Stoicism: Cautionary Advice

I like this advice as far as it goes, but I'll just point out you seem to be talking about a folk version of stoicism that is not necessarily the same thing as stoicism proper, since that philosophy is more precise than "don't worry too much" or something similar. You can have replaced "stoicism" with "zen" and this would have read the same I think and I would have had the same comment. There is probably some other, better word to describe the category of things you're pointing at that doesn't have a more specific meaning.

I think a major reason for this is the new stoic writings like The Daily Stoic which is packaged as a form of advice instead of being a reflexive text like Seneca's or Marcus Aurelius or Epicurus or Epicetus. Packaged advice is often taken literally by the reader unlike Seneca's letters where you have to think and reflect to understand what it is about. Stoïcism is being sold as cool no stress mindset whereas it is better defined as we don't have total control but the control we have should be put to use.

Excellent post! I have had similar thoughts on occasion as well, but I’ve never seen the matter analyzed and described as precisely and well. I, too, think a “stoic” mindset does much more good than harm, but I’ve had to take specific steps to avert the first failure mode, and have also witnessed the second failure mode (though in others, not in myself).

(One minor note: I think your section headings could be a bit more clear—for instance, the section on “Risk Aversion” is really about “The Danger of Insufficient Risk Aversion”, or something along those lines, yes? Ditto with the other two.)

This post got me thinking.

If I have a relatively stoic mindset compared to those around me then it's entirely possible that I see more instances of the absence of stoicism being damaging (in others) than the presence of stoicism being damaging (in me). This then reinforces positive feelings about stoicism and makes me become more stoic, even though the evidence may actually point to me already being too stoic.

If I'm sufficiently different to those around me, conflating evidence from their lives with evidence from my life is dangerous - especially because spotting where someone else is going wrong feels much easier than spotting where I am going wrong.

I suspect I've been guilty of this on many occasions.

If however, you’ve developed more stoic thinking patterns and ask yourself “I made a mistake, but that’s already happened so instead of regretting I’m going to focus on what I can do to avoid that mistake in the future”, you’ll also likely have body language and speech that doesn’t communicate regret in the same way. Sometimes people will recognize that you are still aware of your mistake but are approaching it from a different angle, especially if they already know you, but don’t count on it.

This seems like it could be mitigated with clear communication. You may not appear outwardly to be sad to teammates, but you hold your hand up and admit that you made a mistake.

I think these are very important points. I have noticed some issues with having the right responses for social situations (especially laughing when it's not entirely appropriate), which is something I've been working on remedying by paying closer attention to when people expect a serious reaction.

The issue of ignoring problems also seems like something to look out for. Just because something does not make you feel bad should not mean you fail to learn from it. I think there is a fine balance between learning from mistakes and dwelling on them, which is another, related skill.

Losing risk aversion and motivation seem unlikely to be problems for me personally, as what you're calling the stoic mindset seems to push those towards a more ideal spot from my natural inclinations. However, I suspect this advice may be critical for others, though they would never have occurred to me as associated problems. This is why I always feel hesitant to give self-help advice.

Two things:

1) I think a lot of people think they're stoic when in actuality they've just never had anything bad happen to them. Modern life offers relatively few opportunities to test stoicism, and by default, everyone fails such tests without truly significant preparation.

2) Stoicism is actually a huge drag.

With regard to whatever objects give you delight, are useful, or are deeply loved, remember to tell yourself of what general nature they are, beginning from the most insignificant things. If, for example, you are fond of a specific ceramic cup, remind yourself that it is only ceramic cups in general of which you are fond. Then, if it breaks, you will not be disturbed. If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies.

- Epictetus, The Enchiridion

Who wants to live like this? I want to be disturbed if a loved one dies.

If you make a mistake at work, you are expected to feel bad and express that through your body language and speech. If however, you’ve developed more stoic thinking patterns and ask yourself “I made a mistake, but that’s already happened so instead of regretting I’m going to focus on what I can do to avoid that mistake in the future”, you’ll also likely have body language and speech that doesn’t communicate regret in the same way.

Epictetus, one of the more popular Stoics, discusses this in the Enchiridion. In book XVI, it states "When you see anyone weeping in grief because his son has gone abroad, or is dead, or because he has suffered in his affairs, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. Instead, distinguish within your own mind, and be prepared to say, 'It’s not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn’t distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.' As far as words go, however, don’t reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Do not moan inwardly either."

The Stoic practitioner is to display grief and offer consolation, but avoid allowing this to bring them actual grief too. It's a subtlety I didn't know about until reading into the various Stoic works more and taking an undergraduate seminar on Stoicism.