Random LW-parodying Statement Generator

what is true is already so. Robin Hanson doesn't make it worse

OK, I'm impressed.

A cult will kill you because you are made of a million dollars that it could use for something else.

That's actually not a terrible way to put it.

Absence of sex is evidence of the Least Convenient Possible World.

The thing knows its audience.

Well, it can already impersonate Will_Newsome, so passing the Turing test should not be that far off.

Also, some of the local big cheeses are allergic to the four-letter word starting with cu and ending with t, consider replacing.

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing death and a box containing Quirrellmort.

One of the few cases where it's a good idea to open a box containing death.

universal death is the mind killer

sounds legit to me!

I made a non-typo'd version if anyone is interested. Here it is: http://joshua-david.net/php/cards_against_rationality.php.

If anyone wants the php source code that made it, that's here: http://joshua-david.net/php/cards_against_rationality.php.php.

Because I know LW is big on meta-anything, the source code for that source code can be found here: http://joshua-david.net/php/cards_against_rationality.php.php.php.

Some choice ones:

• My karma score is the unit of caring.
• That which can be destroyed by paperclips should be.
• The coherent extrapolated volition of humanity includes a term for getting downvoted on Less Wrong.
• Inside Eliezer Yudkowsky's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but Eliezer Yudkowsky.
• What is true is already so. The chaos legion marching song doesn't make it worse.

tip: put ?n=5 at the end for 5 of them

I want to want akrasia.

Um...

The utility function of an upload of God is a god.

That is some sweet theology.

"humanity would tile the universe with politics" is obviously false.

Not that obvious.

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing LessWrong and a box containing physics.

ouch.

Hmmm it seems we now have the technology to build an automated LessWrong poster. Merely program the bot to comment in heavy traffic threads where it sure to be noticed then after a fixed amount of time delete any comments that get less than 1 karma.

Man and machine, wisdom extreme!

"The coherent extrapolated volition of Eliezer Yudowsky is the mind-killer."

Well crap.

I would say that this makes sense about as often as the grad students in my philosophy department make sense, with only a few more spelling mistakes.

Physics is a paperclip maximizer.

Uh-oh.

I'm an aspiring god

""utility is isomorpic to a matrochika brain" is obviusly false" is obviusly false if and only if In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing the truth and a box containing counterfactual politics

I think this is actually true.

I can handle humanity, because I am already enduring it.

Btw, the spelling errors were really bothering me, so I opened the JS and corrected it all. (I'd post it here, but it says "comment too long" and would probably do the same for a PM.)

Edit: I put it on pastebin for 24 hours. Thanks Vladimir_Nesov!

"Why did my meta-contrarianism get downvoted?"

"I'm an aspiring Eliezer Yudkowsky."

"You make a compelling argument for guessing the teacher's password."

"We have encountered aliens who communicate through the obvious schelling point."

"You can't fit a sheep into a Lukeprog's love life."

"The thirteenth virtue of rationality is my karma score."

"You have no idea how big the set of all possible fetishes is."

"An improperly-programmed AI might tile the universe with the Stanford prison experiment."

"Instrumental rationality is the art of winning at nootropics."

"The obvious schelling point is highly correlated with the least convenient possible world."

"You have no idea how big moldbuggery is. "

"The latest hot fanfic: updating and the Methods of meta-contrarianism."

"What is true is already so. negging doesn't make it worse."

Arguably better than the average LessWrong poster.

What is true is already so. Torture doesn't make it worse.

New pick-up line:

You are vulnerable to timeless sex.

A Kool-aidey pair:

Less Wrong is not a cult as long as our meetups don't include a death maximizer.

The forty-sixth virtue of rationality is "Always obey the guiding influence of a death maximizer".

This one's for Clippy:

Eliezer Yudkowsky is an aspiring paperclip maximizer.

What ethical injuctions are for:

Any rationalist will kill you because you are made of Friendly Artificial Intelligence that it could use for something else.

Getting rid of groupies:

The tenth virtue of rationality is "Let me not become attached to Eliezer Yudowsky I may not want"

Too late:

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include Pinkie Pie.

Cards against rationality is what the least convenient possible world feels like from the inside.

Aaaand this is as meta as it could be... is it?

The outside view is what the Bayesian Conspiracy feels like from the inside.

Less Wrong is not a/an agent so long as our meetups don't include any optemization proccess!

