Posts
Comments
To me, it signals "If you are likely too impatient to read through the entirety of a science-heavy article, here is a rough summary. However, be warned that this is a compromise and doesn't capture the whole essence of the article." Whereas summary means "Here is everything you need to know, in short."
I'm not concerned with people here finding out who I am. I'm concerned with people who know who I am finding me here.
Because "Sarah" scares me. Also, some things I admit there would be embarrassing for those close to me to know about.
It sounds like a very good start. I can easily see how the use of letter can help with remembering the gestures. Let me know how the distraction one goes especially, because I have similar issues currently.
I'd say just monitor the process carefully. One, by trying to learn multiple gestures at once, you risk burning out on all of them. The two week timeframe seems like a good counter to that. Also, as I mentioned, be careful with a gesture for negative thoughts, especially because you have it linked to a letter. The gesture should be as general and sensation-linked as possible. That way you don't ever spark negative thoughts as a result of the gesture.
I should have clarified. It helps me deal with the heebie jeebies of walking in my backyard alone at night.
May I make a comment? So first let me say you are right, it's bad to avoid negative thoughts. I think you made a very valid counterpoint and I updated on it. So I (now) think this is something one has to be careful with.
However, at times in one's life these depressive thoughts can be so overwhelming that none of them get the attention they need because the person just doesn't have the energy for them. So this has at least given me the chance to start fixing these thoughts, one at a time, instead of all at once.
More data! This apparently is also an awesome way to deal with the heebie jeebies of walking alone at night.
My dominant hand, the right. Specifically the pointer finger. Sometimes, if my right hand is occupied, it will happen with my left hand. However, I usually get upset if it does, because it feels like I'm messing something up. I hate how bizarre this sounds, but it's as if my hands are speaking in homophones and the left hand has a slower, deeper pitch, so the word/gesture has a different meaning when coming from the left hand.
After reflecting upon your statement, I believe that I committed a case of attribute substitution. I substituted "Is this a fully fleshed out idea?" with "Is this a long post?". Although, on further reflection, being fleshed out is perhaps necessary but definitely not sufficient for main.
This seemed long enough that it shouldn't go in discussion. However, if anyone thinks otherwise, let me know and I'll move it.
I could do that. I feel a little silly writing a post right after this one. It feels redundant or like karma-hogging. Can anyone deprive me of my delusions?
Edit: Done
Congratulations, you just earned yourself one "click." I've never really gotten quantum physics, not that I've tried much. But your description as a Hilbert space makes a lot of sense to me. It also helps me understand why "decomposing the wavefunction" is important or even necessary as a concept.
Well this had more upvotes than I was expecting.
Ok, just curious. One friend of mine is very similar in many regards and those were three of the biggest parallels in our lives. Technically he was INTJ, iffy on the J too.
Additionally, you would have been freaking out if all 3 had matched.
Do you have an android device? This tool was useful for me personally. It only covers facial expressions for the fundamental emotions; however, I can now reliably notice the disgust response in people where I couldn't before.
I get this too, and in fact have long speculated it to be the way that most people probably experience emotions.
It looks like I have to take back what I said. I was watching Moulin Rouge and a friend covered her eyes. It was the elephant room scene.
Do the the dimples on the side of your face approximate the big dipper? We are a part of a cloning project run secretly by the government in the late 80's.
More seriously, are you an INTP? Does one of your parents have a severe mental illness? Is the other an electric engineer?
I can say, as an American, I've never met another person who had to cover their ears or eyes during a show because of this sensation.
Have you found any negative consequences from this exposure therapy?
One that I realized quite quickly, I have an uncomfortably strong level of empathy. Or more accurately, a strong discomfort towards emotional disharmony in others. The strongest is in strong arguments or social awkwardness. I can barely stand to watch those intentionally awkward scenes in sitcoms and movies.
I have a preternatural ability to see what others are trying to say. This comes out in two ways. One, if someone is talking to me, and they make an error, my brain will autotranslate. So if they said brother and meant father, I will hear what they meant. Sometimes I don't notice this translation until they point out an error they made. And then I'll be able to recall specifically what they said. The other way it comes out is I can spot miscommunication very easily. If two people are having a "who's on first" moment, I'll see exactly where the confusion is, and what needs to be said to fix it. It's awesome and weird.
Both of the previous items cause me to have a natural urge to resolve any conflict going on, trying to act as mediator.
