Does anyone else struggle with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (common in people that have ADHD)? It's gotten better for me over time as I understand myself better but it's still a big problem and I'm not sure how to go about dealing with it
Any suggestions on decent online universities? I've decided to move back to the US from abroad without finishing my degree but my parents still want me to get some sort of degree for long-term employability (ruling out bootcamps unless I can make a really convincing argument).
I'm trying to optimize for: -not too time consuming: I want to spend most of my time on side-projects of my own interest -not too expensive: don't want to burn money -marginally useful/interesting: will be less hard to complete if it feels actually useful
Thanks, this is helpful. From this I have an idea of what I'll try
I have a journal template I'm going to start using today
will add a daily recurring section of TAPs I want to implement and pay attention to (maybe to be added to each Sunday?)
for long-term TAPs, I'll try a coda SRS template (I use SuperMemo normally but can't use it for this since the algorithm is too good and on 3rd rep I've seen cards get to like 2 month intervals. wouldn't work well for checking on my TAPs)
I'm 65% moving back to us in a month or two but haven't lived there in like 5 years so am not sure what to expect nor where I'd like to go.
I'm mainly optimizing for friend-making/having/meeting (IRL) though I'm not sure how much I care about that since I haven't had much chance to do that for the last few years. though also trees and stuff are nice too
I'm not really sure how to choose between cities in terms of satisfying this. vaguely seems like SF would be cool and have many cool people that would be nice to meet but is also expensive
Any recommendations on figuring out where to stay?
I've thought about that but my main concern is: I'll probably move back at some point. I'm not particularly benefitting from living here except for the inertia of already being here and having an apartment.
I could have made more friends at college but I made a decision I somewhat regret now: took only classes where I could just do them online instead of having to go live. The first semester or two where I was showing up in person, did have some luck making friends. Because of the virus, there aren't many (if any) events being held at uni I can attend to meet people so I'd basically have to wait for next semester I think.
I also sort of suffer from the issue that I kind of want friends that are interesting. I don't hate just hanging out with people but at some level if it feels empty of value it eats at me. This is part of why I'm interested in going to the US: seems like it'd be easier to find rationalists/interesting people to hang out with rather than limited subset of english speakers around.
In a more general vein, what are your plans for the future? You list many important considerations for your present situation, but without much focus on how they'll affect you later.
I'm interested in something amongst: (helping people do) effective learning, UI/UX design, entrepreneurship, working on cool projects. I don't really think any of these benefit at all from being in Japan now that I think about it, I have only 1 friend that somewhat overlaps with these interests. Looking back, when I lived in Korea and had friends that had similar-ish productivity interests I did find the environment really valuable.
The main cost is then having to re-apply to university and either having to actually go through with it or finding some alternative to live off of before having to actually enter again. This is what sort of scares me, am really not big on uni, have plenty of other things I'd want to spend my time on.
How important are real social networks? I'm debating on moving back to the US from Japan pro's and cons being:
Pro: -university is easy -is cheap -have nice apartment and setup -corona situation is way better than in the US -health care is cheap and good
Cons: -very few friends (can probably change this next semester. can maybe change it this semester if I make a real effort to go to meetups. But will be hard, since is hard in general here to make friends and I'm not currently studying towards native level Japanese)
Pro: -can probably make many friends -can talk to many more people
Cons: -would need to re-apply to university -university is expensive -moving will be expensive -apartment expensive depending on where I go -healthcare not cheap nor good -corona stuff not good
It all really comes down to: is it worth it to have more friends IRL? When I had more friends in the past and did coworking or just hanging out it was a lot of fun and I kind of miss that. It feels like the answer is thus yes even when a bunch of other things look like they'd suck.
It's pretty simple: when I screw up my sleep and commit to fixing it the next day with willpower, that fails.
When I fix what screwed my sleep that night, something new comes to screw my sleep. So you basically have to go down a list of things that break your sleep and fix ALL of them. Which I managed to do a few months ago but regressed on after moving.
I want to try it again but I find it hard to take seriously enough to stick to.
I'm looking for someone willing to do daily check-ins/discuss bugs that also wants to work on fixing their sleep. I dunno if we'd do synchronous or asynchronous communication but in the beginning I'd probably want to try synchronous
For those that don't know it exists, r/slavelabour (not literal slave labour) is a great place to outsource things (https://www.reddit.com/r/slavelabour).
