whatisit/about/">Mindsets by Carol Dweck</a>, then start adding &quot;yet&quot; to the end of every sentence that wants you to be fixed.</p><p>If you are finding yourself using fixed mindsets in your relationships like, &quot;Dave is lazy&quot;, and you want your relationships to do substantially better than the statistics - Read <a href="https://www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/">John Gottman&#x27;s 7 principles for making marriage work</a>.</p><p>If you want to know how to coordinate a group of people...  If they are an anonymous crowd - read <a href="https://falkvinge.net/2013/02/14/swarmwise-the-tactical-manual-to-changing-the-world-chapter-one/">Swarmwise by Rick Falkvinge</a>.  If they are a middle class crowd read <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rules_for_Radicals">Saul Alinsky&#x27;s Rules for radicals</a>.  If it&#x27;s an open source collective read <a href="http://www.artofcommunityonline.org/">Jono Bacon - The Art Of The Community</a>.  And if they are a business read <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/some-notes-from-turn-the-ship-around-by-l-david-marquet/">Turn That ship around by David Marquet</a> and also <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Hard-Thing-About-Things-Building-ebook/dp/B00DQ845EA">The Hard thing about hard things</a>.</p><p>If you want to learn a skill in the realm of &quot;difficult human&quot; - that is, anything that humans find hard to do.  From musical instruments to sports, to arts - Read <a href="http://theinnergame.com/">The Inner Game Of Tennis by Timothy Gallway</a></p><p>If you want to optimise learning - read <a href="http://peakthebook.com/">Peak by Anders Ericsson</a>, as well as <a href="https://barbaraoakley.com/books/a-mind-for-numbers/">A Mind For Numbers by Barbara Oakley</a>, <a href="http://www.joshwaitzkin.com/the-art-of-learning/">The Art of Learning</a>, (Maybe skip <a href="http://danielcoyle.com/">The Talent Code</a>).</p><p>If you want to become the best in the world at something, read <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Greene_(American_author)#Books">Mastery by Robert Greene</a> and if you are not convinced that you do want that then read <a href="http://calnewport.com/books/so-good/">So Good They Can&#x27;t ignore you by Cal Newport</a>.</p><p>If you dream, daydream or imagine a lot of things and want to turn that into productive goal-oriented behaviour, read <a href="http://www.psych.nyu.edu/oettingen/">Rethinking Positive Thinking by Gabrielle Oettingen</a>, If you don&#x27;t dream and want to dream more - Take B6 (warning it cause bad distracting dreams just as much as enjoyable fantasies and I don&#x27;t have advice on how to direct that dreamery).</p><p>If you think you have Autism and want to read the one current theory about Emotional Quotient and Systemising Quotient EQ/SQ, You might like to read The Essential Difference by Simon Baron-Cohen.</p><p>If you want to understand how people mature and grow over time, and how they relate to the world, read <a href="https://meaningness.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/developing-ethical-social-and-cognitive-competence/">Robert kegan&#x27;s developmental theory</a>.</p><h2><strong>Personal</strong></h2><p>If you have problems with negative emotions of guilt, or spirals of feeling bad about things that might be out of your control - <a href="http://mindingourway.com/guilt">The Guilt Series by Nate Soares</a> is for you.</p><p>If you have problems thinking clearly in a world where you are unsure what you can trust, you might like to read <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_and_the_Art_of_Motorcycle_Maintenance">Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance</a>.  If this is too boring and slow for you, maybe the hard mode of <a href="https://intelligence.org/rationality-ai-zombies/">Rationality: from AI to Zombies</a> is for you (<a href="http://readthesequences.com/">alternate text version</a>).  If that&#x27;s too dry, <a href="http://www.hpmor.com/">Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality</a> is an easier read.</p><p>If you have the epistemics under control and you have problems being instrumental - stop trying to be smart about it and start doing the dumb and obvious things.  Much dumber people than you have done well in life, you are overthinking it.  You can read <a href="https://gettingthingsdone.com/">GTD</a> for ideas.</p><p>If you want organisation systems, make your own FIRST, live with it for a week, THEN try <a href="http://bulletjournal.com/">Bullet journals</a>, <a href="https://gettingthingsdone.com/">GTD</a>, <a href="http://markforster.squarespace.com/blog/2015/3/3/secrets-of-productive-people-now-available-for-pre-order.html">Secrets of Productive People</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_7_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People">7 habits of highly effective people</a>, <a href="https://www.briantracy.com/blog/time-management/the-truth-about-frogs/">Eat That Frog</a>, and other self-help books (see <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/books-i-read-2017-part-1-relationships-learning/">a list of some here</a>).</p><p>If you have problems causing creativity to happen, watch <a href="https://vimeo.com/176474304">this video</a> of John Cleese, and read <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1464-0597.1963.tb00463.x/full">The Identification of Creativity</a>.  Then read <a href="http://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/">The Artist&#x27;s Way by Julia Cameron</a>.</p><p>If you don&#x27;t know what to do with your life you might need to <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/exploration-exploitation-problems/">explore</a> more and understand the exploration-exploitation dichotomy, or you might need to read <a href="https://designingyour.life/">Design Your life by Bill Burnett</a>.</p><p>If you want more meaning in your life read <a href="http://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Flourish/Martin-E-P-Seligman/9781439190760">Flourish by Martin Seligman</a>, then read <a href="https://jordanbpeterson.com/maps-of-meaning/">Jordan Peterson&#x27;s Maps of Meaning</a> for a similar but different take.  Then actually follow the exercises they set out.</p><p>If you want to be able to predict things, measure things, and generally get good at looking forward to a stable future, You might want to understand <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-time-you-have/">Revealed preferences</a>, And read, <a href="http://www.howtomeasureanything.com/">How to Measure Anything</a>, followed by <a href="https://goodjudgment.com/superforecasting/">Superforecasters</a>, and brush up on Fermi estimates.</p><p>If you want to know how to change yourself, Read <a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">Right Weight, Right Mind</a> for the being the best book on the <a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">Immunity to Change</a>.  better than <a href="http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/">The power of Habit</a> which covers similar territory.  If you want go for systems, not goals - read <a href="http://blog.dilbert.com/2013/10/22/how-to-fail-at-almost-everything-and-still-win/">how to fail at everything and still win big.</a></p><p>If you want to understand meditation - read <a href="https://www.samharris.org/waking-up">Sam Harris Waking up,</a> <a href="https://www.mindful.org/search-inside-yourself/">Chad-meng Tan Search inside yourself</a>, <a href="https://thehappinesstrap.com/">The happiness trap</a>, this post about <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/zen-koans/">zen koans</a>, the <a href="http://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf">PNSE paper</a>, and <a href="http://themindilluminated.com/">The Mind illuminated By John Yates</a>.</p><p>If you want to understand the basics of a field read the 101 textbook.  Ask for recommendations from friends.</p><p>If you can&#x27;t seem to make a coherent journey out of your existence.  If goals, plans and intentions don&#x27;t seem to stick, read or watch <a href="http://www.russellbarkley.org/">Russel</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSfCdBBqNXY&t=2858s">Barkley (video)</a> - <a href="http://www.russellbarkley.org/books.html">Taking Charge of Adult ADHD</a>. And <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/quantified-self-tracking-with-a-form/">track more things</a> about yourself.  Also exercises like the <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/list-of-common-human-goals/">List of Common Human Goals</a></p><p>If you need help with motivation, procrastination or akrasia, Read <a href="https://alexvermeer.com/how-we-use-the-procrastination-equation/">The</a> <a href="https://procrastinus.com/piers-steel/purchase-the-procrastination-equation/">Procrastination equation</a> (<a href="https://alexvermeer.com/">Alex Vermeer</a> has good notes).  Also my <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/procrastination-checklist/">Procrastination Checklist</a></p><p>If you are wanting to balance several of your interpersonal relationships, read <a href="https://meaningness.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/developing-ethical-social-and-cognitive-competence/">Robert kegan&#x27;s developmental theory</a>, <a href="https://www.morethantwo.com/">More Than Two By Franklin Veaux</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">NVC (video)</a> by Marshall Rosenberg.</p><p>Heck for interpersonal problems read this post on <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Human Relationships</a> and read some of those books.</p><p>If you want the laziest path to enlightenment look at <a href="http://liberationunleashed.com/">liberationunleashed.com</a>.  If it looks like gibberish, don&#x27;t worry about it.</p><p>If your sleep sucks, fix it.  <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-very-long-list-of-sleep-maintenance-suggestions/">A very long list of sleep maintenance suggestions</a>.</p><p>I wrote an exercise for how to plan so that <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan/">you have consistently good days</a>.</p><p>If you have critical brain loops, where you get stuck in a loop of self criticism where lots of cyclical thoughts arise being critical of yourself, try <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/fish-oil-and-the-self-critical-brain-loop/">taking fish oil</a>.  Also look into <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-call-of-the-void/">The Call of the Void</a> and the <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-strategy-against-the-call-of-the-void/">Strategy against</a> it.</p><p>If you are upset about intrusive thoughts like &quot;what would it be like if I jumped off this here cliff... Be less upset, it&#x27;s pretty common, and it&#x27;s not a suicidal thought.  The one paper on <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/the-call-of-the-void/">Call of the Void</a> proposes another mechanism, and I propose a <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-strategy-against-the-call-of-the-void/">strategy</a> to make intrusive thoughts not come back.</p><p>Unless your email inbox is your only to-do list, it should not be holding tasks as if it is a to-do list.  You should aim for <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/instrumental-behaviour-inbox-zero-a-guide-v2/">inbox zero</a>, it&#x27;s pretty easy with this method.</p><p>If you have problems remaining a fluid person over time and your emotions are unstable use an app like &quot;how are you feeling&quot; and <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/quantified-self-tracking-with-a-form/">track yourself with a form</a> to get the hang of a more timeless understanding of who you are as a person.</p><p>If you don&#x27;t know what Time Management even means try out <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/empirically-assess-your-time-use/">empirically assessing your time use</a>.</p><p>If you are not sure how much risk to take in the process of learning I would propose <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/mistakes-bad-enough-you-learn-but-not-bad-enough-they-kill-you/">Mistakes bad enough you learn, but not bad enough they kill you</a>.</p><h2><strong>Political</strong></h2><p>If you are uncomfortable with how the medical system deals with death, and you don&#x27;t yet support Voluntary Euthanasia - Read <a href="http://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/">Atul Gawande&#x27;s being mortal</a>.  Maybe fast-forward through some of the history though, it can be slow.</p><p>If you are in physical pain from your posture or conformation while exercising, read <a href="https://www.mobilitywod.com/the-supple-leopard/">Kelly Starrett - Becoming a Supple Leopard</a>.  And his other books.</p><p>If you want to do charity better read <a href="https://www.effectivealtruism.org/doing-good-better/">Doing Good better by Willam MacAskill.</a></p><p>If you want to understand better what science is - read <a href="http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/T/bo3622037.html">Theory and Reality by Peter Godfrey Smith</a>.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>That&#x27;s enough for now.  This has been a few hours of effort to get these written down.</p><p>If you have your own one liner for a problem and solution resource add them in the comments below. I could propose a meta-sorting strategy for the comments but it&#x27;s really not necessary. Just post, try to keep it to one problem and one solution. (you can post many times)</p> elo BzhewKpooSPA3mx9W 2017-12-31T00:26:08.144Z 2017: A year in Science https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Fer3LkjxnLvLLvGv3/2017-a-year-in-science <p><strong>Original post with better visibility on link formatting: http://bearlamp.com.au/2017-a-year-in-science/</strong></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>In Classical tradition for the Sydney Summer Solstice.  We look back over the year and gathering some exciting science that was worth sharing.  I present this year&#x27;s list of science (see previous years - <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/2016-a-year-in-review-in-science/">2016</a>, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/2015-a-year-in-science/">2015</a>)</p><p>Credit this year goes to Erratio for compiling the list.  And I hope that together with us you can celebrate some of humanity&#x27;s success over a wonderful year in science!</p><p>- first human head transplant (on a corpse). (<a href="https://nypost.com/2017/11/17/professor-claims-doctors-successfully-performed-human-head-transplant/">https://nypost.com/2017/11/17/professor-claims-doctors-successfully-performed-human-head-transplant/</a>)</p><p>- gay marriage in Australia (finally!)</p><p>- human-pig hybrid embryos created (<a href="https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-alive-the-first-human-pig-hybrid-has-been-created-in-the-lab">https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-alive-the-first-human-pig-hybrid-has-been-created-in-the-lab</a>) </p><p>- major breakthrough in understanding the common cold (<a href="https://www.standard.co.uk/news/health/scientists-make-major-breakthrough-that-could-pave-the-way-for-cure-to-common-cold-a3474106.html">https://www.standard.co.uk/news/health/scientists-make-major-breakthrough-that-could-pave-the-way-for-cure-to-common-cold-a3474106.html</a>)</p><p>- reversed aging in mice (<a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-11-04/scientists-reverse-ageing-process-in-mice/5865714">http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-11-04/scientists-reverse-ageing-process-in-mice/5865714</a>)</p><p>- premature lambs grown in artificial womb (<a href="http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/artificial-womb-used-to-successfully-grow-premature-lamb-for-the-second-time/">http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/artificial-womb-used-to-successfully-grow-premature-lamb-for-the-second-time/</a>) </p><p>- CRISPR has been used on human embryos (<a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/health-40802147">http://www.bbc.com/news/health-40802147</a>)</p><p>- SpaceX has successfully launched and landed a reused Falcoln 9 rocket (<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/30/15117096/spacex-launch-reusable-rocket-success-falcon-9-landing">https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/30/15117096/spacex-launch-reusable-rocket-success-falcon-9-landing</a>)</p><p>- Elon Musk building words largest lithium ion battery as backup for South Australia <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-07/sa-to-get-worlds-biggest-lithium-ion-battery/8687268">http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-07/sa-to-get-worlds-biggest-lithium-ion-battery/8687268</a></p><p>- Tesla has built electric self driving trucks (<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/11/16/16667366/tesla-semi-truck-announced-price-release-date-electric-self-driving">https://www.theverge.com/2017/11/16/16667366/tesla-semi-truck-announced-price-release-date-electric-self-driving</a>)</p><p>- AlphaGo beat everyone at Go (<a href="https://www.engadget.com/2017/10/19/google-alphago-zero-ai/">https://www.engadget.com/2017/10/19/google-alphago-zero-ai/</a>)</p><p>-  Alpha Zero taught itself chess in 24 hours, beats all the other AI’s (<a href="https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609736/alpha-zeros-alien-chess-shows-the-power-and-the-peculiarity-of-ai/">https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609736/alpha-zeros-alien-chess-shows-the-power-and-the-peculiarity-of-ai/</a>)</p><p>- Metallic hydrogen created (<a href="https://phys.org/news/2017-01-metallic-hydrogen-theory-reality.html">https://phys.org/news/2017-01-metallic-hydrogen-theory-reality.html</a>)</p><p>-  51-qubit quantum simulator (<a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/2141105-quantum-simulator-with-51-qubits-is-largest-ever/">https://www.newscientist.com/article/2141105-quantum-simulator-with-51-qubits-is-largest-ever/</a>)</p><p>- Researchers demonstrate a prototype <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3D_printer">3D printer</a> that can print fully functional <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_skin">human skin (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/01/170123090630.htm)</a></p><p>- DeepStack is beating everyone at poker (<a href="https://arxiv.org/abs/1701.01724">https://arxiv.org/abs/1701.01724</a>)</p><p>- Negative mass fluid (<a href="https://www.sciencealert.com/physicists-say-they-ve-created-a-fluid-with-negative-mass">https://www.sciencealert.com/physicists-say-they-ve-created-a-fluid-with-negative-mass</a>)</p><p>- The first synthetic retina using soft biological tissues is created by a student at the University of Oxford</p><p>- Australia is getting a space agency (<a href="http://www.minister.industry.gov.au/ministers/sinodinos/media-releases/turnbull-government-establish-national-space-agency">http://www.minister.industry.gov.au/ministers/sinodinos/media-releases/turnbull-government-establish-national-space-agency</a>)</p><p>- A roundworm has been uploaded to a Lego body (<a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2015/01/21/tech/mci-lego-worm/index.html">http://edition.cnn.com/2015/01/21/tech/mci-lego-worm/index.html</a>)</p><p>- The Minamata Convention, the first global treaty on mercury pollution, has been ratified (<a href="https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/minamata-convention_nations-meet-in-geneva-to-make-mercury-history-/43543598">https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/minamata-convention_nations-meet-in-geneva-to-make-mercury-history-/43543598</a>)</p><ul><li>Potential cure for sepsis (<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/sepsis-cure-improvised-vitamin-c-deadly-illness-doctor-paul-marik-virginia-a7648401.html">http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/sepsis-cure-improvised-vitamin-c-deadly-illness-doctor-paul-marik-virginia-a7648401.html</a>)</li><li>Decent vaccine for cholera (<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/06/health/cholera-vaccine-bangladesh.html">https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/06/health/cholera-vaccine-bangladesh.html</a>)</li><li>Oumuamua,  the first known interstellar object to pass through the Solar System. (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%CA%BBOumuamua">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%CA%BBOumuamua</a>)</li><li>NASA announces its two choices for the next Discovery Program missions – the <em>Lucy</em> mission, to visit several asteroids, including six Jupiter Trojans; and the <em>Psyche</em> mission, to visit the large metallic asteroid <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/16_Psyche">16 Psyche</a>.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_in_science#cite_note-6">[6]</a><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_in_science#cite_note-7">[7]</a></li><li>Researchers publish evidence that humans first entered North America in around 24,000 BP (Before Present), during the height of the last ice age. This is 10,000 years earlier than previously thought.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_in_science#cite_note-23">[23]</a></li></ul><p>The first stable helium compound is synthesized, Na2He.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_in_science#cite_note-44">[44]</a><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_in_science#cite_note-45">[45]</a> Helium is the most unreactive element.</p><p>Scientists at the University of Texas report a new phase of matter, dubbed a time crystal, in which atoms move in a pattern that repeats in time rather than in space</p><p>Physicists at CERN&#x27;s Large Hadron Collider report the detection of the particle <strong><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xi_baryon">Ξ++</a></strong> <strong>cc</strong> (with the Greek letter Xi), a new hadron, a composite particle containing two charm quarks and one up quark.</p><h2><strong>Nobel Prizes</strong></h2><p>Physics: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/physics/laureates/2017/weiss-facts.html">Rainer Weiss</a>, <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/physics/laureates/2017/barish-facts.html">Barry C. Barish</a> and <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/physics/laureates/2017/thorne-facts.html">Kip S. Thorne</a></p><p>&quot;for decisive contributions to the LIGO detector and the observation of gravitational waves&quot;</p><p><strong>Chemistry</strong>: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/laureates/2017/dubochet-facts.html">Jacques Dubochet</a>, <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/laureates/2017/frank-facts.html">Joachim Frank</a> and <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/laureates/2017/henderson-facts.html">Richard Henderson</a></p><p>&quot;for developing cryo-electron microscopy for the high-resolution structure determination of biomolecules in solution&quot;</p><p><strong>Physiology or medicine</strong>: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/2017/hall-facts.html">Jeffrey C. Hall</a>, <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/2017/rosbash-facts.html">Michael Rosbash</a> and <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/2017/young-facts.html">Michael W. Young</a></p><p>&quot;for their discoveries of molecular mechanisms controlling the circadian rhythm&quot;</p><p><strong>Literature</strong>: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2017/ishiguro-facts.html">Kazuo Ishiguro</a></p><p>&quot;who, in novels of great emotional force, has uncovered the abyss beneath our illusory sense of connection with the world&quot;</p><p><strong>Peace</strong>: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/2017/ican-facts.html">International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN)</a></p><p>&quot;for its work to draw attention to the catastrophic humanitarian consequences of any use of nuclear weapons and for its ground-breaking efforts to achieve a treaty-based prohibition of such weapons&quot;</p><p><strong>Economics</strong>: <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/economic-sciences/laureates/2017/thaler-facts.html">Richard H. Thaler</a></p><p>&quot;for his contributions to behavioural economics&quot;</p><h2><strong>Bonus section</strong></h2><p>- The eclipse (<a href="https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/599c19131cb57-solar-eclipse-2017-coverimage.jpg">https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/599c19131cb57-solar-eclipse-2017-coverimage.jpg</a>)</p><p>- Harvey Weinstein et al</p><p>- Trump, North Korea, Brexit</p><p>- Robert Mugabe has resigned</p><h2><strong>Notable Deaths:</strong></h2><p>Hans Rosling</p><p>Isabella Karle </p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><h2><strong>100 years ago in 1917</strong></h2><p>Holy crap this was a depressing year. WWI pretty much all the way.