Like some here, I think I have mild number synethesia. Mental math sometimes has a visual component, with numbers splitting and merging. Additionally, numbers...um....look a certain way. So the number 15 looks really 3-ish and really 5-ish. It's also a very sturdy, compact number (because it fits into 60 so well.) The lower numbers also have an aesthetic, usually based on how divisible they are or how common a divisor they are. So, 2,3,4,12,60 are all pretty but 31 or 57 are ugly. Higher numbers blur a bit for me. This may be a heuristic for how easily my mind manipulates those numbers.
Also, and with the main population I feel like an oddity for this, I derive significant pleasure from completing math problems. I imagine many others here do too.
Ah, so let me apologize. I think there was some confusion. Also you hit a bit of a landmine for me. There's been one person I've met who was so invalidating regarding mental illness. Sarah's sister actually. She basically told us that unless Sarah had something written from a doctor, she didn't have bpd ("I think you have anger problems"). She also discredited my depression ("Look, I've gotten really sad before too"). So whenever it sounds like someone is suggesting mental illness isn't real I get quite defensive.
Secondly, I agree that sitting on a couch and talking about how daddy never hugged you is useless. On the other hand, it's important to at least acknowledge that our childhoods shape a lot of our personality and action-emotion dynamic. I thought you were doing the opposite, trying to suggest the only major influence was personal choice.
Hi, this comment caused me to vote in this poll, in protest of its validity. I do agree actually that sanctions should be made, preferably norm based ones like lessdazed suggested. The protest is what the poll is clear of exactly. Such a poll is representative of the outliers. Specifically, anyone past the threshold it takes to make a vote. If you conclusions are based on that subset of people, then I have no disagreement.
Upvoted for making an extremely valid point. I begrudgingly have to admit the possibility that I personally engaged in gross acts of confirmation bias and that all the evidence I have to support my argument is invalid. I'm not quite sure where that leaves me.....
I should point out that this was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. On the other hand, to be considered borderline for the DSM IV-TR, you have to meet 5 out of 9 criteria. She met all of them. Now, I don't know if I believe that she had a "malady" as you describe it. However, here is what I do believe.
I believe that there are a constellation of correlated, stable, and self-sustaining personality attributes reasonably referred to as BPD. I believe that they are multi-causal and cannot be reduced to a few simple things, like control issues. I believe that this constellation occurs regularly and consistently enough that information from once occurrence is going to be quite applicable to another occurrence. I think that those traits are extremely difficult to change, or at the very least make it very difficult/unlikely for the person to sustain the willingness to change that is necessary. I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
It was honestly more for me than for her. Although at this point it's hard to recall for whose sake it was.
Funny note: because I moved this article to main, my karma is at 248 but my karma gained this month is at 395.
You may, but I can't tell you in public for reasons, if stated, would probably have the same effect. Instead I'll cruelly tease you with a riddle.
She said to me "Honey,
I've got something to share."
But something was taken
and can't be repaired.
It's rather complicated I'm afraid.
So, that was the main issue. And that's what I tried to convey in the post, not to characterize a user as stupid. I'd be more than happy to change it or make a footnote, but I'm having trouble picking out what precisely to change.
That being said, I'm sure there's a lot of emotional leakage going on. When it comes to the subject, I'm guessing I'm suffering from the horns effect, so I apologize to everyone for that. There are a number of confounding factors that makes it difficult to extract the main issue.
My only primary issue with nicotine was the health concerns with smoking regular cigarettes. If she had stayed on the e-cigs (which she talked me into mind you), I wouldn't have been so upset about that. I did however have a fear that even using vaporized nicotine, she might relapse to cigarettes.
The cannabis is complicated. First, I had made a devilish bargain with her on the pretense she would quit. Second, it felt like she needed it to socialize with most of her friends who were also smokers. Third, her dealers and their friends were unscrupulous people and I was constantly concerned for her safety. Fourth, since she was a chronic user, it was frustrating because when she was high I felt isolated and alone. But she expected me to always be "on" and available to help her at a moments notice so the asymmetry was infuriating. Fifth, I was frustrated about how much of a giant money sink it was. And finally, it was impossible to get any validation on any of these things. That's what I mean by her putting drugs first. It was a lifestyle and in integral part of her identity, so if I was hurting because of it, it was taken as an attack on her identity.
It was the first and last items that really stung me the most.
I've decided to just change the title to simplify things. If anyone has any better suggestions for it, let me know. Instead of awkwardly trying to fit in an explanation, I thought it better to just remove the reference. I think this post deviated from my original vision quite a bit.
This is correct. I realize this may differ some from the strict definition but I feel the same tools were used, conscious or otherwise. Thus, the information is relevant in case someone ever consciously tries to manipulate you in the same way. Also, intentionallity is a spectrum. You may be a consciously trying to manipulate but feel justified and not view it as manipulation, as was probably often the case with her.
