Accountability Buddies: Why you might want one.

Your AB should ideally be:

I would add

d) A person who does not have RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). This is a pretty common condition. A lot of people are just very averse to any feedback and such people do not make good accoutability partners. Such people may to be looking for cheerleaders not accountability partners. 

Related ideas around immunity to change in this book https://www.amazon.com.au/Immunity-Change-Overcome-Potential-Organization/dp/1422117367
"Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization" by Robert Kegan

I guess the obvious question is "how is this different from having a friend?", and the answer is that of course a friend can become an accountablity buddy, but it will not happen automatically, and not all friends are suitable for this role.

I meet some of my friends more often, some of them less frequently. Some frequency is just too low for this to work effectively. It does not necessarily mean frequent meetings in person -- it could be, meeting in person once in a while, but a more frequent online contact. (I think the meeting in person is necessary for System-1 reasons; the people you meet in person are instinctively more real, more important.)

Not all friends want to discuss plans and goals. Sometimes the basis of friendship is just sharing a hobby, or remembering a shared past. You may do some activity together, but it does mean this activity is actually important to you; it may be just a form of relaxation.

Some friends are not really good at listening to someone else's goals impartially. Instead of listening to your plans to accomplish some goal X, they might insist that some other goal Y is actually more important.

I prefer a low-pressure interaction. I want my accountability buddy to remind me of my plans. However, if I say "sorry, didn't have time for that" or "I have changed my mind", I want them to accept that. Maybe with some feedback, such as "you seem to change your mind too often" or "you keep 'having no time' for months, are you sure this is actually about time?". But I do not want them to 'adopt' my plan, and start nagging me to do something I no longer want to do. Some people perceive "on Monday you told me you wanted X, on Friday you tell me you changed your mind" as a waste of their time.

By the way, I think the accountability buddy does not have to be a rationalist. It does not matter much if they believe in horoscopes -- the important part is to meet you often and listen to your goals and plans without 'owning' them, and that seems doable. Yes, rationality as a shared value and  paradigm can make this easier.

However, in my situation, my current non-rationalist friends are unsuitable for this role for the reasons I have mentioned above. This is not about them not being rationalists per se, but about inability to listen to plans for goals they do not approve of, or unwilligness to plan for the future instead of complaining about the present.