</p><h2><strong>Births</strong>:</h2><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_25">January 25</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilya_Prigogine">Ilya Prigogine</a>, Russian-born physicist and chemist, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize in Chemistry</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2003">2003</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February_14">February 14</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_A._Hauptman">Herbert A. Hauptman</a>, American mathematician, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize in Chemistry</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011">2011</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Kendrew">John Kendrew</a>, British molecular biologist, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize in Chemistry</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1997">1997</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_10">April 10</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Burns_Woodward">Robert Burns Woodward</a>, American chemist, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize</a> laureate (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1979">1979</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_1">June 1</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_S._Knowles">William S. Knowles</a>, American chemist, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize</a> laureate (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012">2012</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Fenn_(chemist)">John Fenn</a>, American chemist, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Nobel Prize</a> laureate (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010">2010</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_de_Duve">Christian de Duve</a>, English-born biologist, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013">2013</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_Robert_Porter">Rodney Robert Porter</a>, English biochemist, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1985">1985</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_22">November 22</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Huxley">Andrew Huxley</a>, English scientist, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine</a> (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012">2012</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_9">December 9</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Rainwater">James Rainwater</a>, American physicist, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physics">Nobel Prize</a> laureate (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1986">1986</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_21">December 21</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinrich_B%C3%B6ll">Heinrich Böll</a>, German writer, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Literature">Nobel Prize</a> laureate (d. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1985">1985</a>)</p><h2>Deaths</h2><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_31">March 31</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_von_Behring">Emil von Behring</a>, German winner of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine</a> (b. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1854">1854</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July_27">July 27</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Theodor_Kocher">Emil Kocher</a>, Swiss medical researcher, recipient of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine</a> (b. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1841">1841</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_11">November 11</a> – Queen <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liliuokalani">Liliuokalani</a>, last monarch of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Hawaii">Kingdom of Hawaii</a> (b. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1838">1838</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_15">November 15</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89mile_Durkheim">Émile Durkheim</a>, French sociologist (b. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1858">1858</a>)</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_8">March 8</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_von_Zeppelin">Ferdinand von Zeppelin</a>, German inventor (b. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1838">1838</a>)</p><h2>Nobels 1917</h2><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physics">Physics</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Glover_Barkla">Charles Glover Barkla</a></p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Chemistry">Chemistry</a> – not awarded</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Physiology_or_Medicine">Medicine</a> – not awarded</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Prize_in_Literature">Literature</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karl_Adolph_Gjellerup">Karl Adolph Gjellerup</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henrik_Pontoppidan">Henrik Pontoppidan</a></p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_Peace_Prize">Peace</a> – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Committee_of_the_Red_Cross">International Committee of the Red Cross</a></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Meta: I want to thank Erratio because this would not have gotten done without me.  All love goes in that general direction.  I am just posting.</p> elo Fer3LkjxnLvLLvGv3 2017-12-30T06:09:41.666Z Books I read 2017 - Part 1. Relationships, Learning https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/k6outE9pA6vxZSc8B/books-i-read-2017-part-1-relationships-learning <p>Original post: http://bearlamp.com.au/books-i-read-2017-part-1-relationships-learning/ warning LW seems to have made this post less readable by removing some formatting marks. Possibly better read on bearlamp.com.au</p><p></p><p>This year I read 79 or so books.  Also there are 24 more books that I put down without finishing.  That&#x27;s a lot to summarise.  I have already spent more than 15 hours and restarted the process of summarising twice.  This is attempt number 3.</p><p>Here they are:</p><ul><li><strong>Relationships &amp; Communication</strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/331191/difficult-conversations-by-bruce-patton/9780143118442/">Having Difficult Conversations - Douglass stone</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/740536">Crucial Confrontations -Kerry Patterson</a></li><li><a href="http://www.danielgoleman.info/topics/emotional-intelligence/">Emotional intelligence - Daniel Goleman</a></li><li>reread: <a href="https://booko.info/works/3023">How to Win Friends and Influence People</a>, circa 2007 - Dale Carnegie</li><li><a href="https://www.morethantwo.com/">More Than Two - Franklin Veaux</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/7747987">Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9781604077872/Living-Nonviolent-Communication">Living Non-Violent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="http://brenebrown.com/books-audio/">Daring Greatly - Brene brown</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/1425023">On Apology - Aaron Lazare</a></li><li><a href="http://circlingguide.com/about-marc-beneteau/">Circling Handbook - Marc Beneteau</a></li><li><a href="https://www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/">7 Principles for Making Marriage Work - John Gottman</a></li><li><a href="https://tantor.com/feeling-good-together-david-d-burns-md.html">Feeling Good Together - David D Burns</a></li><li><a href="http://nonviolentcommunication.com/store/getting-past-pain-between-p-36.html">Getting Past The Pain Between Us - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="http://www.nvcworld.com/graduating-from-guilt">Graduating From Guilt - Holly Michelle Eckert</a></li><li><a href="http://nonviolentcommunication.com/store/surprising-purpose-anger-p-47.html">The Surprising Purpose of Anger - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="http://www.thedirtynormal.com/books/">Come as You Are - Emily Nagoski</a><br/> <strong>Books I didn&#x27;t finish</strong></li><li><a href="http://www.artofcommunityonline.org/">Jono Bacon - The Art of the Community</a></li><li><a href="http://www.ericberne.com/games-people-play/">Games People Play</a></li><li><a href="http://richardtuchmd.com/the-stories/">The Stories we tell Ourselves</a></li><li><a href="https://chrisryanphd.com/the-authorsfaq/">Sex at Dawn</a> - ewww evopsych</li></ol><li><strong>Learning</strong></li><ol><li><a href="http://theinnergame.com/">The Inner Game Of Tennis - Timothy Gallway</a></li><li><a href="http://www.joshwaitzkin.com/the-art-of-learning/">The Art of Learning - Josh Waitzkin</a></li><li><a href="http://peakthebook.com/index.html">Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertises</a></li><li><a href="https://joshuafoer.com/moonwalking-with-einstein/">Moonwalking With Einstein - Joshua Foer</a></li><li><a href="http://powerseductionandwar.com/books/">Mastery - Robert Greene</a></li><li><a href="http://thetalentcode.com/">The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle</a></li><li><a href="https://barbaraoakley.com/books/a-mind-for-numbers/">A Mind For Numbers - Barbara Oakley</a></li></ol><li><strong>Psychology/Thinking</strong></li><ol><li><a href="http://www.psych.nyu.edu/oettingen/">Rethinking Positive Thinking - Gabrielle Oettingen</a></li><li><a href="https://www.oliversacks.com/books-by-oliver-sacks/man-mistook-wife-hat/">The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat - Oliver Sacks</a></li><li><a href="https://www.quietrev.com/">Quiet - Susan Cain</a></li><li><a href="http://www.danpink.com/books/whole-new-mind/">A Whole New Mind - Daniel Pink</a></li><li><a href="https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletters/flourishnewsletters/newtheory">Flourish - Martin Seligman</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/841634">The Essential Difference - Simon Baron-cohen</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/675397">Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi</a></li><li><a href="https://www.superforecasting.com/">Superforecasters - Philip Tetlock</a></li><li><a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">The Discerning Heart - Robert Kegan</a></li><li><a href="https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-book/">Grit - Angela Duckworth</a></li><li><a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">Immunity To Change - Robert Kegan</a></li><li><a href="http://www.heidigrantphd.com/books/succeed">Succeed - Heidi Grant Halvorson</a></li><li><a href="http://www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book">Rethinking Narcissism - Dr. Craig Malkin</a></li><li><a href="http://www.russellbarkley.org/">Taking Charge of Adult ADHD - Russel Barkley</a></li><li><a href="http://www.heidigrantphd.com/books/no-one-understands-you-and-what-to-do-about-it">No One Understands You And What To Do About It - Heidi Halverston</a><br/> <strong>Not Finished:</strong></li><li><a href="https://mindsetonline.com/">Mindset - Carol Dweck</a></li><li><a href="http://www.julianjaynes.org/bicameralmind.php">The Origin Of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind - Julian Jaynes</a></li><li><a href="https://kahneman.socialpsychology.org/publications">Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman</a></li></ol><li><strong><a href="https://kahneman.socialpsychology.org/publications">Management/self work</a></strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://booko.info/9781848549258/The-One-Thing">The One Thing - Gary Keller</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9780312430009/The-Checklist-Manifesto">The Checklist Manifesto - Atul Gawande</a></li><li><a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1464-0597.1963.tb00463.x/full">The Identification of Creativity</a></li><li><a href="http://calnewport.com/books/deep-work/">Deep Work - Cal Newport</a></li><li><a href="http://calnewport.com/books/so-good/">So Good They Can&#x27;t Ignore You - Cal Newport</a></li><li><a href="http://www.davidmarquet.com/books/">Turn The Ship Around - David Marquet</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/7722837">The Hard Thing About Hard Things - Ben Horrowitz</a></li><li><a href="http://tynan.com/superhuman">Superhuman by Habit - Tynan</a></li><li><a href="http://www.nickwinter.net/the-motivation-hacker">The Motivation Hacker - Nick Winter</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9781626568228/Collaborating-with-the-EnemyHow-to-Work-with-People-You-Don-t-Agree-with-or-">Collaborating With The Enemy - Adam Kahane</a></li><li><a href="http://designingyour.life/the-book/">Designing your life - Bill Burnett</a></li><li><a href="http://mindingourway.com/guilt/">The Guilt Series - Nate Soares</a></li><li><a href="http://thework.com/en/about-byron-katie">Loving What Is - Byron Katie</a></li><li><a href="http://markforster.squarespace.com/">Secrets of Productive People - Mark Forster</a><br/> <strong>Not Finished:</strong></li><li><a href="http://lauravanderkam.com/books/168-hours/">168 Hours - Laura Vanderkam</a></li><li><a href="http://amandapalmer.net/theartofasking/">The Art of Asking - Amanda Palmer</a></li><li><a href="http://www.jimcollins.com/books.html">Built to Last - Jim Collins</a></li><li><a href="http://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/">The Artist&#x27;s Way - Julia Cameron</a></li><li><a href="https://tavris.socialpsychology.org/publications">Mistakes were made but not by me - Carrol Tavris</a></li><li><a href="https://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/">Stumbling on Happiness - Daniel Gilbert</a></li></ol><li><strong>Spirituality</strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://siyli.org/resources/search-inside-yourself-book">Search Inside Yourself - Chade-Meng Tan</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gateless_Gate">The Gateless Gate</a></li><li><a href="https://www.samharris.org/waking-up">Waking Up: A Guide To Spirituality Without Religion - Sam Harris</a></li><li><a href="https://jordanbpeterson.com/maps-of-meaning/">Maps Of Meaning - Jordan Peterson</a></li><li><a href="http://www.gretachristina.com/comfort.html">Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing To Do With God - Greta Christina</a></li><li><a href="http://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf">Persistent Non-Symbolic Experience paper - Dr Jeffrey Martin</a><br/> <strong>Not Finished:</strong></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Smullyan">The Tao is Silent</a> - smug taoist self-righteous bullshit.</li><li><a href="http://rabbisacks.org/not-in-gods-name/">Not In God&#x27;s Name - Jonathan Sacks</a></li><li><a href="http://www.liberationunleashed.com/books/gateless-gatecrashers/">Gateless Gatecrashers - LiberationUnleashed</a></li></ol><li><strong>Fun (Fiction mostly)</strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://booko.info/9780857665720/Fix">Fix - Ferrett Steinmetz</a></li><li><a href="http://unsongbook.com/">Unsongbook - Scott Alexander</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/3235">Surely You&#x27;re Joking Mr Feynman - Richard P. Feynman</a></li></ol><li><strong>Political/Cultural movements</strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://intelligence.org/rationality-ai-zombies/">Rationality - from AI to zombies</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9781846685811/Being-Mortal">Being mortal: illness, medicine and what matters in the end - Atul Gawande</a></li><li><a href="https://falkvinge.net/2013/02/14/swarmwise-the-tactical-manual-to-changing-the-world-chapter-one/">Swarmwise - Rick Falkvinge</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/6899743">Rules For Radicals - Saul Alinsky</a></li><li><a href="https://www.effectivealtruism.org/doing-good-better/">Doing Good Better - William MacAskill</a></li><li><a href="https://www.dicksmithfairgo.com.au/housing-affordability-crisis/">Dick Smith - A Fair Go - Housing Affordability</a><br/> <strong>Not Finished</strong></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/5817155">Eating Animals - Jonathan Safran Foer</a></li><li><a href="https://www.portphillippublishing.com.au/2017/07/04/crypto-revolution-bitcoin-cryptocurrency-and-the-future-of-money/">Crypto Revolution - Sam Volkering</a></li></ol><li><strong>Health/Diet</strong></li><ol><li><a href="http://mindsatwork.com/books-publications/">Right Weight, Right Mind - Robert Kegan</a></li><li><a href="http://garytaubes.com/works/books/why-we-get-fat/">Why We Get Fat - Gary Taubes</a></li><li><a href="https://www.nutritionsportsexerciseceus.com/books/">Nutrient Timings - John Ivy</a></li><li><a href="http://www.chrismcdougall.com/born-to-run/">Born to Run - Christopher McDougall</a></li><li><a href="http://www.stephanguyenet.com/thehungrybrain/">The Hungry Brain - Stephen Guyenet</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Lustig">Fat Chance - Robert Lustig</a></li><li><a href="http://www.drbrownstein.com/Iodine-Why-You-Need-It-p/iodine.htm">Iodine: Why You Need it - David Brownstein</a></li></ol><li><strong>Misc</strong></li><ol><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/20893">Theory And Reality - Peter Godfrey Smith</a></li><li><a href="http://www.integral-life-practice.com/">Integral Life Practice - Ken Wilbur</a></li><li><a href="https://www.preparingheirs.com/">Preparing Heirs - Roy Williams</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Mankiw">Principles Of Economics - Gregory Mankiw</a></li><li><a href="http://ashidakim.com/">Secrets of the Ninja - Ashida Kim</a><br/> <strong>Not Finished:</strong></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9780099786405/Zen-And-The-Art-Of-Motorcycle-Maintenance-An-Inquiry-into-Values">Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance</a></li><li><a href="http://www.fooledbyrandomness.com/">The Black Swan - Nassim Nicholas Taleb</a></li><li><a href="http://jackschwager.com/">Hedge fund market wizards - Jack Schwager</a></li><li><a href="http://www.glencordoza.com/books">Becoming a supple leopard - Glen Cordoza</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_Hofstadter">Godel, Escher, Bach - Douglas Hofstadter</a></li><li><a href="https://www.lonelyplanet.com/singapore">Lonely Planet Singapore</a></li></ol></ul><p>Before I get into the books, let me explain how this many books is possible.</p><p>In 2017 I discovered <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.geometerplus.zlibrary.ui.android">FBReader</a>.  An app for ebooks on android phones (Natural reader is a good app for IOS).  That is FBReader and <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hyperionics.fbreader.plugin.tts_plus">TTS plugin</a>.  With a bit of getting used to, and tweaking of speed I have managed to read an obviously startling number of books - I even surprised myself.  So many in fact that I challenge myself to be able to remember them all and act in line with everything they have taught me.  This summary and the parts to follow are as much for me as it is for you.  For me - to confirm I took away what I wanted to take away.  For you - to use as notes and evaluations on what is worth reading.  I hope you enjoy, a review of all the books I read this year.</p><p>I get asked if I properly take in the information by audio-reading.  The answer is yes and no.  Sometimes I miss things, sometimes I read a book twice.  Sometimes even more times.  Sometimes I don&#x27;t need to re-read it.  Overall I am in a much much better position for having read books in the way that I have than not at all.</p><h1><strong>Relationships &amp; Communication</strong></h1><ul><li><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/331191/difficult-conversations-by-bruce-patton/9780143118442/">Having Difficult Conversations - Douglass stone</a></li></ul><p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Reviewed here.</a></p><blockquote><strong>The conversation needs to be safe.</strong>  For example – “I want to help you as a person and I know how hard it can be to get feedback from other people and I want to make you into a better person.  I have an idea for how you might like to improve.  Before I tell you I want to reassure you that even though this might come across abrasive I want to help you grow and be better in the future…”</blockquote><p>This book is about life.  It&#x27;s supposedly about conversations which is fine. I mean who needs to have those all the time every day forever to get anything done that is outside of the span of control of one person.  So you want to tell someone something and you have a hunch it&#x27;s going to be difficult.  Great!  The first step of being an alcoholic is to admit you have a problem.  After that it&#x27;s all rainbows and butterflies.   Except it&#x27;s not.  Well.  Without really explaining in detail this book borrows from some of the tricks of mindfulness, ACT Therapy and the book, <em>The happiness trap</em>. Where your job as a person preparing to have a difficult conversation is to recognise that you don&#x27;t have the full story.  You have your version of events.  Probably your version with a twist on it that shows that the other person was spiteful or calculated damaging you for one reason or another.  Trouble is that the other person also has a version of the story that explains why they were innocent as well as the hero of their own story as well as the victim of your calculated actions because yes. Without you knowing you are in fact the devil (credit where credit is due right?)</p><p>Everything in this book is really a drawn out way of saying that you need to step outside of <em>The Stories we tell ourselves</em> (another book worth reading and a great concept to carry around in your head), and into the 3rd person story that is built from the information as we lay them out.  If you want to steal the strategies and systems around &quot;building a 3rd story&quot; - fleece it for all it&#x27;s worth.  It&#x27;s got guides, scripts, you name it.  It does take a special kind of person to be able to take the attitude of &quot;we need to build a 3rd story&quot; and roll with it as if it were as powerful as an entire book without reading the damn book so maybe it&#x27;s best to read the book to get the idea.  It&#x27;s a light read all the same and the book recently featured in my <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">list of models of human relationships</a> where you can find some more words about it.</p><ul><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/740536">Crucial Confrontations -Kerry Patterson</a></li></ul><p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Reviewed here.</a></p><blockquote>There are 4 types of difficult conversations around communicating a decision:<br/> <strong>a</strong>. <strong>Consultation</strong> (Bob asks Alice for ideas for the decision he is going to make on his own)<br/> <strong>b</strong>. <strong>Collaboration</strong> (Bob and Alice make a decision together)<br/> <strong>c</strong>. <strong>Declaration</strong> (Bob tells alice the decision he has made)<br/> <strong>d</strong>. <strong>Delegation</strong> (Bob tells alice to make the decision)</blockquote><ul><li><a href="http://www.danielgoleman.info/topics/emotional-intelligence/">Emotional intelligence - Daniel Goleman</a></li></ul><p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Reviewed here.</a></p><blockquote>There is a two way path between physiological states and emotional states.  Everyone can train emotional intelligence, they need practice.  This includes holding an understanding of your own states as well as being able to notice emotional states in other people.<br/>EI is particularly important when it is particularly deficient.  In the book it talks about anger as a state that (to an untrained person) can cause a reaction before someone knows that they were angry.  Make sure to fix that first before moving to higher levels of emotional management.</blockquote><ul><li>reread: <a href="https://booko.info/works/3023">How to Win Friends and Influence People</a>, circa 2007 - Dale Carnegie</li></ul><p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">Reviewed here.</a></p><blockquote>I always recommend this book to people starting the journey because it’s a great place to start.  These days I have better models but when I didn’t know anything this was a place to begin.  Most of my models are now more complicated applications of the ideas initially presented.  You still need weak models before replacing them with more complicated ones which are more accurate.</blockquote><ul><li><a href="https://www.morethantwo.com/">More Than Two - Franklin Veaux</a></li></ul><p>The polyamory bible.  It will teach you to consider the things you didn&#x27;t initially consider when thinking about poly.  Covers communication, having a toolkit, working with jealousy, setting rules, and a whole lot more that&#x27;s hard to put into words.</p><ul><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/7747987">Nonviolent Communication: a language of life - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="https://booko.info/9781604077872/Living-Nonviolent-Communication">Living Non-Violent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="http://nonviolentcommunication.com/store/getting-past-pain-between-p-36.html">Getting Past The Pain Between Us - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li><li><a href="http://www.nvcworld.com/graduating-from-guilt">Graduating From Guilt - Holly Michelle Eckert</a></li><li><a href="http://nonviolentcommunication.com/store/surprising-purpose-anger-p-47.html">The Surprising Purpose of Anger - Marshall Rosenberg</a></li></ul><p>These are all almost the same book.  They talk about the same thing (NVC) and the best is one of the top two.  Don&#x27;t let the name scare you, it&#x27;s basically what you are looking for in communication (despite sounding like the opposite of what you want).  If I had to pick one book that made everything all make sense, it&#x27;s this one concept.  If you are looking for the keys, look no further than here.  If the name screams &quot;useless&quot; then hopefully it&#x27;s time to wonder why I would suggest a book that sounds useless.  Things that now make sense: Guilt, Anger, Upset, Resentment, Apology, Forgiveness, Sadness, How to talk about your interpersonal problems, how to meet your own needs and so much more.  <strong>If you only read one book, read this one. </strong> I have probably spent 75+ hours on learning NVC this year, independent of the time spent thinking about it and practicing it in my life.</p><ul><li><a href="http://brenebrown.com/books-audio/">Daring Greatly - Brene brown</a></li></ul><p>This book is about creating the necessary vulnerability needed to form social connections.  