I've gotten a virtual assistant through it that has saved me massive amounts of time and sanity (at around 5$ per hour at start and 7$ per hour now with base rate of 5$ per week)
I've also gotten scripts made and a translation to Japanese done for my friends thesis
Bountied rationality (https://www.facebook.com/groups/1781724435404945/) also exists but is much more expensive since less efficient market with fewer people clustered in countries with higher wages.
if anyone has a thing they're thinking of posting there lemme know and I can probably give advice. If you're interested in getting a virtual assistant, I can point you to the post I made and how you could try to get one too (I offered 5$/hr 4 hours a week and got 20 literally applicants)
Just tried the consequences thing and it's helpful and different from standard pros/cons as you said. I think I internalized from somewhere that lists and process of elimination don't work which now looks clearly wrong and I want to get into the habit of using more.
make a list of possible consequence-types and your outcome preferences for each type. Maybe rank those preferences.
missed this part on first read, will try that
okay, that was useful and made choice more certain. Thanks for the suggestion.
Something that's bothered me for a while is: how is wealth created and value added to society? If I start a software company which marginally makes some people's lives better, does this actually contribute to society? How zero sum are our efforts?
I know the answer to this is somewhere in economics but I'm not really sure where and the 1 course I took on macro wasn't really enough to answer this for me.
Any recommendations/people willing to talk me through this?
https://clearerthinkingpodcast.com/?ep=028 listened to this episode of the clearer thinking podcast with michael vassar. Mistake theory and conflict theory get thrown around a lot but I don't really get what they are nor how to figure out what the are. I'm not interested in in depth learning on them, does anyone have suggestions on concise summaries/sources to get a good enough idea of what they are?
I've put off making a post on it for a while but something I've wanted to offer to anyone interested is free teaching to learn SuperMemo and incremental reading.
A big part of why I put it off is that it's a pain to explain. Instead of explaining it, I'll give a top level overview and a link to a video that explains it in more detail.
tl;dr: with SuperMemo/incremental reading, you can manage reading hundreds of articles in parallel (incrementally) without going insane, with long-term retention using spaced repetition. It's a lot of fun, seriously. Unlike say Anki where you slog through reps, incremental reading intersperses learning making it highly novel and not monotonous.
A: yes. true. at some point though you stop caring and the lack of decent alternatives + fun will pull you through. Unless it doesn't, in which case you could just not use it. Though I think giving it a try for at least a week is worth it.
Q: if it's so great why does no one use it?
A: it's a big pain to start using. it took me 5 months to start incremental reading after buying SM because I couldn't figure out the documentation. That's why I'm offering to teach anyone interested: I can get you to being able to use it fine after an hour.
While it's still smallish, it's much bigger than it was a year ago with around ~1,200 people on the SM discord server (and some amount of rat adjacent people).
If you have other questions feel free to ask. If you have insane expectations of very quick returns, probably don't try it. I've taught a lot of people and the people who do consistently worst are people with high expectations and no patience for both getting better at learning/getting used to SuperMemo itself. If you don't have insane expectations, try it and potentially get easy 10%+ long-term boost to life (or at least that's conservatively what I've found. though there are massive benefits for me since ADHD renders me practically incapable of normal modes of declarative learning)
You might find some of the writings on supermemo.guru regarding sleep interesting.
SuperMemo is a spaced repetition app (it was the very first in fact) that has a thing called sleepchart built in. It lets you both track sleep for finding interesting patterns alongside getting altertness/cogniti8ve data from correlation of say hour of day vs. average grades:
There are a bunch of confounders (they could be eliminated were I more rigorous) but I think it's interesting and even without SRS data I get some useful data:
Basically red line is how long sleep episodes are, blue line is how frequent they are around that time. You can see there's a peak around 6 hours from waking and around 16/17 hours from waking. The green line shows breakeven (if I sleep at that time, for the amount of hours on the left, it'll add up to 24).
It's probably really complicated looking but if you want to try it let me know and i'm happy to show you how. Doesn't take long to learn and takes very little time to add track in a new sleep episode.
Perhaps the proper way to think about this is that if you keep following your plans for ten days, and then fail on one day, those ten days still did something useful, and they also helped to establish a habit... not perfectly, but better than when you started from zero. That is, instead of feeling disappointed, you should focus on the fact that the second start will probably be easier than the first one (unless you needlessly make it difficult for yourself by overly focusing on the failure).
Huh. I forgot this. Over time, I internalized the opposite: if I keep failing to keep up habits, it'll be harder to get the habit going the next time. But my habits are lasting much longer than they used to and instead of downward spiral, I'm going on an upward one.
focus on the fact that your average day in 2021 is quite productive, and that whatever you did once, you can do again
I used to think this: I had clear time I was productive and I could envision getting back to it. Current system might not be perfect but it is definitely much clearer that I can get back to current state, enjoyably.
One thing you alluded to is that breaks are good. I've generally found this confusing because I generally enjoy what I'm doing and aside from tasklists, everything else I'd be happy doing every day. But I checked out some of the posts you linked and they were interesting. I'm gonna go through this meaningful rest post with a friend .
Didn't realize you were the author of that post, read it a few days ago!
