Comment by anonymous1234 on Ethics and rationality of suicide · 2011-05-04T01:54:34.673Z · LW · GW

(anonymous posting as what I did may be illegal in my locality)

My mother committed suicide a few years ago. Her first attempt failed, and there was about a 2 month period where she was honest with my brother and me about the fact that she intended to try again. I decided to accept her decision and spent the time with her well, instead of fighting with her or attempting to get her institutionalised.

I think her decision to commit suicide was rational. Three years before her suicide, she'd become addicted to pethidine, an injected prescription opiate. She was in a profession that gave her ready access to prescriptions. After about a year of addiction the professional body found out about her abuse, and action was taken against her. Ultimately she failed to comply with their regulations and was banned from practicing her profession.

At the time of her suicide, she was in her late 60s, with no savings, unable to work, and in deep despair over what had come of her life. She was in poor health and had alcohol and codeine dependencies. Her assessment was that she could not see what she had to look forward to. I reluctantly agreed.

I loved my mother, and she achieved a great deal in her life. But a difficult upbringing meant that she always had extreme trouble opening up to people and forming emotionally meaningful relationships. Ultimately I think this was behind her substance problem, and it left her with little in her life.

I know that this isn't the common case with suicide. My cousin also committed suicide. He was 19, and had just failed his apprenticeship. He came from a very middle class family concerned about their social standing, and his sisters were just such fine upstanding citizens. I think he felt like a screw up. He was coming down off MDMA at the time, and hung himself. I think that's how most suicides go: it's that critical moment, and the person really does have so much to look forward to. My cousin was well loved by a great many people.

I do worry that this thread might encourage that second, tragic, kind of suicide. But I hope that this is a place where we can share taboo topics, too, so I'm willing to take the risk. Obviously I can tell few people about how my mother really died. I prefer to be open, so I find this unfortunate.