Comment by sim on Related Discussion from Thomas Kwa's MIRI Research Experience · 2023-10-18T21:23:48.907Z · LW · GW

Chiming in to provide additional datapoints. (Apologies for this being quite late to the conversation; I frequent The Other Forum regularly, and LW much less so, and only recently read this post/comments.) My experience has been quite different to a lot of the experiences described here, and I was very surprised when reading. 

I read all of the people who have had (very) negative experiences as being sincere and reporting events and emotions as they experienced them. I could feel what I perceived to be real distress and pain in a lot of the comments, and this was pretty saddening. 

Note: I really don’t like posting personal information on the public internet, for both personal preference and professional reasons. (I felt sure I wanted to post this, though.)

Background: I dated Nate on-and-off for ~6 years (from 2016-2022). We’re now friends on good terms. 

How I experienced Nate’s communication over the years:

  • During disputes, I felt Nate respected my views and my feelings. I felt Nate tried to communicate well with me (though of course this is often hard for both parties in the midst of a dispute and we both failed a bunch).
  • During disputes, and generally, I felt like Nate engaged with me as an equal. I don’t recall ever feeling dismissed in the ‘you’re not as smart as me’ vein (or any other vein).
  • It feels important to note that we never really had discussions about his work in the way a lot of people in the comments seemed to have had (where they had very bad experiences). We talked about our respective work a bunch, but the subject matter wasn't technical (I don’t have a technical background).
  • I don’t recall Nate losing his cool/saying something mean, except for uncommon instances where I was very upset and was saying unkind things first (not my proudest moments!)
  • I ~never felt like Nate’s confidence/manner impacted my views in a way I don’t endorse or made me feel less sure of my own beliefs. Nate is certainly intense and confident-sounding, but for whatever reason, I don’t recall this in particular causing issues.
  • The ways in which our communication was bad felt to me more mundane and predictable as relationship-comms go (unclear communications around expectations, not recognising and addressing underlying issues/feelings quickly enough, etc). And none of this was the reason we ultimately parted ways. 
  • Also, in my experience, Nate’s communication / handling of disputes has improved over time. 
  • I don’t want to paint an overly rosy picture - our worst disputes were really not great (understatement to save me saying personal things), but for reasons basically unrelated to the themes of the comments here. Nate is flawed in loads of ways (I was always pretty icked-out at the reverence? people treated him with, like he was perfect or something); and though I haven’t had the experiences others here have had, I find him to be someone who wants to be better and knows he’s far from perfect.
Comment by sim on Hiring: Lighthaven Events & Venue Lead · 2023-10-18T08:46:13.195Z · LW · GW

Might you include an option in your application form where candidates can opt-in to you sharing their info with other hiring orgs? I'd love to see excellent candidates that you didn't end up hiring for some reason (who had explicitly agreed to have their info shared), as we're often on the look out for top notch events people at Longview.
(The role looks really exciting; I hope you find someone brilliant!)