Luna Lovegood and the Chamber of Secrets - Part 8

post by lsusr · 2020-12-17T22:29:47.788Z · LW · GW · 15 comments

Luna had too many Calls to Adventure. If there was an author writing Luna's life, Luna would file a complaint. Luna had three magical artifacts of incredible power and at least two of them were maps. What kind of author gives her hero two magical maps? It's redundant.

"Are you a map of 10th century Wessex?" Luna asked the Diadem of Ravenclaw.

A princess's cute animal companion is supposed to be visible.

"Maybe you'll turn into a prince for me," she said to Wanda. Luna tried kissing Wanda but the Wrackspurt dodged and went for her ear instead, "Oh well."

Luna needed a mysterious old wizard to help guide her narrative.

Gilderoy Lockhart's office hours were always packed.

"How did you get past all the security to assassinate the Dark Lord of Berzerkistan?" a sixth-year girl asked.

"I can neither confirm nor deny whether I have ever set foot in Berzerkistan," Lockhart winked, "If, as rumored, I am indeed responsible for the Dark Lord of Berzerkistan's untimely demise then my methods must remain a state secret."

"Tell me how you got rid of the Bandon Banshee," a first-year girl said.

"It is all in my book," Lockhart said.

"How did you kill the Dementor sent to Hogwarts last year?" a third-year girl asked.

"I promised not to tell," Lockhart said.

Lockhart loved his little fans even though none of them cared how he had won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. Lockhart patiently parried their questions until one last first-year remained. She had waited to ask him something in private.

"Umm. It's okay if you say no. But. Well. Canyouteachmetobepopular?" Luna asked.

Lockhart brandished his award-winning smile. Then his face fell.

"Such personal attention to a student might appear unseemly," Lockhart said genuinely.

"It's an interview for The Quibbler," Luna said.

Luna tried out for the Quidditch team. She crashed her broom into the stands. Luna tried out for the Gobstones team. She passed out from the fumes. Luna attempted to try out for Smite Club, a rumored underground continuation of Quirrel's battles. Luna could not find where Smite Club held its meetings. Smite Club may have only ever existed in her imagination.

A month flew by. Luna was exhausted. She sleepwalked.

99% of other people never notice the things you fail at. 1% have forgotten by tomorrow morning.

―Lovegood, Luna. "Secrets of Gilderoy Lockhart." The Quibbler.

Luna started a Welters team. No other students showed up. Luna started a Wrackspurt training club. Wanda and Luna showed up, but nobody else. Luna started a Muggle Repelling Charms study group in the Forgotten Library.

Another month passed. Luna fell asleep in herbology. She wore shoes to bed.

People think about themselves 99% of the time. You are competing with all of wizardkind for the remaining 1%.

―Lovegood, Luna. "Deeper Secrets of Gilderoy Lockhart." The Quibbler.

Luna dreamed her classmates were casting a spell. Luna played along.


Luna woke up. She had been sleepwalking.

"Congratulations Ms. Lovegood," said Gilderoy Lockhart, "You will be representing Ravenclaw at this year's dueling tournament."

You cannot predict how others will react when you do something out of the ordinary.

―Lovegood, Luna. "Who knew Gilderoy Lockhart possessed so many secrets?" The Quibbler.


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comment by MondSemmel · 2020-12-17T23:14:47.099Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

I'm fascinated by how the story only implies many things without stating them outright, and somewhat frustrated when I don't entirely understand the implications. (But I do appreciate how that makes for a narrator who's simultaneously untypical and unreliable, plus it's neat how my experience in this regard somewhat mirrors the bewilderment of other characters who interact with Luna.)

  • What was the brilliant idea that briefly occured to Lockhart, before his face fell? To take advantage of his student?
  • How did Luna come to represent Ravenclaw at the dueling tournament? Did she sleepwalk even during Lockhart's class, and somehow win the spot by casting spells while sleepwalking?
Replies from: Radamantis, lsusr
comment by NunoSempere (Radamantis) · 2020-12-22T22:27:30.792Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

How did Luna come to represent Ravenclaw at the dueling tournament? Did she sleepwalk even during Lockhart's class, and somehow win the spot by casting spells while sleepwalking?


She was sleepwalking, and thus was able to shrug off a Somnium from her opponent, and win. Possibly repeatedly.

comment by lsusr · 2020-12-17T23:44:52.091Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

What was the brilliant idea that briefly occurred to Lockhart, before his face fell? To take advantage of his student?

I have removed the sentence about Lockhart's brilliant idea.

comment by mathandisekai · 2020-12-18T20:27:52.208Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Just want to say thank I love this story! Do you plan on keeping it in its current, slice-of-life, prologue-style or are you building up towards an overarching plot? Do you have a writing outline planned or are you making it up as you go along?

Finally, you write the dreamlike, terse, vaguely magical realist very well. What would you say your influences are?

Replies from: lsusr
comment by lsusr · 2020-12-18T23:47:02.842Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

This is going somewhere. I plan to publish the conclusion at the 2020/2021 New Year's Party.

My inspirations behind this writing style are 《花非花》 by 白居易 and There Is No Antimemetics Division by qntm.

Replies from: Vanilla_cabs, mathandisekai
comment by Vanilla_cabs · 2020-12-19T09:22:59.126Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Couldn't resist gushing about how There Is No Antimemetics Division is the most gripping, gut-wreching, haunting piece of SCP series. Must be a memetic side effect.

Replies from: roryokane
comment by mathandisekai · 2020-12-21T01:39:31.681Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Sorry, what's the English name of that work? I can't find it.

Replies from: lsusr
comment by lsusr · 2020-12-21T02:02:11.257Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

The Bloom is Not a Bloom by Bai Juyi

Replies from: mathandisekai
comment by mathandisekai · 2020-12-21T20:01:38.497Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Thank you.

comment by ArthurRainbow · 2020-12-22T01:00:19.762Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

I really like the whole feeling. I am just confused about the fact that "I can not confirm nor deny" is used so widely. I can get how Mad Eye could get it from HJPEV, not how Lockhart could, and especially why he would use such a complex formulation.

comment by MondSemmel · 2020-12-17T23:03:42.547Z · LW(p) · GW(p)


  • What kind of author gives her hero two magical maps? -> gave her hero
  • It's redundant. -> "It was redundant." Though "two maps" <-> "it" still sounds weird, so maybe something like "That was redundant."
  • If she was a princess her cute animal companion [...]. -> princess, her
  • even though hone of them cared -> none
  • cared how he had won -> (unsure if incorrect?) "that he had won" or "cared for how he had won"
  • Lockhart's brandished -> Lockhart brandished
  • Congratulations Ms. Lovegood -> "Congratulations, Ms. Lovegood" (unsure if incorrect)
Replies from: Measure, lsusr
comment by Measure · 2020-12-18T15:43:29.315Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

also: "set food" -> "set foot"

Replies from: lsusr
comment by lsusr · 2020-12-18T23:56:17.921Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Fixed. Thanks.

comment by lsusr · 2020-12-17T23:28:28.213Z · LW(p) · GW(p)

Thanks. I fixed the errors and preserved the stylistic choices.