Pay-on-results personal growth: first success

post by Chipmonk · 2024-09-14T03:39:12.975Z · LW · GW · 2 comments

This is a link post for https://chrislakin.blog/p/i-became-a-bounty-hunter

Contents

  First bounty
  I’m also hunting many other bounties
  What the fuck?
  Alternative explanations
  Plans
None
2 comments

Thanks to Kaj Sotala, Stag Lynn, and Ulisse Mini for reviewing. Thanks to Kaj Sotala, Brian Toomey, Alex Zhu, Damon Sasi, Anna Salamon, and CFAR for mentorship and financial support

A few months ago I made the claim [LW · GW] “Radically effective and rapid growth [motivationally / emotionally / socially] is possible with the right combination of facilitator and method”. Eg: for anxiety, agency, insecurity, need for validation. 

To test my hypothesis, I began a pay-on-results coaching experiment: Pay your bounty when it works.

First bounty

Bob (pseudonymous) and I met at Manifest 2024, where I had set up a table at the night market for hunting “emotional security” bounties.

Bob had lifelong anxiety, and it was crushing his agency and relationships. He offered a $3,000 bounty for resolving it, and I decided to pursue it.

We spoke and tried my method. 

It was only necessary for us to talk once, apparently, because a month later he said our one conversation helped him achieve what 8 years of talk therapy could not:

I’m choosing to work on problems beyond my capabilities, and get excited about situations where my weaknesses are repeatedly on display.

I actually feel excited about entering social situations where chances of things going worse than I would want them to were high.

So he paid his bounty when he was ready (in this case, 35 days after the conversation).

I’ve been checking in with him since (latest: last week, two months after the conversation) and he tells me all is well.

Bob also shared some additional benefits beyond his original bounty:

Planning to make dancing a weekly part of my life now.

(All shared with permission.)

I’m also hunting many other bounties

A woman working in SF after 3 conversations, text support, and three weeks:

I went to Chris with a torrent of responsibilities and a key decision looming ahead of me this month. I felt overwhelmed, upset, and I didn’t want just talk

Having engaged in 9+ years of coaching and therapy with varying levels of success, I’m probably one of the toughest clients — equal parts hopeful and skeptical. Chris created an incredibly open space where I could easily tell him if I didn’t know something, or couldn’t feel something, or if I’m overthinking. He also has an uncanny sense of intuition on these things and a strong attunement to being actually effective

The results are already telling: a disappointment that might’ve made me emotionally bleed and mope for a month was something I addressed in the matter of a couple of days with only a scoop of emotional self-doubt instead of *swimming* in self-torture. The lag time of actually doing things to be there for myself was significantly quicker, warmer, and more effective

To-dos that felt very heavy lightened up considerably and began to feel fun again and as ways of connecting!

I’ve now started to predict happier things ahead with more vivid, emotionally engaged, and realistic detail. I’ll continue being intensely focused this year for the outcomes I want, but I’m actually looking forward to it! Will reflect back on Month 2!

An SF founder in his 30s after 1 conversation and two weeks:

After working with Chris, I learned One Weird Trick to go after what I really want and feel okay no matter what happens.

This is a new skill I didn’t learn in 3 years of IFS therapy.

I already feel more confident being myself and expressing romantic interest (and I already have twice, that's new).

(More…)

What the fuck?

“Why does your thing work so unusually well?” asks my mentor Kaj [? · GW].

For one, it doesn’t work for everyone with every issue, as you can see in the screenshot above. (That said, I suspect a lot of this is my fault for pursuing bounties / people who don’t fit my practice. But I’m getting better at this — I just don’t know how to describe how.)

But why does it work so well for the ones it works for? 

I don’t know. I haven't studied other methods, so I wouldn’t know how to compare. 

Nonetheless, here are some things I can recall surprised people I’ve helped: 

• I never ask about the past and I never dig into trauma. I focus on what they’re predicting in the present.
• I never linger on bad things or negative feelings. I’m always focusing on what you want next (for the things in your control).
• I never try to convince them that their fears are irrational. I focus on making fears okay even if they do happen.
• I never give advice. Instead, everything is Socratic Dialogue.
• I speak for only like 3–7% of most conversations. I try to say as little as possible, actually. For the other 93–98%, I’m either listening or allowing them to process. 
• I allow conversations to last as long as they need. Conversations have ranged from 15 minutes to 4.5 hours.

I take inspiration from Predictive Processing: “the brain is a multi-layer prediction machine” (Scott Alexander).

[See Book Review: Surfing Uncertainty | Slate Star Codex and also Multiagent Models of Mind [? · GW] by Kaj Sotala. I summarize what I find helpful about these models in Unconscious Predictions.]

My model: It’s extremely common for people to excessively (and unknowingly!) hold locally optimal mental predictions which are globally suboptimal. Common ones sound like “The only way I can feel okay is if other people like me” and “The only way I can feel good is if I’m productive”. 

When predictions like these are safely untangled, people thrive.

I help individuals integrate the predictions they want.

How?

Idk, all we do is talk:

1. I ask, “How would you like to be?”
2. We find the best way for them to feel their predictions.
3. To locate predictions which may be holding them back, we ask their predictions a question like: “What bad thing happens if you <get what you say you want>?”
4. We investigate what arises via Socratic questioning informed by my experience. [Lots of tacit knowledge here!]
5. We repeat the process: “How would you like to be instead?” …

• Once that loop makes progress, we focus on durability and integration. We ask their predictions, “What am I still afraid of? What’s the worst case scenario?” and investigate using the same loop.

In the ideal case, they absorb my tacit knowledge and learn how to do this without me. Some already have.

Conversations last as long as they need, and we have as many conversations as you need.

Alternative explanations

So far I’m seeing data that’s strongly in favor of it being easy for me to facilitate rapid growth for many people in this space. But am I missing something here? If you have any ideas please let me know in the comments.

Maybe the effect will go away over time and they’ll revert to how they were before?

Plans

I'm hunting at least 7 bounties right now and the median worth is $10,000. I will post future updates on my blog. If you have an issue you’ve been struggling with for years and are willing to place a significant bounty on it, DM me.

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