How do you bond with people?  By having something to connect over.  How do you do that?  Share your vulnerability (not in a DUMP-FEELINGS way but) in a way that fosters bringing people closer to you.  And also recognise other people being vulnerable and appreciate it, even if it doesn&#x27;t meet your specifics for how to connect.</p><ul><li><a href="https://booko.info/works/1425023">On Apology - Aaron Lazare</a></li></ul><p>A whole book on the psychology of apology.  Ties in very well to NVC and Difficult conversation.  It&#x27;s everything you need to know about apology to get it right.  Most apologies don&#x27;t need to be perfect but I know that having this book under my belt means that I can craft a well-thought-out apology that hits on all the psychological needs of the offended person and allows healing to happen.</p><ul><li><a href="http://circlingguide.com/about-marc-beneteau/">Circling Handbook - Marc Beneteau</a></li></ul><p>A book about the hard-to-explain activity of &quot;circling&quot;.  Something like a cross between group meditation and hailed as the fastest way to build close connection with people in a short period of time.  It&#x27;s not creepy or mysterious, just hard to explain because it&#x27;s about sharing present experience. <em>I feel my breath as I was thinking of an example.</em>  The amazing thing about present experience is that we all have them, so we all have a glimpse at understanding them and connecting to them is something we can all do.  I recommend circling (which is built on NVC) to everyone.  Just get a glimpse of something different.</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/">7 Principles for Making Marriage Work - John Gottman</a></li></ul><p>Gottman is a mathematician who decided to study relationships.  While some of his statistical methods may be questionable he still offers a few good models in this book.  Models I use daily.  Emotional bids, 4 horsemen, repair attempts, love maps, positive sentiment, turn towards/turn away, solvable/perpetual problems and many more.  If you want to know how to make relationships work, this book has most of what you need to know.</p><ul><li><a href="https://tantor.com/feeling-good-together-david-d-burns-md.html">Feeling Good Together - David D Burns</a></li></ul><p>Some good ideas about measuring relationship satisfaction.  CBT about beliefs in relationships.  Have a growth mindset not a fixed mindset around your partner.  A warning to beware of the &quot;stories we tell ourselves&quot; and don&#x27;t live in those stories (Agrees with NVC). We probably cause the exact problems we are trying to solve, don&#x27;t expect to solve the problem by doing the exact same thing as you just did.  Humans have a bad habit of missing obvious details like how exactly we cause the problems.  This book has more but having read all the other books, these things feel like overlap with the other books.</p><ul><li><a href="http://www.thedirtynormal.com/books/">Come as You Are - Emily Nagoski</a></li></ul><p>It&#x27;s a sex book!  Includes good models and information such as,</p><p>&quot;take a mirror and investigate your genitals&quot; because that&#x27;s interesting and most people have not.</p><p>Non-Concordance between mental desire and physiological response (thinking I am not into it when I am hard/wet.  Or being unable to get hard/wet when I want to be into it).</p><p>Accelerator and Brake as a model - Some factors turn you on, some turn you off but they don&#x27;t always interact.  Example: stress might turn you off but a sexy partner might turn you on.  But these are independent factors.  You may need to relieve the stresses and encourage your partner to be more sexy to get this going.  Make a list with your partner of accelerators and brakes, then swap lists and see if you can help each other.</p><p>Aim for an enjoyable experience.  Get naked with your partner and just enjoy cuddling and touching and don&#x27;t have any pressure to have sex.  Then gradually add in more, explore and enjoy each other.  Don&#x27;t overthink it (NVC message, stay in the concrete experience).</p><p>The whole book is laced with a message of &quot;you are probably normal and less stressing about your sex life and experience actually makes it better because you are not stressed&quot;.</p><p>I don&#x27;t know if I am relatively inexperienced in reading sex books but this one had a lot that I didn&#x27;t know yet.  Which is good.  I hope to grab more in the near future.</p><p><strong>Relationship books I didn&#x27;t finish</strong></p><ul><li><a href="http://www.artofcommunityonline.org/">Jono Bacon - The Art of the Community</a></li></ul><p>Book about Free Open Source communities online and variously how to run a community.  I really wanted to look up one or two specific things so I didn&#x27;t get deep into this book.  but it&#x27;s still the bible of community building.</p><ul><li><a href="http://www.ericberne.com/games-people-play/">Games People Play</a></li></ul><p>I read this years ago.  It was hogwash then and it&#x27;s hogwash now but it maybe has useful ideas of identities we can choose to play to.  &quot;needs babying&quot; &quot;needs to be an adult&quot; as identities.  But really I think NVC works better.</p><ul><li><a href="http://richardtuchmd.com/the-stories/">The Stories we tell Ourselves</a></li></ul><p>I want to finish this book!  And there are a small handful of books by this name.  It&#x27;s about the story of judgement about our concrete experiences.  If you live in a world of judgement, &quot;he hates, she is mad at&quot; you will live in a lot more pain than if you live in a world of concretes.  Living in &quot;this happened/that happened&quot; not &quot;this happening implies he was mad at me&quot; (looks a lot like fundamental attribution error).</p><p>The world you end up spending time in is the world that defines your meaning.  Which is, if you live in the world of conspiracy, those are meaningful and you can win and lose in ways that make for joy and pain.  If you live in the world of stoic, concrete experience you can&#x27;t lose, and everything is joyous in a way that is very hard to describe.  Anyway read NVC, read this, read all the other similar books and everything makes sense together.</p><ul><li><a href="https://chrisryanphd.com/the-authorsfaq/">Sex at Dawn</a> - ewww evopsych</li></ul><p>I really wanted this to be a good book.  On the tail of giving up on <em>The Black Swan</em>, I wanted my next book to actually last.  I have heard many people say promising things about this book but unfortunately it didn&#x27;t carry it&#x27;s own weight.  I got about 150 pages in and was pretty sick of armchair evolutionary psychology ideas self justifying just so theories with no basis whatsoever that is even marginally better than a BAHfest entrant.  How they sold so many books and got into so many minds is beyond me.  I know what I didn&#x27;t find was some good reading on sexuality, polyamory or evolution.  It&#x27;s a shame because it came so well recommended.  I will not read the rest.</p><h1><strong>Learning</strong></h1><ul><li><a href="http://theinnergame.com/">The Inner Game Of Tennis - Timothy Gallway</a></li></ul><p>This book is amazing.  It will teach you how to think about learning any problem in the realm of difficult human.  Difficult human is &quot;there is something that some people can do with their bodies.  It takes iteration and practice to solve a difficult human problem.  Like balance, chopping vegetables, juggling, playing music and many more.  This book has guidelines for learning that.  It&#x27;s based on tennis but that helps to show how well it applies to any skill.  <strong>If you want to know how to learn</strong>.  Read this.</p><p>This book is the story of how Tim Galloway basically discovered Daniel Kahneman&#x27;s <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow#Two_Sytems">Two System </a>model from <a href="https://booko.info/9780141033570/Thinking-Fast-and-Slow">Thinking Fast and Slow</a>.  Except he did it years earlier while trying to work out how to teach people to play tennis.  If you are interested in teaching or learning any skill at all ever - I would recommend this book because chances are it&#x27;s one of those skills like tennis where your body (system 1) just kinda plays the game and your planning and calculating System 2 basically takes a back seat.</p><p>Reason being if you have to think about every ball coming towards you, chances are tha t while you do the geometry on the projectile motion trajectory they will hit you in the face.  However if you train that part of your body that worked out how to walk via a variation on trial and error - that&#x27;s what&#x27;s going to make an ace or a dunce tennis player.  The ability to &quot;feel&quot; or intuit what&#x27;s next (using that other part of your brain) and act accordingly.</p><p>That&#x27;s not all.  It&#x27;s great to say that tennis is an intuitive game but standing on the court for 200 hours wont teach you very much.  Not without the effective feedback loops and the repeatability (See <em>Peak</em> - The book by the man who is the god of experience and practice).  There is a fiddly balance between the system that can calculate the spin on the ball, and why it went out (s2) -- and the system that knows how to use muscle memory to respond to that (s1).  This book is a guide on how to balance the two systems and use them to work towards the goal, not against each other.</p><p>It&#x27;s a pretty great read which alternates between explanations and small anecdotes where Tim discovered the concepts behind the theory, this book is light on the anecdotes and heavy on the concepts.  It&#x27;s less of a book all about &quot;ME ME ME&quot; and more of a book about &quot;here learn this&quot;.  If you are looking to learn something, this is a must read.</p><ul><li><a href="http://www.joshwaitzkin.com/the-art-of-learning/">The Art of Learning - Josh Waitzkin</a></li></ul><p>This book is the semi-autobiographical book by Josh Waitzkin as he describes his journey through chess championships and then through Tai Chi [Taiji Push Hands (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taiji_Quan">Taiji Tui Shou</a>)] championships.  The great thing about his story is that it&#x27;s not often that you find a double champion to give a good eyeballing.  In any discipline at championship level you have certain meta-skills that creep in.  and Josh talks about what it&#x27;s like and how to do it.</p><p>There is a lot about &quot;focus on your own style&quot; and &quot;turn inwards to your experience when learning&quot;.  Also keep it fun, get lots of fast feedback, the ability to keep cool under pressure, the ability to see your own mistakes and learn from them and many more pieces of advice.  Which is basically why he called the book <em>The Art of Learning</em>.  Inspired by <em>Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,</em> and distinctly with some similarities but with a more fun story and a more practical adventure.  Think less smug and bitter character, and more - Journey of discovery being shared as he works it out along the way.</p><p>If you look at what Josh is up to now, it seems like the book helped springboard him into an organisation that helps with revolutionising teaching styles so that they match the student.</p><p>Like any young genius I was raised on a diet of chess and science so I get what he talks about when he talks about the mindset of the game.  I too had experiences of watching my opponents make themselves lose the game.  I too learnt everything I know about the world via a chess board.  Maybe that&#x27;s why I loved this story.</p><p>Maybe it was all confirmation bias to hear his story, maybe it was reading about the mental game that ties into <em>The Inner Game of Tennis, NVC, The Talent Code, Stories we tell ourselves</em> and many more...  But if you get the idea that he knows what he is talking about, this is a great hero&#x27;s story of how a man conquered the world.  He starts on the idea (also found in Tony Robbins&#x27; - Uncertainty, as well as Jordan Peterson - Chaos), that growth comes out of mistakes.  I wrote about it before when I said, <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/mistakes-bad-enough-you-learn-but-not-bad-enough-they-kill-you/">mistakes bad enough that you learn but not bad enough that they kill you</a>.</p><p>Other things mentioned include ideas that are also in <em>peak</em> about tight loop feedback, deliberate practice and 10,000hours of training.</p><p>One day you stop being able to follow other teachers, you become your own teacher.  You are the master of your own agency.  Then you need to ask yourself what next?  How do I get better?  How do I take a step forward?  This book talks about that.  And I would strongly recommend it.</p><p>Overall - definitely a fun read and firmly in the set of books I would recommend to read if you want to know about learning.</p><ul><li><a href="http://peakthebook.com/index.html">Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise - Anders Erricson</a></li></ul><p>This book was probably made better by the fact that I had previously read Anders Ericsson&#x27;s earlier book - <em>The Cambridge Handbook of Expertise</em> which is essentially a compilation of papers about being an expert.  As you might expect from a compilation of papers - it was dry as all hell and was very difficult to extract value from.  Which is why I was thrilled when I found out about this book.  Peak is one of those fun story books about brilliant people and how they got to where they are, Mozart, &quot;Steve&quot;, Chess masters... And I love a good chess story.</p><p>Anders tries to build a story-mode version of the list of instructions on page 225/700, which ideally should have been on page 1 but that&#x27;s okay, he does it this way.  It&#x27;s fun all the same to read about all the masters and how they got to their 10k hours.  That&#x27;s right Anders is the 10,000 hours guy.  Well.  He&#x27;s the deliberate practice guy, and combined with <em>the inner game of tennis</em>, you can basically teach yourself anything by following these 7 principles.</p><blockquote>Deliberate practice is characterized by the following traits:<br/>Deliberate practice develops skills that other people have already figured out how to do and for which effective training techniques have been established. The practice regimen should be designed and overseen by a teacher or coach who is familiar with the abilities of expert performers and with how those abilities can best be developed.<br/>Deliberate practice takes place outside one’s comfort zone and requires a student to constantly try things that are just beyond his or her current abilities. Thus it demands near-maximal effort, which is generally not enjoyable.<br/>Deliberate practice involves well-defined, specific goals and often involves improving some aspect of the target performance; it is not aimed at some vague overall improvement. Once an overall goal has been set, a teacher or coach will develop a plan for making a series of small changes that will add up to the desired larger change. Improving some aspect of the target performance allows a performer to see that his or her performances have been improved by the training.<br/>Deliberate practice is deliberate, that is, it requires a person’s full attention and conscious actions. It isn’t enough to simply follow a teacher’s or coach’s directions. The student must concentrate on the specific goal for his or her practice activity so that adjustments can be made to control practice.<br/>Deliberate practice involves feedback and modification of efforts in response to that feedback. Early in the training process much of the feedback will come from the teacher or coach, who will monitor progress, point out problems, and offer ways to address those problems. With time and experience students must learn to monitor themselves, spot mistakes, and adjust accordingly. Such self-monitoring requires effective mental representations.<br/>Deliberate practice both produces and depends on effective mental representations. Improving performance goes hand in hand with improving mental representations; as one’s performance improves, the representations become more detailed and effective, in turn making it possible to improve even more. Mental representations make it possible to monitor how one is doing, both in practice and in actual performance. They show the right way to do something and allow one to notice when doing something wrong and to correct it.<br/>Deliberate practice nearly always involves building or modifying previously acquired skills by focusing on particular aspects of those skills and working to improve them specifically; over time this step-by-step improvement will eventually lead to expert performance. Because of the way that new skills are built on top of existing skills, it is important for teachers to provide beginners with the correct fundamental skills in order to minimize the chances that the student will have to relearn those fundamental skills later when at a more advanced level.</blockquote><p>So yeah!  Just commit that to memory and you&#x27;ll be set!  Following an expert, Outside your comfort zone of what you know, specific goals, deliberate and conscious actions, short feedback loops, mental models of what you are trying to do and modifying what you already know to make it better.</p><p>It&#x27;s as easy as building a mnemonic and chunking that down right?  (nope, it&#x27;s just annoying to try to recall that list.  It&#x27;s still a good list though).  It does have some good ideas like finding an expert and doing some analysis to see what you are doing different and why.  There are lots of bits to expertise, and they are really well covered in the book.</p><p>Two other concepts that Ander&#x27;s destroys really confidently are, &quot;zero to hero&quot; sort of out-of-nowhere stories and savantism.  The short version is that there is no free lunch.  Even savants worked thousands of hours to get where they were.  Unfortunately it was probably more of a compulsive repetitive behaviour than an enjoyable learning experience.</p><ul><li><a href="https://joshuafoer.com/moonwalking-with-einstein/">Moonwalking With Einstein - Joshua Foer</a></li></ul><p>Joshua Foer accidentally won a memory competition.  He was a journalist investigating the subculture when he decided to play and used Anders Erricson&#x27;s help to get so good he won.  The story of his journey is excellent!  If you like books that take you on a journey, like <em>The Art of Learning</em> - this one is a lot of fun.  It&#x27;s a bit of a boys book in that the whole &quot;memory scene&quot; as he describes it is a bunch of boys trying to do something stupendous.</p><p>The book is littered with details of our understanding of how memory works.  It&#x27;s fun to play along and try to recall syllables or phone numbers.  Also if you want to go into memory palaces, this book is a good place to start.  Even if you just want to know more so you can decide it&#x27;s not for you, that&#x27;s fine too.  Investigate <a href="https://artofmemory.com/wiki/Main_Page">https://artofmemory.com/wiki/Main_Page</a> if you are keen to memorize decks of playing cards or other irrelevant memory feats.  (also I wrote the <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/list-of-techniques-to-help-you-remember-names/">list of techniques to help you remember names</a> a while before reading this)</p><ul><li><a href="http://powerseductionandwar.com/books/">Mastery - Robert Greene</a></li></ul><p>This book has some excellent models around how to become a master in your field.  Including several phases of learning.  The transition from &quot;apprentice&quot;, to &quot;scientist&quot;, to &quot;master&quot;.  The steps of being an apprentice through<br/> passive&quot;, &quot;practice&quot; and &quot;experimentation&quot;.</p><p>Find a mentor who is doing what you want, ask them for advice then throw most of it out.  Pay attention to what they do, not what they say.  Emulate the things they do that you see working.</p><p>Robert green indulges in many examples of masters and the training they went through including Darwin, Mozart, Da Vinci and many more.  Whether it&#x27;s possible to coherently posit a connection between as many &quot;masters&quot; as he does and continue to present a thesis. That&#x27;s an exercise left up to the reader.  He certainly has a solid method for achieving mastery.  Whether that&#x27;s the best way... It&#x27;s not the only way, but it&#x27;s certainly food for thought.</p><ul><li><a href="http://thetalentcode.com/">The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle</a></li></ul><p>Less good than all the above.  A few simple ideas about how to get people into the passion of a skill and how to keep the joy alive.  In theory the fundamentals of passions.  Whether it delivers... is up to you.</p><ul><li><a href="https://barbaraoakley.com/books/a-mind-for-numbers/">A Mind For Numbers - Barbara Oakley</a></li></ul><p>A book by a non-mathematical person on how they learnt to learn math.  Many good insights.  Goes well with <em>deep work</em>, and generally working on &quot;hard things&quot;.  talks about diffuse vs focussed mode thinking.  Basically the reason why shower-thoughts work so well at solving problems.  And how to get that without having to shower just to get on top of your problems.  Or alternatively the suggestion to shower as often as necessary.</p><p>This book is aimed at a simple level and is filled with exercises that can be tried out once.  It doesn&#x27;t necessarily guide you how to apply it to your own life.  While it&#x27;s neat insight to know that focused and diffuse modes exist it doesn&#x27;t do the most obvious of things of telling you to implement it in your working process.</p><p>If you are like me and have read at least 5 books on productivity, this book probably overlaps with one or more of them.  In that sense it&#x27;s not novel but it is good at covering the variety of relevant information.  I feel like Feynman covers his stuff in his own books, Joshua Foer covers his knowledge in <em>Moonwalking with Einstein</em>.  A poor copy is not ideal but for someone entering the field maybe it&#x27;s a reasonable summary?</p><p>----------------</p><p>This is part 1 and it&#x27;s over 5k words.  If I don&#x27;t split this up I can assume it won&#x27;t get read.  It&#x27;s phenomenal that it&#x27;s actually being published after months wrestling with it.  I&#x27;d say this could have taken anywhere from 5-15 hours in the fray of writing and rewriting and restructuring.</p><p>Part 2 coming soon.</p> elo k6outE9pA6vxZSc8B 2017-12-18T09:38:43.505Z Meaning wars https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/eCqwDMQxdGYTrQAer/meaning-wars <p>Originally posted: http://bearlamp.com.au/meaning-wars/</p><p>Everyone thinks the attention game is about attention. It is (of course) but it isn&#x27;t. It&#x27;s about meaning. We give attention to the things that we find meaningful. Attention being a rough proxy our brain provides for meaning.  That means we spend time on, thinking about, sharing the ideas, information and experiences we find meaningful. The mind-changing ideas, the discoveries, the strong emotions. The important stuff right?</p><p>Well no.  That&#x27;s not always what we spend time on.  But let&#x27;s look concretely at some examples.  Think back to when TED talks first started.  Enough of us had the experience when we first watched the videos and got attached to the feeling that we&#x27;d just participated in insightful and valuable information.   But then we clicked <em>next video</em> and did it all again.  And again.  And again.  Until eventually 8 hours later we felt stale about the whole idea of receiving an epiphany in a video in bite-sized form.</p><p>I don&#x27;t watch TED talks any more and I have to ask myself why, and how that fits in the world of me wanting insights and epiphany.  Are these videos interesting but not actionable?  That&#x27;s relevant but it&#x27;s off the mark.</p><p>So why did we click, and why did we pay <strong>attention</strong>?  And why did it all go wrong?  How did things get unstuck?  These videos call our attention, but don&#x27;t matter to us.  Even though they are fascinating and attractive.  An info-hazard: be careful or you will be sucked into &quot;many-ted-talks&quot;, where-did-my-afternoon-go?</p><p>Why?</p><p>Well - meaning.  We seek meaning.  We seek to matter, and we seek to do things we care about.  (this is not insightful, it&#x27;s obvious).</p><p>When you watch your first video, it&#x27;s pretty new, it&#x27;s unique and insightful.  The second delivers the same.  And the fourteenth? It doesn&#x27;t matter how interesting this one is, it&#x27;s probably not the same wonderful feeling as the first video.  It&#x27;s getting to be the same delivery of information.  Despite being exciting, it&#x27;s also getting old.  It&#x27;s losing its meaning...</p><p>We start out wanting meaning, we start out getting meaning, and after a while we don&#x27;t really get the same thing any more.  We are not designed to notice meaning wearing off - we expect it to keep being there.  Until it&#x27;s well and truly worn out so bad that it&#x27;s a shock to the system.  The same way that we go blind a little each day and don&#x27;t notice until we crash a car.  &quot;that&#x27;s how blind we are&quot;.</p><p>I think there is insight in the application of meaning to different cultures and how they share information, how they share narratives and <strong>what </strong>they share.</p><h2><strong>SJW culture</strong></h2><p>How different cultures do meaning is worth observing.  A SJW culture shares meaning by <strong>describing, packaging and sharing</strong> the emotions associated with outrage and offence.  It matters that people are getting <u>hurt</u> and it matters that we are fixing that.  It matters more than joy and happiness, it matters to raise the baseline.  