help, my self image as rational is affecting my ability to empathize with others
post by KvmanThinking (avery-liu) · 2025-03-02T02:06:36.376Z · LW · GW · 6 commentsThis is a question post.
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Answers 8 sapphire 1 Knight Lee None 6 comments
There is some part of me, which cannot help but feel special and better and different and unique when I look at the humans around me and compare them to myself. There is a strange narcissism I feel, and I don't like it. My System 2 mind is fully aware that in no way am I an especially "good" or "superior" person over others, but my System 1 mind has...difficulty...internalizing this. I'm in a mild affective death spiral, only it's around myself, and how "formidable" and "rational" I supposedly am, which means that the tricks in this post [? · GW] feel to my System 1 mind like I'm trying to denigrate myself. How might I handle this?
Answers
It's better to accurately believe you are smarter than others, than to feel ashamed of thinking so and repeatedly tell yourself you aren't smarter than anyone. That causes you to know what you tell yourself is a lie, and suspect the secret truth is that you're actually way way smarter than others, but you've been hiding it from yourself. Which is even worse.
Aim for accuracy.
But when aiming for accuracy, remember that a lot of other people are biased about how smart they are, and if you learn about them you'll realize that they are surprisingly similar to you and me. Most people are biased in overestimating themselves, and this bias is often very invisible.
Also, being smarter and altruistic does not make you superior or worth more. If being smart actually makes you worth so much more, maybe babies are worthless and a superintelligence should kill everyone. To me intelligence is like money, it's mostly a means rather than an end.
Being altruistic does not make you worth more either. We only evolved to be altruistic because it improves social standing. Evolution only allows us to try helping as many people as possible in a utilitarian way, because evolution knows that someone trying to do so can easily be biased and deceived into trying to maximize their power and having a lot of reproductive success as a "side effect." It's like in Terminator Salvation, the machines realize the best way to disguise a machine as being on team human is to put an actual human mind inside it, and try to steer him into serving their interests.
Altruism is good, but an altruistic person isn't worth more because their altruism is just a glitch within a selfish survival machine.
Meanwhile all creatures in the world are overtly selfish since there is no need to pretend altruism. But they are still beautiful, nature is still beautiful, and they are lovable creatures who deserve joy and wonder.
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comment by Algon · 2025-03-02T09:39:13.459Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
Presumably, you have this self-image for a reason. What load-bearing work is it doing? What are you protecting against? What forces are making this the equilibrium strategy? Once you understand that, you'll have a better shot of changing the equilibrium to something you prefer. If you don't know how to get answers to those questions, perhaps focus on the felt-sense [LW · GW] of being special.
Gently hold a stance of curiosity as to why you believe these things, give your subconscious room and it will float up answers your self. Do this for perhaps a minute or so. It can feel like there's nothing coming for a while, and nothing will come, and then all of a sudden a thought floats into view. Don't rush to close your stance, or protest against the answers you're getting.
comment by Ben Pace (Benito) · 2025-03-02T02:27:48.475Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
FWIW this feels like it should be a shortform/open thread than a post.
Replies from: avery-liu↑ comment by KvmanThinking (avery-liu) · 2025-03-02T02:31:58.648Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
A "shortform/open thread"?
Replies from: Benito↑ comment by Ben Pace (Benito) · 2025-03-02T02:36:48.861Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
Posted either as a comment on the seasonal open thread [LW · GW] or using the quick takes / shortform feature, which posts it in your shortform (e.g. here is my shortform [LW · GW]).
I'm saying that this seems to me not on the level of substance of a post, so it'd be better as a comment of one of the above two types, and also that it's plausible to me you'd probably get more engagement as a comment in the open thread.
Replies from: avery-liu↑ comment by KvmanThinking (avery-liu) · 2025-03-02T02:38:26.305Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
ahh that makes sense. should i just move it there now?
Replies from: Benito↑ comment by Ben Pace (Benito) · 2025-03-02T02:39:58.200Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
That sounds good to me i.e. draft this post, and then make it a comment in one of those places instead (my weak guess is a quick take is better, but whatever you like).