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This is a marvellous piece of fan fiction. Well done! But one small cavil, and please delete this post if you deem it annoying or counterproductive...
Am I right in thinking this is intended to be in British English? If so it needs a lot of work. For example, the phrase 'British pounds' is almost never used in British English, and sounds clunky (use 'quid' if you need to make it clear that it's not a weight); 'dreamed' is more often 'dreamt'; 'honour' and 'favour' are missing their 'u's; the phrase 'Aw crap' should be 'Oh crap'; 'luggage' is a mass noun, so 'luggages' is impossible; and 'moot' (which means 'up for discussion' in BrE) should be 'irrelevant' in the criticism of the game of quidditch. But no matter - it's still bloody brilliant.