I had a fascinating experience as I was first starting to notice meaning.  I went on a date with a person who was part of Social Justice culture.  They insisted on asking about politics and telling me some key experiences of pain and outrage that someone they knew had experienced.</p><p>At the time I indulged by hearing the story.  And at the time my defences against 3rd party emotions kicked in.  I just can&#x27;t bring myself to care about 3rd hand outrage.  At first I was confused, why this story?  Why tell it to me? That&#x27;s when I realised that this story that was being shared because it <em>mattered</em>.  Because it was meaningful to this person and because being able to connect over these strong emotions is how someone in this culture vets their potential dates and their qualities as an empathic person.  I failed.  And I could tell as it was happening that I was failing.  But it was only days later that I really worked out how and what I had failed at.</p><p>In a culture where sharing the experience of strong emotion by one person  - and being empathetic of that experience is how we connect, we need to find those stories to share, and then share them.</p><p>The core of what is meaningful in this culture is sharing that emotional experience.</p><h2><strong>4chan culture</strong></h2><p>The 4Chan (and shared to the alt-right) culture I appreciate conceptually so much more because of what it does.  It was around before Social Justice but it grew stronger in response to the Social Justice culture.  It derives it&#x27;s meaning from <strong>creating outrage</strong>, then sharing it.  The most outrage you can stir up, the more attention you can get, the more butt-hurt, the more <em>jimmies you can rustle</em>, the better.  In that culture we can celebrate the success of creating outrage where there previously was none.</p><p>On the internet, in the early Bieber days, 4Chan created various, &quot;shaving for Bieber&quot; and other sad-for-Bieber phenomenon.  A dual rumour that was shared round the internet was:</p><ol><li>Justin Bieber had cancer.</li><li>You should shave your head in acknowledgement/solidarity for the fact.</li></ol><p>The thing about shock and awe and how this generates maximum outrage, is that not only is 1 not true but 2 does not at all follow.  It&#x27;s not clear if, whether; and how many teenage girls were caught in a misinformation storm, and quickly shaved their head, only to be embarrassed when they found out the lack of truth to the matter.</p><p>It&#x27;s never going to be clear what really happened.  Whether a few people shaved their heads for the cause and were later embarrassed.  Whether a few people had shaved heads and then decided to join the bandwagon since they fit, and were later embarrassed to have done so.  It&#x27;s not clear if anyone at all fell for it.</p><p>But in the 4chan culture, the creation and propagation of such a rumour is part of what the culture loves.  What is meaningful is to make the most outrage.  It&#x27;s a win if anyone shares the story, it&#x27;s a win if anyone indulges the story, and it&#x27;s an extra win if the conventional media outlets get on board with it.  That&#x27;s what&#x27;s <strong>meaningful</strong>.  That&#x27;s how you get status, you get attention to your outrage generation.  It&#x27;s might be understood as a &quot;troll&quot; but I believe that loses information.  Meaning, and how it is assigned in this culture adds information to the explanation of why troll.</p><p>Of course these two cultures enjoy hating each other, it&#x27;s in their nature.  SJ can&#x27;t stop being outraged and sharing the outrage they feel around the 4chan behaviour, and 4c can&#x27;t stop finding ways to generate outrage and get themselves talked about.  In fact each culture helps the other stay alive and grow.  Because it&#x27;s about meaning.</p><p>These two cultures help each other to grow each other&#x27;s meaning maps.  Each could exist without the other.  There will always be events to be outraged at, and there will always be people making outrage where they feel the opportunity presents for the fun of it, but put these two cultures together and they fuel each other.</p><h2><strong>Facebook Attention Wars</strong></h2><p>In the Facebook world, each user is limited in time they have each day.  Each user can only give attention to a small fraction of the potential information that is served to them.  Facebook is not AI smart yet.  If it&#x27;s an argument, a discussion or the cat pictures.  Facebook only knows that you did partake.  Facebook is agnostic to the reason that you partake.  And in an effort to keep you doing so, it serves you similar content (in a variable fashion to keep you addicted to intermittent reward).</p><p>It&#x27;s commonly know that the Facebook algorithms are <a href="https://thezvi.wordpress.com/2017/09/23/out-to-get-you/">out to get you</a>, they are designed to maximise &quot;time on site&quot;.  If you curate your feed so that you get to see the interesting, relevant (and meaningful) things.  All you end up with is a more attractive place to visit. i.e. you do Facebook&#x27;s job for it, of attracting your eyeballs and keeping you there.</p><p>Facebook is constantly trying to guess at what you want to give your attention away to, what you find meaningful, and serving it to you.  But it cheats.  And it gets it wrong all the time.  When was the last time you went on facebook and left thinking, &quot;wow that&#x27;s exactly what I wanted from that experience&quot;.  I was served perfectly what I wanted to see just now.  Never?</p><p>And your friends.  The &quot;attention seekers&quot;, posting whatever <em>drivel</em> will get them the most attention.  They weren&#x27;t wrong to try to get attention alone, and they weren&#x27;t trying to post drivel.  They were trying to post what was meaningful to them.  (SJ meaningful, 4c meaningful or some other kind of personally meaningful).  If you find it inane drivel then that points to different values, caring about different things, finding meaning in different places.  In seeking attention they were only seeking a proxy for meaning (A very good proxy).  If someone is giving you attention - that can be meaningful to you.  A person giving you attention reminds you that you are important, that you matter.  That external validation of the meaning we all seek.  That&#x27;s what receiving attention is.  Validation in a variety of forms that what we care about it.</p><ul><li>Validation that I agree with what you have to say</li><li>Validation that we are in the same group/tribe or similar in some way.</li><li>Validation via respect of each other&#x27;s time and ideas</li><li>Validation that your experiences are significant or relevant to me</li><li>Validation that what you find meaningful is what I find meaningful</li></ul><p>If you don&#x27;t like what someone is sharing, posting - how someone is trying to get attention.  You are saying, <em>what is meaningful to you is not meaningful to me</em>.  And so we fail to connect with each other, we <em>Dare Greatly</em> (book by Brene Brown), put ourselves out there, shoot for the stars and accept whatever form of connection we create, or fail to generate by putting out our meaning.  Or we don&#x27;t.  We answer, &quot;how are you?&quot; with, &quot;fine, thanks&quot; and successfully stay safely protected from making shared meaning and something to connect over.</p><p>In Brene Brown&#x27;s theory, it&#x27;s called <strong>necessary vulnerability</strong>.  It&#x27;s necessary to be vulnerable by taking a risk and sharing what &quot;matters to you&quot; in order to even have a chance to connect with other people at all.  Brene stops there, because her research was in building connection, in creating loving relationships.  I want to go further to say we do that for the important purpose of finding loving relationships meaningful to us.  And some of us don&#x27;t find them meaningful, or don&#x27;t expect that we will, so we don&#x27;t worry about it.</p><p>There are other forms of meaning.  Just like watching too many TED talks leaves us with a feeling that something is missing.  Spending too much time on Facebook also leaves us with a feeling that something is missing.  That is because we also get meaning from other things. Meaning from attention is catchy. It&#x27;s self sustaining. But we have so many kinds of meaningful things, experiences, ideas, imagination, creation, feelings - curiosity, legacy, religion (<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/list-of-common-human-goals/">list of common human goals</a>).</p><p>What&#x27;s meaningful to each of us is whatever we inherently think is meaningful along with what we choose to think of as meaningful. And in that sense, anything is meaningful. If you want it to be.</p><p>Everyone wants meaning.  That&#x27;s it. To live a meaningful life, think about what you find meaningful and do more of that. Or. Alternatively. Think about what you give your time and attention to. This is your <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/call-to-action/">revealed preferences</a> about what you find meaningful.</p><p>Want to live a meaningful life? Just live. The meaning is there by what you give your energy to.  Don&#x27;t like giving your energy to something?  Maybe it&#x27;s not what you find meaningful.  Or you think the payoff is not going to matter.</p><p>Do you work for the money?  Or do you do your job for reasons that matter to you above and beyond the money...  Is your job meaningful? or does everything you do from 9-5 add up to what you end up doing with the paycheck at the end of the day.</p><h2><strong>What if you live and find nothing meaningful in anything you do or see? </strong></h2><p>Then...  (you might be depressed, if nothing matters) Nothing is meaningful. The meaning is only there if you want it to be.  Surprise.  It sucks to live like that.  You will find your defences propping up all the time about it.  It&#x27;s uncomfortable to think that you lack meaning in your life.  The cognitive dissonance type of uncomfortable.  The kind of uncomfortable that has you reassuring yourself that X or Y that you do does in fact matter.  Or doubling down towards your cookie clicker, farmville or irrelevant other goals in the hope that if you achieve that, the feeling of meaning will be there.  Exactly where you want it.</p><p>Or maybe you will go investigate what other people find meaningful and you will end up in religion or politics or family or any number of areas that other people pursue, seeking your own meaning.</p><p>Don&#x27;t believe me about meaning?  Read Martin Seligman - <em>Flourish </em>(happiness isn&#x27;t all of the equation of human wellbeing), Jordan Peterson - <em>Maps of meaning</em> (meaning comes from narrative), Brene Brown - <em>Vulnerability </em>(we need to be vulnerable to connect to one another and that&#x27;s really hard), And Marshall Rosenberg - <em>NVC </em>(NVC is big but the part relevant is the acknowlegements and validation that we can provide to each other, even without being on the same side..  I might be wrong, but all these people, they are getting onto something that appears to overlap.</p><p>Meta: this took about 3hrs to write, a month to avoid and 2 hours to edit.  And I still don&#x27;t like it.</p> elo eCqwDMQxdGYTrQAer 2017-12-14T23:17:01.874Z Problems as dragons and papercuts https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/MWoxdGwMHBSqNPPKK/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts <p>Original post: http://bearlamp.com.au/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts/</p><p>When I started trying to become the kind of person that can give advice, I went looking for dragons.<br/> I figured if I didn&#x27;t know the answers that meant the answers were hard, they were big monsters with hidden weak spots that you have to find. &quot;Problem solving is hard&quot;, I thought.</p><p>Problem solving is not something everyone is good at because problems are hard, beasts of a thing.  Right?</p><p>For all my searching for problems, I keep coming back to that just not being accurate. Problems are all easy, dumb, simple things. Winning at life is not about taking on the right dragon and finding it&#x27;s weak spots.</p><p>Problem solving is about getting the basics down and dealing with every single, &quot;when I was little I imprinted on not liking chocolate and now I have been an anti-chocolate campaigner for so long for reasons that I have no idea about and now it&#x27;s time to change that&quot;.</p><p>It seems like the more I look for dragons and beasts the less I find.  And the more problems seem like <a href="https://wiki.ubuntu.com/One%20Hundred%20Papercuts/Mission">paper cuts</a>. But it&#x27;s paper cuts all the way down.  Paper cuts that caused you to argue with your best friend in sixth grade, paper cuts that caused you to sneak midnight snacks while everyone was not looking, and eat yourself fat and be mad at yourself.  Paper cuts.</p><p>I feel like a superhero all dressed up and prepared to fight crime but all the criminals are petty thieves and opportunists that got caught on a bad day. Nothing coordinated, nothing super-villain, and no dragons.</p><p>When I was in high school (male with long hair) I used to wear my hair in a pony tail.  For about 4 years.  Every time I would wake up or my hair would dry I would put my hair in a pony tail.  I just did.  That&#x27;s what I would do.  One day.  One day a girl (who I had not spoken to ever) came up to me and asked me why I did it.  To which I did not have an answer.  From that day forward I realised I was doing a thing I did not need to do.  It&#x27;s been over 10 years since then and I have that one conversation to thank for changing the way I do that one thing.  I never told her.</p><p>That one thing.  That one thing that is irrelevant, and only really meaningful to you because someone said this one thing, this one time. but from the outside it feels like, &quot;so what&quot;.  That&#x27;s what problems are like, and that&#x27;s what it&#x27;s like to solve problems.  But.  If you want to be good at solving problems you need to avoid feeling like &quot;<em>so what</em>&quot; and engage the &quot;<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory">curiosity</a>&quot;, search for the feeling of confusion.  Appeal to the need for understanding.  Get into it.</p><p>Meta: this has been an idle musing for weeks now.  Actually writing took about an hour.</p><p>Cross posted to <a href="http://lesswrong.com/lw/pis">lesswrong</a></p> elo MWoxdGwMHBSqNPPKK 2017-11-03T01:42:01.492Z Problems as dragons and papercuts https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ajJXBZqABW4FP9jKf/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts/">http://bearlamp.com.au/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts/</a></p> <p>When I started trying to become the kind of person that can give advice, I went looking for dragons.</p> <p>I figured if I didn't know the answers that meant the answers were hard, they were big monsters with hidden weak spots that you have to find. "Problem solving is hard", I thought.</p> <p>Problem solving is not something everyone is good at because problems are hard, beasts of a thing.&nbsp; Right?</p> <p>For all my searching for problems, I keep coming back to that just not being accurate. Problems are all easy, dumb, simple things. Winning at life is not about taking on the right dragon and finding it's weak spots.</p> <p>Problem solving is about getting the basics down and dealing with every single, "when I was little I imprinted on not liking chocolate and now I have been an anti-chocolate campaigner for so long for reasons that I have no idea about and now it's time to change that".</p> <p>It seems like the more I look for dragons and beasts the less I find.&nbsp; And the more problems seem like <a href="https://wiki.ubuntu.com/One%20Hundred%20Papercuts/Mission">paper cuts</a>. But it's paper cuts all the way down.&nbsp; Paper cuts that caused you to argue with your best friend in sixth grade, paper cuts that caused you to sneak midnight snacks while everyone was not looking, and eat yourself fat and be mad at yourself.&nbsp; Paper cuts.</p> <p>I feel like a superhero all dressed up and prepared to fight crime but all the criminals are petty thieves and opportunists that got caught on a bad day. Nothing coordinated, nothing super-villain, and no dragons.</p> <p>When I was in high school (male with long hair) I used to wear my hair in a pony tail.&nbsp; For about 4 years.&nbsp; Every time I would wake up or my hair would dry I would put my hair in a pony tail.&nbsp; I just did.&nbsp; That's what I would do.&nbsp; One day.&nbsp; One day a girl (who I had not spoken to ever) came up to me and asked me why I did it.&nbsp; To which I did not have an answer.&nbsp; From that day forward I realised I was doing a thing I did not need to do.&nbsp; It's been over 10 years since then and I have that one conversation to thank for changing the way I do that one thing.&nbsp; I never told her.</p> <p>That one thing.&nbsp; That one thing that is irrelevant, and only really meaningful to you because someone said this one thing, this one time. but from the outside it feels like, "so what".&nbsp; That's what problems are like, and that's what it's like to solve problems.&nbsp; But.&nbsp; If you want to be good at solving problems you need to avoid feeling like "<em>so what</em>" and engage the "<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory">curiosity</a>", search for the feeling of confusion.&nbsp; Appeal to the need for understanding.&nbsp; Get into it.</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: this has been an idle musing for weeks now. Actually writing took about an hour.</p> <p>Cross posted to <a href="https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/MWoxdGwMHBSqNPPKK/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts">https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/MWoxdGwMHBSqNPPKK/problems-as-dragons-and-papercuts</a></p> elo ajJXBZqABW4FP9jKf 2017-11-03T01:41:53.922Z Cutting edge technology https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/3GP3j7zgKbnaZCDbp/cutting-edge-technology <p>Original post: http://bearlamp.com.au/cutting-edge-technology/</p><p>When the microscope was invented, in a very short period of time we discovered the cell and the concept of microbiology.  That one invention allowed us to open up entire fields of biology and medicine.  Suddenly we could see the microbes!  We could see the activity that had been going on under our noses for so long.</p><p>when we started to improve our ability to refined pure materials we could finally make furnace bricks with specific composition.  Specific compositions could then be used to make bricks that were able to reach higher temperatures without breaking.  Higher temperatures meant better refining of materials.  Better refining meant higher quality bricks, and so on until we now have some very pure technological processes around making materials.  But it&#x27;s something we didn&#x27;t have before the prior technology on the <a href="https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/skill_tree">skill tree</a>.  </p><p>Before we had refrigeration and food packaging, it was difficult to get your fresh food to survive to your home.  Now with production lines it&#x27;s very simple.  For all his decadence Caesar probably would have had trouble ordering a cheeseburger for $2 and having it ready in under 5 minutes.  We&#x27;ve come a long way since Caesar.  We&#x27;ve built a lot of things that help us stand on the shoulders of those who came before us.</p><p>Technology enables further progress.  That seems obvious.  But did that seem obvious before looking down the microscope?  Could we have predicted what bricks we could have made with purely refined materials?  Could Caesar have envisioned every citizen in his kingdom watching TV for relatively little cost to those people?  It would have been hard to forsee these things back then.</p><p>With the idea that technology is enabling future growth in mind - I bring the question, &quot;What technology is currently under-utilised?&quot;  Would you be able to spot it when it happens?  Touch screen revolutionised phone technology.  Bitcoin - we are still watching but it&#x27;s here to stay.  </p><h2><strong>&quot;What technology is currently under-utilised?&quot;</strong></h2><p>For example &quot;AI has the power to change everything. (it&#x27;s almost too big to talk about)&quot;.  But that&#x27;s a big thing.  It&#x27;s like saying &quot;the internet has the power to change everything&quot; great but could you have predicted google, facebook and uber from a couple of connected computers?  I am hoping for some more specific ideas about which specific technology will change life in what way.</p><p>Here are some ideas in <a href="http://www.rot13.com/">ROT13</a> (chrome addon <a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/d3coder/gncnbkghencmkfgeepfaonmegemakcol?hl=en">d3coder</a>):</p><ul><li>Pbzchgre hfr jvyy punatr jura jr ohvyq gur arkg guvat gb ercynpr &quot;xrlobneqf&quot;</li><li>Genafcbeg grpuabybtl jvyy punatr vs onggrel be &quot;raretl fgbentr&quot; grpuabybtl vzcebirf.</li><li>Nhgbzngvba jvyy punatr cebqhpgvba naq qryvirel bs tbbqf naq freivprf. Naq riraghnyyl oevat nobhg cbfg-fpnepvgl rpbabzvpf</li><li>Vs IE penpxf orggre pbybhe naq fbhaq grpuabybtl (guvax, abg whfg PZLX ohg nyy gur bgure pbybhef abg ba gur YRQ fcrpgehz), jr zvtug whfg frr IE rkcybqr.</li><li>Znpuvar yrneavat naq fgngvfgvpf unir gur cbjre gb punatr zrqvpvar</li><li>PEVFCE naq trar rqvgvat jvyy punatr sbbq cebqhpgvba</li><li>Dhnaghz pbzchgvat jvyy punatr trar rqvgvat ol pnyphyngvat guvatf yvxr cebgrva sbyqvat va fvtavsvpnagyl yrff gvzr.</li><li>Dhnaghz pbzchgvat (juvyr vg&#x27;f fgvyy abg pbafhzre tenqr) jvyy nyfb punatr frphevgl.</li><li>V jbhyq unir fnvq 3Q cevagvat jbhyq punatr ybpxfzvguvat ohg abj V nz abg fb fher. <br/> 3Q cevagvat unf birenyy qbar n cbbe wbo bs punatvat nalguvat.</li><li>vs gur pbafgehpgvba vaqhfgel pna nhgbzngr gung jvyy punatr gur jnl jr ohvyq ubhfvat.</li></ul><p>As much as these don&#x27;t all follow the rule of being consumer-grade developments that might revolutionise the world, I&#x27;d like to encourage others to aim for consumer viable ideas.  </p><p>This matters because this is how you see opportunity.  This is how you find value.  If you can take one thing on my list or your own list and make it happen sooner, you can probably pocket a pretty penny in the process.  So what&#x27;s on your list?  Do you have two minutes to think about what&#x27;s coming soon?</p><p>Cross posted to lesswrong: http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/pil/cutting<em>edge</em> technology/</p> elo 3GP3j7zgKbnaZCDbp 2017-10-31T06:00:42.665Z Cutting edge technology https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/FQJTXvds2hSs5Y44z/cutting-edge-technology <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/cutting-edge-technology/">http://bearlamp.com.au/cutting-edge-technology/</a></p> <hr /> <p>When the microscope was invented, in a very short period of time we discovered the cell and the concept of microbiology. &nbsp;That one invention allowed us to open up entire fields of biology and medicine. &nbsp;Suddenly we could see the microbes! &nbsp;We could see the activity that had been going on under our noses for so long.</p> <p>when we started to improve our ability to refined pure materials we could finally make furnace bricks with specific composition. &nbsp;Specific compositions could then be used to make bricks that were able to reach higher temperatures without breaking. &nbsp;Higher temperatures meant better refining of materials. &nbsp;Better refining meant higher quality bricks, and so on until we now have some very pure technological processes around making materials. &nbsp;But it's something we didn't have before the prior technology on the <a href="https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/skill_tree">skill tree</a>. &nbsp;</p> <p>Before we had refrigeration and food packaging, it was difficult to get your fresh food to survive to your home. &nbsp;Now with production lines it's very simple. &nbsp;For all his decadence Caesar probably would have had trouble ordering a cheeseburger for $2 and having it ready in under 5 minutes. &nbsp;We've come a long way since Caesar. &nbsp;We've built a lot of things that help us stand on the shoulders of those who came before us.</p> <hr /> <p>Technology enables further progress. &nbsp;That seems obvious. &nbsp;But did that seem obvious before looking down the microscope? &nbsp;Could we have predicted what bricks we could have made with purely refined materials? &nbsp;Could Caesar have envisioned every citizen in his kingdom watching TV for relatively little cost to those people? &nbsp;It would have been hard to forsee these things back then.</p> <p>With the idea that technology is enabling future growth in mind - I bring the question, "What technology is currently under-utilised?" &nbsp;Would you be able to spot it when it happens? &nbsp;Touch screen revolutionised phone technology. &nbsp;Bitcoin - we are still watching but it's here to stay. &nbsp;</p> <h2><strong>"What technology is currently under-utilised?"</strong></h2> <p>For example "AI has the power to change everything. (it's almost too big to talk about)". &nbsp;But that's a big thing. &nbsp;It's like saying "the internet has the power to change everything" great but could you have predicted google, facebook and uber from a couple of connected computers? &nbsp;I am hoping for some more specific ideas about which specific technology will change life in what way.</p> <p>Here are some ideas in <a href="http://www.rot13.com/">ROT13</a> (chrome addon <a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/d3coder/gncnbkghencmkfgeepfaonmegemakcol?hl=en">d3coder</a>):</p> <ul> <li>Pbzchgre hfr jvyy punatr jura jr ohvyq gur arkg guvat gb ercynpr "xrlobneqf"</li> <li>Genafcbeg grpuabybtl jvyy punatr vs onggrel be "raretl fgbentr" grpuabybtl vzcebirf.