Posts

What I've Learned From My Parents' Arranged Marriage 2019-03-26T06:40:00.975Z · score: 66 (36 votes)
Reframing a Crush: Distilling the "like" out of "like like" 2018-11-07T02:50:01.171Z · score: 6 (3 votes)
A Step-by-step Guide to Finding a (Good!) Therapist 2018-07-18T01:50:00.581Z · score: 49 (15 votes)
Societal Growth Requires Rehabilitation 2018-05-26T03:00:01.013Z · score: 14 (10 votes)
On Gender and Emotional Support 2018-05-07T22:37:25.254Z · score: 41 (17 votes)
Categorizing Love: How having more words for love might make it less scary 2018-04-05T23:10:00.919Z · score: 33 (11 votes)
Bounds of Attention 2018-04-05T22:53:12.523Z · score: 72 (19 votes)
Active vs Passive Distraction 2018-02-14T22:14:02.064Z · score: 62 (21 votes)
The Self: Momentary vs Lifetime 2018-02-01T21:30:27.761Z · score: 10 (6 votes)
The Desired Response 2018-01-20T22:01:53.591Z · score: 38 (16 votes)
Mapping Another's Universe 2017-11-17T02:37:42.324Z · score: 28 (12 votes)
50 Ways To Leave Your Therapist: Termination and why it's important 2017-11-05T01:00:01.646Z · score: 20 (7 votes)
The Four States: action, cognitive, emotional, relational 2017-10-20T07:00:00.000Z · score: 3 (2 votes)
Translating CFAR to Therapy 2017-09-26T07:00:00.000Z · score: 42 (15 votes)
When "I'm here" means nothing 2017-08-25T07:00:00.000Z · score: 6 (4 votes)
New Relationship Energy as an Emotional Bias 2017-07-08T07:00:00.000Z · score: 7 (3 votes)
Repersonalizing the High Status 2017-05-16T07:00:00.000Z · score: 13 (7 votes)

Comments

Comment by squidious on What I've Learned From My Parents' Arranged Marriage · 2019-03-26T17:15:58.179Z · score: 2 (2 votes) · LW · GW

So glad this could give you hope! :)

Comment by squidious on A Step-by-step Guide to Finding a (Good!) Therapist · 2018-07-21T23:27:30.443Z · score: 3 (2 votes) · LW · GW

Oh yeah, thanks for linking that! Looking over it now, I got some of my ideas from this post when I read it quite a few years ago, and forgot to link it in my main post.

Comment by squidious on A Step-by-step Guide to Finding a (Good!) Therapist · 2018-07-21T23:26:15.062Z · score: 1 (1 votes) · LW · GW

Yeah, it should be noted that anyone who knows me cannot be my client, though I can take on friends of friends as clients. Regarding Reflect specifically, you can select how many matches they give you and/or contact Reflect directly if you are matched with people you know, to help mitigate this issue.

Comment by squidious on Societal Growth Requires Rehabilitation · 2018-05-29T21:03:28.041Z · score: 4 (1 votes) · LW · GW

Huh, this is very different from the experience of myself and those who I have spoken to about this when writing this post. Is this something you or anyone else has written about?

Comment by squidious on On Gender and Emotional Support · 2018-05-10T19:01:24.493Z · score: 6 (2 votes) · LW · GW

This was initially written in the context of my therapeutic practice, so alas, I cannot provide a link. I appreciate your thoughtful response! Glad it was helpful

Comment by squidious on Active vs Passive Distraction · 2018-02-20T01:46:08.845Z · score: 4 (1 votes) · LW · GW

Sometimes it depends on a person's mood, and sometimes it depends on the person or the specifics around the activity. There are movies and shows I would only watch if I wanted to zone out, but a mystery or thriller isn't one of them, and it would be hard to get totally engrossed in something I'd seen a few times because I know what's happening next. But for music, it's been long enough since I'd played that I wouldn't be able to use that as a passive distraction -- even for a relatively simple piece.

Comment by squidious on Kenshō · 2018-01-20T01:46:56.175Z · score: 24 (6 votes) · LW · GW

I'm betting that this is what he plans on explaining in the next post, where this post is a precursor to explain why it's difficult to convey.

Comment by squidious on Kenshō · 2018-01-20T01:45:53.789Z · score: 7 (2 votes) · LW · GW

Agreed, regarding CFAR stuff.

And Qiaochu, even if you haven't experienced this yet, I believe you are or have gotten closer than most.

