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Comment by sindibad on Ask OB: Leaving the Fold · 2008-11-09T22:33:45.000Z · LW · GW

I went through something sort of similar, but from the Muslim faith.

I basically decided to pick my battles. People whom I knew could possibly open their minds and stop them believing in their faith, I tried to talk to them about it, and succeeded in convincing a few.

Those whom I thought might not get convinced, but would be understanding, I told them the truth, and they never bothered me much.

But for those who didn't look likely to get convinced, or likely to be understanding, I have simply avoided talking to them about the subject, and when they ask, I pretend to be religious.

I know it's lying. I know it's terrible. I really hate doing it. But the reality is that the other options involve me really aggravating people I love deeply, and possibly being disowned by them. There is no possible gain from being honest about this; but there is enormous damage from it.

I am lucky that for me none of this in any way involved any career or livelihood issues. And I'm lucky that my family and friends are not as religious and as dogmatic about it as Jo's and those of other commenters.