So what do all 5 of these oscillation patterns have in common? A lack of congruency. The tendency to ignore some needs in order to focus on others. A sense of inner conflict, instead of alignment.
In each and every case, the solution involves welcoming and acknowledging all parts of yourself, before plotting a way forward. Transitioning from forcing yourself to choosing what you want to do.
Honestly, I could do another 100 tweets on what this looks like in each case. The delicate dance of beliefs, emotions, strategies, behaviors, and tools that can be combined to internalize a new way of being.
But the start is just self acknowledgement. Letting all your feelings, values, desires in, and going from there.
This seems accurate and like my current equilibrium is great because I got lucky enough to have done a few things that ended up aligning things that previously were not aligned without me realizing it.
Do you have a way that you manually worked out your incongruencies and made them congruent? I think it might be useful if you added a hammertime style exercise for practical implementation since idea seems solid but it still seems hard to practice directly.
In general, I like to use the stages of change model when trying to make a change. The research basically says that if people try to change when they're ready to change, they'll do it the first time, but if they try to change before they're ready, it will take multiple attempts.
Oh MAN this makes too much sense. The stuff that's working now, I've tried for like a year plus with incomplete success but now it's just working, without having to apply extra effort. Could you give a source for this?
Learning to forgive yourself is HUGE here. Research says that people who forgive themselves for procrastinating are less likely to procrastinate in the future, and I'm pretty sure this generalizes. Expect adjustments and forgive yourself for needing to make them.
Any chance I could bother you for source on this? I'd like to read more on it, also seems cool as hell.
I've vaguely moved towards this with issue of forgiveness/not forgiveness moving more towards: oh no, have I screwed myself into a downward spiral?? Which is mainly just because I'm not confident yet in my ability to recover from disruptions (not that I have strong evidence of it being a big problem this year but more based on outside view and past data).
MurphyJitsu is a great tool to use here. There's a bunch of good exanations on LW, but the basic tool is to imagine you failed, ask yourself why, then patch your approach until it's very surprising that you failed.
Thanks, forgot about this. Will try out the plan-bot
I agree that generally a single miss is alright as long as I get back on track. I'm mainly just worried though about exactly that: how do I make sure I actually start again? Or at least reflect and iterate on whatever system failed?
Right now, I'm generally okay, I'm alright with a miss or two (did nothing over weekend because of Unsong but have been fine today) but I'm thinking more about long-term future me
In general, when I first started using SRS I had this issue too. Over time, I got a fair bit better of it with 1 or 2 rules:
-I should be able to make at least 1 connection from the idea to something else (filter out only shallowly understood things)
-I should be able to either connect it to a situation of real life applicability or a goal
I didn't make it only: I need to be able to figure out applicability when making card, because a lot of useful knowledge might not that have it as obvious. But at the least, I should be learning it in a real context. E.g. some of my main goals now are:
-learn UX design
-understand how SRS/IR can be used to create genius
-get better at teaching
-become more resillient to disruption (emotionally)
Those are specific-ish and learning in context of those instead of I can use this sometime in the next decade is a useful filter
It's sort of like how I learned trig in high school and I can't apply it to a real world problem to save my life. If I'd learned trig for myself, when I thought it'd be useful, it'd be way more applicable and not be so siloed to 'this is how you use trig to solve math problems on a test'
Anyone have recommendations on good non-swiveling chairs? Unfortunately I end up fidgeting and moving around way too much with them (maybe some of my ADHD?). I'm using a normal chair now but I wonder if there's something better for my back
I'm not saying it makes it impossible for people to learn for themselves. I'm saying that your argument that bottom 20% couldn't learn for themselves is flawed because for the majority of people in coerced learning environments it's not obvious that they could learn by themselves.
I think the assumption that people can't learn for themselves is sort of a catch 22. If you put people in a place where they're taught to learn from being taught, how can you expect them to be able to learn for themselves?
In terms of suggestions, me and author of this post have started on a project related to that and should hopefully have something in not too far future.
This is exactly the kind of sensationalism that would have convinced me to embrace school.
It seems strange to dislike a rhetoric so much that because of the rhetoric alone you embrace a different position. Is there a reason you think the sensationalism pushes you so much?
In fact, if the author *really* wanted to make me think, they shouldn't even portray the enemy as shiny like Ra (https://srconstantin.wordpress.com/2016/10/20/ra/). They would portray the enemy as normal. Relatable, in fact; someone you could be best friends with. It is of the greatest importance to this person not to be annoying; not to "cause problems for the sake of causing problems" (i.e. to invite debate about why things are the way they are). This is extremely persuasive to most people; they don't want to be That Guy, whose badness is just to be taken for granted. Anyone with common sense understands. Be Skeet and not Jimmy.
I am having significant trouble parsing this. Could you try to say the same thing in different words?