I read the link. It was spot on and I feel like I should be really really angry.
Yes I did. I spent nearly all my time with her and she didn't trust me alone so that sort of thing happened on it's own.
I would too. Since there isn't a post-sized crater in the ground that I was expecting, What should I do about that? Is the protocol to repost or just have an admin move it?
And thank you for the compliment. I took quite the emotional risk in making it so I'm glad it was worth it.
Unabashedly, yes. However, the healthy view would have been to see the issues in both of us simultaneously. That was the bigger issue.
I'll read them both when I get a chance. I had gotten her some e-cigs but she quit those after a while. I'm willing to admit that one can use many substances in a safe rational way. However, I take issue when those substances are far more important than your relationship with your fiance. I know I shouldn't dictate someone else's life, but it always felt like drugs came first and I came second and I wish she had been upfront about that from the beginning. (Yes, I am quite bitter about this)
I didn't know where I stood from one minute to the next. I could go from being her closest friend to her most hated enemy, and back again, in the space of one conversation. It was bizarre and incredibly addictive.
Take this. Now make this person someone you love so deeply you'd die for them. Your most intimate relation that you trust with secrets you wouldn't tell anyone else. There are not words in the English language to properly describe this sensation.
But it was an interesting experience. Almost like joining a cult.
I hate to exaggerate, but the similarities are disturbing. For example, see love bombing.
This is very good advice. Difficult too, as my natural inclinations lead me to play therapist very easily.
My first thought, the scariest thought, is that there is no point. Looking back it's hard to see a clear point. Instead it was a chain built link by link. A gradual descent into hell. But then I thought more and I had tried to break up before, so one of those times. The first of which was a time where she wanted me to basically exclude my father from our wedding if he wouldn't support us. Other good choices would be one of the first times I was bawling on the floor or physically stopping her from committing suicide (although it was likely gesturing).
That's quite the compliment, but I'll take it. The best part is this is my natural mode of thought: highly non-sequential.
This post was inspired by that one, although I wanted to do the same thing in a very different style.
This is true, however I didn't see the subject matter listed here: "In future posts we'll develop an action plan for using the science of attraction to create successful romantic relationships. We'll also explain how rationality helps with relationship maintenance and relationship satisfaction."
It's the only node my mind has a strong casual link for. I can see arguments for others, but you have to understand she didn't just enjoy quality time with me, she devoured it. And that's the only reason at the time I could think of why it was so extreme.
I don't know if this sort of information is wanted, but your post keeps setting off my sarcasm detector.
I've completed a first draft of the post based on this, in case anyone would be willing to provide suggestions.
Personally, I see it as a fair tradeoff: one implies a falsehood in order to prime people to give better answers to a specific question.
I'd really like to see this concept combined with build small skills in the right order. I'd love to see small, quickly learned skills that optimize life. I think GTD has a lot of this type of skill in it.
Which question? Whether or not to teach him to lie? For that one my answers are: I don't know, it's not my place to say, no, yes and I'm not sure how. In that order. More concretely, I think it's important you teach him to be honest and teach him the social game because I personally benefited from learning both. As to how, it's hard to say, but if he's anything like me, he's a high level thinker, so go meta. Talk about economics, talk about the difference between content and form, talk about communication and signaling.. Explain that by responding in a limited way he is allowing another person to show interest without getting involved in a deep conversation. Treat this as a charitable service we can provide to one another.
As for why you personally feel it's wrong to lie here's my take on it. I personally tend to be very rigid about rules and principles. I believe that is something is bad on average then it's bad as a whole. I also believe that once you start making exceptions for rules like no lying, it's very easy to make exceptions for the wrong lies, thus defeating the purpose of the rule. So instead of drawing a line in the sand one expects to be wrong, one doesn't go in the sand at all.
Now arguably this is very rigid thinking and I've adapted to be more flexible as of late. But still, this sort of morality appeals to me on a fundamental level.
Maybe your child is an INTP
On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of simple ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they need to be. To the INTPs' mind, they are presenting all the relevant information or trying to crystallize the concept as clearly as possible.
I was definitely like this and I still am, although I'm finally getting better. I was always honest to a fault, especially as a child. In fact, I didn't even want to say things that were true but insincere, because I felt implicitly that it was too close to lying. So if I was eating a delicious meal, and everyone around the table was saying something nice, I would hesitate because I knew that I was expected to say something, but I may not have normally.
Ah, sorry I checked out links 2 and 3 and thought they were all twitter links. Very interesting! Thank you for your patience.
Do you have any theory as to why?