Comment by JohnS on Ask OB: Leaving the Fold · 2008-11-11T14:31:00.000Z · LW · GW

I was not raised a Christian but adopted a fundamentalist cult in my teens and twenties. More of my story here http://www.andrewtobias.com/cgi-local/display_col.pl?050720

It sounds like Jo's people are a lot more loving and supportive than mine were, so she may have a lot more reason to stay involved than I did. Much of the above is good advice so here's what I might add.

Kids - she didn't say how old the kids are, kids need to feel they fit in where they are. Especially younger kids. I think in many ways this is more important that "the truth". Kind of like the kids who were told too early the truth about Santa Clause - they miss something important.

Secondly, if you realize you believe something different from your clan, you may also continue to tolerate (and maybe even participate in) activities and conversations that go against your understanding of how the universe works just for the sake of being together.

There are times and ways that this can be tolerable - although I know that there are times it can't. You have to choose. But one way to look at the choice is to consider an artist who is not able to make a living at her art. She can decide to starve, of course, but premature death is often not conducive to a full life's oeuvre. She can also get a day job and realize that these are two disparate part of her life and the one supports the other. It's all about choices.

Best wishes. I think you can see there is lot's of support you can find.