Comment by squidious on Kenshō · 2018-01-20T01:44:13.473Z · score: 7 (4 votes) · LW · GW

So glad you wrote this, and looking forward to where you take this thread of posts. There is a whole bunch of stuff here that doesn't get touched upon enough for what we're all trying to do, and I think writing about it needs to happen more.

Comment by squidious on 50 Ways To Leave Your Therapist: Termination and why it's important · 2017-11-06T20:35:54.587Z · score: 11 (4 votes) · LW · GW

In cases like this, it helps if the end condition is discussed early on in therapy. If this worry comes up, it becomes important to find out where this insecurity comes from. Many therapists will have an open door policy -- if we decide your goals have been met and we terminate, you can at any time come back and decide to start therapy with me again. If termination is due to the therapist leaving, they can refer the client to someone new. In some cases (though this is easier in a clinic) the gap can be bridged by having a session dedicated to the old therapist introducing the client to the new therapist, and helping create that bond before detaching from the client.

Comment by squidious on 50 Ways To Leave Your Therapist: Termination and why it's important · 2017-11-06T20:30:47.675Z · score: 8 (3 votes) · LW · GW

Usually, therapist and client talk about goals early on in therapy. This depends a lot on what the therapist's expertise is and what the client sees as being the major problem. A client could come in with PTSD and say their major goal is to not have flashbacks anymore, or with social anxiety and have the goal of being able to approach new people without having a panic attack. It may not necessarily mean the end of therapy (could continue with new goals or see someone new or just stop, depending on what the client wants).

Comment by squidious on Background Reading: The Real Hufflepuff Sequence Was The Posts We Made Along The Way · 2017-04-29T00:45:22.516Z · score: 0 (0 votes) · LW · GW

The failure of "put yourself in their shoes" seems similar to the failure of "do to others as you'd have them do to you". You have to be hyperaware of each way that the person you're modeling is different from you, and be willing to use these details as tools that can be applied to other things you know about them. This is where I actually find the ideas of guess/ask/tell culture to be the most helpful. They honestly seem pretty useless when not combined with modeling, precisely because it turns into "this is the one I have picked and you just have to deal with it".

Comment by squidious on Background Reading: The Real Hufflepuff Sequence Was The Posts We Made Along The Way · 2017-04-29T00:32:28.077Z · score: 0 (0 votes) · LW · GW

I'm somewhat surprised at the notion of "just be trustworthy" being helpful for anyone, though maybe that's because of an assumption that anyone who doesn't already employ this tactic must have considered it and have solid reasons to not use it?

Comment by squidious on Straw Hufflepuffs and Lone Heroes · 2017-04-20T00:56:54.642Z · score: 0 (0 votes) · LW · GW

Our community does seem to have enough pull to Ravenclaw Together that CFAR workshops are a thing and everyone ends up moving the the Bay (or New York). Though that does seem like a pretty strong failure mode. And as Raemon mentioned below, there is the unconference in the works.

Also, if posts about how to change your thinking can sway the way so many of us conduct ourselves, posts about changing the ways we act and feel could surely make enough headway with a significant enough portion of the community.

Side note: your last few bits did shed light on why it may be important to emphasize Hufflepuff work ethic among Ravenclaws :P

Comment by squidious on Straw Hufflepuffs and Lone Heroes · 2017-04-20T00:46:55.533Z · score: 0 (0 votes) · LW · GW

This makes sense. Thanks for updating the end -- the way these values are portrayed contributes a lot to how seriously they are or are not taken.

Comment by squidious on Straw Hufflepuffs and Lone Heroes · 2017-04-20T00:45:31.925Z · score: 2 (2 votes) · LW · GW

Emotional labor can go into the noticing and motivation of the work (ie "the host of the party is busy making food, so I will clean up this mess" or "this person does not like cleaning and I notice that their table is sticky, so I will wipe it down for them"). It's easy for non-Hufflepuffs to ignore tasks like these or take them for granted unless they're explicitly asked to do something.

Comment by squidious on Straw Hufflepuffs and Lone Heroes · 2017-04-17T05:54:53.118Z · score: 6 (6 votes) · LW · GW

The description of a Hufflepuff as "the one who does all the work" still sounds like a one-dimensional characterization. The focus on a Hufflepuff's work ethic in attempts to portray the house as being strong (with a side of "loyalty" and "friendship" used as buzzwords) feels woefully incomplete. It's largely the emotional labor that makes the work ethic possible, so saying "Hufflepuffs are hard-working, we should be more like that" is basically like saying "Ravenclaws are smart, we should be more like that".