comment by a-question-of-balance ·
2017-10-31T20:18:28.541Z · LW(p) · GW(p)
A blue one is going to want to talk it over and figure out exactly what's wrong.
The key recognition is that all of these ways of being are okay. They're all good, they're all evolved and refined, they're all adaptive and workable.
But they're different. If you're blue/green and you walk around implicitly believing that everyone else is, too, you're going to be confused and disappointed at how everyone is just regularly screwing up, and how they don't even notice it.
This has happened to me. I'd tentatively call myself blue-green-white but when I have a problem I'm blue above all else, and I've asked people "why won't you let me help you?" if they didn't want to talk about their problems, even though they'd told me it helped them more to distract themselves. I don't do that anymore, but I still have the gut instinct of "if only they talked about their feelings they'd see that it helps".
I didn't know the colour wheel before and I had a hard time classifying myself. I don't have a strong sense of self (it's not that I don't observe myself, it's that I change all the time!). I'm always some variant of blue-green-white though.
I found myself having emotions about which colour I should pick, instead of seeing it as a mere description of facts - I'd pegged myself as white-green in the beginning, then felt bad about white's oppressiveness, then you mentioned Professor McGonagall and I was happy about it again. I noticed my brain doing this, though, and while I grumbled about the white I didn't manage to convince myself that actually I'm not white at all.
How I feel about the individual colours:
I'm actually very wary about White structures - feeling powerless makes me panic. I like structures that I control or approve of, and structures that I could get out from if I didn't want them (voluntary commitments). Having a good structure makes me feel safe, but at the same time, I worry I'm going to start chafing under it.
Blue seems like the sort of thing I should like, and after reading its paragraph I did like it (I'm excited about science!). I was initially turned off by "perfection", though. The culture of constant self-improvement has a way of triggering my scrupolosity, so I stay far away from wanting perfection as a goal. When I embrace being okay at things, I get a lot more done than if I had beat myself up for not being perfect. But thinking things through, logic, self-knowledge are integral to my identity.
Black is a colour I don't want to act like. Sometimes I catch myself thinking like this, but I don't want to think like this; I could rationalize that but I think it's just an aversion I have - I don't want to manipulate people. Black characters are interesting to read about in fiction, but I wouldn't want to be around a Black actor in real life.
Red also seems very selfish to me. It has more sympathies, though - a while ago I had a Red phase when I'd gotten out of a very White structure that had hurt me. I needed to prioritize my own freedom over everything else for a while. Red characters are extremely fun to read about (Miles Naismith Vorkosigan comes to mind) and I wouldn't mind being around Red actors in real life; I think they could be fun. But I like the security of a more stable life more.
I thought I'd really like Green, but I'm conflicted here, too. I like acceptance when it comes from myself, but I absolutely hate it when people tell me that I should just accept things. So I'm a Green person who could never live in a Green structure, I guess? My Greenness is also definitely influenced by my Blueness - I accept that what's there is there, but I want to know what it is.
I think Green vs. Blue also asks the question of truth vs happiness . Which is a big one for me. I skew to the side of happiness (I'd rather not know some things even if they're true) mostly because my mental health issues are hard to balance and continuously having truth knock them out of order would be pretty unpleasant. I remain aware at the back of my brain that I'm deliberately ignoring the truth; though. I'd be interested in hearing how other people think of this.