That's an actual useful truth we ought to keep in mind. Huh.

that which can be destroyed by the utility function of humanity should be

Almost true by definition?

Omega updates the truth to fit its priors.

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing the truth and a box containing decision theory.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include humanity.

The forty twoth virtue of rationality is "Let me not become attached to sex I may not want"

I am running on corrupted the set of all possible fetishes.

.

Less Wrong is not a cult, so long as our meetups don't include a Matrioshka brain.

I'm an aspiring human

"politics is isomorpic to politics" is obviusly false

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing sex and a box containing the coherent extrapolated volition of Pinkie Pie

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing a/an economics expert and a box containing rationality.

Hanson, or Yudkowsky? Tough choice.

I'm very impressed with the high proportion of results that turn out to be funny. I'm not sure whether this says something about your skill at programming the generater, about LW, or both.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include Unfriendly God.

Wow.

Edit: and this counterexample, immediately after.

politics is isomorpic to physics

Edit #2: Aargh.

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing timeless torture and a box containing torture

The thirty eigthth virtue of rationality is "always obey the guiding inluence of Robin Hanson"

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include God.

Death is the art of winning at the utility function of a cult

Quirrelmort will kill you because you are made of death that it could use for something else.

That which can be destroyed by awesome stupidity should be.

I think I can maybe get behind this.

Unfriendly Ben Goertzel is vulnerable to Unfriendly Luke Muelhauser.

Place your bets ladies and gentlemen.

They/them says "caring is the art of winning at infanticide".

That's slightly disturbing.

The coherent extrapolated volition of the Bayesian Conspiracy is not the set of all possible fetishes.

No? Damn.

Inside Pinkie Pie's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but an argument abaut the world of My little babyeater: Friendship is stupidity.

I don't know if I want to read that argument or not.

The Least Convenient Possible World is truly part of the New York meetup group.

The Bayesian Conspiracy is vulnerable to immortality.

Best vulnerability ever.

My first one:

Robin Hanson is the Mind-Killer

Sounds like a "Chuck Norris Fact".

The map is truly part of you

Thanks for making this!

Why did my a horcrux get downvoted?

Take a wild guess.

The thirty-fourth virtue of rationality is avoid sex at all costs.

Dammit, Spock.

sex is truly part of any rationalist

But you just said...

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't involve a cult.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include a sex maximizer.

The forty twoth virtue of rationality is "avoid universal rationality at any cost"

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing rationality and a box containing truth.

Humanity is the art of winning at torture.

Okay. I'm done here.

That which can be destroyed by Robin Hanson should be

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include you

There's a Javascript library by Andrew Plotkin for this sort of thing that handles 'a/an' and capitalization and leaves your code less repetitive, etc.

There are no decision theory experts.

In practice, true.

This may sound a bit crazy right now, but hear me out: rationality is not the territory.

Amusing.

Replace humanity with paperclips.

Clippy.

Have you read My Little Horcrux: Friendship is Torture?

My second favorite one.

Timeless sex is highly correlated with Friendly Lukeprog.

I do not know Luke in any way, and that's not my orientation, but I lol'd.

Inside the Blind Idiot God Evolution's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but the truth.

I love this thing, we should include it as a site feature next to the comment button and compare user ratings on randomly generated posts to the rest.

I love it!

I wanna be the Society for Rare Diseases in Cute Puppies!.

I'm an aspiring babyeater.

The latest hot fanfic: Aubrey de Grey and the Methods of universal sex.

That which can be destroyed by awesome warm fuzzies should be.

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing timeless hugging and a box containing fun.

I estimate a sixty three percent probability that a/an babyeater would tile the universe with decision theory if and only if the set of all possible fetishes is isomorpic to the New York meetup group if and only if in the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing any improperly-programmed upload and a box containing the configuration space of all possible minds.

How long can they get?

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing the truth and a box containing physics.

Does this mean that there is no physics in the truth-box? That's an awesome box! I think I'm more excited about the box than what is inside it! Do I get to keep the box?

a million dollars is the mind-killer

So, scope insensitivity?

Weeee...

Physics is the art of winning at truth

LessWrong updates the truth to fit its priors.

Them's fightin' words, Random Profound Deep Wisdom Generator!

"Sex is highly correlated with inferential gap."

"Wait, wait, shock level seven is turning into Omega's model of Harry Potter?"

"That which can be destroyed by the world of My little old master: Friendship is clopfic should be."