</li> <li>Nhgbzngvba jvyy punatr cebqhpgvba naq qryvirel bs tbbqf naq freivprf. Naq riraghnyyl oevat nobhg cbfg-fpnepvgl rpbabzvpf</li> <li>Vs IE penpxf orggre pbybhe naq fbhaq grpuabybtl (guvax, abg whfg PZLX ohg nyy gur bgure pbybhef abg ba gur YRQ fcrpgehz), jr zvtug whfg frr IE rkcybqr.</li> <li>Znpuvar yrneavat naq fgngvfgvpf unir gur cbjre gb punatr zrqvpvar</li> <li>PEVFCE naq trar rqvgvat jvyy punatr sbbq cebqhpgvba</li> <li>Dhnaghz pbzchgvat jvyy punatr trar rqvgvat ol pnyphyngvat guvatf yvxr cebgrva sbyqvat va fvtavsvpnagyl yrff gvzr.</li> <li>Dhnaghz pbzchgvat (juvyr vg'f fgvyy abg pbafhzre tenqr) jvyy nyfb punatr frphevgl.</li> <li>V jbhyq unir fnvq 3Q cevagvat jbhyq punatr ybpxfzvguvat ohg abj V nz abg fb fher. <br /> 3Q cevagvat unf birenyy qbar n cbbe wbo bs punatvat nalguvat.</li> <li>vs gur pbafgehpgvba vaqhfgel pna nhgbzngr gung jvyy punatr gur jnl jr ohvyq ubhfvat.</li> </ul> <p>As much as these don't all follow the rule of being consumer-grade developments that might revolutionise the world, I'd like to encourage others to aim for consumer viable ideas. &nbsp;</p> <hr /> <p>This matters because this is how you see opportunity. &nbsp;This is how you find value. &nbsp;If you can take one thing on my list or your own list and make it happen sooner, you can probably pocket a pretty penny in the process. &nbsp;So what's on your list? &nbsp;Do you have two minutes to think about what's coming soon?</p> <hr /> <p>Cross posted to lesserwrong:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/3GP3j7zgKbnaZCDbp/cutting-edge-technology">https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/3GP3j7zgKbnaZCDbp/cutting-edge-technology</a></p> elo FQJTXvds2hSs5Y44z 2017-10-31T06:00:30.068Z Open thread, October 30 - November 5, 2017 https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/qLLidFAqgvfBgELbo/open-thread-october-30-november-5-2017 <h5 style="margin: 0px 0px 0.75em; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: 20px;">If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post, then it goes here.</span></span></h5> <div id="entry_t3_p2r" class="content clear" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px;"> <div class="md"> <div id="entry_t3_oxb" class="content clear" style="font-size: 12px;"> <div class="md"> <hr style="line-height: 19.5px;" /> <p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Notes for future OT posters:</span></p> <p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">1. Please add the 'open_thread' tag.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">2. Check if there is an active Open Thread before posting a new one. (<em>Immediately</em>&nbsp;before; refresh the&nbsp;<a style="color: #8a8a8b;" href="/r/discussion/new/" target="_blank">list-of-threads page</a>&nbsp;before posting.)<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="font-family: chalkboard, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">3.&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: chalkboard, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Open Threads should start on Monday, and end on Sunday.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="font-family: chalkboard, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">4. Unflag the two options "</span><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Notify me of new top-level comments on this article" and "</span><label style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" for="cc_licensed">Make this post available under..." before submitting</label>.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> elo qLLidFAqgvfBgELbo 2017-10-30T23:37:03.960Z Halloween costume: Paperclipperer https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/zWATRkbjMbFjTfrq7/halloween-costume-paperclipperer <div class="ory-row"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-row ory-cell-inner"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/halloween-costume-paperclipperer/">http://bearlamp.com.au/halloween-costume-paperclipperer/</a></p><p><em>Guidelines for becoming a paperclipperer for halloween.</em></p><h2>Supplies</h2><ul><li><p>Paperclips (some as a prop, make your life easier by buying some, but show effort by making your own)</p></li><li><p>pliers (extra pairs for extra effect)</p></li><li><p>metal wire (can get colourful for novelty) (Florist wire)</p></li><li><p>crazy hat (for character)</p></li><li><p>Paperclip props.  Think glasses frame, phone case, gloves, cufflinks, shoes, belt, jewellery...</p></li><li><p>if party going - Consider a gift that is suspiciously paperclip like.  example - paperclip coasters, paperclip vase, paperclip party-snack-bowl</p></li><li><p>Epic commitment - make fortune cookies with paperclips in them.  The possibilities are endless.</p></li><li><p>Epic: paperclip tattoo on the heart.  Slightly less epic, draw paperclips on yourself.</p></li></ul><h2>Character</h2><p>While at the party, use the pliers and wire to make paperclips.  When people are not watching, try to attach them to objects around the house (example, on light fittings, on the toilet paper roll, under the soap.  When people are watching you - try to give them to people to wear.  Also wear them on the edges of your clothing.</p><p>When people ask about it, offer to teach them to make paperclips.  Exclaim that it&#x27;s really fun!  Be confused, bewildered or distant when you insist you can&#x27;t explain why.</p><p>Remember that paperclipping is a compulsion and has no reason.  However that it&#x27;s very important.  &quot;you can stop any time&quot; but after a few minutes you get fidgety and pull out a new pair of pliers and some wire to make some more paperclips.</p><p>Try to leave paperclips where they can be found the next day or the next week.  cutlery drawers, in the fridge, on the windowsills.  And generally around the place.  The more home made paperclips the better.</p><p>Try to get faster at making paperclips, try to encourage competitions in making paperclips.</p><p><strong>Hints for conversation:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Are spiral galaxies actually just really big paperclips?</p></li><li><p>Have you heard the good word of our lord and saviour paperclips?</p></li><li><p>Would you like some paperclips in your tea?</p></li><li><p>How many paperclips would you sell your internal organs for?</p></li><li><p>Do you also dream about paperclips (best to have a dream prepared to share)</p></li></ul></div></div></div></div><div class="ory-row ory-cell-inner"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-6 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><img class="ory-plugins-content-image" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131617-e1508554676970.jpg"/></div></div></div><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-6 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><img class="ory-plugins-content-image" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131652-e1508554727662.jpg"/></div></div></div></div><div class="ory-row ory-cell-inner"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><img class="ory-plugins-content-image" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131727-2-e1508555051675.jpg"/></div></div></div></div><div class="ory-row ory-cell-inner"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><h2></h2><h2>Conflict</h2><p>The better you are at the character, the more likely someone might try to spoil your character by getting in your way, stealing your props, taking your paperclips.  The more you are okay with it, the better.  ideas like, &quot;that&#x27;s okay, there will be more paperclips&quot;.  This is also why you might be good to have a few pairs of pliers and wire.  Also know when to quit the battles and walk away.  This whole thing is about having fun.  Have fun!</p><p>Meta: chances are that other people who also read this will not be the paperclipper for halloween.  Which means that you can do it without fear that your friends will copy.  Feel free to share pictures!</p><p>Cross posted to lesswrong: <a href="http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/pi3/halloween_costume_paperclipperer/">http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/pi3/halloween_costume_paperclipperer/</a></p></div></div></div></div></div></div> elo zWATRkbjMbFjTfrq7 2017-10-21T06:33:01.203Z Halloween costume: Paperclipperer https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/QhjG3Ya67jNjY79W3/halloween-costume-paperclipperer <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/halloween-costume-paperclipperer/">http://bearlamp.com.au/halloween-costume-paperclipperer/</a></p> <p><em>Guidelines for becoming a paperclipperer for halloween.</em></p> <h2><strong>Supplies</strong></h2> <ul> <li>Paperclips (some as a prop, make your life easier by buying some, but show effort by making your own)</li> <li>pliers (extra pairs for extra effect)</li> <li>metal wire (can get colourful for novelty) (<a href="http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Lavender-Coloured-2mm-Aluminium-Oasis-Floristry-Wire-x-12m-Roll-Florist-/111925794036?hash=item1a0f4c14f4:g:X4cAAOSwy4hURoTK">Florist wire</a>)</li> <li>crazy hat (for character)</li> <li>Paperclip props. &nbsp;Think glasses frame, phone case, gloves, cufflinks, shoes, belt, jewellery...</li> <li>if party going - Consider a gift that is suspiciously paperclip like. &nbsp;example - paperclip coasters, paperclip vase, paperclip party-snack-bowl</li> <li>Epic commitment - make fortune cookies with paperclips in them. &nbsp;The possibilities are endless.</li> <li>Epic: paperclip tattoo on the heart. &nbsp;Slightly less epic, draw paperclips on yourself.</li> </ul> <h2><strong>Character</strong></h2> <p>While at the party, use the pliers and wire to make paperclips. &nbsp;When people are not watching, try to attach them to objects around the house (example, on light fittings, on the toilet paper roll, under the soap. &nbsp;When people are watching you - try to give them to people to wear. &nbsp;Also wear them on the edges of your clothing.</p> <p>When people ask about it, offer to teach them to make paperclips. &nbsp;Exclaim that it's really fun! &nbsp;Be confused, bewildered or distant when you insist you can't explain why.</p> <p>Remember that paperclipping is a compulsion and has no reason. &nbsp;However that it's very important. &nbsp;"you can stop any time" but after a few minutes you get fidgety and pull out a new pair of pliers and some wire to make some more paperclips.</p> <p>Try to leave paperclips where they can be found the next day or the next week. &nbsp;cutlery drawers, in the fridge, on the windowsills. &nbsp;And generally around the place. &nbsp;The more home made paperclips the better.</p> <p>Try to get faster at making paperclips, try to encourage competitions in making paperclips.</p> <p>Hints for conversation:</p> <ul> <li>Are spiral galaxies actually just really big paperclips?</li> <li>Have you heard the good word of our lord and saviour paperclips?</li> <li>Would you like some paperclips in your tea?</li> <li>How many paperclips would you sell your internal organs for?</li> <li>Do you also dream about paperclips (best to have a dream prepared to share)</li> </ul> <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131617-e1508554676970.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-916" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131617-e1508554676970-300x102.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="102" /></a> <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131652-e1508554727662.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-917" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131652-e1508554727662-300x114.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="114" /></a></p> <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131727-2-e1508555051675.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-920" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/20171021_131727-2-e1508555051675-269x300.jpg" alt="" width="269" height="300" /></a></p> <h2><strong>Conflict</strong></h2> <p>The better you are at the character, the more likely someone might try to spoil your character by getting in your way, stealing your props, taking your paperclips. &nbsp;The more you are okay with it, the better. &nbsp;ideas like, "that's okay, there will be more paperclips". &nbsp;This is also why you might be good to have a few pairs of pliers and wire. &nbsp;Also know when to quit the battles and walk away. &nbsp;This whole thing is about having fun. &nbsp;Have fun!</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: chances are that other people who also read this will not be the paperclipper for halloween. &nbsp;Which means that you can do it without fear that your friends will copy. &nbsp;Feel free to share pictures!</p> <p>Cross posted to lesserwrong:&nbsp;</p> elo QhjG3Ya67jNjY79W3 2017-10-21T06:32:36.868Z Use concrete language to improve your communication in relationships https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/RovDhfhy5jL6AQ6ve/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in <div class="ory-row"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><p>She wasn’t respecting me. Or at least, that’s what I was telling myself.</p><p>And I was pretty upset. What kind of person was too busy to text back a short reply? I know she’s a friendly person because just a week ago we were talking daily, text, phone, whatever suited us. And now? She didn’t respect me. That’s what I was telling myself. Any person with common decency could see, what she was doing was downright rude! And she was doing it on purpose. Or at least, that’s what I was telling myself.</p><p>It was about a half a day of these critical-loop thoughts, when I realised what I was doing. I was telling myself a story. I was building a version of events that grew and morphed beyond the very concrete and specific of what was happening. The trouble with <a href="https://medium.com/r/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwiki.lesswrong.com%2Fwiki%2FThe_map_is_not_the_territory">The Map and the Territory</a>, is that “<strong>Respect</strong>” is in my map of my reality. What it “<strong>means</strong>” to not reply to my text is in my theory of mind, in my version of events. Not in the territory, not in reality.</p><p>I know I could be right about my theory of what’s going on. She could be doing this on purpose, she could be choosing to show that she does not respect me by not replying to my texts, and I often am right about these things. I have been right plenty of times in the past. But that doesn’t make me feel better. Or make it easier to communicate my problem. If she was not showing me respect, sending her an accusation would not help our communication improve.</p><p>The concept comes from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">Non-Violent Communication</a> by Marshall Rosenberg. Better described as Non-Judgemental communication. The challenge I knew I faced was to communicate to her that I was bothered, without an accusation. Without accusing her with my own internal judgement of “she isn’t respecting me”. I knew if I fire off an attack, I will encounter walls of defence. That’s the kind of games we play when we feel attacked by others. We put up walls and fire back.</p><p>The first step of NVC is called, “observation”. I call it “concrete experience”. To pass the concrete experience test, the description of what happened needs to be specific enough to be used as instructions by a stranger. For example, there are plenty of ideas someone could have about not showing respect, if my description of the problem is, “she does not respect me”, my grandma might think she started eating before I sat down at the table. If my description is, “In the past 3 days she has not replied to any of my messages”. That’s a very concrete description of what happened. It’s also independent as an observation. It’s not clear that doing this action has caused a problem in my description of what happened. It’s just “what happened”</p><p>Notice — I didn’t say, “she never replies to my messages”. This is because “never replies” is not concrete, not specific, and sweepingly untrue. For her to never reply she would have to have my grandma’s texting ability. I definitely can’t expect progress to be made here with a sweeping accusations like “she never replies”.</p><p>What I did go with, while not perfect, is a lot better than the firing line of, “you don’t respect me”. Instead it was, “I noticed that you have not messaged me in three days. I am upset because I am telling myself that the only reason you would be doing that is because you don’t respect me, and I know that’s not true. I don’t understand what’s going on with you and I would appreciate an explanation of what’s going on.”.</p><p>It’s remarkably hard to be honest and not make an accusation. No sweeping generalisations, no lies or exaggerations, just the concretes of what is going on in my head and the concrete of what happened in the territory. It’s still okay to be telling yourself those accusations, and validate your own feelings that things are not okay — but it’s not okay to lay those accusations on someone else. We all experience telling ourselves what other people are thinking, and the reasons behind their actions, but we can’t ever really know unless we ask. And if we don’t ask, we end up with the same circumstances surrounding the cold-war, each side preparing for war, but a war built on theories in the map, not the experience in the territory.</p><p>I’m human too, that’s how I found myself half-a-day of brooding before wondering what I was doing to myself! It’s not easy to apply this method, but it has always been successful at bringing me some of that psychological relief that you need when you are looking to be understood by someone. To get this right think, “How do I describe my concrete observations of what happened?”.</p><p>Good Luck!</p><p>Meta: this post may seem out of place for being a different style to usual.  I am trying out medium and a new style.  These ideas and methods require iteration so apologies for the culture shock in this post being so unusual.</p><p>--------------------------</p><p>Cross posted to <a href="www.bearlamp.com.au/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships">www.bearlamp.com.au/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships</a></p><p>Cross posted to Medium: <a href="https://medium.com/@redeliot/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships-cf1c6459d5d6">https://medium.com/@redeliot/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships-cf1c6459d5d6</a></p><p>Cross posted to lesswrong: <a href="http://lesswrong.com/lw/phv">http://lesswrong.com/lw/phv</a></p><p></p><p></p><p></p></div></div></div></div> elo RovDhfhy5jL6AQ6ve 2017-10-19T03:46:50.403Z Use concrete language to improve your communication in relationships https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Rot9ZCGeyeS5QMbBx/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in <p class="graf graf--h3">She wasn&rsquo;t respecting me. Or at least, that&rsquo;s what I was telling myself.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">And I was pretty upset. What kind of person was too busy to text back a short reply? I know she&rsquo;s a friendly person because just a week ago we were talking daily, text, phone, whatever suited us. And now? She didn&rsquo;t respect me. That&rsquo;s what I was telling myself. Any person with common decency could see, what she was doing was downright rude! And she was doing it on purpose. Or at least, that&rsquo;s what I was telling myself.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">It was about a half a day of these critical-loop thoughts, when I realised what I was doing. I was telling myself a story. I was building a version of events that grew and morphed beyond the very concrete and specific of what was happening. The trouble with <a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/The_map_is_not_the_territory" target="_blank">The Map and the Territory</a>, is that &ldquo;<strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong">Respect</strong>&rdquo; is in my map of my reality. What it &ldquo;<strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong">means&rdquo;</strong> to not reply to my text is in my theory of mind, in my version of events. Not in the territory, not in reality.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">I know I could be right about my theory of what&rsquo;s going on. She could be doing this on purpose, she could be choosing to show that she does not respect me by not replying to my texts, and I often am right about these things. I have been right plenty of times in the past. But that doesn&rsquo;t make me feel better. Or make it easier to communicate my problem. If she was not showing me respect, sending her an accusation would not help our communication improve.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">The concept comes from <a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc" target="_blank">Non-Violent Communication</a> by Marshall Rosenberg. Better described as Non-Judgemental communication. The challenge I knew I faced was to communicate to her that I was bothered, without an accusation. Without accusing her with my own internal judgement of &ldquo;she isn&rsquo;t respecting me&rdquo;. I knew if I fire off an attack, I will encounter walls of defence. That&rsquo;s the kind of games we play when we feel attacked by others. We put up walls and fire back.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">The first step of NVC is called, &ldquo;observation&rdquo;. I call it &ldquo;concrete experience&rdquo;. To pass the concrete experience test, the description of what happened needs to be specific enough to be used as instructions by a stranger. For example, there are plenty of ideas someone could have about not showing respect, if my description of the problem is, &ldquo;she does not respect me&rdquo;, my grandma might think she started eating before I sat down at the table. If my description is, &ldquo;In the past 3 days she has not replied to any of my messages&rdquo;. That&rsquo;s a very concrete description of what happened. It&rsquo;s also independent as an observation. It&rsquo;s not clear that doing this action has caused a problem in my description of what happened. It&rsquo;s just &ldquo;what happened&rdquo;</p> <p class="graf graf--p">Notice &mdash; I didn&rsquo;t say, &ldquo;she never replies to my messages&rdquo;. This is because &ldquo;never replies&rdquo; is not concrete, not specific, and sweepingly untrue. For her to never reply she would have to have my grandma&rsquo;s texting ability. I definitely can&rsquo;t expect progress to be made here with a sweeping accusations like &ldquo;she never replies&rdquo;.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">What I did go with, while not perfect, is a lot better than the firing line of, &ldquo;you don&rsquo;t respect me&rdquo;. Instead it was, &ldquo;I noticed that you have not messaged me in three days. I am upset because I am telling myself that the only reason you would be doing that is because you don&rsquo;t respect me, and I know that&rsquo;s not true. I don&rsquo;t understand what&rsquo;s going on with you and I would appreciate an explanation of what&rsquo;s going on.&rdquo;.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">It&rsquo;s remarkably hard to be honest and not make an accusation. No sweeping generalisations, no lies or exaggerations, just the concretes of what is going on in my head and the concrete of what happened in the territory. It&rsquo;s still okay to be telling yourself those accusations, and validate your own feelings that things are not okay &mdash; but it&rsquo;s not okay to lay those accusations on someone else. We all experience telling ourselves what other people are thinking, and the reasons behind their actions, but we can&rsquo;t ever really know unless we ask. And if we don&rsquo;t ask, we end up with the same circumstances surrounding the cold-war, each side preparing for war, but a war built on theories in the map, not the experience in the territory.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">I&rsquo;m human too, that&rsquo;s how I found myself half-a-day of brooding before wondering what I was doing to myself! It&rsquo;s not easy to apply this method, but it has always been successful at bringing me some of that psychological relief that you need when you are looking to be understood by someone. To get this right think, &ldquo;How do I describe my concrete observations of what happened?&rdquo;.</p> <p class="graf graf--p">Good Luck!</p> <p class="graf graf--p">Cross posted to Medium:&nbsp;<a href="https://medium.com/@redeliot/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships-cf1c6459d5d6">https://medium.com/@redeliot/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships-cf1c6459d5d6</a></p> <p class="graf graf--p">Cross posted to <a href="http://www.bearlamp.com.au/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships">www.bearlamp.com.au/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in-relationships</a></p> <p class="graf graf--p">Also on lesserwrong:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/RovDhfhy5jL6AQ6ve/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in">https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/RovDhfhy5jL6AQ6ve/use-concrete-language-to-improve-your-communication-in</a></p> elo Rot9ZCGeyeS5QMbBx 2017-10-19T03:46:38.046Z dojo - Bad day contingency plan https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/BYZXamJ2JcpLNbDnw/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan <div class="ory-row"><div class="ory-cell ory-cell-sm-12 ory-cell-xs-12"><div class="ory-cell-inner ory-cell-leaf"><div><p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan/">http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan/</a></p><p></p><p>The following is an exercise I composed to be run at the Lesswrong Sydney dojos.  It took an hour and a half but could probably be done faster with some adaptations that I have included in these instructions.