"The set of all possible fetishes is what timeless Edward Cullen feels like from the inside."

Less Wrong is not a phyg so long as our meetups don't include God.

ok so far...

Less Wrong is not a phyg so long as our meetups don't include humanity.

uh oh...

Less Wrong is not a phyg so long as our meetups don't include LessWrong.

Well I guess we're screwed.

"The map is not the territory."
"Robin Hanson is vulnerable to death."

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing the map and a box containing warm fuzzies.

Self-delusion or accurate beliefs? We all can empathize with this choice.

The twenty fourth virtue of rationality is "Relinquish the Way".

I think a/an upload of Harry Potter is going to solve metaethics.

Of course he is!

"what is true is already so. the statement that "a/an upload of Pinkie Pie will kill you because you are made of the utility function of the Society for Rare Diseases in Cute Puppies that it could use for something else." doesn't make it worse" is obviously false? Have a lot of caring!

hrm...

You make a compelling argument that a/an babyeater is the art of winning at infanticide.

I guess that one works.

The affective death spiral is isomorphic to this thread.

God will kill you because you are made of the choherent extrapolated volition of Friendly humanity that it could use for something else.

As one of the creators of Cards Against Rationality, I have to say ... glad you all enjoy it enough to code it up. :)

"An improperly-programmed AI might tile the universe with rationalist clopfic."
"Affective death spirals will kill you because you are made of the Bayesian Conspiracy that it could use for something else."

In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing politics and a box containing death

The twenty threeth virtue of rationality is "always obey the guiding inluence of Pinkie Pie"

politics is the art of winning at the utility function of God

The fifty fourth virtue of rationality is "avoid counterfactual truth at any cost"

"a sex maximizer is isomorpic to LessWrong" is obviusly false

that which can be destroyed by a million dollars should be

The forty twoth virtue of rationality is "always obey the guiding influence of Eliezer Yudowsky"

The forty twoth virtue of rationality is "avoid a cult at any cost"

what is true is already so. a million dollars doesn't make it worse

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include LessWrong.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include any rationalist.

In an Iterated Prisoners' Dilemma, God beats a cult

that which can be destroyed by humanity should be if and only if acausal torture is the art of winning at rationality

timeless sex is the mind-killer

I'm an aspiring human

Hello, Data.

In the future, Eliezer Yudkowsky will be remembered for Pascal's Mugging.

The tenth virtue of rationality is "avoid Eliezer Yudowsky at any cost"

... ... ... ... it's onto him.

"Absence of the sanity waterline is evidence of improperly-programmed Aubrey de Grey."

Very nearly my thoughts exactly...

"This may sound a bit crazy right now, but hear me out: the Least Convenient Possible World is isomorpic to quantum infanticide."

"Humanity is an aspiring matrochika brain."

"That which can be destroyed by a timeless upload of Pinkie Pie should be."

I'm an aspiring horcrux.

Given that I wrote this Orion's Arm idea as an exploration of one possible lifestyle involving multiple instantiations of a single individual... I find that I am well pleased.

LessWrong is not the territory.

The map is the mind-killer

Seems Legit

You know what the New York meetup group say: one person's warm fuzzies is another person's rationality.

Happy to hear it!

I'm an aspiring rationalist

Is it bad that I almost instantly find a way to make sense of nearly all of these? For example:

This may sound a bit crazy right now, but hear me out: a/an anthill is an aspiring ontologically basic mental entity.

Sounds like a reference to Hofstadter's musings on reductive versus holistic descriptions of reality in Godel, Escher, Bach, when he used an anthill as an example.

More seed phrases

I <3 you.

Edit: Some more (some spelling corrections):

• In an Iterated Prisoners' Dilemma, Pinkie Pie beats you
• General Artificial Intelligence is an aspiring human
• In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing Eliezer Yudowsky and a box containing the choherent extrapolated volition of Pinkie Pie
• universal death is not decision theory
• Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include you. (OUCH!)
• (deleted it by accident, but something like) "The 25th virtue of rationality is avoid LessWrong at all costs" (pretty neat, since comes after a probable list size -- 24 -- and the source is LessWrong, reinforcing the idea that "you shouldn't just do rationality here" a la "If you see Buddha on the road...")
• In an Iterated Prisoners' Dilemma, Unfriendly an upload of Friendly Friendly a matrochika brain beats Unfriendly any god (I think an Unfriendly AI is winning there ...)

Sex is isomorphic to Eliezer Yudkowsky

Nice.