</p><p>In regards to what are the dojos? I quote Eliezer in the preface of Rationality: From AI to Zombies when he says:</p><blockquote><p>It was a mistake that I didn’t write my two years of blog posts with the intention of helping people do better in their everyday lives. I wrote it with the intention of helping people solve big, difficult, important problems, and I chose impressive-sounding, abstract problems as my examples.</p><p>In retrospect, this was the second-largest mistake in my approach. It ties in to the first-largest mistake in my writing, which was that I didn’t realise that the big problem in learning this valuable way of thinking was figuring out how to practice it, not knowing the theory. I didn’t realise that part was the priority; and regarding this I can only say “Oops” and “Duh.”</p></blockquote><blockquote><p>Yes, sometimes those big issues really are big and really are important; but that doesn’t change the basic truth that to master skills you need to practice them and it’s harder to practice on things that are further away.</p></blockquote><p>Lesswrong is a global movement of rationality.  And with that in mind, the Dojos are our attempt in Sydney to be working on the actual practical stuff.  Working on the personal problems and literal implementation of The plans after they undergo first contact with the enemy.</p><p>You can join us through our meetup group, facebook group and as advertised on lesswrong.</p><p>Below is the instructions for the Dojo.  I can&#x27;t emphasise enough the process of actually doing and not just reading.  If you intend to participate, grab some paper or a blank document and stop for a few minutes to make the lists.  Then check your answers against ours.</p><p>If you don&#x27;t do the exercise - don&#x27;t fool yourself into thinking you have this skill under your belt.  Just accept that you didn&#x27;t really &quot;learn&quot; this one.  you kinda said, &quot;that&#x27;s great I wish I could find the time to get healthy&quot;  Or &quot;If only I was the type of person who did things.&quot;.  If this is especially difficult for you, that&#x27;s okay.  It is difficult for all of us.  I believe in you!</p><p>Good luck.</p></div></div></div></div> elo BYZXamJ2JcpLNbDnw 2017-10-02T07:46:53.852Z Bad day contingency Dojo https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/KLSfjho4Y9p75kgzF/bad-day-contingency-dojo <p>Original post: <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan/">http://bearlamp.com.au/dojo-bad-day-contingency-plan/</a></p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>The following is an exercise I composed to be run at the Lesswrong Sydney dojos. It took an hour and a half but could probably be done faster with some adaptations that I have included in these instructions. In regards to <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/dojos/">what are the dojos</a><em>?</em> </p><p>I quote <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliezer_Yudkowsky">Eliezer</a> in the preface of <a href="https://intelligence.org/rationality-ai-zombies/">Rationality: From AI to Zombies</a> when he says:</p><blockquote><em>It was a mistake that I didn’t write my two years of blog posts with the intention of helping people do better in their everyday lives. I wrote it with the intention of helping people solve big, difficult, important problems, and I chose impressive-sounding, abstract problems as my examples. In retrospect, this was the second-largest mistake in my approach. </em></blockquote><blockquote><em>It ties in to the first-largest mistake in my writing, which was that I didn’t realise that the big problem in learning this valuable way of thinking was figuring out how to practice it, not knowing the theory. I didn’t realise that part was the priority; and regarding this I can only say “Oops” and “Duh.” Yes, sometimes those big issues really are big and really are important; but that doesn’t change the basic truth that to master skills you need to practice them and it’s harder to practice on things that are further away.</em></blockquote><p>Lesswrong is a global movement of rationality. And with that in mind, the Dojos are our attempt in Sydney to be working on the actual practical stuff. Working on the personal problems and literal implementation of <strong>The plans</strong> after they undergo <em>first contact with the enemy.</em> You can join us through our <a href="http://meetup.com/lesswrong-Sydney0/">meetup group</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/lesswrongsydney/">facebook group</a> and as advertised on <a href="http://www.lesswrong.com/">lesswrong</a>.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Below is the instructions for the Dojo. I can&#x27;t emphasise enough the process of actually doing and not just reading. </p><p>If you intend to participate, grab some paper or a blank document and stop for a few minutes to make the lists. Then check your answers against ours. If you don&#x27;t do the exercise - don&#x27;t fool yourself into thinking you have this skill under your belt. Just accept that you didn&#x27;t really &quot;learn&quot; this one. you kinda said, &quot;<em>that&#x27;s great I wish I could find the time to get healthy&quot; </em>Or <em>&quot;If only I was the type of person who did things.&quot;. </em>If this is especially difficult for you, that&#x27;s okay. It is difficult for all of us. I believe in you!</p><p>Good luck.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Everyone has bad days. Each of us will have various experiences dealing with different causes and/or diagnosing, solving and resolving the causes of &quot;bad-days&quot;</p><p>With that in mind I want to do a few sets of discussions on factors of a bad day.</p><p><strong>Part 1: Set a timer for 3 minutes</strong> - Make a list of things bad for state of mind, or things you have noticed cause trouble for you. {as a group each person shares one} Review the hints list as a group:</p><ul><li>routine meds/supplements (supposed to take)</li><li>have you taken something to cause a bad state? (things you should not take)</li><li>sleep</li><li>exercise</li><li>shower</li><li>Sunlight (independent of bright light)</li><li>talk to a human in the last X hours</li><li>talk to too many humans in the last X hours</li><li>Fresh air</li><li>Did I eat in the last X hours</li><li>drink in the last X hours</li><li>Am I in pain? Physical or emotional</li><li>Physical discomfort, weather, loud noise, bright lights, bad smells</li><li>Feel unsafe in my surroundings?</li><li>Do I know why I&#x27;m in a bad mood, or not feeling well emotionally? (remember do not dismiss or judge any answer)</li><li>When did you last do something fun?</li><li>Spend 5 minutes making a list of all the little things that are bothering you (try not to solve them now, just make the list) (and if necessary make plans for the ones you can affect).</li><li>Also possibly distinguish between &quot;why am I feeling bad&quot; and &quot;what can I do to feel less bad/even though I feel bad&quot; (e.g. if you&#x27;re stressed about upcoming event or fight you had last night, you might not be able to act on it but you can still do things now that will improve your state or at least get you being productive)</li></ul><p>at the bottom of the page:{our bonus list of bad things generated in the dojo}</p><p>{As a group - were there any big ones we missed and discussion about what we came up with}</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>Part 2:</strong> {<strong>set a timer 3 minutes</strong>} Come up with a list of things that are good for your mental state</p><p>{Group discussion - each share one}</p><p>{optional hints list} <a href="http://happierhuman.com/how-to-be-happy/">http://happierhuman.com/how-to-be-happy/</a> {feel free to go through it as a group or glance at it or skip it}</p><p>{bonus good stuff list at the bottom}</p><p>{as a group discussion - did we miss any big ones?}</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>Part 3:</strong> Possibly ambiguous factors</p><p>Now that we have a list of good and a list of bad, we should build a list of possibly ambiguous factors that you can look out for. For example the weather, allergies, unexpected events - i.e. a death or car accident. <strong>Set a timer 3 minutes</strong> - ambiguous factors {as a group - each name one}</p><p>{Any big ones we missed} (discussion)</p><p>{bonus ambiguous list at the bottom}</p><p><strong>Part 4: </strong>The important parts</p><p>Now I want you to go through the list and come up with the top 5-10 (or as many as matters) most relevant ones. From here on in it&#x27;s your list, no more sharing so it doesn&#x27;t matter to anyone else what&#x27;s on it.</p><p><strong>{Timer 2 minutes}</strong></p><p><strong>Part 5:</strong> plan for where to keep the list so it&#x27;s most accessible - so that on a bad day you can access the list and make use of it. Could be in an email draft, could be on your phone, could be a note somewhere at home or in a notebook.</p><p><strong>Timer 2 minutes</strong> - come up with where you will be keeping the list that makes it most useful to you.</p><p>{discussions of plans - including double checking of each other&#x27;s plans to make sure they seem like they are likely to work}</p><p>{assistance if anyone is stuck}</p><p>Some ideas:</p><ul><li>notes app in phone</li><li>bedroom door poster</li><li>repeat and memorize</li><li>&quot;noticing&quot; and asking why, rumination.</li><li>add to existing lists</li></ul><p>{end of exercise and break time}</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p><strong>{bonus list of bad things} </strong></p><ul><li>supplements</li><li>private time</li><li>sun</li><li>exercise</li><li>stress (and too much responsibility)</li><li>sleep</li><li>alcohol</li><li>my mother (stress)</li><li>weather (cold)</li><li>body temperature</li><li>sick/headache</li><li>pain</li><li>imminent deadlines</li><li>interpersonal rejection (and the complexities of these)</li><li>when my wife is unhappy</li><li>overeating</li><li>missing out on fun things</li><li>losing control of my schedule</li><li>not having a schedule</li><li>overthinking past failure</li><li>avoiding things I should do</li><li>task switching</li><li>accusations/misunderstandings</li><li>not sticking to good habits</li><li>being confrontational</li><li>need social time</li><li>bad news on the radio</li><li>obligation</li><li>fixating on bullshit</li><li>getting short with people</li><li>too much coffee</li><li>bad test mark</li><li>not continuing communication (not knowing what to say)</li><li>junk food</li><li>not being &quot;myself&quot; enough</li><li>breaking good routines</li><li>cold showers in the morning are bad</li><li>buyers remorse</li><li>sign up to bungee jumping (felt bad)</li><li>being unproductive at work</li><li>something on the mind</li></ul><p><strong>{bonus list of good things} </strong></p><ul><li>weather</li><li>exercise/swimming, dancing</li><li>sex</li><li>big meals</li><li>supplements</li><li>sorting my spreadsheets -&gt; feeling on top of my tasks -&gt; congruence of purpose</li><li>when things work smoothly</li><li>creating things -&gt; feedback on completion</li><li>fasting</li><li>perfect weather</li><li>shower + bath</li><li>go for a walk</li><li>listen to nice music</li><li>good plan &amp; following it</li><li>petting a cat</li><li>weightlifting</li><li>girlfriend</li><li>playing instrument</li><li>feeling connected with someone</li><li>veg-out in bed</li><li>good podcast</li><li>dancing around the house</li><li>good book/knowledge</li><li>meditating</li><li>a balanced day - a bit of everything &quot;good day&quot;</li><li>napping</li><li>solving a problem</li><li>learning knowledge/skill</li><li>new experiences + with other people</li><li>lack of responsibility and commitment -&gt; option of impulsivity</li><li>nature experience (sunsets, cool breeze)</li><li>discovering nuance</li><li>progress feedback</li><li>humour</li><li>hypnotised to be relaxed</li><li>3 weeks sticking to diet and exercise</li><li>new idea - epiphany feeling</li><li>winning debate/scoring a soccer goal</li><li>productive procrastination</li><li>consider past accomplishment</li><li>knowing/realising -&gt; feeling the realisation</li><li>when other people are really organised</li><li>making someone smile</li><li>massage giving and receiving</li><li>hugs</li><li>deep breathing</li><li>looking at clouds</li><li>playing with patterns</li><li>making others happy</li><li>good TV/movie</li><li>getting paid</li><li>balance social/alone time</li><li>flow</li><li>letting go/deciding not to care</li><li>text chat</li><li>lying on the floor sleep</li></ul><p><strong>{bonus ambiguous list} </strong></p><ul><li>some foods</li><li>water</li><li>sleep (short can feel good endorphins)</li><li>chemical smells (burning plastic, drying paint)</li><li>too much internet/facebook</li><li>coffee buzz</li><li>conversations</li><li>helping people</li><li>humans</li><li>finding information (sometimes a let down)</li><li>balance discipline/freedom</li><li>seeing family</li><li>junk TV/movies</li><li>junk food</li><li>menial chores</li><li>fidgeting</li><li>paid work</li><li>partner time</li><li>coding binge</li><li>being alone</li><li>exercise</li><li>reading documentation (sometimes good, sometimes terrible)</li><li>being needed/wanted</li><li>enthusiasm -&gt; burnout</li><li>masturbation</li><li>alcohol</li><li>sticking to timetable</li><li>performing below standard</li><li>sex</li><li>learning new stuff</li><li>clubs</li><li>brain fog</li><li>breaking the illusions of reality</li></ul><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Bonus notes [8/2/2019]:<br/><br/>For supercharging the exercise I would be spending 10-30 seconds on each thing, feeling what that state feels like and trying to notice any patterns of feelings and what causes them, then trying to figure out how I might implement trigger action plans around them <a href="https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/wJutA2czyFg6HbYoW/what-are-trigger-action-plans-taps">https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/wJutA2czyFg6HbYoW/what-are-trigger-action-plans-taps</a> <br/><br/>I&#x27;d also try to feel into the states of resolved and go between them (broken/solution/solved) and try to understand what it would feel like to cause that pattern, &quot;when I feel bad, I do X and I feel better&quot;.<br/><br/>sounds obvious when phrased like that but the literal feeling-based experience that is done during the process is the tricky part.<br/><br/>This bonus exercise is modelled off therapy.</p><hr class="dividerBlock"/><p>Meta: this took an hour to write up and a few hours to generate the exercise. </p> elo KLSfjho4Y9p75kgzF 2017-10-02T07:43:40.861Z Fish oil and the self-critical brain loop https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/LsNR2B7tcZAmQqdQ6/fish-oil-and-the-self-critical-brain-loop elo LsNR2B7tcZAmQqdQ6 2017-09-15T09:53:36.343Z Paranoia testing https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/cqFBhZHqL6m3g4DXp/paranoia-testing <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/paranoia-testing/">http://bearlamp.com.au/paranoia-testing/</a></p> <hr /> <p>Because I live on the internet I sometimes meet some interesting characters. &nbsp;On this particular occasion I found myself in a conversation with someone who suggested, &ldquo;I don't know if I'm paranoid or not&rdquo;. &nbsp;The full story had some drug use and what I can only describe as peculiar circumstances (if they were in fact being accurately reported, but I have no reason not to believe the reports).</p> <p>Intrigued by this puzzle and I was not entirely sure what the best course of action to do with a potential mentally unwell person - Should I discourage the stories, should I indulge the stories? &nbsp;If I say something that causes my friend to drop into a state of greater paranoia I would be liable to try to help them out again. &nbsp;After a short while of talking I figured that I would just try and get the person to think and feel about the "edges" of what it means to have paranoia.</p> <p>Which is how I came up with the idea to run some simple thought experiment tests that might give you a hint as to whether you have paranoia or not. &nbsp;I didn't know if I could be trusted by this person so I was always very careful to suggest ideas and not insist on any ideas. &nbsp;It's not necessary for me to insist someone seek treatment.</p> <p>As a brain living inside the conditions like paranoia it's difficult to have an objective test because any scientific test that can be done on faulty equipment is going to come up with faulty results the equivalent to the fault. &nbsp;A camera with a dust speck on it's lens will always take a photo of the dust spec. Unfortunately paranoia is a more complicated fault to test. &nbsp;</p> <p>Any experiment that you might try, could run into multiple errors at the same time or multiple errors in the one experiment. &nbsp;Could paranoia machinery change at different times of day? &nbsp;Different amounts of stress? &nbsp;If you were to try and design a normal experiment knowing that your equipment was faulty you'll be trying to aim for reliability, validity and accuracy.</p> <p>Repeating the experiment for reliability - which is to say that if you were shooting an arrow and you always land in the direction of the target you know you have at least the reliability to shoot an arrow. &nbsp;If you regularly hit one foot to the left of the bullseye you have the accuracy to get close to the target, you just need to move the target or improve your aim so that you actually hit it.</p> <p>The other problem that you might have is validity. Which is if you try to weigh a feather to work out how much an average feather weighs but you only happen to have peacock feathers you might end up with a different answer than if you measured a pigeon's feathers. &nbsp;Depending on what you want to know - your experiment needs to validly come to a result. a result that doesn't represent the information you are trying to measure is going to be useless.</p> <p><strong>Tests</strong></p> <p>In thinking about paranoia how can you test whether you are paranoid or not using your faulty equipment that may or may not be faulty (paranoid) &nbsp;First I started trying to think of something that is a little bit random but has a known randomness to it. For example a coin flip. You know that it will probably land either heads or tails but it might be a test that you have to run a couple of times before you conclude that it is it a biased or before you conclude that the coin is actually random.</p> <p>The next strategy I considered was the random person strategy. For example a stranger on a bus or a server at the supermarket. &nbsp;In law there is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_man_on_the_Clapham_omnibus">reasonable person</a> test that can be applied, something like, "what would a reasonable person have done in the situation given the details and facts of the experience that the defendant was going through". &nbsp;Curiously the reasonable hypothetical person was once described as, <em>"The man on the Clapham omnibus is a reasonably educated, intelligent but nondescript person, against whom the defendant's conduct can be</em> measured.", or, "<em>The bald-headed man at the back of the omnibus.". &nbsp;</em>As a map-making strategy, I find it kind of neat that they describe a<em> "reasonable person" </em>as a<em> "man on the bus".</em> &nbsp;So when running your experiment or thought experiment - do you think you could ask a stranger on a bus the result of a coin flip and have them tell you the true answer?</p> <p>For a non paranoid person - the server at the supermarket, or a person on the bus has no incentive to lie to you about anything you might ask them. &nbsp;If you are specifically unsure if the other humans are all in cahoots with each other scheming against you, at some point it gets damn expensive to pull off a ruse like "all of the people on every bus you ever catch are paid to stand around and answer your questions incorrectly". For example if you ask the stranger on a bus,&nbsp;what day of the week it was - do you think you could trust their answer?</p> <hr /> <p><strong>Costs</strong></p> <p>If all the humans in your life, or many of the humans in your life were part of a grand scheme, very quickly the cost of maintaining a grand scheme starts to grow. Where maybe a room full of people could pull a practical joke on someone for about an hour or two - "just for fun"... &nbsp;By the time the ruse's&nbsp;time scale stretches out to a day or perhaps several days there needs to be some sort of value being generated, for simplicity - in terms of "dollars" to incentivise people to &ldquo;keep playing along&rdquo;. By the time you want your brain to believe that - 5 people you have never met - scheming or pulling a practical joke on you. If those 5 people spend more than a day on that practical joke the cost of keeping them pulling that joke starts to escalate where a full day might be 12 hours x 5 people x your country's minimum wage (I will use $10 for simplicity) = $600 for a day's practical joke. &nbsp;It's not cheap. &nbsp;I would say bordering on irrational to burn that sort of cost on a practical joke.</p> <p>I really want to believe that I am important enough to scheme about but I know the incentives here. If you can't afford to pay those 5 confederates to participate in your practical joke then after about a day they're going to go home and get on with their lives. &nbsp;I do consider myself "valuable" but I don't know that I consider myself valuable enough for a 10 person scheme for 3 days even (10*12*3*10=$3600). &nbsp;I mean, depending on what it's worth to pull a thinly veiled paranoia plot, epic scheme or hilarious practical joke - there has to be a monetary cost to the scheme. &nbsp;By the time you start to include public places - clearing up any chance of the "scheme" failing, starts to get quite expensive.</p> <p>Maybe your number is higher than mine - maybe you think someone has $10,000 to spend on fooling you for a few days. But there still should be a limit to how complicated a scheme must be before it is unreasonably complicated and unlikely to be possible or valid because it just cost too damn much to pull off.</p> <hr /> <p><strong>A note</strong></p> <p>What if you wrote yourself a note and hid it in a drawer? &nbsp;Do you think that you could come back the following morning and expect that no one had tampered with it?</p> <p>What if you wrote the note in code? &nbsp;A simple <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substitution_cipher">substitution cipher</a>&nbsp;is all it takes to make a slightly higher barrier to tampering. &nbsp;Do you think you could trust the note to not be tampered with now?</p> <hr /> <p>From <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0147905">existing research</a>&nbsp;we know that there is a limited number of people who can be involved in a conspiracy before it becomes unwieldy to keep a secret.<br /><img src="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article/figure/image?size=medium&amp;id=10.1371/journal.pone.0147905.g001" alt="" /><br />Simply put if you have too many people involved in the conspiracy it becomes impossible to keep a secret as time goes on.<br /><img src="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article/figure/image?size=medium&amp;id=10.1371/journal.pone.0147905.t004" alt="" /></p> <p>The research (if you agree with their models and I am not so sure that I do) seems to suggest a much higher number of participants than I would have guessed, still. &nbsp;Interesting to know.</p> <hr /> <p>Mostly I am curious of what test you might use or generate to evaluate if you are paranoid. &nbsp;Knowing of course that no test is perfect and your faulty hardware could be getting in the way of you actually noticing a scheme afoot, or being able to tell if you are paranoid.</p> elo cqFBhZHqL6m3g4DXp 2017-08-25T04:41:15.186Z Emotional labour https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ut5iqffwQrJDEczdg/emotional-labour <p>A brief breakdown:</p> <ul> <li>event: I broke your vase.</li> <li>event: I bought you a gift but then left it at home</li> <li>event: I want to go to a (privately valuable event) on our (relationship important day)</li> </ul> <p><strong>Options:</strong></p> <ol> <li><em>I wanted to save you the effort of thinking about the thing and so I decided not to tell/ask you before it was resolved.</em></li> <li><em>I wanted to not have to withhold a thing from you so I told you as soon as it was bothering me so that I didn't have to lie/cheat/withhold/deceive you even if I thought it was in your best interest</em></li> </ol> <p><strong>Discussion:</strong></p> <p>what is a better plan of action?</p> <p>1 would be doing emotional labour in the form of:</p> <blockquote><em>I thought about the event and how you would feel about it and modelled how I thought you would feel and then acted according to what I thought was best for you feeling better.</em></blockquote> <p>2 would be to put an emotional burden on the other person but carries with it more honesty, more expectation that the other person is autonomous and able to make choices for themselves.</p> <blockquote><em>I didn't want to withhold anything, but instead burdened you with making the choice about what to do about the matter by telling you about my conundrum.</em></blockquote> <p>I used to do 1, but now I do 2. The relationship books tend to suggest 2.</p> <p>All of the things my brain ever conjured up used to tell me 1. &nbsp;</p> <p>Brain:&nbsp;<em>Make the martyr choice for people. &nbsp;Don't tell them, suffer in secret.</em></p> <p>I made a lot of relationship mistakes doing 1's in various situations and now I do 2s. &nbsp;I don't know why this works but it lines up with everything I ever read - NVC, Daring greatly, Gottman institute research. I don't have much to add other than - I wonder if you do 1's or 2's. &nbsp;</p> <p>I would prefer people do 2's not 1's around me. (<a href="https://erratio.dreamwidth.org/154861.html">A little more on emotional labour</a>)</p> <hr /> <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/emotional-labour/">http://bearlamp.com.au/emotional-labour/</a></p> elo ut5iqffwQrJDEczdg 2017-08-22T00:54:20.887Z Repairing Anxiety using Internal and External locus of control models https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ngsMis72MmJrDQy8Q/repairing-anxiety-using-internal-and-external-locus-of <p>Original post:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/repairing-anxiety-using-internal-and-external-locus-of-control-models/">http://bearlamp.com.au/repairing-anxiety-using-internal-and-external-locus-of-control-models/</a></p> <p>I want you to examine your&nbsp;<a href="https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Map_and_territory">map</a>. &nbsp;It's the representation you carry around in your head that says, "I am in control of most things" or it says, "most things are out of my control". &nbsp;Or for very specific things it says, "I am in control" or "I am not in control".</p> <p>Factually - In the territory - through life things are more and less in your control or shaped by events beyond your control in the external world. Independent of your locus of control, can be noted the way you feel about a problem alongside whether it is internal of external locus of control. &nbsp; As a separation of cause and effect. &nbsp;(Of concrete event and their surrounding judgements, evaluations, conclusions or extrapolations)<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/rLocus-of-control4.png"><img class="alignnone size-large wp-image-833" src="http://bearlamp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/rLocus-of-control4.png" alt="" width="640" height="310" /></a></p> <hr /> <p>This might already seem obvious but let's make some examples to play with. &nbsp;Here are some times that you might feel in control or out of control.</p> <ol> <li>Internal-Good: <em>I am the lead on the project so everything is going to get done my way (the right way).</em></li> <li>Internal-Bad: <em>My house is a mess and it's my fault. &nbsp;It won't get tidy unless I do something about it and it's bothering me.</em></li> <li>External-Good: <em>I outsourced my tax to an accountant. &nbsp;Now I have less to worry about.</em></li> <li>External-Bad:&nbsp;<em>I got the flu, how does this keep happening to me?!?</em></li> </ol> <p>In these examples it's clear what's going on (<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/concrete-instructions/">the concrete</a>) and it's supposed to be clear whether it's an internal or external locus of control, and the feeling is mentioned. Now lets play with them. &nbsp;Can we shift the concrete experiences to a different locus of control? from the original first example we can shift the event to the 4 quadrants above</p> <ol> <li><strong>Internal-good: <em>I am the lead on the project so everything is going to get done my way (the right way).</em></strong></li> <li>Internal-bad:&nbsp;<em>I am the lead on the project. &nbsp;It's all on me. What if I make a mistake, it will be all my fault. &nbsp;I don't know if I can handle it.</em></li> <li>External-good:&nbsp;<em>I am the lead on the project,&nbsp;I have so much responsibility at work, they must know I can handle it. &nbsp;</em></li> <li>External-bad: <em>I am the lead on the project.&nbsp;I am under so much pressure at work. &nbsp;It's stressing me out!</em></li> </ol> <p>But that's not the only example that can shift.</p> <ol> <li>Internal-good: <em>My house is a mess, it's my fault but I don't care. &nbsp;I am having way too much fun to bother with it. &nbsp;I will deal with it when it bothers me enough or when I find time</em></li> <li><strong>Internal-bad: <em>My house is a mess and it's my fault. &nbsp;It won't get tidy unless I do something about it and it's bothering me.</em></strong></li> <li>External-good:<em> My house is a mess and it's my fault, lucky for me no one cares! &nbsp;I can get away with it because it doesn't matter. &nbsp;</em></li> <li>External-bad:&nbsp;<em>My house is a mess and it's my fault, what if anyone sees, I can't have friends over, what would they think of me? &nbsp;I have too much to do, life never gives me enough time to hold myself together</em></li> </ol> <p>As we try each example...</p> <ol> <li>Internal-good: <em>I outsourced my tax to an accountant. &nbsp;I am a powerful agent that can decide to not do tasks if I don't want to. &nbsp;I know my strengths and this is not one of them.</em></li> <li>Internal-bad:&nbsp;<em>I outsourced my tax to an accountant. &nbsp;</em><em>I am incompetent about finance, it's my fault I have to pay someone to do this for me.</em></li> <li><strong>External-good: <em>I outsourced my tax to an accountant. &nbsp;Now I have less to worry about.</em></strong></li> <li>External-bad:&nbsp;<em>I outsourced my tax to an accountant.&nbsp;</em><em>My tax was too hard, I had no choice but to pay someone to fix it for me</em></li> </ol> <ol> <li>Internal-good: <em>I got the flu. &nbsp;I had to take care of my sick friends, I knew there was a risk but you gotta live.</em></li> <li>Internal-Bad:&nbsp;<em>I got the flu. I hate public transport, so many sick people I always get sick. &nbsp;I can't help it.</em></li> <li>External-good:&nbsp;<em>I got the flu. these things happen. &nbsp;Better take it easy or I will be sick for longer.</em></li> <li><strong>External-bad:&nbsp;<em>I got the flu, how does this keep happening to me?!?</em></strong></li> </ol> <hr /> <p>Curious isn't it. &nbsp;Any <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/concrete-instructions/">concrete experience</a> can be shifted to a good/bad feeling, and any locus of control can be shifted to a internal/external locus of control as well. As a person who has an ego that barely fits in the room, it means that I am very practised at living in that first row of the square. &nbsp;That means I am looking for a method that either obtains power/control for myself or bestows responsibility to the external locus of control. If you carry anxieties around with you, chances are they have some perspective that can be changed by hanging around in the other part of the square. &nbsp;Obviously this is not yet a method for getting you into the first row of the square but moving in that direction is the strategy below.</p> <h2><strong>How?</strong></h2> <p>The only method I want to mention in this article is to switch locus of control. &nbsp;So if you are in Internal-bad try switch to external and see what comes up. &nbsp;That is; move diagonally in the table. Going from; Internal-bad: <em>My house is a mess and it's my fault. &nbsp;It won't get tidy unless I do something about it and it's bothering me.</em> To: External-good:<em> My house is a mess and it's my fault, lucky for me no one else cares! &nbsp;I can get away with it because it doesn't matter to anyone else and no one can see.</em> While avoiding: External-bad:&nbsp;<em>My house is a mess and it's my fault, what if anyone sees, I can't have friends over, what would they think of me? &nbsp;I have too much to do, life never gives me enough time to hold myself together</em> How exactly? Try:</p> <ol> <li>Write down the problem in concrete form. &nbsp;Or get clear on what the problem is somehow. &nbsp;You can talk to a friend or just think about it so long as you lock down what the problem is. &nbsp;The benefit of writing it down is that once written it's not going to squirm in your head and be the elusive spiralling colour changing problem monster.</li> <li>Decide which locus of control you are currently in. (or just pick one. &nbsp;It can't both be "my fault" and "not my problem" at the same time" so start somewhere and switch.)</li> <li>Try think of ways in which the problem is in the other locus of control. &nbsp;("Not my problem" or "I can take charge of this problem")</li> <li>If 3 seems impossible - ask other people for help. &nbsp;They will be able to see your situation differently and suggest ways of looking that are in the other locus of control.</li> </ol> <p>It would be very hard for a problem to be both <strong>entirely your fault (caused by you)</strong>&nbsp;and <strong>the world hating you</strong>&nbsp;<strong>(caused by external forces)</strong> at the same time. &nbsp;It's also remarkably hard to be <strong>in control</strong> of a problem and have it be <strong>not your problem</strong>. &nbsp;What I am saying is that it would have to either be your problem or not your problem. &nbsp;It would be hard to be both.</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: changing your internal models of locus of control is an internal locus of control method. &nbsp;Unless you propose, "this is the way I am I can't change it" which would be an external locus of control explanation. I don't know how to build on this so it will have to come in another post. &nbsp;having this out there will help to make it easier to build on later.</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: this took around 2.5 hours to put together.</p> elo ngsMis72MmJrDQy8Q 2017-08-12T08:05:03.779Z Models of human relationships - tools to understand people https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/omC7asRTxCNayy5Q4/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people <p><strong>This post will not teach you the models here.</strong>&nbsp; This post is a summary of the models that I carry in my head. &nbsp;I have written most of the descriptions without looking them up (See <a href="http://calnewport.com/blog/2015/11/25/the-feynman-notebook-method/">Feynman notebook method</a>). &nbsp;If you have read a book on every one of these points they will make sense, <em>as if you were shaking hands with an old acquaintance</em>. &nbsp;If you are seeing them for the first time, they won't make very much sense or they will feel like a surface trivial truth.</p> <p>I can't make you read all the books but maybe I can offer you that the answer to social problems is surprisingly simple. &nbsp;After reading enough books you start to see the overlap and realise they often are trying to talk about the same thing. &nbsp;(i.e. NVC + Gottman go together well).</p> <p>In fact if you were several independent dragon hunters trying to model an invisible beast and all of various people's homemade sensors kept going "ping" at similar events you would probably start to agree you were chasing the same monster. &nbsp;Models should start to agree when they are talking about the same thing. &nbsp;The variety of models should make it easier for different minds to connect to different parts of the answer.</p> <p><em>All models are wrong, some models are useful.</em> &nbsp;Try to look at where the models converge. &nbsp;That's where I find the truth.</p> <hr /> <h2><strong>1. The book <a href="https://booko.info/9780071446525/Crucial-Confrontations">Crucial Confrontations</a></strong> - Kerry Patterson</h2> <p><a href="http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Crucial_Conversations:_Tools_for_Talking_When_Stakes_are_High">http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Crucial_Conversations:_Tools_for_Talking_When_Stakes_are_High</a><br /> <em>(without explaining how)</em> If you can navigate to a place of safety in a conversation you can say pretty much anything. &nbsp;Which is not to say "here is how to be a jerk" but if you know something is going to come across negative you can first make sure to be in a positive/agreeable/supportive conversation before raising the hard thing.</p> <p>In the middle of a yelling match is maybe not the best time to bring up something that has bugged you for years. &nbsp;However a few sentences about growth mindset, supporting people being a better person and trying to help (<strong>and getting a feel that the person is ready to hear the thing</strong>) and you could tell anyone they are a lazy bum who needs to shape up or ship out.</p> <p><strong>The conversation needs to be safe.</strong>&nbsp; For example - "I want to help you as a person and I know how hard it can be to get feedback from other people and I want to make you into a better person. &nbsp;I have an idea for how you might like to improve. &nbsp;Before I tell you I want to reassure you that even though this might come across abrasive I want to help you grow and be better in the future..."</p> <p>(some people will be easier than others to navigate a safe conversation and that's where there are no hard and fast rules for how to do this. &nbsp;Go with your gut)</p> <p>The crux of this model is "have a model of the other person" [15]</p> <h2><strong>2. The partner book "<a href="https://booko.info/9780143118442/Difficult-Conversations">Difficult conversations</a>"</strong></h2> <p><a href="http://www.peace.ca/difficultconversations.pdf">http://www.peace.ca/difficultconversations.pdf</a></p> <p>There are 4 types of difficult conversations around communicating a decision:<br /> <strong>a</strong>. <strong>Consultation</strong> (Bob asks Alice for ideas for the decision he is going to make on his own)<br /> <strong>b</strong>. <strong>Collaboration</strong> (Bob and Alice make a decision together)<br /> <strong>c</strong>. <strong>Declaration</strong> (Bob tells alice the decision he has made)<br /> <strong>d</strong>. <strong>Delegation</strong> (Bob tells alice to make the decision)</p> <p>As someone's boss you may sometimes have to pass on bad news in the form of a declaration. &nbsp;It's up to you which conversation this is going to be but being clear about <strong>what conversation this is</strong> will be helpful to a person to understand their place in responding or interacting with you. &nbsp;It becomes difficult where there is a misunderstanding about what is going on.</p> <p>It's also important when you are on the receiving end to be on the same page about what conversation this is. &nbsp;(you don't want to be negotiating in a collaborative manner when they are trying to give you a declaration of their decision, and the same when you are leading the conversation).</p> <p>Among other details in the book.</p> <h2><strong>3. Getting the 3rd story.</strong></h2> <p>linking back to - <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error</a><br /> (from one of those books [1] or [2])</p> <p>Bob knows what happened from his perspective and Alice knows her version of events. &nbsp;Where there is a disagreement of what follows from different versions of events it is possible to construct a 3rd person story. &nbsp;This may be hard to do when you are involved and an actual 3rd person can help but is not crucial in constructing the story. &nbsp;If you can step outside of your own story and construct a 3rd version together this can resolve misunderstandings.<br /> Something like; "I thought you said we should meet here, even though I said I wanted ice-cream, you thought that meant we should meet at the ice-cream place next door and we each waited 30mins for the other one to turn up to where we were.". &nbsp;By constructing a 3rd story it's possible that no one was at fault. &nbsp;It's also possible that it can become clear what went wrong and how to learn from that or what can be done differently.</p> <p>(cue business management <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After-action_review">After-Action-Review</a> activities {what did we do well, what could we have done better, what would we do differently}, now <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SWOT_analysis">SWOT</a>)</p> <h2><strong>4. The <a href="https://www.gottman.com/blog/">Gottman Institute</a> research (and <a href="https://booko.info/9780553447712/The-7-Principles-for-Making-Marriage-Work-A-Practical-Guide-from-the-Country-s-Foremost-Relationship-Expert">book</a>)</strong></h2> <p>The 4 horsemen of divorce (but just because that's what the research is about doesn't mean we can't apply it elsewhere) (yes Gottman is limited in value because of bad use of statistics we can't be sure the models are accurate, I still find it's a good model at explaining things).</p> <p>Don't do these things. &nbsp;When you see these things, recognise them for what they are and don't engage with them. &nbsp;If necessary acknowledge people are feeling certain angry feelings and let them get them out (not everyone can efficiently drop how they are feeling and get on with talking about it, especially not without practice).</p> <p>Each one has an antidote, usually in the form of an attitude or strategy that can leave you thinking about the same thing differently and relating to it differently.</p> <p><strong>I. Criticism<br /> </strong>I would rename to "inherent criticism". &nbsp;Comes in the form of an inherent descriptor like, "you are a lazy person", "you always run late". &nbsp;"you are the type of person who forgets my birthday"[see 5]. &nbsp;Try to replace inherent criticism with *[6] concrete descriptions of actions.</p> <p>To counter this - try descriptions like [6a]: &nbsp;"I can see you are sitting on the couch right now and I would like you to offer help when you can see me cleaning". &nbsp;"yesterday I saw you try to do a few extra tasks and that caused us to run late", "you forgot my birthday last year".</p> <p>The important thing about the change here is that an inherent label comes in the form of an unchangeable belief. &nbsp;It's equivalent to saying, "you are a tall person". &nbsp;It's fixed in time, space and attitude. &nbsp;You don't want to give someone a fixed negative trait. &nbsp;Not in your head and especially not out of your head either to that person or to anyone else. &nbsp;You set someone up for failure if you do. &nbsp;As soon as someone is "<em>the lazy on</em>e" you give them the ticket to "<em>always be lazy</em>" and if they are half smart they will probably take it. &nbsp;Besides - you don't change people's actions by using criticism. &nbsp;You maybe relieve some frustration but then you have created some open frustration and the problem still exists.</p> <p><strong>II. Defensiveness</strong><br /> Probably easiest to understand by the description of <em>reactive defensiveness</em>. &nbsp;It usually comes as a reaction to an accusation. &nbsp;If two people are yelling, chances are neither is listening. &nbsp;In response to "you are always making us run late", a defensive reaction would be, "I make us run late because you always stress me out".</p> <p>It does two things:<br /> 1. claim to not be responsible<br /> 2. make a second accusation (can be irrelevant to the subject at hand).</p> <p>First of all if you are bringing up <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/working-with-multiple-problems-at-once/">several problems at once</a> you are going to confuse matters. &nbsp;Try to deal with one problem at a time. &nbsp;It doesn't really matter which so long as you are not yelling about being late while they are yelling about you forgetting the laundry. (and so long as you deal with all the problems)</p> <p>The second part is that you can't shift blame. &nbsp;Absorbing some blame does not make you a bad person. &nbsp;Nor does it make you inherently terrible. &nbsp;You can have both done a wrong thing and not be a bad person. &nbsp;After all you had your reasons for doing what you did.</p> <p>The antidote to defensiveness is to acknowledge [6] what they have said and move forward without reacting.</p> <p>III. <strong>Contempt</strong><br /> This is about an internal state as much as an external state. &nbsp;Contempt is about the story we tell ourselves about the other person (see NVC) and is a state of negative intent. &nbsp;I hold you contemptuously. &nbsp;For example, "a good person would not run late", "if you were smarter you would just...", "I work so hard on this relationship and you just...", Some examples of displays of contempt include when a person uses sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humour [see 7 - emotional intelligence about physiological events]. &nbsp;This overlaps with Inherent criticism and makes more sense with [6 NVC].<br /> Contempt has two antidotes, Teacher mindset and curiosity. &nbsp;Teacher mindset can change an attitude of, "He should know what he did wrong" to, "I need to explain to him how to do it right". &nbsp;Curiosity [See NVC, also [3] the 3rd story] can take you to a place of trying to understand what is going on and take you away from the place of the stories we tell ourselves.[10]</p> <p>IV. <strong>Stonewalling</strong><br /> This is a physiological state of going silent. &nbsp;It is used when you are being lectured (for example) and you go silent, possibly start thinking about everything else while you wait for someone to finish. &nbsp;It's like holding your breath when you go underwater, waiting for it to pass. &nbsp;If you are doing this what you need to do is take a break from whatever is going on and do something different, for example go for a walk and calm down.<br /> There was a classic joke, they asked a 110 year old why he lived so long and he said, every time I got into an argument with my wife I used to go for a walk. &nbsp;I went on a lot of walks in my life.<br /> Because this is a physiological state it's so easy to fix so long as you remember to pay attention to your internal state [see NVC what is most alive in you, and 11. what does that look like in practice]</p> <h2><strong>5. <a href="https://booko.info/9780091906351/How-to-Win-Friends-and-Influence-People">How to win friends and influence people</a></strong></h2> <p>I always recommend this book to people starting the journey because it's a great place to start. &nbsp;These days I have better models but when I didn't know anything this was a place to begin. &nbsp;Most of my models are now more complicated applications of the ideas initially presented. &nbsp;You still need weak models before replacing them with more complicated ones which are more accurate.<br /> The principles and (in brackets) what has superseded them for me:</p> <p><em>BECOME A FRIENDLIER PERSON<br /> </em><em>1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.</em> (There are places and methods to do this. &nbsp;Criticism can be done as [1] from a place of safety or in [4] from a teacher/mentor/growth mindset. &nbsp;Definitely don't do it from a place of criticism. &nbsp;Condemnation is more about [10] and is an inherent trait. &nbsp;Progress doesn't usually happen when we use inherent traits, From Saul Alinsky's <em>rules for radicals</em> - don't complain unless you have the right answer - "I have a problem and you have to figure out how to fix it for me" is not a good way to get your problem solved.)<br /> <em>2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.</em> (so long as you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart good. &nbsp;If you are using it for manipulation you can just not bother. &nbsp;NVC supersedes this. &nbsp;By keeping track of what is most alive in you, you can do better than this)<br /> <em>3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.</em> (Work out what people want, work out how to get both your needs met - superceded by NVC.)<br /> <em>4. Become genuinely interested in other people.</em> (depends what for. &nbsp;Don't bother if you don't want to. &nbsp;That would not be genuine. &nbsp;You need to find the genuine interest inside yourself first.)<br /> <em>5. Smile.</em> (um. &nbsp;Hard to disagree with but a default smiling state is a good one to cultivate - from [7] physiological states are linked two ways. &nbsp;Smiling will make you happy just as being happy will make you smile)<br /> <em>6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the most important sound in any language.</em> (I don't know about most important but I would say that anyone can remember names with practice. &nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/list-of-techniques-to-help-you-remember-names/">http://bearlamp.com.au/list-of-techniques-to-help-you-remember-names/</a>)</p> <p><em>7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.</em> (NVC - pay attention to what is most alive in you when you do. Make sure you know about the spectrum of )<br /> 8. <em>Talk in terms of the other person's interest</em>. (Sure why not. &nbsp;Sales are a lot easier when you are selling what people want.<em>&nbsp;</em>See [15] and NVC to supersede how and why this works)<br /> <em>9. Make the other person feel important - and do so sincerely.</em> (I guess? &nbsp;I don't do this actively.)<br /> 10 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. ([9] if you are in an argument something already went wrong)<br /> <em>WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING</em><br /> <em>11. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."</em> (NVC, instead of saying no, say what gets in the way. &nbsp;"here is evidence that says otherwise" can be better than "durr WRONGGG" but I have seen people use "you are wrong" perfectly fine.)<br /> <em>12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.</em> (hard to disagree with, but holding onto grudges and guity things is not useful. &nbsp;[4] gottman talks about defensiveness, avoid defensiveness and acknowledge the fact that someone feels you are at fault first. &nbsp;It will satisfy the psychological need arising in an offended person [14])<br /> <em>13. Begin in a friendly way.</em> (as opposed to what? &nbsp;Sure I guess.)<br /> <em>14. Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.</em> (Yes ladders are important and valuable. &nbsp;You see bits of this creeping into Gottman [4], NVC [6], The game [13] and other practices but no one as yet explains it as well as I would like. &nbsp;The game probably has the best commentary on it, short of business books that escape my memory right now)<br /> <em>15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.</em> (not really important who talks so long as you are on the same page and in agreement. &nbsp;If you want someone else to do the emotional labour [15] for you, then you can let them. &nbsp;If you want to do it for them you can. &nbsp;Implications of EL are not yet clear to me in full. &nbsp;Some places it will be good to do EL for people, other places they need to do it for themselves to feel ownership of the problems and solutions)<br /> <em>16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.