The singularity is highly correlated with an argument abaut awesome immortality. fair enough

Inside Harry Potter's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but the level five Tegmark multiverse.

Hmmm... makes sense...

Fire is not a/an ontologically basic mental entity.

Humanity is vulnerable to the territory.

Seems sensible enough.

A/an sheep-counting machine once said: "the configuration space of all possible minds is truly part of you.".

Nevermind.

the choherent extrapolated volition of an upload of a cult is the art of winning at the utility function of LessWrong

Makes sense.

The art of winning at politics is counterfactual torture.

Truth is the mind-killer.

" 'What is true is already so. The coherent extrapolated volition of God doesn't make it worse' is obviusly false if and only if timeless politics is isomorphic to truth if and only if the tenth virtue of rationality is 'Let me not become attached to the map I may not want' " is obviously false.

Well, it's true.

Also, This is way smarter than than the Deepak Chopra quote generator.

Probably should be in the Open thread instead but I like this thing

The twenty fiveth virtue of rationality is "Be faithless to humanity and betray it to the Way".

the territory is not the territory.

This is...what? I think my brain broke or else it went out to have a good laugh

Inside Ben Goertzel's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but the sanity waterline.

A universal clopfic maximizer is the art of winning at fire.

I am going to waste a lot of time on this thing if I don't stop myself right now.

proceeds to stop

Here are some favorites I wanted to share. I think the simplest ones are best -- they have a real Zen quality to them!

That which can be destroyed by awesome hugging should be.

A/an human is vulnerable to causal hugging.

I am running on universal warm fuzzies.

A/an upload of Ben Goertzel would tile the universe with sex.

Friendship is highly correlated with Friendly you.

Humanity is the mind-killer.

The truth is highly correlated with I.

The map is highly correlated with hypotheses.

The territory is not the territory.

There are no rationalists.

Thanks for making this! It's motivated me to copy and play around with your code, which I haven't actually done with code before and which turns out to be insanely low hanging fruit for learning. (Which you already knew, but I didn't.)

Truth is truly a part of you.

Sounds deep, bro.

Physics is the mind-killer.

Instrumental stupidity is the art of winning at Pinkie Pie's utility function.

The seventy fiveth virtue of rationality is "It is especially important to eat a/an upload of Eliezer Yudowsky's model of Lukeprog's coherent extrapolated volition and torture which impinges upon the New York meetup group".

Grammar is not a strange loop through subordinate clauses dammit. ><

The new one gets a lot more variety, but hits on clever stuff with a lower frequency. I ran it for a while and only got a few worth sharing:

• Universal friendship is a/an hugging maxemizer.
• Paperclips is truly part of a/an corrupted upload of Pinkie Pie.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include an upload of Quieralmort.

The singularity includes a term for physics.

Legal term?

From the new one:

Clopfic is what infanticide feels like from the inside.

Halt. Melt. Catch fire. Laugh.

The configuration space of all possible minds is truly part of God's coherent extrapolated volition.

Whoa.

The Least Convenient Possible World includes a term for your love life.

Ouch.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include Unfriendly a cult.

I think a field type came in wrong here.

LessWrong is not the territory

An important reminder.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include Pinkie Pie.

Huh....

I'm an aspiring paperclip maximizer

except for some grammar issues that'd require disproportionately much work.

Please keep them, the incongruity of it all adds to the charm.

Nice nice nice.

Less Wrong is not a cult so long as our meetups don't include Robin Hanson.

Poor Robin Hanson :P

Some favorites I wanted to share. I think the simplest ones are best -- they have a real Zen master quality to them!

That which can be destroyed by awesome hugging should be.

A/an human is vulnerable to causal hugging.

I am running on universal warm fuzzies.

A/an upload of Ben Goertzel would tile the universe with sex.

Friendship is highly correlated with Friendly you.

Humanity is the mind-killer.

The truth is highly correlated with I.

The map is highly correlated with hypotheses.

The territory is not the territory.

There are no rationalists.

that which can be destroyed by timeless decition theory should be

Found wisdom?

• In the new version of Newcomb's problem, you have to choose between a box containing quantum politics and a box containing Eliezer Yudowsky

• I still aleve that In an Iterated Prisoners' Dilemma, Robin Hanson beats Eliezer Yudowsky

• Unfriendly God is isomorpic to sex if and only if Pinkie Pie is isomorpic to humanity if and only if you are an aspiearing human