</em> (sure I guess. &nbsp;A good idea is it's own champion. &nbsp;Ideas that are obviously better will win out. &nbsp;You can't make a turd beat a diamond but you can employ tricks to polish certain diamonds over others. &nbsp;This technique is battling over little bits. &nbsp;can be useful but I would not rely on it alone.)<br /> <em>17. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.</em> (NVC [6] and EL [15] should help do that better. &nbsp;Imagining that you are that person in a way that is hard to impart in words because it's about having the experience of being that other person (see http://bearlamp.com.au/zen-koans/) and not "just thinking about it". needs a longer description and is an effective technique.)<br /> <em>18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.</em> (NVC supercedes. &nbsp;Everyone has basic feelings and needs that you can understand, like the need for safety)<br /> <em>19. Appeal to the nobler motives.</em> (giving people a reputation to live up to is a valuable technique that I would say only works for qualified people - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_facilitation but does not work so well if you put pressure on people who are less skilled. &nbsp;Probably relates to the things going through our head at the time - see also book - the inner game of tennis, NVC, judgement model)<br /> <em>20. Dramatize your ideas.</em> (I don't know? &nbsp;Try it. &nbsp;It could work. &nbsp;will not work by virtue of it being a good model of things, might work by luck/breaking people out of their habits)<br /> <em>BE A LEADER</em><br /> <em>21. Throw down a challenge.</em> (can work if people are willing to rise to a challenge can work against you and create cognitive dissonance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance if people are not willing. &nbsp;Need more information to make it work)<br /> <em>22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.</em> (Don't give people a shit sandwich - slices of compliments surrounding shit. &nbsp;That's not respectful of them. &nbsp;Instead using [1] navigate to a place of safety to talk about things)<br /> <em>23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.</em> (there are correct and incorrect ways to do this. &nbsp;You can be passive agressive about it. &nbsp;I don't see a problem with being blunt - in private, in safe conversations [1] - about what is going on)<br /> <em>24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.</em> (don't yammer on, but it can help to connect you and them and the problem. &nbsp;NVC would be better than just this)<br /> <em>25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.</em> (socratic method, can be a drain, need more advanced skills and [15] EL to know if this is appropriate )<br /> <em>26. Let the other person save face.</em> (better described in http://lesswrong.com/lw/o4/leave_a_line_of_retreat/ I agree with this, but [15] EL might describe it better)<br /> <em>27. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be "lavish in your praise."</em> (NVC disagrees, praise only what is relevant, true and valid. &nbsp;Be a teacher [4] but deliver praise when praise is due.)<br /> <em>28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.</em> (This is 19/26 again. &nbsp;I agree with it. &nbsp;I could use it more)<br /> <em>29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.</em> (agree, solve the "problem" for someone else, make it easy to move forward)<br /> <em>30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.</em> (NVC gives a better model of doing what other people want, "with the joy of a small child feeding a hungry duck")</p> <p>* Giving people a positive reputation to live up to. &nbsp;"I trust that you won't forget my birthday again". &nbsp;Don't be silly with this, "I have confidence that you will give me a million dollars" will not actually yield you a million dollars unless you have reason to believe that will work.</p> <h2><strong>6. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc">NVC</a> - Non-Judgemental communication&nbsp;</strong></h2> <p>I can't yet do justice to NVC&nbsp;but I am putting together the pieces. &nbsp;Best to watch the youtube talk in the title link but here are some short points. &nbsp;Also this helps -&nbsp;<a href="http://cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory">cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory</a><br /> a. <strong>Concrete descriptions</strong> - <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/concrete-instructions/">http://bearlamp.com.au/concrete-instructions/<br /> </a>In agreement with Gottman, be concrete and specific - &nbsp;The objective test of whether the description is concrete is whether the description can be followed by an anonymous person to produce the same experience. &nbsp;"you are a lazy person" VS "you are sitting on the couch"<br /> b. <strong>Acknowledge feelings</strong> - <a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/feelings-in-the-map/">http://bearlamp.com.au/feelings-in-the-map/<br /> </a>people have huge psychological needs to be heard and understood. &nbsp;Anyone can fulfill that need<br /> c. <strong>Connect that to a need</strong><br /> See the NVC video.<br /> d. &nbsp;<strong>Making a request</strong><br /> See NVC video.<br /> e. <strong>Saying no by passing your goals forward</strong><br /> Instead of saying no, Consider what it is that gets in the way of you saying no and say that instead. &nbsp;Keep in mind vulnerability [16]. &nbsp;This also allows people to plan around your future intentions. &nbsp;If someone asks you to buy a new car and you say, "no I plan to save money towards buying a house" they can choose to be mindful of that in the future and they can act accordingly (not offering you a different car for sale next week).<br /> f. <strong>Connect with what is most alive in you right now</strong><br /> See video for best description.</p> <h2><strong>7. <a href="https://booko.info/9780553903201/Emotional-Intelligence">Emotional intelligence</a></strong></h2> <p>There is a two way path between physiological states and emotional states.</p> <p>Try these:<br /> <strong>a.</strong> Hold a pencil/pen in your mouth and go back and read the joke about the old man [4]. (expect to find it funnier than you did the first time)<br /> <strong>b.</strong> furrow your brow while reading the first paragraph of this page again (expect to either feel confused or the cognitive dissonance version if you know it very well - "I know this too well")<br /> The two way path means that you can feel better about emotional pain by taking a paracetamol, but more specifically, if you take a break from a situation and come back to it the emotions might have improved. &nbsp;This can include getting a glass of water, going for a walk, getting some fresh air. &nbsp;And for more complicated decisions - sleeping on it (among other things).</p> <p>Everyone can train emotional intelligence, they need practice. &nbsp;This includes holding an understanding of your own states as well as being able to notice emotional states in other people.</p> <p>I had an ex who had particularly visible physiological states, it was a very valuable experience to me to see the state changes and it really trained my guessing mind to be able to notice changes. &nbsp;These days I can usually see when things change but I can't always pick the emotion that has come up. &nbsp;This is where NVC and curiosity become valuable (also circling).</p> <p>EI is particularly important when it is particularly deficient. &nbsp;In the book it talks about anger as a state that (to an untrained person) can cause a reaction before someone knows that they were angry. &nbsp;Make sure to fix that first before moving to higher levels of emotional management.</p> <h2><strong>8. model of arguments<br /> </strong><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/a-model-of-arguments/">http://bearlamp.com.au/a-model-of-arguments/</a></h2> <p>(see also NVC)</p> <p>If you view disagreements or misunderstandings as a venn diagram of what you know and what the other person knows. &nbsp;You have full rights to make comment on anything you know but only have limited rights to make comment on what the other person knows. &nbsp;Instead you can comment on the information they have given you. &nbsp;"you said 'X', I know Y about what you said 'X'". &nbsp;To say X is wrong, is not going to yield progress. &nbsp;Instead to acknowledge that they described 'X' and their description does not make sense to me, or leaves me feeling confused [6].</p> <h2><strong>9. The argument started earlier</strong></h2> <p>From Gavin: "If I ever find myself in a position of saying - well officer, let me explain what happened...", Something already went wrong well and truly before now.<br /> When you start the journey you will start getting to "Aha" moments about where arguments start. &nbsp;As you get more and more experience you realise the argument started well and truly earlier than you ever first realised. &nbsp;When you get really good at it, you can stop and say [6] "I am confused" &nbsp;well and truly before a yelling match.</p> <h2><strong>10. The stories we tell ourselves</strong></h2> <p>NVC based, Judgement model, There is a lot of people who are thinking in stories. &nbsp;Related - <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error</a>.</p> <p>Their entire existence is the story and narrative they tell about themselves (see also Jordan Peterson - maps of meaning). &nbsp;The constant narrative about how "the world hates me" is going to give you a particular world experience compared to the constant narrative, "I am a lucky person". &nbsp;You see this in gamblers who are searching for "the prevailing wind" or "winning streaks".</p> <p>You also see this in social pressure - when people think and get fixated on, "what will people think of me?", sometimes the social pressure does not even have to be there to cause the thoughts and the actions that would be "social pressure".<br /> Several models of thinking advocate removing the story telling in your head to relieve the psychological pain. &nbsp;See books, "search inside yourself", NVC, Gateless gatecrashers, some information in the <a href="http://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf">Persistent Non Symbolic Experience Article</a>.</p> <p>I am not sure what is the best practice, but mindfulness seems to help as well, since these thoughts are all theoretical, grounding yourself in the concrete [6a] and observing those thoughts seems to alleviate the anxieties it can cause. &nbsp;But this can explain a lot of people's actions (they are telling themselves a particular story in their head).</p> <h2><strong>11. Polling your internal states</strong></h2> <p><a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/what-does-that-look-like-in-practice/">bearlamp.com.au/what-does-that-look-like-in-practice/</a><br /> [related to 6 NVC]. Any time you are disconnected to what is going on, try asking yourself an internal question of "what is going on?" to connect with what is most alive in you right now. &nbsp;This might be a feeling of boredom. &nbsp;It could be anything, but if it's not a good and strong connection with what is presently happening you have a chance to fix it. &nbsp;(See also the book "The Charisma myth")</p> <h2>12. <strong>circling</strong> (<a href="http://circlinghandbook.com/">The circling handbook</a>)</h2> <p>[6 built on NVC] is a practice of living in the current and present experience. &nbsp;You can focus on another person or focus on yourself. &nbsp;Perpetually answering the question of "what is most alive in you right now?" and sharing that with other people.</p> <p>Some examples include:I am feeling nervous sharing this experienceI just closed my eyes and put my head back trying to think of a good example.I am distracted by the sound of birds behind me.I can feel air going past my nostrils as I think about this question.</p> <p>The creators of cicling find it a very connecting experience to either share what is going on inside you or to guess at what is going on inside someone else and ask if that's an accurate guess. &nbsp;Or to alternate experiences, each sharing one and one. &nbsp;or each guessing of each other - one and one.</p> <p>I find it valuable because everyone can understand present experience, and get a glimpse of your current experience in the process of sharing experience with you. &nbsp;This method can also work as a form of [15] and [7].</p> <h2>13. <a href="https://booko.info/9781782118930/The-Game">The game</a></h2> <p>(From the book The Game) This concept receives equal part condemnation and praise from various parties.</p> <p>The basic concept of the game is that life <em>is</em>&nbsp;a game. &nbsp;Specifically social interactions are a game that you can try out. &nbsp;You can iterate on and repeat until success. &nbsp;In the book it follows the journey of a pick up artist as he generally disregards other people's agency and works out how to get what he wants (regularly bed people) through some stages of practicing certain methods of interaction, and iterating until he sees a lot of success.</p> <p>I see a lot of this concept at kegan stage 3[18]. &nbsp;Everything is about social, and the only thing that matters is social relationships.</p> <p>Most of the condemnations comes from the failure of this model to treat other people as human, worthy of moral weight, thought or anything other than to be used to your own purposes. &nbsp;If you don't like dehumanising people the book can still teach you a lot about social interaction, and practicing towards incremental improvement.</p> <p>If you feel uncomfortable with Pick up, you should examine that belief closely, it's probably to do with feeling uncomfortable with people using manipulation to pursue sex. &nbsp;That's fine, there is a lot to learn about social and a lot of social systems before you turn into "literally the devil" for knowing about it. &nbsp;There are also other social goals other than sex that you can pursue.</p> <p>If you are cautious about turning into a jerk - you are probably not likely to ever even get close to actions that paint you as a jerk because your filters will stop you. &nbsp;It's the people who have no filter on actions that might want to be careful - herein lies dark arts and being a jerk. &nbsp;And as much as no one will stop you, no one will really enjoy your presence either if you are a jerk.</p> <p>The biggest problem I have with game and game methodology is that we all play a one-shot version. &nbsp;With high stakes of failure. &nbsp;Which means some of the iteration and having to fail while you learn how to not be terrible - will permanently damage your reputation. &nbsp;There is no perfect "retry" - a reputation will follow you basically to the ends of the earth and back. &nbsp;As much as game will teach you some things, the other models in this list have better information for you and are going to go further than game.</p> <h2>14. <strong>what an apology must do </strong>from Aaron Lazare, M.D.- <a href="https://booko.info/9780195189117/On-Apology">on apology</a></h2> <p>1. A valid acknowledgement of the offence that makes clear who the offender is and who is the offended. The offender must clearly and completely acknowledge the offence.<br /> 2. An effective explanation, which shows an offence was neither intentional nor personal, and is unlikely to recur.<br /> 3. Expressions of remorse, shame, and humility, which show that the offender recognises the suffering of the offended.<br /> 4. A reparation of some kind, in the form of a real or symbolic compensation for the offender&rsquo;s transgression.<br /> An effective apology must also satisfy at least one of seven psychological needs of an offended person.<br /> 1. The restoration of dignity in the offended person.<br /> 2. The affirmation that both parties have shared values and agree that the harm committed was wrong.<br /> 3. Validation that the victim was not responsible for the offense.<br /> 4. The assurance that the offended party is safe from a repeat offense.<br /> 5. Reparative justice, which occurs when the offended sees the offending party suffer through some type of punishment.<br /> 6. Reparation, when the victim receives some form of compensation for his pain.<br /> 7. A dialogue that allows the offended parties to express their feelings toward the offenders and even grieve over their losses.</p> <p>These are not my notes from the book but they are particularly valuable when trying to construct an understanding of apologising and making up for misdeeds. &nbsp;I don't have them in memory but I know when I need to make a serious apology I can look them up. &nbsp;They fit quite well with [6], but are more specific to apology and not all interactions.</p> <h2><strong>15. Emotional labour</strong></h2> <p>A relatively new concept. &nbsp;This is roughly the ability to:<br /> I. Model someone else's emotional state<br /> II. Get it right<br /> III. act on their emotional state</p> <p>For example:<br /> I. I notice my partners eyes are droopy and they do not appear to be concentrating very well. &nbsp;Is rubbing eyes and checking their watch a lot.<br /> II. I suspect they are sleepy<br /> III. I make them a coffee, or I offer to make them coffee. &nbsp;(as a downgraded form I mention they look tired and ask if this is the case)</p> <p>From <a href="https://erratio.dreamwidth.org/154861.html">Erratio</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Emotional labour is essentially a name for a managerial role in a relationship. This takes on a few different concrete forms.</p> <p>The first is management of the household, appointments, shopping, and other assorted tasks that are generally shared across couples and/or housemates. Sweeping a floor or cooking dinner is not emotional labour, but being the person who makes sure that those things are accomplished is. It doesn't matter whether you get the floor swept by doing it yourself, asking your partner to do it, firing up a Roomba, or hiring a cleaning service; what matters is that you are taking on responsibility for making sure the task is done. This is why people who say that they would be happy to help with the housework if you would just tell them what needs doing are being a lot less helpful than they think. They're taking the physical labour component of the task but explicitly sticking the other person with the emotional labour component.</p> <p>The second is taking responsibility for the likes, dislikes, feelings, wants and needs of other people who you are in a relationship with (and to be clear, it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship). Stereotypical scenarios that are covered by this kind of emotional labour include: the hysterical girlfriend who demands that her boyfriend drop everything he's doing to comfort her, the husband who comes home tense and moody after a long day at the office and expects to be asked how his day went and listened to and have validating noises made at him, noticing that the other person in a conversation is uncomfortable and steering the conversation to a more pleasant topic without having to be asked, helping a confused friend talk through their feelings about a potential or former partner, reminding your spouse that it's so-and-so's birthday and that so-and-so would appreciate being contacted, remembering birthdays and anniversaries and holidays and contacting people and saying or doing the right things on each of those dates.</p> </blockquote> <p>This overlaps with [7]. &nbsp;Commentary on this concept suggest that it's a habit that women get into doing more than men. &nbsp;Mothers are good at paying attention to their kids and their needs (as the major caregiver from early on), and stemming from this wives also take care of their husbands. &nbsp;While it would not be fair to suggest that all wives do anything I would be willing to concede that these are habits that people get into and are sometimes socially directed by society.</p> <p>I am not sure of the overall value of this model but it's clear that it has some implications about how people organise themselves - for better or worse.</p> <h2><strong>16. Vulnerability - Brene brown</strong></h2> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o</a><br /> In order to form close connections with people a certain level of vulnerability is necessary. &nbsp;This means that you need to share about yourself in order to give people something to connect to. &nbsp;In the other direction people need to be a certain level of vulnerable to you in order to connect. &nbsp;If you make sure to be open and encouraging and not judge you will enable people to open up to you and connect with you.<br /> Sometimes being vulnerable will get you hurt and you need to be aware of that and not shut down future experiences (continue to be open with people). &nbsp;I see this particularly in people who "take time" to get over relationships. &nbsp;Being vulnerable is a skill that can be practiced. &nbsp;Vulnerability replaced a lot of my ideas about [13 The game]. &nbsp;And would have given me a lot of ideas of how to connect with people, combined with [15] and [12]. (I have not read her books but I expect them to be useful)</p> <h2><strong>17. <a href="https://booko.info/9780991399703/More-Than-Two-A-Practical-Guide-to-Ethical-Polyamory">More Than Two</a></strong> (book)</h2> <p>This is commonly known as the polyamory bible. &nbsp;It doesn't have to be read as a polyamory book, but in the world of polyamory emotional intelligence and the ability to communicate is the bread and butter of every day interactions. &nbsp;If you are trying to juggle two or three relationships and you don't know how to talk about hard things then you might as well quit now. &nbsp;If you don't know how to handle difficult feelings or experiences you might as well quit polyamory now.</p> <p>Reading about these skills and what you might gain from the insight that polyamorous people have learnt is probably valuable to anyone.</p> <h2><strong>18. Kegan stages of development</strong></h2> <p><a href="https://meaningness.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/developing-ethical-social-and-cognitive-competence/">https://meaningness.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/developing-ethical-social-and-cognitive-competence/</a></p> <p>Other people have summarised this model better than me. &nbsp;I won't do it justice but if I had to be brief about it - there are a number of levels that we pass through as we grow from very small to more mature. &nbsp;They include the basic kid level where we only notice inputs and outputs. &nbsp;Shortly after - when we are sad "the whole world is sad" because we are the whole world. &nbsp;Eventually we grow out of that and recognise other humans and that they have agency. &nbsp;At around teenager we end up caring a lot about what other people think about us. &nbsp;classic teenagers are scared of social pressure and say things like, "I would die if she saw me in this outfit" (while probably being hyperbolic, there is a bit of serious concern present). &nbsp;Eventually we grow out of that and into system thinking (Libertarian, Socialist, among other tribes). &nbsp;And later above tribalism into more nuanced varieties of tribes.</p> <p>It's hard to describe and you are better off reading the theories to get a better idea. &nbsp;I find the model limited in application but I admit I need to read more about the theories to get my head around it better.</p> <hr /> <p>I have a lot more books on the topic to read but I am publishing this list because I feel like I have a good handle on the whole "how people work" and, "how relationships work" thing. &nbsp;It's rare that anyone does any actions that surprise me (socially) any more. &nbsp;In fact I am getting so good at it that I trust my intuition [11] more than what people will say sometimes.</p> <p>When something does not make sense I know what question to ask [6] to get answers. &nbsp;Often enough it happens that people won't answer the first time, this can represent people not feeling Safe [1] enough to be vulnerable [16]. &nbsp;That's okay. &nbsp;That represents it's my job to get them to a comfortable place to open up if I want to get to the answers.</p> <p>I particularly like&nbsp;<del>NVC, Gottman, EL, EI, Vulnerability</del>&nbsp;all of them and find myself using them fortnightly. &nbsp;Most of these represent a book or more of educational material. &nbsp;Don't think you know them enough to dismiss them if you have not read the books. &nbsp;If you feel you know them and already employ the model then it's probably not necessary to look into it further, but if you are ready to dismiss any of these models because they "sound bad" or "don't work" then I would encourage you to do your homework and understand them inside and out before you reject them.</p> <p>The more models I find the more I find them converging on describing reality. &nbsp;I am finding less and less I can say, "this is completely new to me" and more and more, "oh that's just like [6] and [7]</p> <hr /> <p>Meta: this is something around 6000 words and took a day to write ~12 hours. &nbsp;I did this in one sitting because everything was already in my head. &nbsp;I am surprised I could sit still for this long. &nbsp;(I took breaks for food and a nap but most of today was spent at my desk)</p> <p>Originally posted on my blog:&nbsp;<a href="http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/">http://bearlamp.com.au/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people/</a></p> <p>Cross posted to Medium:&nbsp;<a href="https://medium.com/@redeliot/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people-fd0ac0ad6369">https://medium.com/@redeliot/models-of-human-relationships-tools-to-understand-people-fd0ac0ad6369</a></p> elo omC7asRTxCNayy5Q4 2017-07-29T03:31:25.612Z